Sociopaths are difficult to identify—in part because they all behave differently, and some are worse than others.
There are sociopaths who hold a job, get married, attend church—yet emotionally abuse their families, cheat on their spouses, manipulate their coworkers, steal from their employers, and never get caught. There are sociopaths who never work, torture animals, con their relatives and commit cold-blooded murder—and end up in jail. And there are plenty of sociopaths in between.
The point is that sociopaths exhibit a wide range of behaviors. So it is not just the behavior that defines the sociopath—it is the personality traits as well.
Dr. Robert Hare has identified the key symptoms of sociopathy (he prefers the term “psychopathy”). They are:
Interpersonal traits:
- Glib and superficial
- Egocentric and grandiose
- Lack of remorse or guilt
- Lack of empathy
- Deceitful and manipulative
- Shallow emotions
Antisocial lifestyle
- Impulsive
- Poor behavior controls
- Need for excitement
- Lack of responsibility
- Early behavior problems
- Adult antisocial behavior
For more detail, see the key symptoms page on Lovefraud.com.
Sociopathy is a “syndrome.” That means for someone to be a sociopath, he or she must have almost all of these traits, not just a few. However, sociopaths can exhibit the traits to different degrees.
In order to diagnose a sociopath, Dr. Hare developed the Hare Psychopathy Check List—Revised (PCL-R). This is not a multiple-choice test that the subject completes himself. It is an evaluation completed by a trained professional, such as a psychologist.
The psychologist interviews the subject and reviews his or her past behavior. The psychologist gives the subject a score on each of 20 characteristics—basically the traits listed above. The scores for each characteristic are then added together for a total.
Scores on the PCL-R range from zero to 40, with 40 being the worst. The general population usually scores about five or six. People who score above 30 are considered to be sociopaths.
This leaves a lot of room for variations in behavior. Not all sociopaths are violent. Not all sociopaths take money from their wives and girlfriends. Not all sociopaths abuse drugs or alcohol. But many do.
The core of this disorder is that sociopaths have no conscience, no emotional connection to other people and no remorse. If you see those traits, start looking for the others as well.
Every man and woman in America should read Dr. Hare’s book…it is an eye-opener. When I was desperately trying to decide if I was crazy for not wanting to marry a handsome, charming, outrageous man just because he was a liar and things didn’t seem just right, I went to the web to try and seek out a certain type of psychologist or to put my finger on the problem in our relationship, translated “find out what was wrong with me.” I Googled the words “seemingly no conscience” and Dr. Hare’s book, Without Conscience… came up. I immediately purchased it. That was a month and a half ago. I’ve read it cover to cover a few times over. I keep it with me. I was blown away to find out not only that it wasn’t me at all; but mostly by the fact that what my man had (Sociopathy or psychopathy) was something shared by so many and indeed it is at an epidemic level…I keep the book with me for reference, reassurance, and comfort, because, even knowing that HE (the ex) is the evil one, I am still in moments of weakness drawn to him and I must remind myself that they need us to fuel their fires…without us as the victims they will die out so we have to be strong and then even stronger, because once they have us and have manipulated us to just where they want us and spent all of their valuable time doing so, why would THEY let us go…we are such a prize to them and such a ready source of continual instant (if not totally sick) gratification. I used to sort of half jokingly call him and his son the “IG kids” or the devil incarnate…IG is instant gratification and I really meant he is the opposite of good…when all I was trying to understand and figure out was how did I get trapped or trap myself into a relationship with such a man…the hollow man (NO INSIDES/NO FEELINGS/NO REMORSE/NO SHAME/NO LOVE) I was mesmerized by him and fascinated that I a person of strength, character and good looks would get taken by a Trickster like that…I do have myself to blame but who would have known. I honestly never saw it coming in the beginning and when there were “signs” I was already so bogged down in the quagmire, it was/is a miracle I unmeshed myself from him (physically only…still not mentally or emotionally). Wish I’d have known about Dr. Hare’s work before I wasted almost two precious years of my life. Unfortunately, the only people reading his book will be individuals studying psychology or those who already are victims. When we, the victims, try to warn other people about the actual perpetrator or just types like him,( the psychopaths among us), our family, friends and co-workers just scoff and treat us like we have gone nuts to start talking about people like that…as if we are paranoid or don’t know what we are talking about. Can you blame them? That’s what I would have felt like prior to being involved with a real, live, in my face psychopath. Thank you to Dr. Hare and for LoveFraud.com and the brave men and women who are fellow victims for helping us cope with these live-force grabbing creeps. Sue
sosueme… SO TRUE!! People look at me like I’m crazy too, when I talk about my ex. Everyone thinks he’s such a nice guy, only a small few see the truth now. I took Dr. Hare’s test for my ex, he scored 35, just from what I know about him. Yet like I said.. So many still think he’s such a nice guy, so ofcourse that makes me the crazy one to many.
