SPONSORED CONTENT
The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They’re lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission.
There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it’s exhausting.
A few months ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Penny,” who is in this situation. She wrote her Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath. One of Penny’s recommendations was that parents request that all communications with their former partners go through Our Family Wizard.
Our Family Wizard
Our Family Wizard is a website designed to facilitate communications between separated or divorced parents in relation to their children. It promotes “cooperative parenting:”
Parents can coordinate shared custody and joint custody parenting time schedules, health records, immunization histories, expense sharing, school information, virtual document storage and much more on a website specifically designed to deal with the issues that arise in co-parenting situation.
Our website is committed to removing conflict and improving the lives of children. In fact, judges in all 50 states order families to utilize the site in contested cases to reduce conflict.
The Our Family Wizard website is a great tool for managing difficult parenting relationships. The website provides excellent documentation to help reduce conflict that may arise from ineffective communication. Should you need to return to court, all pages are printable and most come with a preformatted print option with all the necessary data you will need to show that you have met your parenting obligations.
The service costs $99 per year per parent. “This fee is worth it,” Penny wrote. “I know this because the judge hearing my case ordered that communication between my ex and I take place solely on the Our Family Wizard website. The judge also ordered that no verbal communication is to take place between the parties facilitating the exchange of my child.”
No creative language
Thousands of families use Our Family Wizard, according to Jainarain Kissoon, CEO. One reason why it helps in high-conflict situations, Kissoon says, is because the website’s structured format allows no room for “creative language.”
“Phone conversations used to turn into heated battles, then the battles moved to e-mail,” Kissoon says. “The site helps compartmentalize what everyone is doing. In co-parenting classes, they emphasize businesslike communication. The site provides organization—there are no long e-mails back and forth.”
With Our Family Wizard, parents can limit communication to filling in the blanks—soccer game, what day, what time, what the child needs to bring.
Features
Our Family Wizard includes the following features:
- Calendar—each calendar event, such as soccer practice, includes which children participate, the location, the drop off parent and the pick up parent.
- Journal—entries can be shared or private. It’s a place to document any incidents, and all notes are time and date stamped.
- Message board—With no outside e-mail servers, there are no lost messages and always a way to verify a message has been received.
- Info bank—A place to manage all family information, such as schools, childcare providers, immunization history, emergency contacts, insurance and more.
- Expense log—tracks shared expenses, automatically calculating each parent’s contribution.
Documentation
An important benefit of Our Family Wizard is its level of documentation:
- Each entry is time and date stamped—who created it and when
- Every page is stamped with the last time both parents viewed it
- Messages cannot be altered or unsent
- Dates on journal entries cannot be altered.
- One parent cannot change the other parent’s information
- Nearly everything can be tracked back to an IP address
- An accurate chronology of events can be produced
- All pages are printable
The software includes the option of third-party accounts, so, if necessary, therapists or guardians ad litem can monitor communications. If a parent engages in abusive behavior, it is readily discovered and difficult to deny.
With Our Family Wizard, it becomes easy to tell who is complying with court orders, and who is not. Kissoon relates why one judge said he liked the software: “It gives people enough rope to hang themselves.”
In an early pilot program for the software, a judge ordered 40 families to communicate only through Our Family Wizard. For two years, none of the families were back in court.
Testimonials
The Our Family Wizard website includes testimonials from parents. “Manuel S” wrote:
I am thankful to this avenue of communication. It has controlled the nasty phone calls from my ex-wife to me and my wife, and has put an end to her foul language since she is aware the content of messages is monitored. I have documentation to avoid he said she said situations and her violations of my rights to see my kids!”
Penny says the website works. “Please mention to readers that they can request that Our Family Wizard be ordered by the judge hearing their case,” she wrote. “The judge can order the Our Family Wizard email as the sole means of communication between couples litigating a child custody/visitation dispute.”
For more information, visit the website below. If you decide to subscribe to OurFamilyWizard, Lovefraud will earn a commission from your purchase.
Dear Flowerpower,
I’m not sure how you can do that, unless you can get him to admit that someone else is sending those e mails.
I had a similar thing when my egg donor was having the Trojan Horse psychopath TRANSCRIBE the letters she dictated to him to send to my Psychopathic son in prison.
Was she actually dictating EVERY word? or was the psychopath actually putting in some words? In a few places it was CLEAR which was which, but in others, not so much.
I wish I could give you a productive way to PROVE THAT THE WORDS (not just the typing) are not his. I honestly don’t think it is illegal for a person who doesn’t type to have someone else type or transcribe their letters, BUT if they SIGN that letter or contract, then they are RESPONSIBLE for what it says as it is presumed that if they SIGN a letter or a contract then it is binding. SO—-even if his sister is saying and writing the words, then if they are nasty, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT. If that makes any sense. Also if he TELLS LIES, I would not necessarily respond to them (sometimes that is self defeating) Like for example if he said
“You had Junior at your house last christmas”
when in fact, you had only had Junior for 15 minuters and the REST of the time had been spent at the X’s mother’s house
So, there was a GRAIN of truth in what he said, you did actually get to see Junior for 15 minutes on christmas day but the HOLIDAY was spent with fhis family.–
Not “countering” that can be problematic, but countering it can also be problematic and get into a he said/she said swabbling leg hiking contest of peeing on each othe with the kid in the middle.
I think probably the best way to go about it is to STICK TO THE LETTER OF THE CUSTODY AGREEMENT WITH VERY WELL SPELLED OUT LIMITS ON EXCHANGES, NO VERBAL CONTACT, NO ARGUING AT ALL, and no discussion of his or their lies. NO leighway in times or whatever is court ordered. NO compromimsing to “be nice” just the LETTER OF THE COURT ORDER.
