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The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They’re lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission.
There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it’s exhausting.
A few months ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Penny,” who is in this situation. She wrote her Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath. One of Penny’s recommendations was that parents request that all communications with their former partners go through Our Family Wizard.
Our Family Wizard
Our Family Wizard is a website designed to facilitate communications between separated or divorced parents in relation to their children. It promotes “cooperative parenting:”
Parents can coordinate shared custody and joint custody parenting time schedules, health records, immunization histories, expense sharing, school information, virtual document storage and much more on a website specifically designed to deal with the issues that arise in co-parenting situation.
Our website is committed to removing conflict and improving the lives of children. In fact, judges in all 50 states order families to utilize the site in contested cases to reduce conflict.
The Our Family Wizard website is a great tool for managing difficult parenting relationships. The website provides excellent documentation to help reduce conflict that may arise from ineffective communication. Should you need to return to court, all pages are printable and most come with a preformatted print option with all the necessary data you will need to show that you have met your parenting obligations.
The service costs $99 per year per parent. “This fee is worth it,” Penny wrote. “I know this because the judge hearing my case ordered that communication between my ex and I take place solely on the Our Family Wizard website. The judge also ordered that no verbal communication is to take place between the parties facilitating the exchange of my child.”
No creative language
Thousands of families use Our Family Wizard, according to Jainarain Kissoon, CEO. One reason why it helps in high-conflict situations, Kissoon says, is because the website’s structured format allows no room for “creative language.”
“Phone conversations used to turn into heated battles, then the battles moved to e-mail,” Kissoon says. “The site helps compartmentalize what everyone is doing. In co-parenting classes, they emphasize businesslike communication. The site provides organization—there are no long e-mails back and forth.”
With Our Family Wizard, parents can limit communication to filling in the blanks—soccer game, what day, what time, what the child needs to bring.
Features
Our Family Wizard includes the following features:
- Calendar—each calendar event, such as soccer practice, includes which children participate, the location, the drop off parent and the pick up parent.
- Journal—entries can be shared or private. It’s a place to document any incidents, and all notes are time and date stamped.
- Message board—With no outside e-mail servers, there are no lost messages and always a way to verify a message has been received.
- Info bank—A place to manage all family information, such as schools, childcare providers, immunization history, emergency contacts, insurance and more.
- Expense log—tracks shared expenses, automatically calculating each parent’s contribution.
Documentation
An important benefit of Our Family Wizard is its level of documentation:
- Each entry is time and date stamped—who created it and when
- Every page is stamped with the last time both parents viewed it
- Messages cannot be altered or unsent
- Dates on journal entries cannot be altered.
- One parent cannot change the other parent’s information
- Nearly everything can be tracked back to an IP address
- An accurate chronology of events can be produced
- All pages are printable
The software includes the option of third-party accounts, so, if necessary, therapists or guardians ad litem can monitor communications. If a parent engages in abusive behavior, it is readily discovered and difficult to deny.
With Our Family Wizard, it becomes easy to tell who is complying with court orders, and who is not. Kissoon relates why one judge said he liked the software: “It gives people enough rope to hang themselves.”
In an early pilot program for the software, a judge ordered 40 families to communicate only through Our Family Wizard. For two years, none of the families were back in court.
Testimonials
The Our Family Wizard website includes testimonials from parents. “Manuel S” wrote:
I am thankful to this avenue of communication. It has controlled the nasty phone calls from my ex-wife to me and my wife, and has put an end to her foul language since she is aware the content of messages is monitored. I have documentation to avoid he said she said situations and her violations of my rights to see my kids!”
Penny says the website works. “Please mention to readers that they can request that Our Family Wizard be ordered by the judge hearing their case,” she wrote. “The judge can order the Our Family Wizard email as the sole means of communication between couples litigating a child custody/visitation dispute.”
For more information, visit the website below. If you decide to subscribe to OurFamilyWizard, Lovefraud will earn a commission from your purchase.
Jeannie,
Yes its 2:30 am but im up giving my son a breathing treatment and saw that you responded.
When the plug came out labor didnt begin for another 3 weeks so we were fine, but my ex wasn’t even there on the day the baby was born because he was with his girlfriend. He had lied to her and told her that we were not together and that I had gotten pregnant on purpose to “trap” him…. what a line of shit. Who’s the one who was trapped? He was living a double life, one with me and one with her. He would actually be with her and come home to me in the middle of the night claiming he had been at work. Puke. He had her convinced that I was an evil bitch and they actually sat down together on the computer to look up births at the hospitals to see if our child had been born. He didn’t tell her he came to the hospital the next day to play doting daddy, sign the birth certificate, put on a show for the nurses, etc.
And now here we are. I left for good only 7 weeks ago and he has not seen our son since. I have prevented this although like I said he is aware of what he could do if this were really an issue. You’re right, he just wants to make me miserable and he’s doing a great job. His girlfriend, whom he moved into MY house in lightning speed time has been pushing him to take me to court so that “they” can have my son in “their” lives. I suspect she has no idea how much he’s been trying to contact me by phone, he erases the calls and texts before going home to her if memory serves and he hasn’t changed.
I just wanted to say that its nice knowing someone out there understands and to have a reminder that Im not crazy, HE IS.
