I received a text:
I am driving to Middleburg to
sign paperwork. If u can
sign today we will be done
w all this stuff.
Want to celebrate?
My ex husband sent me this text on June 4, 2013. We’d been in court for most of seven years at that point, first for our divorce and then again when he filed for full custody of two of our three children and requested that I have no visitation. He only wanted the boys.
I was working at my computer when the text came in. I looked at the time on the corner of my screen—12:17pm. What, did he want to get a drink? Go out to lunch and blow off the rest of the afternoon together? What exactly did he have in mind?
I went back to working and then picked up my phone to read it again. Then again, one more time. He’d finally signed our custody settlement after two years of strained wishing that he would.
After almost seven years of filing motions against me in court.
And nine years before that of the kind of marriage that took me from being a confident woman in a medical program to a quiet female who made lunch for him and his lover in our home.
And one more year before that of a passionate courtship during which he convinced me he was the love of my life.
Even though I’d known him for years by the time that text came in, I was still stunned. I still couldn’t believe that he could really torture, batter, abuse, and maim other people—even our children—and through deluded thought patterns actually believe that we could still celebrate together when he agreed (on paper) to stop.
He believed it so whole-heartedly that he invited me out to celebrate.
Psychopaths are confusing. M. Scott Peck says that confusion is a sign of evil—that if you’re around someone who confuses you all the time, you should see it as a red flag.
And my ex confused me. Because if he didn’t feel guilty, then did he really do anything hurtful? Maybe he didn’t mean to. When I was around him, I came to question myself daily. Was I making him out to be worse than he was? Could he really be bad when he seemed so nice sometimes? When everyone liked him so much? He presented himself as a victim of everyone and everything, including me. So did that mean he was or is? How did we construct our separate realities? How could our perceptions be so incredibly different?
If he hit me but then happily brought me a glass of wine, ready to celebrate together with no remorse, was he faking his good mood and hiding the sense that he felt bad for what he did? Or not?
Psychopaths generally seem like very happy people.
That text, asking me to celebrate, offers a glimpse into his conscienceless way of being in the world. Even today, I still want him to know that he hurt me, and that he hurt our children. I want him to feel bad about some part of that.
But he never will.
Some people have no remorse.
~This post can also be found on hgbeverly.com.
Why am I not trusting the love of my life? Part 1 of 4
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you!
Absolutely. Best wishes to you.
H.G.
Let me understand clearly… he signed the papers? Your battle is over? If so, HUGE CONGRATS!!!
After our divorce was final, my ex sent me an email, “I always thought we’d reconcile” he wrote. “You were the best thing that ever happened in my life”.
I shook my head. This man defrauded me. He sold community assets and kept ALL the income from those assets for the years that I pursued divorce. I was PENNILESS and homeless except for credit card debt that I used to pay for a place to HIDE because I was traumatized after escaping being MURDERED on the road in front of the house that I built with him, with my own two hands. He smeared me so badly that even my daughter had only contempt for me.
So he felt sorry for himself that I divorced him?
I knew better. I deleted the email and poured myself a glass of champagne.
It is truly unbelievable how these individuals operate. I gave a man a second chance after he had bitten me. I never gave evidence at Court and believed that it was a moment of madness. None of my friends were impressed obviously!Then a year later (last October) he hit me around the head and I had to go to hospital. He apologised of course….BUT he also had an attitude of ‘it could have been far worse’!! I suppose I was supposed to be grateful! So when he came to my home 2 days ago and told me in anger that he should have cut my throat I knew just how dangerous he is. The lack of remorse is amazing…. he has no interest in understanding of the impact of his behaviour over the past 2 years. Now I have another Court case on Monday 2oth Jan-I didn’t want to give evidence to protect my mental health (especially when I know the lies he is going to tell to save his skin)…. but after his last comments I think I may just go into that witness box and send him on his way to a custodial sentence. Any love I had is gone now. And I know that it was always fake. But at least I got back the money he owed me…And I have no remorse!
