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The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They’re lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission.
There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it’s exhausting.
A few months ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Penny,” who is in this situation. She wrote her Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath. One of Penny’s recommendations was that parents request that all communications with their former partners go through Our Family Wizard.
Our Family Wizard
Our Family Wizard is a website designed to facilitate communications between separated or divorced parents in relation to their children. It promotes “cooperative parenting:”
Parents can coordinate shared custody and joint custody parenting time schedules, health records, immunization histories, expense sharing, school information, virtual document storage and much more on a website specifically designed to deal with the issues that arise in co-parenting situation.
Our website is committed to removing conflict and improving the lives of children. In fact, judges in all 50 states order families to utilize the site in contested cases to reduce conflict.
The Our Family Wizard website is a great tool for managing difficult parenting relationships. The website provides excellent documentation to help reduce conflict that may arise from ineffective communication. Should you need to return to court, all pages are printable and most come with a preformatted print option with all the necessary data you will need to show that you have met your parenting obligations.
The service costs $99 per year per parent. “This fee is worth it,” Penny wrote. “I know this because the judge hearing my case ordered that communication between my ex and I take place solely on the Our Family Wizard website. The judge also ordered that no verbal communication is to take place between the parties facilitating the exchange of my child.”
No creative language
Thousands of families use Our Family Wizard, according to Jainarain Kissoon, CEO. One reason why it helps in high-conflict situations, Kissoon says, is because the website’s structured format allows no room for “creative language.”
“Phone conversations used to turn into heated battles, then the battles moved to e-mail,” Kissoon says. “The site helps compartmentalize what everyone is doing. In co-parenting classes, they emphasize businesslike communication. The site provides organization—there are no long e-mails back and forth.”
With Our Family Wizard, parents can limit communication to filling in the blanks—soccer game, what day, what time, what the child needs to bring.
Features
Our Family Wizard includes the following features:
- Calendar—each calendar event, such as soccer practice, includes which children participate, the location, the drop off parent and the pick up parent.
- Journal—entries can be shared or private. It’s a place to document any incidents, and all notes are time and date stamped.
- Message board—With no outside e-mail servers, there are no lost messages and always a way to verify a message has been received.
- Info bank—A place to manage all family information, such as schools, childcare providers, immunization history, emergency contacts, insurance and more.
- Expense log—tracks shared expenses, automatically calculating each parent’s contribution.
Documentation
An important benefit of Our Family Wizard is its level of documentation:
- Each entry is time and date stamped—who created it and when
- Every page is stamped with the last time both parents viewed it
- Messages cannot be altered or unsent
- Dates on journal entries cannot be altered.
- One parent cannot change the other parent’s information
- Nearly everything can be tracked back to an IP address
- An accurate chronology of events can be produced
- All pages are printable
The software includes the option of third-party accounts, so, if necessary, therapists or guardians ad litem can monitor communications. If a parent engages in abusive behavior, it is readily discovered and difficult to deny.
With Our Family Wizard, it becomes easy to tell who is complying with court orders, and who is not. Kissoon relates why one judge said he liked the software: “It gives people enough rope to hang themselves.”
In an early pilot program for the software, a judge ordered 40 families to communicate only through Our Family Wizard. For two years, none of the families were back in court.
Testimonials
The Our Family Wizard website includes testimonials from parents. “Manuel S” wrote:
I am thankful to this avenue of communication. It has controlled the nasty phone calls from my ex-wife to me and my wife, and has put an end to her foul language since she is aware the content of messages is monitored. I have documentation to avoid he said she said situations and her violations of my rights to see my kids!”
Penny says the website works. “Please mention to readers that they can request that Our Family Wizard be ordered by the judge hearing their case,” she wrote. “The judge can order the Our Family Wizard email as the sole means of communication between couples litigating a child custody/visitation dispute.”
For more information, visit the website below. If you decide to subscribe to OurFamilyWizard, Lovefraud will earn a commission from your purchase.
Keep EVERYTHING!!!!
Document, Keep, DOCUMENT…….
He may bury himself…and you’ll never need it…..but we should build the case by documentation as it comes in!!!!
If we ‘whine’ about everythign,as it happens…..we get tuned out…..but if we let the BIG BOMB drop at once….AFTER he has exposed himself……
WEll then……
So……stay under that rock like a snake…..gather up your warmth and get cozy……let him pass a few times……and when he least expects it…..he’ll trip and you can put your venom into him….and HE”LL NEVER KNOWIT WAS YOU WHO STRIKED…..because he was confident on that path!