Oh by the way, said current girlfriend is not the same woman he was with when our son was born. However, he was sleeping with this one at the time as well. There was a time when he would actually be with all three of us in the same day… hindsight of course, but makes me absolutely sick
Waking Up,
Kudos for what you have done to the benefit of yourself and your son. In the long run, you will thrive for having left.
I can’t help but be amazed at the behavior of these men! Mine is writing love letters from jail while I have found out that he was legally married and dating a number of other women during our relationship….The one that ended in marriage.
I can not fathom that he does so after serving me the most insideous insults a man can deliver to a woman and when I read your story, it touched that last core nerve.
It does indeed tell, the worst. The abso;ute worst. These people go through the world victimizing others and they have done to you and me and us all here.
I can not help about all the other women who aren’t here who had the same experience of believing and loving these monsters just the way we did. There was a time I thought I was the only one and that we were in love. I knew I was.
By the grace, those days are past. Any time in life when one of these deceptions is brought to ground is a good day because it is the first step toward a healthy, meaningful life.
Thank you for your story as all of the stories remind us to keep on, encourage us that we are not crazy and connect us so in this community we become strong enough to not be lured back by any false promise.
Dear Silvermoon,
Maybe you should save these letters and have a “share” party with his other wife(wives) and GFs and each one can bring a love letter and you can all share and compare and then take a group photo to send him in jail!
I do suggest that you might all want to think about getting STD checks for everything, wait 3 months and repeat x 2. A group of women in Texas had a guy that did that stuff and gave I think it was 6 or more of the MIV,, they ended up banding together and putting him in prison for 45 years for KNOWINGLY INFECTING THEM. Each woman thought she was the ONLY one. There was a great TV special about it and there is a link here to him I think as well (CRS!)
Ox,
Awesome idea. I actually started communicating with his lawful wife. We have taken the first step in the directions.
Don’t think the idea of a class action pursuit hasn’t crossed my mind. Nor has the notion of pursuing all the inspection that follows his being diagnosed as a disordered person and marked forever on for it. As I understand it, there are laws that provide for this.
There is also the bigamy thing and the financial recovery which is allowed by law.
Run him down like a dawg? You bet. Like a lying HOUND DAWG!
Cry over sad songs that take me back to the fantasy? Yeah, I do. Less now than a while ago. And therapy and EMDR help with that a lot. And coming here to get more of the stories and to encourage others to stay on the path of getting free of these animals.
I think a personal appearance in court would make an even stronger statement………………….
This has been a hard couple of weeks. I needed help and requested and didn’t get medication, as I could see bad coming and it just keeps coming. It scares me.
how I feel scares me. wanting to hide under the bed scares me. melting down and having to walk away from a conference scares me. I need authenticity. Trying to continue on and sew on my game face ”“ it’s not working. I am constantly a few minutes away from not being able to function in a business environment. I am not able to do all the things necessary to find work here. And doing the best I can is a shifting ability. And it is becoming a shifting disability.
I am angry that everything is so hard. I am tired and fed f**king up. I have to go meet some friends ”“ for my bday dinner. I hope I have fun. I feel very disconnected. My life has really shattered. What was, is no more. I cannot relate to people in the same way ”“ I cannot stand hiding how I really feel. As much as my friends don’t understand or want to engage, I am starting to not want to engage with them.
There have been times here – in the last few weeks, when the people who can stand in the face of my pain, stand with me have literally saved me. it’s the not being able to be as I am in the world that makes it so hard.
I have left a message for a pastor who works at the military base here, to find out if they have any resources for civilians with PTSD. I have to go somewhere where I can ’normalize’ this pain and stress. I am trying to find ways ”“ but none of it is happening fast enough to staunch this oncoming flood ”“ my stress levels just keep going up. I guess I could go to the hospital and ask for a pysch exam ”“ that would speed things up. I don’t want to go through these months of pain as the powers that be align themselves. I don’t feel I have the time ”“ the worse things get, the worse they will get and the easier it will be to go here again. I don’t want that. I don’t want to waste my life crumbling, as it is a waste, and it will become harder to get out of it the more I go there. Nuero pathways.
All best,
one step
p.s. I am not suicidal; I believe in life so deeply, so fundamentally. I am feeling trapped.
One Step-
Contact an EMDR provider and see if you are a candidate for it. Its a therapy that works quickly, isn’t too outrageously expensive and is successful in treating trauma and PTSD.
Don’t forget to breathe!
You are going to be ok. Remember a hard day bespeaks a better one.
Now, cowboy up and have fun on your special day.
We’ll be right here.
silvermoon – I have used EMDR. Not sure if there is a good practitioner in this town. Regardless, I do not have the $ resources for paid therapy. When I used it about a decade ago to move through some trauma, it was $100 a visit.
I’m right here.
Hang in there.
This too shall pass.
Wish there was more. but what I can, I am here to do.
happy day!
ONE:
You need to weigh the consequences……
I totally….understand your need!
But it seems to be taking a very pricey toll on you…..PLEASE…give this some thought…
I hope you had fun with your friends tonight and got those 50 candles you were hoping for!!!
Happy Birthday darlen!!