Ifellforapsycho, PLEASE go to the police station asap and file a report that he threatened you! You will be able to hand over the report to the judge and get a restraining order!!!
You do not need to protect this evil guy….instead protect YOURSELF and his next victim by filing a report. This is my biggest regret when it comes to my ex I protected him and did not protect me at the time. BIG MISTAKE. Document everything legally!!
If you want support call your local abuse center ask them to go to the police station with you. PLEASE. In the USA you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE to talk with a free counselor and they not only can give you guidance on getting a restraining order but they can also give you local domestic abuse numbers.
This guy is not going to stop threatening you unless you draw the line and let him know there are consequences to his actions. How do you do that? By getting a restraining order and by documenting everything in county official paperwork ie with the police & in the court house by taking the witness stand. You are strong you can do this!!.
Buy yourself a security system asap you can find them for under $100 at any large hardware store in the USA Lowes/Home depot care them and they are easily installed just with a screw driver and they only take batteries not hardwired.
Please keep us posted hon.
Ps Please follow the “No Contact Rule” with this guy…if you have children together then you follow the “low contact rule”. He is nothing but trouble if you keep him in your life.
Thank you Jan. I do not have children with him (thank God!). I know what he truly is now… what he could be without any provocation. A good male friend gave me a round of applause last night when I told him I had finally realised that the man I was seeing was dangerous! Everyone could see it but me! I know why I clung on so long with hope etc like many of us here…. and that is something I can work on. I would rather be on my own than repeat the last few years. All love is gone… and all pity.
I will keep you informed about Tuesday. I still don’t know what I’m doing but I have told relevant parties about his comments.
Thank you for your comments.
Ifellforapsycho, that’s great that you see exactly who he is…that is a huge step!
But please fill a restraining order against him and tell the judge monday that he threaten you…get it documented in court. This evil guy will keep coming around until you draw that thick line with the words stop.
Your original post sent the hair on the back up my neck straight up. He is very dangerous.
Wishing you all the best!!
Ifellforapsycho,
I agree with Jan7. Very dangerous!
Protection and no contact. Even if you have to hide.
It’s worth your safety and your life.
Well wishes,
H.G.
He did sign! With a lot of pressure from the court. Long story. But in summary, even the court got tired of his constant filing and complaints after seven years. It took a while to get there.
So that particular aspect of his “battle” is over, at least for now. But I understand your story too well—they go for everything you value or rely on. Another commenter mentioned that it’s more than having no remorse—that there’s pleasure in hurting others. And I completely agree.
But to tell you the truth, he doesn’t hurt me anymore. I’ve become more detached, and I feel stronger than him now. Stronger than his psychopathy. But it took a lot of time. I’m going to post about that process in the coming months.
And just FYI, I do change dates in my posts to protect my privacy. But the stories I share are all true.
I’m glad to hear that you’re past it. Cheers!
And take care.
Yes, congratulations.
I was just thinking today, as I was trying to breathe through yet another anxiety attack caused by who the hell knows what, I just want him to admit what he has done, and even if he’s not sorry I want him to recognize the suffering and pain he has caused our family. The attacks are brought on by the knowledge that he never will because he doesn’t care. Never did. For 33 years.
I am fixated on making him realize how damaging his actions have been to me, how painful it is and how I’ve suffered for it. Then I remember that would be his pay off, the icing on the cake and how happy it would make him. That serves to only make me more angry.
So here’s my mantra I repeat all day long…he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love, the marriage wasn’t real, and I never mattered.
That’s a really painful mantra.
I started thinking about a psychopath as someone who (among other things) drains everything. So to counter it, I solicit relationships with people who fill me back up. And I work to fill them up, too.
I’m sorry that you’re fixated on an impossible undertaking but glad you’re being honest with yourself. Life is bigger than that cycle, and you deserve more.
Best wishes,
H.G.
teepee1124
He will never give you the validation you seek from him.
