My sociopathic husband wants to marry a rich widow

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Elizabeth20, who writes that her sociopathic husband wants to marry a rich widow.

Married to a sociopath for 9 years, split up four times and reconciled within seven months each time. Subjected to emotional, psychological, physical and financial abuse. Most recently I was manipulated into allowing another woman in his life who has a life threatening illness ( which is actually true ) because they got together during out split up, then she had a brain seizure while with him that made her completely dependent on him.

We arranged to meet and talk, and agreed that he carry on living with her and being her carer, then staying with me for a few days every fortnight. This suited me because I cannot live under the same roof as him due to the abuse, and we just got the best of each other, and time together with our three dogs that I now own.

But he persuaded her to sell her house and move to a different part of the UK, a few miles from where I live, which she didn’t want to do but eventually gave in. The house is beautiful but it has stairs that she can’t climb, so he has built himself a recording studio upstairs and a computer room, and I know it’s to secure his own privacy from her.

She agreed that I stay married to him and that she can live without that “piece of paper,“ and this has worked for 18 months, except that her three adult children are estranged from her now for allowing my husband to isolate her away from them,,, and worst of all, persuading her to disinherit her children from her estate and making a will that leaves my husband the sole beneficiary off all her assets, house, vehicle and substantial savings, to keep him secure should she die.

She is also older than my husband. Now she (according to my husband ) wants to be his wife for legal reasons, in case her children contest her will. I am crushed, but she said it won’t change our arrangement; I can still see him as I do.

Read more: Is your partner a sociopath?

But let’s face it, I’m already a fool to accept so little and allow him to go back to his full life with her all the time, but he is my husband which legitimised that in my head and gave me a bit of respect for myself because he’s not another woman’s husband, and I’m not deceiving anyone. If I’m honest, I hated that I was lowering myself like this.

She and I became great friends, she’s a lovely person and we would have dinner at each other’s houses occasionally or she and I would go for a game if bingo. I felt no jealousy towards her at all. But now u feel stabbed in the back by both of them, I ended it.

I checked up on subject of making a will to a cohabitate when descendants are involved,,, it turns out that my husband would be entitled to more than the lion’s share, plus the lively house and contents. So he has other motives here.

She is naive, and been a lonely widow for a while but totally trusting and devoted to my husband. I suspect he won’t wait till she dies to receive such a significant estate. I think he intends to manipulate her into transferring full control of everything now. I believe offering her marriage would give her the trust and safety of granting him this, especially if he has made her believe he really wants to be her husband because he loves her so much. Or maybe convince her that her children might leave him homeless and penniless if she doesn’t.

My husband certainly knew I’d never be with him without our marriage, yet he told me I have made things very difficult for him by refusing. I actually told her I will never divorce him, and I blocked her from my phone to stop myself revealing to her his abusive and cruel nature, which is hidden all this time. And that he has been convicted in court for subjecting his first wife to battery for 17 years. And that I had to call the police for help, and was offered a safe house from the social services to escape his cruelty.

So now we can’t be friends, and I really liked her. I’ve lost my husband, because nothing is more important than money to him, so I knew I had to end this for good. My sociopathic husband wants to marry a rich widow. It’s killing me inside, my future feels empty and gone, and the only thing getting me through each day is my inner voice reminding me I’m free, I have my self respect, I can concentrate on my music and songwriting now, with a view to playing them all at local venues.

Learn more: Escaping the sociopath and rebuilding your life

My husband has been trying to get my original songs for a long time to produce in his home studio, but I knew he would publish them as his own creative property. He did this to his own daughter’s video work that she needed for her media studies college course. She has nothing more to do with him, and didn’t invite him to her wedding.

His first wife was also victimised. I am in contact with her, she has been so supportive. In fact I have a msg from her advising me to divorce him, and never look back, because he will be sweetness and light at first ( pending me agreeing to give him his divorce so he can marry the other woman ) but if I refuse he will turn nasty, and I need to be careful.