Silvermoon:
Yah….I have those fantasies also….BUT….heres the catch…..
We don’t know what tomorrow holds…..and like in my s’s case…..he’s the one putting out this trash on FB……for the works to seee…..no privacy settings …….
I’m sure there are a few peeps that read it and promptly look for my site (Idont have one in my name)…..but if I did,and I yacked on and on about him……
NOW…..how would we both be percieved…….both crazy angry bitter…….
So…..sometimes it’s best to ‘take thehigh road’…….
and keep your mouth shut…..
I did this with my business……and look whos’ still in town with support…….NOT HIM!!!!!
It’s a great fantasy…..but don’t it……
I also saw on tv this am about peeps ‘fighting’ on fb…..couples and exs…….and they confirmed what I jsut said……your both looked at as nuts….
Sure, peeps may take one side oranother……but it’s ALWAYS TEMPORARY>…….
yes, but there are many ways to have others do things for you that are untraceable. i say no more.
Please do tell… friend told me to get a gun today…been thinking about it … but think that would be shootin myself in the foot……
Hey Soul Sister? I so liked him until I heard he was busted for pedophilia?? Some thing heinous any ways.
Hey one step…
its the untraceable things I fear will me done TO ME . Anyway you can share those so I will be warned????
Flowerpower:
Are you still with him?
If so….your ‘exit’ strategy would be different.
Okay…
so……you must follow orders to a “T’. Don’t speak of him in town, only to your most trusted and loved friend.
You need to ‘know’ him…..know everything he would/could/should/ do and avert it.
DON”T PLAY ALONG……
You must bore him, act boring, non interested in anything he does/says speaks……
Just go along with orders and expect the same from him.
And in the meantime….document EVERYTHING in concise, well ordered manner.
He will not stop his behaviors until HE feels he has been rewarded….doens’t make it right, doesn’t make it easier.
He CAN”T RUN YOU OFF…..your not leaving……so take a big breath, try not to allow it to affect you, be aware of what he could do……and counter balance him………keep your character up in the community and stand tall and proud.
Look for any ‘seeds’ you can plant along the way that would never be traceable to you….NEVER! Hold on to em and plant them as you see fit.
if you know any weak spots in his ‘armor’ hit em…..BUT DO IT ANONYMOSLY!
NOTHING CAN EVER BE TRACED BACK TO YOU!!!!
Do not speak poorly of him to your children, they will figure him out eventually.
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD…..at least in appearance….at all costs!!!
Anyone here using a parenting coordinator? Would like to know how yours handles the problem maker. Our PC is court appointed and has not done much (at least to my knowledge) about the violations of our agreement.
I have set boundaries that restrict and prevent contact because of harassment in front of the children. Otherwise, the pc stays basically “neutral”, couching his language to keep from upsetting the ex.
Things have been quiet..but I do expect a bigger reaction if the same violations are repeated. Any others with this in place? I would like to know how obvious provable misbehavior is handled.
Our PC even asked me if we speak by phone after HE encouraged all communication by text or email. I found this strange…sometimes I’m not sure he is with the program. When I told him that I need the documentation; he said “not for me, I know what is going on”. I INSISTED that I NEED the documentation. Does this sound strange??
My kids are grown so I don’t have to deal with co-parenting anymore.
My ex-husband was a monster. I had the police remove him and I got a no contact order in early 1993 and we divorced in 1995. Why it took that long to get a court date is beyond me. I was upset about it. My attorney(s) dragged their feet with getting a court date. And my husband acted like I was still his property cause we were still married during this separation. During our divorce he used our kids as a weapon to beat me down.
I told my attorney what was going on. My attorney didn’t believe me, and said I am stuck on myself. I went through three attorneys cause they all sided with my husband.
I tried to tell the court what was going on. But, the court didn’t listen. The court looked hard at me instead.
My husband would use his visitation with kids to molest me. He would walk in my house and grope at my body parts. I’d tell him to get his damn hands off me. He would look hurt for a second, then he’d get angry. He got in my face and told me what he would do to me if I called the police. He said it would take the police a while to get there and that was enough time to “bash in your pretty face so no man will look at you”.