He has reasons not to:
Because it would mean you “won:.
Because he doesn’t care.
Because you don’t matter to HIM (but you matter to others and most important, you need to matter to YOU.)
Because he has NO conscience.
Because he’s incapable of feeling remorse.
Because your pain means HE “WINS”.
etc etc etc.
While it’s a true statement, You need a new mantra. The one you have is beating you down, it’s not empowering you at all. It’s very emotionally unhealthy.
Are you still with this monster? I hope not. That would be very sad. I realized that I had only X number of days on earth and that I CHOOSE to live them in joy, which means of course, not with my ex or anyone like him. I wish you well gone from him.
Hi….Please change your mantra teepee124.
It doesn’t sound healthy to me. I’m no expert but I think your focus should be on you NOT HIM and what he didn’t do. Psychopaths are very very clever at making us feel they are the ‘love of our lives’…that’s what they do in order to get what they want. You MATTERED very much to this man…even in his sick mind….BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY you matter much much more to your friends, family and loved ones than this man will ever understand.
Please focus on the love you still have around you. Just accept (painful though it is) that you were tricked by a clever damaged individual. All you did was love the wrong man. That can hurt…but it says everything about your capacity for healthy love. These people create a false image of themselves so that they can tap into our vulnerability. That is what they do. They are ‘sick’ human beings.
I think this is an opportunity for you to heal and find healthy love.
And the words you wrote that actually made me want to respond were… “..and I never mattered..”. You mattered a great deal to this man…but not in a way that would ever make you happy. Concentrate on the healthy minded people in your life (of all ages) and remind yourself what healthy unconditional love is.
I am sorry if I sound bossy or insensitive but I really want you to understand that you are NOT the problem… you matter…and you need to let go of the idea of this man showing any genuine acknowledgement of your pain… he never will…. but he is capable of lying well enough to make you think he has. Be careful.
I repeated a similar mantra to myself for awhile when I was prone to falling for my ex psychopath’s hoovering me back in. It helped me keep in mind the truth about how he feels about me and not to believe his lies meant to deceive me so he could exploit me.
It was useful to me in getting myself to think clearly, to believe the truth about his evil motives in a deep and permanent level, and ultimately to move on.
My experience has been that it goes much deeper than no remorse. They want to hear you speak about your pain, for their pleasure brought on by their actions… schadenfreude.
I agree Canuck! I told my ex-psycho only 3 days ago that he had caused me great pain over the past 2 years – physically and mentally….I looked deep into his eyes and saw absolutely NOTHING! That is when I truly understood the person I had been dealing with and it was the end of the relationship. He left…I m still alive!
Totally agree.
No remorse. Pleasure in pain. Joy in making people jump.
A sense of power from manipulating others in any direction they choose.
Happiness in knowing that they pushed your buttons.
Thanks for pointing that out.
H.G.
thanks Canuck.
a single word that distills my ex’s entire reason for living… schadenfreude.
Yes NotWhatHeSaidofMe.
Some soul groups are sad indeed. Schadenfreude is the best describer of the essence of the individual who is responsible for the most grief in my life. Hypocrisy comes in a close second.
I am very far from perfect, but I do not hurt others intentionally. The pain of others hurts me and thus I believe for the longest time I waited for, expected remorse to finally surface from those who are not of our soul group. Was a real eye opener that we are not all the same very deep inside.
Cancuck
I hadn’t read in your post about soul groups until this reply. So if I understand what you are saying, you believe people have soul groups? Because I sure do not believe that sociopaths have any soul group. They are missing a connection to themselves, they don’t connect to their emotional health, which is part of what I would call a soul. In that, I so agree with you, we are of the human physio, but deep inside, we are not the same.
My ex husband views his entire existence as adversarial. EVERYTHING is adversarial and he MUST “WIN”. That’s the drive that renders him evil.
Yes true NotWhatHeSaidofMe.
