Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader is shocked to realize that his sister is a sociopath. Here he tells his story.
What I’ll be sharing here is not a good story … It is in fact a very sad and dysfunctional situation I am dealing with. I post this so that others may learn how to identify and navigate through if faced with a similar situation.
Interactions with a controlling person:
Have you ever dealt with a controlling person? … Someone that feels they just have to have their way no matter what. They go so far as to try to control not only every outcome, but also every action of others around them. In addition, they work to manipulate others in such a way that, though they may not go along willfully, they are deceived and even lied to in such a way that accomplishes the end goal…the controlling person’s desire outcome. Obviously, the wise thing is to avoid such people at all costs, as no one benefits from relationships with such individuals.
Sociopaths are Social Predators:
Ah… But no so fast. As often in life things are not as easy as we can hope for. Sometimes we are blindsided and unexpectedly find ourselves stuck in relationships that become a tangled web that entraps us. Naive me … Going through life I had never encountered what I now know are people who are sociopaths.
Sociopaths are people that will go through all measures, to disparage people they intentionally target, so as to gain the acceptance and approval of others and against that person. Does this sound diabolical and complex? Believe me when you experience this you will feel the full magnitude of the force of evil that is present in this world which drives this behavior.
Beware…A Sociopath Can Be Lurking Anywhere:
This leads me to share that for the past month my nearly daily phone calls and text messages with my mom have diminished significantly to where I haven’t spoken to her but once in three weeks. I was assured that this was because she had transferring to a second rehabilitation center following a fall at my sister’s home in June…that her phone isn’t charged and not always with her.
I didn’t totally buy into this and it was only when my requests for updates on her PT, what the timeframe was to have her return home, and requests to have her call me all went ignored that my concerns for her well-being grew.
With no communication from the rehab facility and no cooperation from my family, I ended up filling a wellness check on my mom with the police department. Today I found out that my sister placed our mom in a senior home, without discussion with me, nor asking mom if this is where she wanted to live.
How a Sociopath Works…Manipulation & Control:
As horrible as this is, I share this to show how manipulative people can be, even those close to us… Even family… without any signs of it to warn us. She deceived my mom into transferring POA to her and then made these decisions the past month.
My own sister is a sociopath. Someone who aggressively pursued her goal and did so by manipulating many people along the way to accomplish this. To show how the extent of the control she sought, she informed the director and staff that mom was not allowed to have a cell phone, thus all but eliminating my ability to keep in touch with her… three-way calling grandma with my two boys, and having FaceTime calls with her.
Again look at how far a controlling person will go to accomplish their goals, manipulating others so that they contribute, even if unknowingly, toward this end. My mom never wanted to be in a senior home. She is fairly high functioning. She can carry on a conversation, play games such as Rummikub, crochet scarves throughout the year for Christmas gifts, and loves keeping up with family during visits, phone calls and FaceTime.
During our recent visit to share time with her in May I asked her about how things were going with her, to which she replied “I like it at (my sister’s and her husband’s) home.” That she enjoys seeing her grandchildren and how they share family time at dinner. She also expressed joy in having some independence…watching movies, crocheting and reading.
Sociopaths Strike Unexpectedly, But When They Do It’s All Part of a Master Plan:
Here is what I have to share about situational awareness when it comes to realizing when a sociopath is at work… I didn’t see the warning signs coming. While all seemed good and mom was happy, the reality is that the past year the dynamics of home life has changed.
The beloved grandchildren are grown adults and not often home. My sister’s husband had taken a full time job and wasn’t home during the day. This left my sister alone with my mom. Their dynamic has been challenging at best through the years but has become almost disrespectful. I tried to understand that her conversation shared with mom had become more short, directed and louder…which my concerns were met with, “it’s because she’s hard of hearing.”
The bottom line is that my sister just couldn’t handle being with my mom full time without support. But she has ignored my suggestions the past ten years to have me take care of her in Colorado. She developed a dislike toward mom that became disrespectful. And when I stepped in to thwart off this behavior she withdrew from me too.
But in the end she used this defense of my mom against us both telling others that I was confrontational. The goal of me sharing this is to monitor your relationships and to detect unhealthy and questionable behavior before it creeps quickly into a sociopathic web. Because once you get entangled by their diabolical goals and controlling influence over others, it will likely be too late.
Keep Focused on What’s Important; If You Engage a Sociopath They Will Fight to Destroy:
For me I will have to do my part to make sure my mom gets all the love and attention from those that truly love her, though even more regular visits, sensing that she can have a cell phone to stay connected with us, and most of all to advocate for her and navigate through the legal web that was intentionally created so that her life and her wishes can be prioritized and followed. The problem is it’s me against the world…or so it seems.
This is how a controlling sociopath is…they “play until they win… until it’s checkmate”… drawing support from anyone they can manipulate. What you can learn from my experience:
1) if you detect sociopathic behavior-AVOID THESE PEOPLE AT ALL COSTS, THEY WILL ONLY BRING TROUBLE AND HARM TO YOU
2) if you are forced to deal with a sociopath -PROCEED W/CAUTION & AWARENESS, ALWAYS BEWARE OF A PENDING ATTACK, VERBAL, PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL
3) understand their goal-SIDESTEP BEING A PART OF THIS IF POSSIBLE OR THEY WILL EXHAUST EVERY EFFORT TO BRING YOU DOWN.
4) Gain Support-TURN TO TRUSTED FAMILY AND FRIENDS for support, and to watch over you.
5) Seek additional resources-TO BETTER UNDERSTAND HOW TO AVOID & COMBACT
Finally, Lift your burdens and Let God know you are open to His Blessings and His Ways:
I sincerely hope and pray that none of you experience a sociopath at work against you. Got they are the equivalent of “Social Predators.” The prey on others that stand in their way. God bless us All! I know God is aware of all this and that His will will ultimately prevail. I’ll simply trust in Him and solely focus on my mom and her happiness.
Learn more: Lovefraud Understanding and Recovery 5-part Masterclass
To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain