Saturday night, the Lovefraud reader “rriinnaa” posted the following under Heeding the Exploiter’s Earliest Warning:
I cant stop crying .. and I dont know what Im crying over ! Im crying over the happy-go-lucky joyful loving warm Rina.. the woman I once was .. THAT I POSSIBLY won’t be again ”¦. i want to be held and rocked until this pain goes away, but i have to work, i have to pay bills,i have to bring up my children ”¦ all the PROMISES HE MADE TO ME, “when you cry Rina, I will cry with you” ”¦.. “I would die for you Rina—¦. “such simple things make you happy Rina”.. “Rina, you are the light in my life—¦ “Rina, you are strong and I believe in you” .. AND AND AND AND AND AND AND .. oh my god AND I BELIEVED EVERYTHING HE EVER SAID TO ME”¦ I believed him .. he hated me because I was strong and he did everything in his power to crush that.. he didnt have that sense of fun, that wacky sense of humour, that friendliness that everyone fell in love with THAT WAS ME, THAT WAS THE GIRL HE MET”¦. and I have lost that girl i once was.. i want it back, i want to live and laugh and be happy .. he has turned me into his apprentice monster ”¦ oh my god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TELL ME THERE IS KARMA.. TELL ME HE WILL HURT ONE DAY PLEASE TELL ME THAT HE FEELS .. yeah right ”¦”¦”¦I still can’t get it in my head THAT HE IS A SICK SOCIOPATH.. I STILL CANT BELIEVE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT THING ! IM GOING CRAZY .. i cant get my head around it .. i saw a psychologist.. it was the worst thing i could have done last week ..IS THERE A GROUP MEETING WHERE I CAN TALK TO REAL PEOPLE IN MELBOURNE ABOUT THIS MONSTER ????? can someone guide me to somewhere, someone that understands what I am going through ????????????????????
i am sorry”¦ i am ranting”¦. maybe i have finally gone over the edge ? nooooooo NO NO .. i never will. I will find the strength.. .again .. im up and down and my kids are suffering.. as much as I try to hide it ”¦”¦. they feel it, they see it and I HATE HIM FOR DOING THIS TO ME I HATE HIM ..
I remember feeling like this. In fact, when I read Rina’s message, I got that old tightening in my chest, that inability to breathe, that constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears feeling again.
I remember the rage, the hatred, the utter despair.
They’re normal reactions to the betrayal of a sociopath.
Why it’s so bad
We’ve all had romantic relationships end before. Why the end of a relationship with a sociopath so much worse?
First of all, the scale of the deception is beyond what most of us have ever experienced. These people don’t just lie about where they were last night. Their entire lives are lies—everything they ever did, every human relationship they ever had. In my case, as I started to unravel what was really going on, each day brought another fabrication, another betrayal. Recently, nine years after I left my sociopathic ex-husband, I discovered yet another lie. It never ends.
Then, the degree to which we were used is unbelievable. My ex-husband wanted a place to live, reliable sex and someone to finance his dreams of grandeur. All his love notes, his little gifts, and his forever promises, were designed to make me provide those things. It worked. Then, two and a half years later when I was used up, he moved on.
But perhaps the biggest reason why it’s so bad is because sociopaths steal our dreams and use them against us. In those heady early days of the relationship, as the sociopaths listen intently, we’re spilling our guts, telling them what we really want, what is really important to us, what we want out of life. We think they’re listening because they truly want everything that we want. In reality, they’re listening to discover the deepest places within us where they can set their hooks.
Sooner or later, it all collapses.
At that point, we lose our trust—trust in other people, trust in ourselves, trust if life itself. And as Karin Huffer writes in the Legal Abuse Syndrome, “the most profound loss is loss of trust.”
Dealing with the pain
We’re left with the emotional wreckage—along with very real problems like physical illness and injury, financial devastation, caring for children and legal issues. And all of it was caused by someone who supposedly loved us. What do we do?
The only way out of the pain is through it.
People often call and ask me how to cope. I suggest that you hold yourself together while dealing with the practical, financial and legal issues. Somehow, you have to keep your emotions in check so you can think and make decisions.
But after those concerns are handled, and you are alone, let it rip. Allow yourself to cry, yell and curse. Get physical—stomp your feet or twist towels. My personal favorite was envisioning my ex-husband’s face on a pillow, and punching the crap out of it. (For more information, read Releasing the pain inflicted by a sociopath.)
Why do we need to do this? Because emotions are physical. They are not intellectual concepts that will dissipate upon discussion. They are physical sensations, and must be dealt with physically. The tears, yelling and punching are the means by which the emotional pain is drained from the body.
What you’ll find is that there are layers and layers of pain—you’ll release some, and more will rise to the surface. So you do the exercise again. And again. And again.
Older, deeper pains
Then what you’ll find is that older pains—injuries not inflicted by the sociopath—will also rise to the surface. Perhaps they were injuries from your family of origin, or other relationships, or profound disappointments in your life.
When you find these pains, you have struck gold. These are the pains that made you vulnerable to the sociopath in the first place. They too, must be released. When they are no longer buried within you, you will be able to move into a new life of peace, contentment and happiness.
It’s hard to believe this when you are in the midst of the trauma. But it is true—you can pass through the pain and come out the other side. The process is not pretty. A therapist, if you can find one who gets it, may be able to guide you, but you alone must do the work. And it will take time.
Many of us on Lovefraud have talked about how we’ve become stronger, wiser individuals after our run-ins with the sociopaths. This is how it happens. We persevere through the pain, and then we are set free.
hello to everyone again.
well here i am again.
I did something disgusting today – I BROKE THE NC rule ! I was going so well, until last thursday night when the S contacted my son via email “Jonathon, I will not be returning to you, and your mum will have probably explained to you why. You are always welcome up here in Queensland” … I lost it. I LOST IT BIG TIME. I text him back on my mobile phone ” WHAT THE F … K . do I explain to my son, that you have been sleeping with someone else the whole 2 years you have been coming here every month” ????? .. What do I tell my boy ? what do i tell my girl ? HOW DO I EXPLAIN what a sociopath has done to me ? how can I tell them the pain I am enduring you stupid stupid stupid vampire ? .. THEN I had friday off from work .l was a mess, I had to pay bills. I couldnt manage a thing! I broke down in the car, trying to explain to my daughter WHY !! well my daughter was 8 when I met him, she is 17 now !! .. she has had enough. She saw what I went through with my narcissistic husband, and then the sociopathic lover ………oh my what have I shown my children ?? .. they are beautiful, stable, highly academic children.. I hope they are not scarred for life. WELL TODAY is my first day of one week’s holiday (I was supposed to go up to the Sunshine Coast with him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) … yes the bush camp where he is installing/upgrading the bathroom. The bush camp where he finds solitude.. another german man has set it up ! the same camp that his slut “wont go to because she doesnt like camping, or the smell of horse shit” …. my god, I felt so SPECIAL that he asked me there.. and he had already asked her a few times !! .. her words, she told me that on the phone when I called her. She also said “Rina, I dont know why you are jealous.. you should not be….you are his ex and HE IS WITH ME NOW…. he builds my pergola and I give him sex, I love sex, I am 48, I am horny and if sex is what I get.. then that is ok ..he is a scorpion”.. SHE TOLD ME THAT ON THE TELEPHONE.. and I told her.. “dont you have ANY self respect? do you know you are only a hole in the fence for him” . SHE LAUGHED. She text me and told me that she has one “over me” ….. THAT she is a witch and she “will always have his heart” …. “she can make him cum as often as she wants to”……..”they had sex for 7 days and I was not there to stop time” >>>SHE SAID THAT SHE WOULD PUT A SPELL ON ME AND I WOULD BE WORSE OFF THAN MY EX HUSBAND (WHO HAS HAD A STROKE 2 YEARS AGO AND IS STILL IN A COMA…)….. oh my god, yes. and i FORGAVE him – HE told me that he tells HER nothing ? .. he said it wasnt true .. all of it .. and I BELIEVED HIM .. because ‘HE LOVED ME’ .. ONLY ME !! .. WELL TODAY I WENT crazy on my mobile phone sending him message after disgusting message, IT MADE ME FEEL good for the time being and