Sorry I may be rambling because it is difficult to put these thoughts down so that they do not sound too crazy, my apologies. Here goes….
My stepmother I am able to dismiss as being of no consequence, hence soulless. She was of the soul group my father preferred for a long term partner.
About my deceased father, I often wonder what his lessons and journey have been like on the other side. He was as soulless as my still living mother and stepmother on this earth. I believe father may be feeling something akin to remorse now.
According to personal research into near death experiences -on the other side thoughts are spontaneously known to all, which makes lies impossible. The deceitful seek the dark to hide with shame from the light of knowledge. Life reviews are, according to those who have come back, answering to the consciousness of the universe. During life reviews all that the victims felt are now felt by the perpetrators. Imagine that may be where the justice really takes place and soulless individuals feel along the same lines as we have, for the very first time. The first tweaking of the soul.
The one message all have brought back is that love is the answer -GOD IS LOVE. And are not those who are soulless deficient in love? This is Lovefraud.
Everyone has an opinion and I may be wrong but this thinking has kept me relatively sane. It is difficult to imagine one’s parent evaporating into nothing just because of their spiritual deficiencies here. I believe they are learning about love from God.
Am interested in your thoughts NotWhatHeSaidofMe
Congratulations on your new found FREEDOM!!!!
Sociopaths want to screw with their victims mind…they want their victims to think over and over about their statement…it’s part of their sick & twisted mindset to have fun.
DO NOT ever let a sociopath RENT SPACE in your mind….kick them out by not thinking about them or their mind game statement!! This text is a perfect example of their sick & twisted mindset..he dragged on the divorce and yet know he acts all happy and proud it’s over = sick man.
For your child custody issues that he stirs the pot up again out of boredom check out Onemomsbattle. com and their facebook page…lots of support on that fb pg.
Thank you! And will do. He will always stir the pot if I let him, but I don’t anymore. It helps enormously that the court is no longer a weapon in his arsenal. When I’m just dealing with his antics outside of all that, it’s easy. I’ve reached a really great place. So good to say that out loud!
And I’ll check out that site. Thanks for sharing.
H.G.
Hello there, I always felt confused and could not understand the warm loving person that contrasted with the cold, cruel violent person. I really needed to be reminded as now that I’ve left he still confuses me. Thankfully he’s been mostly silent for a few months now after I put up a boundary. Only he has been financially abusing me and using the legal process for his power games and after he sent me an email about having contact with our child, I wrote a letter to him explaining our financial situation and if he could help his child with school costs that would be great. He does have contact with his child, he can call whenever he wants…he chooses not to, didn’t even call on Christmas day to wish him a Merry Christmas. I never answer the phone it’s between the two of them. I don’t want to hurt my child in anyway so I leave the decision up to him whether he wants to speak with his father or not. Anyway after the letter no response, then he sends some money a week later. I don’t know what to make of it! Does he have a conscience am I wrong about him?? I do not want him to have access to his child because he is violent, has drug alcohol issues and I want my son to be safe. It’s an awful situation to be in, this is a man who tried to kill me and I still find I am second guessing myself all the time. He’s the nicest dangerous man you’ll ever meet.
Nevermore77
I totally agree about these individuals being the nicest and dangerous at the same time. Totally confusing. I choose not to recall his ‘good’ qualities because his nasty violent side was the real person…. the rest of the time when he was ‘nice” he was only doing so to get whatever it was he wanted. But in the blink of an eye he would show his true colours. It must have been exhausting pretending to be something he is/was not… I thought he was the ‘love of my life’ (like many of us on lovefraud)… but he was only pretending to be compatible in order to get my attention…. which he did. But when I realised just how fake he really had been (he even admitted it) all the ‘niceness’ suddenly meant nothing. And all I was left with is a man who is dangerous! No ‘romantic love’ is worth risking my life for.