True insomuch that I see all the traits but some to a lesser degree then others. Also the testing must be done by and “completed by a trained professional, such as a psychologist.” We as laymen’s are not trained to evaluate them. But of course we can look and evaluate how we are effected by their choices and lifestyle.
It is also very difficult to locate a professional actually trained in the PCL-R. And when you do, since you are likely NOT going to have the P in front of the person, you are just going to get a professional opinion, not a formal diagnosis. And even at that, the professional is going to want EXTENSIVE info about the potential P dating all the way back to his childhood, and info about all areas of his life, not just his behavior specific to say your marriage or in one area. Which really makes sense since so many other disorders can result in a person exhibiting some of the traits on the PCL-R, even though they are not a sociopath or psychopath. And the evaluator is trained to determine whether the personality trait or behavior seems to really indicate the level required. Just to use alcohol as an example–because it is easy and I haven’t had my morning coffee yet. 🙂 One person may think her husband has a “drinking problem” because he drinks 3 or 4 beers every Saturday when he cuts the grass, although he rarely drinks at any other time, while another person may hear that and think, jeesh, practically every guy I know drinks 3 or 4 beers every Sat. when he cuts the grass, and would think, “You’re kidding, right?” when you say your hubby has a drinking problem. But I figure if your situation is bad enough that you’ve landed on Lovefraud and you look at the checklist and the person you are involved with seems to have most of the traits and is causing you harm, you know at a minimum you have a problem person on your hands and need to run like hell whether they are a sociopath or psychopath or not. Which, of course, is easier said than done.
I am curious how a test can ferret out these people. Wouldn’t they just lie on the test? I’ve heard some sociopaths believe their own lies so much that they could pass a lie detector test.
My sociopath is not the violent type, from what I saw and what his army commander says. He also never tried to get money from me, not that I have any money he could take. He seems to have plenty of his own. He does, however, have all the other traits. But the eerie thing is that he managed to totally charm my friends, who are no fools. One of my friends that has hated all my bf’s over the last 15 years. He really liked the S and felt he was an honest, decent, stand-up guy. My other friends loved the way he treated me and felt he was the right person for me.
I have exactly the same question as Stargazer. How can anyone possibly evaluate the sociopath? It would be a miracle to get them in front of a psychologist in the first place. The sociopath I was with was firmly convinced that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him – it was everybody else! There’s no way he’d ever go to see a psychologist.
If you did manage to get them there, as Stargazer says, they’d just lie through their teeth. How could a psychologist see through that? I’m really interested to know the answer to this question.
It is my understanding that if a formal diagnostic process is being undertaken (like if it is court ordered) that the clinician conducts not only an interview with the possible s or p, but also interviews family etc. In addition, they also use corraborating evidence like court records, employment history records, medical records etc.
I was a therapist at one point (now a massage therapist) and nearly have a masters in Psychology. I have studied personality disorders over the years from many different perspectives. AND I STILL MISSED THIS ONE! I had no idea what he was until after the damage is done. As you can see, there are also several other therapists here, even a psychiatrist, who were all played by sociopaths. That’s how shifty they are. Until you have become close with one, you really cannot know what they are really like or how soul-less they are. That’s the sad thing, and that’s why it seems so useless to warn people.
Dear Henry, Jen, and Stargazer,
It is true that most people in the real world “don’t get it”—even people who we thought “should” get it.
My sons and all my friends were THRILLED when I started dating the P-XBF, he made me smile etc. but then within months I was in tears all the time. “Losing it” and they just couldn’t get WHY–he was, after all, “such a nice guy” and I obviously was distraught for no reason, he didn’t hit me after all.
Henry, people “stereotype” others by their race, age, sexuality, part of the country, etc etc and that’s just the way it is—get over it! LOL (joke) That fact that you are an Oklahoma red-neck AND gay “means” that you are really twisted and don’t deserve consideration as a human being in the eyes of these people. You are some kind of pervert that attacks little kids in the middle of the night and burns incense to satan. The fact that you have no memory of doing these things just proves that you did them. Sort of LIKE THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS.
I got into a BIG fight with a homophobe in our living history group who was literally attacking people that he thought were male gays in a public park where we did our living history demonstrations. The park did have a “reputation” as a meeting place for men looking for anonomoys sex and this guy would go after any lone male walking in the park, even pointing guns at them “to protect the park.”
Personally I think ANYONE can walk in a public park without being stereotyped or molested by some homophobe out to drive them away. Even if the guy IS there “looking for sex” in the bushes, they weren’t doing it in full view of anyone.