now I hate myself for giving him the satisfaction !!!!!!!! .. I found a website a couple of months back .. a woman in the UK who does spells.. i paid 35 pounds for her to “work her spells”.. and eradicate the other “german slut” .. I can’t believe the lengths I went to ………from counselling to psychologists, to hypnotherapists, to spells, every night , lighting 6 red candles around our photo .. chanting his name and mine. I FEEL like shit .. tonight I went for my power walk, 5 kms, i smoked all day .. and i STILL HAD THE ENERGY. Tomorrow, I want to see my GP.. anti depressants.. to get the edge of this anger, and I have started my BOOK. I need to do this. I need to write. its the only way. I dont know about drugs.. I dont want to feel numb, yet I dont want to feel this either. I wrote over 50 text messages…. all the things we spoke about, all the little secrets we had… but mainly HOW COULD YOU do THIS TO ME HOW ? HOW? HOW? I didnt get one response, not one. no apology. It confirms to him, in his mind, that I AM THE CRAZY ONE.. I was helping my son pack some items for his school camp .. for 4 days tues-friday, and there was the S water flask that he left behind.. the one I bought the S for christmas in the pantry cupboard. I sat in the kitchen and almost passed out. NO MATTER where I TURN in this house there are memories.. his suede effect painting in the lounge, kitchen, the pergola he built, last christmas he was here and moved a HUGE tree, it survived.. and i said to him “there is the omen , that our relationship is going to survive, the swimming pool… he cleaned it over and over and over again …… HE WORKED SO HARD.. physically he was amazing.. I still have the timber and the windows under the carport.. he was going to close that up and make it into a room for the kids….. and the fireplace… I cannot light it … it makes me sad .. HE sat there for ages, watching and admiring the flames….. I feel I am trapped in my own hell. I have looked at selling the house,but its not financially viable.. I have thrown out the clothes he bought me, the boots.. for my last birthday in June (when he was here for 3 weeks, and sending HER 40 text messages a day – I discovered that when I looked at his phone bill, when the 3 OF US flew up last October. and he paid for us (why would I pay for you he said ? if i didnt love you ? GUILT MONEY, thats what THAT WAS !!!!!…….you see thats what I did with my N husband, when HE HAD a 3 year affair on me – I checked his phone bills and got the truth!! and I would have scotch for breakfast) .. I went from THE FRYPAN (husband) TO THE FIRE (GERMAN lover…).. i AM SAD because I AM bubbly, happy go lucky, every body loves me .. and I have so much to give to a man , I love being a part of a “couple”… i “ADORE” my man , I love passionately, there is nothing better than having that laughter, that understanding, the sex.. that intimacy I so crave and YET I CANNOT NOW GIVE THAT TO ANYONE – what a waste !!!.. .. its not a matter of being lonely or bored, I keep busy (well, at least I USED TO).. i am a VERY independent, financially ,emotionally proud woman …. what a waste of a beautiful, kind , thoughtful, gorgeous , good looking , sexy , WOMAN!!
AND IF YOU SAW the other german slut of a woman .. she is UGLY .. I mean REALLY ugly .. and thats what he wants?????. He wants somebody that won’t remind him of WHO HE IS .someone that just spreads her legs when he wants… she accepts everything. He used to visit me 6 days, 10 days, 3 weeks, and she would gladly ACCEPT him back – just like me, I GUESS…. sad face…. He wants somebody to allow him to DO exactly as he pleases without any questions asked. I will post what he has written on his facebook profile…….IT MAKES NO SENSE. I am guilty of writing emails and posts to him saying exactly that. i was tempted to send this page’s link to him to READ. WHY CAN’T I LET GO. WHY CAN’T I MOVE ON . I DESERVE SO SO SO SO SO MUCH BETTER. !!!!!!!!!! .. I need to rest, I need to read. I was going really really well foI used to have so much class…..its been a month of NC, and now have fallen right back again to square one.. I have been grieving over this sick man for wayyyy too LONG . I know I STRONG AND will try again . Pick myself up. I feel stupid, and I know Im not. I wasted so many years trying everything, anything… and it was ALWAYS MY FAULT. ALWAYS…………. HE DIDNT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY. Not once………… I know he checks his online dating profile and hasnt since 10th june, which is telling me that he is living (most days) at her place … I KNOW , I KNOW, I KNOW I SHOULDNT CHECK IT.. I shouldn’t but you know how it is ..its disgusting, its crazy making, I know it all… I READ IT ALL . I KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR ME .. I KNOW ITS NOT HIM. but shattered dreams, shattered plans. We spoke for 4 hours on the phone “Rina, you are my best friend, you are the only one I can speak with” .. “Rina, give me time, we will be together forever” … “Rina, yes I slept with her, I was drunk” .. “Rina, I slept with her…. WHY ? … COZ .. you made me angry!!” ….. “Rina, I will book for you to come up in June for a week, but I will try and get down in May to see you” .. 