Ifellforapsycho
I have to close that gap between remembering his good qualities and the bad. The bad was so awful and terrorising. I too thought he was the love of my life…my soul mate. On our first date he declared he was going to marry me! I thought how romantic, and I realise lately that I so wanted to believe that romantic love existed, so I fell for what I now know is a HUGE red flag. He even tried to convince me when I left that our love was different to everyone else, that no one could have the passion that we had. Now some 14 years later I am devastated. I won’t say a mess as I have learned so much about what I was in and do my best to move forward in a positive way but now the parameters have changed in wondering how I negotiate with him on child access and legal stuff (which he is totally unreasonable and using as a game to WIN) His true colours are really on show for the most part but then he will appear to have some conscience though I suspect it is just for what HE WANTS!
When I first read about these people I thought he didn’t fit the picture because our marriage had been so long but and so many people thought he was such a wonderful loving man that I had married. I wish I had a dollar for everytime someone told me how lucky I was and I actually believed it! Now I look at all the things people didn’t see, the violence etc… he would pretend to support me under this loving guise and still use that same guise to pull me down. I never knew what was going on and it made the violence even harder to understand. So for a long time I thought it was me! He would help all the neighbours all the time, while I would be silent through shame and he was as bold as brass. They thought he was great! Some still find it hard to believe my story of what happened. He is insidious really. A chameleon to the core.
My ex psychopath is very similar to what you describe. He is very skilled at impression management.
Yes AnnettePK
My ex was exceptionally socially gifted. And he protected his “image” above all. I think that’s the real reason he was done with me, because once his mask was off and I knew what he really was, he couldn’t risk me revealing him to others. The ridiculous thing is, for the ones with morals, they already KNEW he was disordered.
If a person chooses to do harmful things as a pattern of behavior over time, that is who he is and what he is capable of. When he says and does things that seem nice, he is doing them in order to deceive you into believing he is not harmful so he can exploit you for something he wants to get from you. If he cared about your well being, he would never do harmful things. People do make mistakes. One hurtful word or action could be a mistake, a second could be a misunderstanding, but three hurtful words and actions are a pattern of behavior that will continue.
Consider if he enhances your life, if you feel better around him, if he supports your success and spiritual growth. Consider his life as a whole: Have his past relationships been successful? Does he function well at his work and employment? Does he have good friends of good character? Does he get along with his family? No one is perfect, but look for patterns overall.
Consider that if someone tried to kill you, he does not have your best interest at heart, he is harmful to you, he is capable of murder, and it makes sense to protect yourself by not having any contact with him. It is unlikely that someone who tries to kill anyone (other than self defense) does not and will not have a positive relationship with anyone.
Think of the serial killer psychopaths who get caught and everyone who knew them casually says what nice, charming, kind people they appeared to be.
You are so right AnnettePK, he has no really good friends, nor does he have good character and he has a history of violence and abuse. Not that I knew that when I met him…there was one story which was only used to elicit sympathy from me and it worked. His family even portrayed him as a loving person and still do even though they know. It’s all brushed aside as someone else’s fault. That all adds to the confusion, it’s like you have to prove yourself. Not that I even try and I know what he is and he will do it again to someone else. Like you say it’s a pattern of behaviour and if he keeps getting away with it, it will perpetuate. It’s terrible that you can’t even warn people…they would not believe.
It’s true that new victims don’t believe warnings. What can help is for the survivor to let the new victim know that she would be happy to answer any questions about the spath if there is anything the new victim would ever like to know. That way when the abuse starts and the lies surface, the new victim will feel comfortable contacting the survivor when she will believe and will benefit from the information.
So Sorry jenna23, it’s awful but it’s normal.
Did you read the link that tells of the stages of grief? It doesn’t fix anything but it does affirm that you are progressing, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel so nice.
https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?138-Stages-of-Grief-from-a-Psychopathic-Relationship
yep jenna23
My ex was a bigot about practically everyone. He’d point out a guy walking along the road and ask me how old I thought he was. Turned out, he was younger but life had aged him. My ex loved pointing out the guys with bald heads, gained weight, looked old. And ridiculed those of other ethnicity.