Other than that, I don’t have any ideas, maybe someone else can come up with something that might help you.
We’ve had several people here who apparently “co-parent” with your X! LOL at least they sound like the same creepy guy! (((hugs))))
Flowerpower,
I think Our Family Wizard may be able to help you. Someone is sending you the e-mails. The software can track the IP address of just about every communication, so you can show that other people are responding for your ex. It also tracks all communications, and nothing can be deleted or altered.
You can request the court to order that all communication goes through Our Family Wizard. You can also, if you want, set up a third-party account for someone like a parenting coordinator or therapist. That way, the third party can monitor the communications.
Sometimes these people clean up their communications when they know they are being watched.
Thanks to all! We have a PC and all emails are CC’d to him. I refuse to communicate with him except by documentable means. PC is soft core with ex..has allowed many boundary violations. I am now looking for hard core attorney to take his agreement violations ( mostly harrassment stuff) to court and possible lose the court appointed PC. I Am ready for restraining order.
He is now on the defensive and recently countering with false allegations of vandalism at me(he says they occurred about 8months ago). I have empeccable reputation, thank God I never responded to his nonsense during marriage! I focused on children and maintained some dignity as his life fell apart. He is a professional who lost his position when serial infidelities with clients were exposed.
I am trying to move on a reclaim my life and a career since I got nothing from 15 yr marriage (as so many others have lost!!) My goal is not vengeance but TRUTH. I will no longer enable and protect the lies that confuse the children and the public. I am looking for tools to help. Thanks to all of you and am so glad to find a “community” who understands…will see if he agrees to OFW . Any other suggestions??
PS to above..
the false allegations (slander/libel) were in a recent email sent by ???. That is one reason I am determined to prove others are sending, composing, typing. And sounds childish, but ex couldnt compose a third grade essay much less some of the page long dissertations being sent to me…he is vocabulary and speech challenged..PLUS cant type! LOL!!
Dear Flowerpower,
The suggestions I have for ALL new folks here is To READ AND LEARN. and there are GREAT articles in the archives, hundreds of 1-2 page articles that will reinforce what you already know and teach you more, give you ideas for self help and bolster your self esteem and growth.
If you have children, I also recommend Dr. Leedom’s blog on Parenting the AT RISK CHILD. If your X is a psychopath, there is a risk to your child both from genetics and from contact with their father. Dr. Leedom also has this same issue, though her X is thank goodness been out of her life (in prison) but the effects of his damage continue on in her life.
Yes, the people here DO understand, and some of us here have multiple episodes of psychopaths in our lives, over generations. I am the child of one, and the parent of one. I have dated them, I have worked for them, I have been in partnerships with them, I have lived next door to one etc. Some damaged me more, some less, but just being around them is toxic and frustrating.
Again, WELCOME to LF! Hang around a while.
to your ps: I DO understand the frustration and the anger produced by being “smeared” and so many of us have had that happen that we call it the “smear campaign” sometimes it starts before the discard but almost always afterwards.
The “D&D” is Devalue and discard
The “Smear campaign” (you already know about)
“FOG” is the short for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, used to manipulate us
“Gaslighting” is twisting reality, named after a movie where a man was tryinjg to make his wife think she was crazy and drive her crazy
“TOWANDA” is the “war cry” from Friend green Tomatoes movie that we adopted here as a war cry and a “way to go” word!
Just a little “introduction” to the “vocabulary” we use here, and again, welcome. Stay around and participate! It helps to not be alone, even if you alone in the real world, unfortunately most of our friends and family may not totally “get it” about how difficult it is to get away from and heal from these monsters. We DO GET IT. And we have a wardrobe of Tee-shirts to prove it!
Thank you and I am familiar with most of the vocabulary listed. I have been educating myself since his hospitalization and Dx. And yes most folks just dont get it, until they “get it” personally from one of these types.
I LOVE TOWANDA!! and it is quitee appropriate since I am a southern born and bred fried tomato eatin’ woman..we are STEEL magnolias…Unfortunately the southern woman’s “submissive” stance kind of prolonged my situation.
My faith, children and love of life sustain me… and I will arm myself with knowledge to battle this out.
Dear Flower power,
Glad you are here and glad you are a steel magnolia! Cause that is what it takes, it is bones of steel and razor sharp minds to survive this fight and that is what it is, a fight to the death, even if it is emotional, not physical, “death.”
I laughed and laughed over this so many times, my egg donor is/was one of those “steel magnolias” and tried her best to get me to be one too, but I’m not sure why it never worked, but try as I might, I just couldn’t cram my “square soul” into that ROUND HOLE, so I sort of ended up being my own version of some kind of a strange “Flower” rather than the lovely but steel magnolia she intended me to be. Not that a steel magnolia is a bad thing, but it just wasn’t what I was meant to be. Tough yes, but more direct, and dancing to my own tune. So I ended up being “Neither fish, nor fowl, nor good red herring” to use a Yankee phrase, but a very apt one!
It is only in these last few years that I have started to appreciate my own shape, neither round nor square, not fitting into a generic-shaped hole, and also realizing that DIFFERENT is not necessarily BAD.
Yea, that “submissive” cultural stance is sometimes a problem for us because though we are taught to be caretakers for others, and strong, if we stand up for ourselves, we are quickly beaten back down! Too many contradictions.
Again, Welcome! Glad you are here!
Flowerpower,
You may not have to get him to agree to Our Family Wizard. It can be court-ordered.
flowerpower – i can teach you to read ip addresses, so that you know where the email is coming from.
As long as they are not using a proxy server (most people don’t) or gmail, i can probably help you with this.
one step