Sociopaths are difficult to identify—in part because they all behave differently, and some are worse than others.
There are sociopaths who hold a job, get married, attend church—yet emotionally abuse their families, cheat on their spouses, manipulate their coworkers, steal from their employers, and never get caught. There are sociopaths who never work, torture animals, con their relatives and commit cold-blooded murder—and end up in jail. And there are plenty of sociopaths in between.
The point is that sociopaths exhibit a wide range of behaviors. So it is not just the behavior that defines the sociopath—it is the personality traits as well.
Dr. Robert Hare has identified the key symptoms of sociopathy (he prefers the term “psychopathy”). They are:
Interpersonal traits:
- Glib and superficial
- Egocentric and grandiose
- Lack of remorse or guilt
- Lack of empathy
- Deceitful and manipulative
- Shallow emotions
Antisocial lifestyle
- Impulsive
- Poor behavior controls
- Need for excitement
- Lack of responsibility
- Early behavior problems
- Adult antisocial behavior
For more detail, see the key symptoms page on Lovefraud.com.
Sociopathy is a “syndrome.” That means for someone to be a sociopath, he or she must have almost all of these traits, not just a few. However, sociopaths can exhibit the traits to different degrees.
In order to diagnose a sociopath, Dr. Hare developed the Hare Psychopathy Check List—Revised (PCL-R). This is not a multiple-choice test that the subject completes himself. It is an evaluation completed by a trained professional, such as a psychologist.
The psychologist interviews the subject and reviews his or her past behavior. The psychologist gives the subject a score on each of 20 characteristics—basically the traits listed above. The scores for each characteristic are then added together for a total.
Scores on the PCL-R range from zero to 40, with 40 being the worst. The general population usually scores about five or six. People who score above 30 are considered to be sociopaths.
This leaves a lot of room for variations in behavior. Not all sociopaths are violent. Not all sociopaths take money from their wives and girlfriends. Not all sociopaths abuse drugs or alcohol. But many do.
The core of this disorder is that sociopaths have no conscience, no emotional connection to other people and no remorse. If you see those traits, start looking for the others as well.
Henry we are only teasing.. and that was sweet what you said about still being with your ex-wife if you could have.
Oxy.. when my grandmother died, everyone was fighting over her antiques and her house, I just went in with my key and took … her iron skillet.. lol. I love that thing and still use it almost every day, and of course I always think of her when I do .
Dear Henry,
I’ve always been hyperactive, even when I was a kid, always involved in a hundred projects at once, but actually I have slowed down quite a bit in the last few years and I’m “taking it easy now” since I RETIRED. I used to do all this and hold down a full time job too. LOL I would come home from work in the summer time when there was still 4 hours of day light after work and go out into the pasture and kill weeds. My friends used to say “why do you WORK so hard?” and they just didn’t understand that when you have been in a small office all day and listened to other’s problems all day, that to get out and GET PHYSICAL, and work up a sweat, and do something that is “MINDLESS” is RELAXATION. Lying on a couch watching TV eating bon bons would have been torture for me. Getting out and walking, working, doing things with my hands, or training the dogs, or halter breaking a calf, or even picking up rocks out of the pasture so they wouldn’t damage the mower, those things helped keep me sane.
Digging in the dirt, or planting things….all forms of “therapy” for me.
I love the living history demonstrations and going to schools and parks and playing “dress up” and “pretending” to be someone from long ago, telling that story to children (and adults) and making history REAL to them. Staying in character so that people believe you are WHAT you portray. Showing kids how their ancestors lived—without running water and electric lights or cars. Letting them get up close and personal with the oxen or ride in the wagon.
Some of my favorite times were when in the evening (the glomin) just before the sun set, to see the calves come up and get their supper before they went to bed, with their mothers licking their hair and “combing” it with their tongues.
To walk and work the land my ancestors watered with their sweat, blood and tears, so that I could enjoy it. That’s why it was so very difficult for me last year to get up here and leave because of the P, thinking I would never be able to come back here—this place, this piece of the Ozarks is my spiritual home, just like the Jews always say/said “Next year in Jerusalem” for years I said, “Next year on the farm” and my very soul is planted in this ground.
Back in early 05 when I got involved with the BF, he seemed to love the farm (he was looking for a respectable wife to cheat on LOL) and my community, and even my mother and my sons C and D. He seemed to love everything about me, about the farm, the things I liked to do. He was retired, liked to travel, and go to various living history things all over the country. He has been in my living history group longer than I have even. So it just seemed like a “marriage made in heaven”—only it was just the opposite. The tag should have read “MADE IN HELL” if it was telling the truth. So much for P-“truth in advertising!” LOL
The first few months we had a GREAT time, both here on the farm, at his deer camp in Louisiana, going to various events, camping, and hanging out with our friends. Three or four days here taking care of things and then three or four days off playing. In the evenings when we were here at the farm he would cook a great dinner for my son D and me, then we would read aloud to each other some of our favorite books, poems, etc. Man O man, did I think I had the greatest guy since sliced bread—for about four months—then it started to fall apart. By christmas it was over and I kicked him to the curb. In march he was at the yearly regional living history event where the fling had started with his newest squeeze, but since I was there he only stayed one day then left. (instead of the whole 2 weeks he usually stayed) Hadn’t seen him since march of 06 until he showed up at the auction in my community a few months ago, big as life and twice as ugly. Suprised me and made me anxious and mad that he was sneaking into my “territory.” But at the same time, I looked at him and wondered what I EVER SAW in him. He just looked twisted. Had the gall to sit right in front of my friend and me. I didn’t speak to him though.