When I first was in relationship with my ex, I thought his bigotry was b/c of ignorance so I refused to let him speak that way in my house. And I invited my friends around b/c I thought if he had personal experience with them, he’d see they were fun and gifted and of integrity, people to admire. At first my ex was so nice and got them to be HIS friends, then he had them cut me out, and then he got “too busy” to be their friend. That’s how that went. Getting people that I cared about to turn on me and abuse me, that was just play fun for my ex.
Yes. My ex IS a hater, but a specific kind. A sociopathic hater.
Congratulations HGBeverly. Really, to be stronger than his “psychopathy” is the very way out of the nightmare.
Sometimes, now that I am also stronger than “his ways” I don’t even qualify them anymore as psychopathic. I think that even to use that word is looking at him from the victim perspective and not from a detached objectivity. Of course, the term can be helpful to understand what we mean but I think that the term is even to big for them. I think now, that he is simply a very egoistic person who lives in a constant carpediem. Not more than that. And also that his egoistic ways are very childish, many children are bullies for the fun of it, just like him. This way of being explains that he can perfectly consider to have a drink with you, without even considering a bit what happened before, simply because he feels like having a drink with someone that day. Actually, I don’t think these people have a bad opinion of their victims, as someone says in another comment, he might even consider that the people they’ve abused brought a lot to their lives. So, why not going back to them to get more of it? They only care about themselves, that is the whole summary.
More than by psychopathy I think these abusers are to blame for selfish recklessness, which of course will never lead to remorse. To have some remorse you have to care a little, and they only care about their instant gratification all the time.
I think that once you really know how they are letting them get out of your life is easy. That is why I think that premature contact cut is not a good idea. You have to be able to recognize how they are to be able to truly celebrate they are gone. But then, you truly celebrate.
Congrats again,
Cath
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/parents-who-emotionally-abuse-children-3303555
Dear Catherine,
If it were not psycopathy they would not be getting thrown in jail. Sorry but it feels like blaming the victim. For some there really is no escape. Others are never the same and that is a crime.
The fact that they are thrown in jail doesn’t prove they are a psychopath. And lots of these people don’t commit criminal felonies.
The only thing to “blame” the victim is of having had some hope in a minimum niceness and fairness of a human being, which I don’t think is nothing anybody should be blamed for, don’t you think so?
We are never the same when we live something dramatic, but we can be better and stronger. I think it is important for all who have been involved with these people to recognize their own responsibility, not in what happened (obviously) but in their recovery from it.
No I, and my siblings, can not be ‘better and stronger’. We were not born ‘worse or weak’.
There is a breaking point and those who have broken another’s spirit have committed slow murder.
Just because society took a long time to acknowledge the ‘unseen’ psychological violence does not make it any less a crime than physically laying ones hands on another with intent to harm.
Canuck, I can relate. Sadly, even when at an earlier stage post ex-spath, when I thought I was healing, now nearly 3 years later, I realize there is no true getting over it. I go on with my life away from him physically, and emotionally… but that 5 years with him, the confusion, the intense love, the more intense hurt and the most intense physical, emotional and financial damage I could never imagine…its a haunting that will never leave. With each passing year, I get older, not a bad thing, just a reality… but guess what? Each injury that I thought had “healed” turns up once more as bursitis, arthritis or some other diagnosis, for which the doctor asks if something happened to that area of my body… well, yes. Pretty much every area was assaulted… So, even though I am out of the mayhem, it never leaves completely. AT this point I just try to live as gentle a life as possible, and live in the moment as much as I can, and knock myself out at night so that I can sleep without the nightmares, or flashbacks to good and bad times. I dive into my children and my new dog and my significant other as a diversion, and my life purpose. Peace to you and all of us here.