He told our kids that he was invited to a wedding. He told them how much fun they would have. Then he said that I had to buy them clothes to wear to this wedding (cause they live with me) and if I don’t they don’t go.
The kids came home excited about this wedding plan. They said I had to take them shopping for clothes for this wedding. I said no and the kids got upset and began yelling at me. Dad said you have plenty of money that you can take us shopping. (I was making minimum wage) He didn’t use the “child support card” cause he wasn’t paying it yet.
Eventually he was paying child support. He made a plan with the kids to spend a weekend at a fancy hotel with a indoor pool, whirl pool, steam room. He got their hopes up. And, then he dropped the bomb. He said I could pay for this hotel cause he pays me plenty of child support. The kids got upset when I said no. They said this plan depends on me paying for it, or they don’t go. I again said no. The kids got upset and began yelling at me.
On another day, he told the kids that he can’t take them anywhere on his weekend, that he has no money, cause he has to pay me child support. The kids came home to fight with me. The kids said I should stop the child support. I said he has to share the expense of raising you. It’s the law. Dad said you can tell the court to stop the support.
On another day, he told the kids that they can’t have fun on his weekend cause he has to pay my bills. He handed them these “so-called” bills to take home. The kids came home upset and yelling at me. They said Dad should not have to pay your bills, Dad has no money. Then they handed these “bills” to me. One piece of mail was junk mail. The other mail was forms from his insurance company from his work. Forms that he needed to fill out to put the kids on his medical at his work. Yep, he dumped his responsibility on me, while he got the kids to believe he is paying my bills. I believe he was pissed off cause the court had ordered him to put the kids on his medical. He had to pay extra for the family plan.
Then he told the kids that they did not have to help out with doing dishes at home. He said that “if she were any kind of mother she would do her own dishes”. (yet he would save a sink full of dirty dishes for the kids to do at his apartment on his weekend) He also said that they don’t have to help out with house work at home. He said “if she were any kind of mother she would clean her own house”. (Yet he expected them to help clean his apartment on his weekend) And, he said that they don’t have to help out with their little brother cause he is not their “real” brother. He is only a half brother.
He would call me and expect me to listen to him describing his new girlfriend’s body. I told him that I’m not listening to this. Does he want to talk to the kids or not? He said yes he wants to talk to the kids, “but first we need to discuss this like adults”! (discuss his girlfriend’s body) I hung up on him. He threw this in my face at court. He said “I can’t talk to her like an adult. She hangs up on me”!
Then he would call me and tell me that he’ll take me back… The way he put it: “Tell you what, I’ll take you back, but I expect this, this, and that. Take it or leave it!” I’d say I already left it and I’d hang up. He called me MANY, MANY times with this line. He also threw this in my face at court. He told the court “I can’t talk to her like an adult. She hangs up on me!”
I wanted to record his phone calls. He knew I was recording him. He loudly stated he did not want to be recorded. I didn’t know the laws so I stopped the recording. I just went along as the helpless victim.
My only “win” in all this nightmare was our house. I had to “buy him out”. I was supposed to pay him $8000 to get his name off the house. And, pay this money in a timely manner.
My husband said that if he has to rent, I have to rent, he said we have a 50/50 marriage. (he only had this sense of equal fairness when he didn’t have the upper hand)
The house needed numerous repairs that existed since we bought the house. I decided to prove the house wasn’t worth anything so I wouldn’t have to pay him. (paying out $8000 would have meant taking food out of our kid’s mouth for a decade or longer) I wanted the house to raise our kids. It was located in a nice, safe neighborhood. It was walking distance to the schools. The schools were great. The house was everything the kids needed. Three bedrooms, full size basement, two car garage, 2-story shed, nice size yard. And the mortgage was $650.00 a month. I couldn’t rent a tiny two-bedroom apartment for that price.
I called on numerous contractors to get bids.
I got numerous bids on the roof repairs, basement repairs, garage repairs, driveway repairs, I even got a bid on squirrel removal in garage. I accidentally threw away the low bids and saved the high bids for court. I got a sweet and kind real estate lady to come over and give me a quote. I told my story to her. She wrote up a letter on her company letter head that my house was worth less than the expense of the repairs, and that we would owe money at closing.
My attorney looked at my bids at court and asked why did I want this house? I said I will never regret living in this house. My kids are happy here, and they are in a safe neighborhood.
I did not have to pay my now ex-husband money.
My husband looked at the bids and said “Keep it”.