Son D is “teaching” me to relax some, and I do…but still enjoy physical work too and it is helping me get my physical strength back as well as emotional strength. Good hard honest LABOR is good for us all–mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I’m gonna WEAR OUT NOT RUST OUT.
Tomorrow though, I am going to create a stained glass pattern and not hit a “lick at a snake with a stick”—it’s raining outside so tomorrow is a day to create inside. The first piece to be made in my new “studio.”
Henry, them recontacting is not a sign they “care” about you. Recontact is just a sign they are not ready to give up their power and control over you yet, but it has absolutely nothing to do with them caring about you as a person or caring for your well being.
Henry, I do understand, and Jen is RIGHT on, their contacting you only means that they want to keep CONTROL and power over you, but I would “bet the farm” when he gets kicked out at this current guy’s place if he doens’t have an immediate place to go, HE WILL SHOW BACK UP TO MOOCH. That’s the way they are too.
I think giving the cat away was a good thing, not a bad thing.
Yea I can definitely understand the “being in the desert without water” analogy–that’s the way I was after my husband died, I would have grabbed at anything that even REMOTELY RESEMBLED a glass of “water”—it just turned out that it was a P. Sheesh!
BTW–quit beating up on yourself–THAT’S MY JOB! So, dear Bro, if I ain’t beat’n up on you, you don’t NEED A BEATING! LOL And since you are my friend, if you beat up on yourself I will beat you up for hitting on my FRIEND! How about that for some twisted LOGIC. Sounds almost P-ish doesn’t it! LOL (((hugs))))
We’re drowning here in the rain from old Gus, so I’m hunkered down inside. Hope it lets up soon.
i got mine to take a lie detecter test he failed he also tried to fool therapists that didnt last long and then he wouldnt go back
Hello Tony’s mom,
Welcome to love fraud! Sometimes they can pass a lie detector test because they don’t get the anxiety we do about getting cvaught when we lie!
Glad you are here, “make yer self to home” this is a good place to heal if you have been involved with a Ps!
from my own and other people’s experience this list is as close as any I have seen:
Sociopath/Psychopath Common Traits
(with Key Female Sociopath Identifying Traits and Behavior)
1. Waking up in a Pool of Sweat
2. Severe Migraines During Full Moons and Beginning of Menstrual Cycles
3. Needing at Most 4-5 Hours Sleep a Night
4. Inconsistent Timelines and Missing Past Histories
5. Eyes Dead and Lifeless/then Racing Frantically from Side-to-Side When Pulling off a Scam. No “Crows Feet” on females due to smiling with their teeth and not their eyes.
6. Falls Asleep and Wakes Up Instantly
7. Constantly Trying to Correct Others’ Opinions (arrogant pseudo-skeptic/debunker)
8. Narcissism/Boastful/Self Pity/”Why Me!” Sob Stories.
9. Righteous Indignation/Condescending/Always Right-Never Wrong
10. Crocodile Tears and Unconvincing Emotional Responses, Superficial Laughter
11. Extreme and Obvious Flattery ”“ Emulating/”Brown Nosing”/Sycophant
12. Idealisation Followed by Cold Rejection/Invented Persona to Manipulate Others
13. Sexual Promiscuity/Bi Sexuality/One Night Stands
14. History of Brief or Failed Relationships Ending Badly
15. Moving from State to State or Region Under Suspicious or Vague Circumstances
16. Claims to be the Only Person who Really Relates to You
17. Obsessed with the Latest Pharmaceuticals/Hypochondriac
18. Has No Real Creative Talent (can only copy other styles ”“ can’t innovate/be original)
19. Buys into Either Secular and Non-Secular Belief Systems to Act Superior/Enlightened
20. Gifts Designed to “Buy You” or to Mould You in a Certain Way (their taste in clothes, pop psychology books)
21. Lack of Emotional Depth in Terms of Others’ Problems/Hurt/Cheap Apology at Most
22. Little or No Interest in Parenting (even if they have children while claiming to adore them)
23. Easily Bored
24. Becomes Obsessed with Hobby or Causes/Individuals and then Loses Interest Instantly
25. Feels they are Entitled to the Best of Everything/Lights Cigarette without Asking if it is OK to Smoke.
26. Exploits Parents, the Elderly or Handicapped (money, free rent, getting into wills)
27. Defends Orthodoxy Based on Reading a Book/Discovery Channel/Penn and Teller
28. Claims to Have a Special Relationship with God or Faking Being Religious
29. Either Extreme Atheist or “Holy Roller”
30. Highly Unreliable/Broken Promises/Nothing is Ever their Fault
31. Wants to Know Your Every Move/Life Story ”“ While their Own is Elusive or Vague
32. High Testosterone (large clitoris/sexually aggressive/”pervy” pronounced Adam’s Apple in Females)
33. Parasitic Lifestyle/Slacker/Highly Strung “Genius”/Middle Aged Student
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF TICKING OFF 13 OF THE ABOVE TRAITS THEN BE CAREFUL AND REMAIN VIGILANT.
19 OR MORE THEN GET AWAY FAST.
Frank lee – i think we need to ammend #13 – i don’t believe that we should call spath’s sexual orientation ‘bisexuality’, i think we should name it for what it is: ‘sexually predatory and exploitative behavior, prey can be of any sex.’
Frank Lee, this joke was written for the Spaths in our world.
A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, ‘Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like’. The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, ‘You have seen Hell.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew, which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, ‘I don’t understand.
‘It is simple,’ said the Lord. ‘It requires but one skill.
You see, they have learned to feed each other.
The greedy think only of themselves.’
When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Sharing a smile, laughter, love and sunshine ” are God’s healing gifts to you!
this is a beautiful parable wini. thanks for sharing.