When Imade the above comment to some of our homophobic members they said “Well, do you mean to CONDONE illegal behavior? I tried to get them to see that these men had never approached us, never approached any children we were demonstrating to, never attacked anyone so why should be PRESUME TO READ MINDS OF PEOPLE WALKING IN THE PARK. We were NOT THE THOUGHT POLICE and as long as these people didn’t “do it” in front of anyone else, what two consenting adults did in the bushes was NONE OF MY BUSINESS even if it was technically “Illegal”—boy, that went over like a lead ballon.
When our local homophobe pointed a gun at a park patron, albeit the patron did not see it, but 30 witnessses did, and then later pointed a gun at me—an unloaded (supposedly) muzzle loading blunderbus, I pressed assault charges against him and got his butt dragged into court. Believe it or not, though I proved beyond a doubt by 20 witnesses that he had doe this multiple times and to me, the judge did not find him “guilty” of assault, but did lecture him about pointing guns at people, loaded or not.
I told the guy that if he ever pointed a gun at me again, that the one I pointed BAC WOULD BE LOADED and he better believe it. I was totally shocked at the number of members who THOUGHT HE WAS OKAY TO DO THESE THINGS. Including the Narcisst who is our president. I was on the board of directors for two years of the group, and did get one thing passed, and that was a FIREARMS POLICY (because period fire arma are part of our presentations) This same idiot that pointed a gun at me got our Keel boat banned from the National Park at Ft. Smith because the ranger saw him SMOKING OVER A POWER BARREL on the river with a boat load of boy scouts.
BTW, the guy also has a past criminal record of CONVICTIONS for assasult AND drug possession.
Our group had a former state parks employee who went to prison for child porno, and got out and quietly resumed membership until I (who just happened to know about his “hushed up conviction”) brought this to light when I realized he was AGAIN WORKING WITH CHILDREN at a state park as an “independent consultant”—I got him “released” from his contract and kicked out of our group, but had to FIGHT for that too. If it h adn’t been for some of the women in the group who also raised a hue and cry with me, he would still be in our group.
It totally AMAZES me how accepting of this kind of PSYCHOPATHIC behavior MANY OF THE GENERAL POPULATION are! Our N group President said about the former state parks employee convicted of child porno “well, he paid his debt to society.” It was only by threatening his federal parole officer that if the man molested a child in our group that I would be on the capitol steps screaming the PAROLE OFFICER’S NAME that I got him to force the man to resign from our group. He now has a web site as a consultant and works with 4-H kids. Don’t these people do back ground checks on their employees and volunteers? NOPE!! And, true, he was never convicted of TOUCHING a kid but he was sentenced for buying videos of CHILD RAPE. Yet, he still works with kids….what is WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
Ok, I digress and got on my freaking SOAP BOX AGAIN, but “normal” people don’t get it. Personally, I think the freaking “Norm” is TWISTED.
Yea, I did get on my soap box, but JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WALKS IN THE PARK that does NOT mean they are 1) gay 2) gonna attack you. I don’t “condone” anyone having sex with strangers in a bed or in a park, but if they are NOT doing it in front of my eyes, I cannot READ THEIR MINDS and decide that is what they are thinking. Therefore, to PERSECUTE people because YOU THINK they might be having “illegal thoughts” is so ANTI-AMERICAN, so WRONG that to condone that kind of persecution of ANYONE is just WRONG!
The N-jerk who is doing that kind of thing, the same SOB who pointed the blunderbuss at me, is so homophobic and so narcissistic that he is the kind of guy who has “mob mentality” and would lynch you if he could—you and anyone else he “doesn’t approve of.” That is what HATE CRIMES are all about. BTW, he doesn’t like women either! So you can imagine just how much he LOVES THIS MOUTHY, UPPITY OLD WOMAN! LOL Even though he did’t get any jail time for pointing the gun at me, he did get to hire an attorney (cost him bucks) and he did get to take a severe tongue lashing from the judge in front of all his “supporters.” And, I did get a rigid fire arms policy passed and there were enough men in our group that it WILL BE ENFORCED.
So while I didn’t get everything I wanted (life without parole for him LOL) I did get his outward behavior modified and some safety items in place. He and his cronnies are also no longer openly persecuting “gay” people (actually people they think MIGHT BE GAY) in the parks.
It’s just that I don’t think all straight people are good and all gay folks bad, there are bad folks in both camps. So, to me persecuting someone because they are black or gay or green is just WRONG. Unfortunately there is no way to “legislate” acceptence. You can pass laws til you are blue in the face and people will still be prejudiced. It’s a shame.