I understand about not focusing on their horribleness all the time; it does feel better not to dwell on it. My ex psychopath would like to be thought of as just childish and incapable of good behavior. He was dangerous and harmed people deliberately. I discerned that he knew right from wrong and chose his actions in full knowledge of the harm he caused. He just wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and harming others is not a problem for him.
When to get away and cease contact is a balance. It’s good to be sure that one is making the right decision; but it’s also good not to prolong the harm and increase the psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial, and intellectual damage they cause their targets/victims, who are innocent.
I agree with not prolonging the enormous damage they can cause. I eventually over 2 years-had to ask myself “How much evidence do I need”? But it was the fact that I didn’t remember the nasty, damaging behaviour and personality that he had… that I spent too much time remembering and enjoying the way we were when things were going well. This was usually when he hadn’t been drinking or smoking weed…. those times were great and reinforced the idea that he was my soul mate for life. But the nasty always showed up eventually when he was tired of making the effort to pretend to be something he knew well he was not. Anyway I have decided that I do not need further evidence about his personality. I know he is violent and I know he has the capacity to kill me. There are’t enough good times to balance out that kind of nasty! No more evidence required!
There’s a lot of truth in your post, Catherine. Truly, who cares if they are a diagnosed socio, mal narc, etc. One little epiphany I had was that they are the emotional equivalent of a 3 yr old. They want what they want when they want it and do not think of the consequences.
I agree. They aren’t worthy of the time it takes to armchair diagnose and trying to do so can be dangerous as it brings in too many “maybes” and questions, as per HG’s letter today. Too much confusion. Better to look, as you do, at the simple fact that you are dealing with a child and someone who just doesn’t have the capability to see anything but their own desires and needs. For whatever the reason. It doesn’t matter.
You’ve expressed it very well. I actually think that to try to armchair diagnose them reflects mostly that we still have hope in them. Because there are many people we can cross who act in ways we find despicable and we don’t take as much effort to understand why they are behaving in a nasty way.
Agree to a point, Catherine. I think we take time to analyze because someone has touched our hearts, minds, souls, etc., then behaved in a bizarre or thoughtless way towards us. If we meet someone who’s despicable but hasn’t really gotten under our skin, unless one is into analyzing for the sake of it or for educational purpose, why bother?
IMO only, someone has to have an effect upon us in more than just a superficial way for most people to take the time to analyze them. I Googled because I was jerked around, thereby totally confused by this lack of humanity that only appeared to be a man. I suppose some folks do analyze hoping to find out that the screwy BF or husband is fixable.
I always thought my path acted within an age range of 3-13 years old. Like you say….I want it and I want it NOW!!! He took great pleasure in telling me how he always got his own way. I think there was a part of me that saw that as a challenge. I also think that I always knew he was the wrong man. So that part of the puzzle is about me… and that’s what I’m working on. I certainly don’t need his help!
I had a similar experience Ifell…
Never knew what kind of childish drivel was going to spew from this pathetic worm. It was so truly bizarre, that I just passed it off as stress or that he felt close enough to me to “be himself.” He had a responsible job and a family, so how was it possible for him to say things like, “I did NAWT!” (actually in the voice and stance of a tantruming child!!) when I brought up some weird thing he had done. By that time, however, I had a pretty good idea there was something very wrong with him.
Just as you said, I knew this moron was totally wrong for me, I didn’t like him most of the time, as he was “always right,” and would mumble under his breath that that was so if you disagreed with him. Not sure if he always got his way or not. “Mine” was a whiner, full of regrets he said and way “too forgiving.” I suppose I saw him as a challenge as well, but had he gotten too close to me, I would have run the other way. I found him at once abhorrent and irresistible.
We have similar problems….attracted to men that can only bring misery. Hope you are getting ahead of that.
I do believe that Catherine’s conclusion does help take some of the hurtful sting and confusion out of our devastating relationships with psychopaths. Instead it finds our only culpability lies in ever questioning that they are purely evil, selfish egotists.