2days later he is taking her to Cairns !!!!! AND ME…. “no, dont worry about coming down, you have to attend to your work” … well the theory THAT Sociopaths don’t work, he does. he BUILDS, it is consistent work , but he makes NO plans for the future NONE .. because in his thinking ” plans.. why make them, they never work” .he laughs at those that DO make plans. He spoke about his sisters relationship, my sister’s , our friends ‘LOOK AT THEM, they are not truly happy” he would say.. yes.. I would say.. but they are STILL together, through thick and thin… I used to say ” the sun doesnt shine every day, sometimes it rains, and its windy .. and its stormy .. but we must weather it” and that IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT …… BEING THERE FOR THE OTHER ONE THAT YOU LOVE …….. and if I had a dollar for every fucking word I said to him I WOULD BE A BILLIONAIRE !! .. I just paid my mobile bill.. .it was in the 4 figures ! YES. YES . I could have gone on a holiday instead of listening to HIS LIES AND TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF A SOCIOPATH on the phone, and begging him to see reason .. TO MAKE HIM CARE ………… WHEN WILL I EVER GET IT THROUGH MY THICK HEAD…… THAT ITS OF NO USE TO DO THIS ANY LONGER WITH A MAN WHO IS SERIOUSLY SICK …….AND (I TOLD HIM THAT IN MY TEXT MESSAGES TODAY!!) .. WHY DO I CARE ?
hI AGain
Ive just read my previous post .. its all over the place .. I hope you understand it … well I have copied and pasted the sociopath’s post on his FACEBOOK PROFILE : read this ……….. can ANYONE TELL ME it makes sense ??? IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY ANY SENSE TO ME AT ALL !!
HERE IT IS ……………….
Illusion
As picture unfold the brain analyses each frame taking into account not only what we perceive but also what we feel at the time or even the intention under which we went into it. The hardest way to look at it is being objective, leaving out our feelings, prejudice and expectations. Most people even live illusions, day to day live has put a blanket over our heads, only events that aren’t in our routine shakes us up and make us think. Really what we should do is to sit at night first with your partner and talk about events that impacted on your day and getting a second opinion, the agreement about it is fine the disagreement should not make you angry but make you think. Again the truth is important and can only be present if there is trust and understanding on both sides. Put your ego in a draw, now sit down by yourself and go over it again if you honest with yourself, you will see a picture painted in different colours as in what you saw earlier. It does not mean that we make mistakes every day all it means that at the time it is very hard to look at things objective.
Am man get on TV (YES…………THE MORON WATCHED TV NON STOP .. AND I OFTEN THOUGHT TO MYSELF “I BET HE IMITATES IT .. HE LEARNT TO SPEAK ENGLISH FROM THE TV…..I KNEW IT ) and hiS mannerism, behaviour speech and everything about him points to the fact that he is gay. The whole country is questioning his sexuality with reason. His mum hears about it gets upset and eager to put things the way she has always seen her son. Now being right or wrong is not the point, the majority of people see him in a different light then mum does.
One would think we live in the most violent country on earth, turn on the news and what you hear is who died where and how, we all know better then that otherwise most people would have left this country by now.
Not to talk about partner ships how hard is it to look at things objective, without feeling sorry, disadvantaged or even hate. Instead of expressing those first feelings that come in our minds, we should look at our partners, the whole picture and ask our self’s for the reasons of their actions. In order to do that there has to be understanding and trust knowing that the path you both are taking leads to the same destination. Unfortunately human (ego) nature is too dominant in the majority of people.
Imagine fights and arguments would be non existent.
The sad fact reminds even after knowing the reality, it is just so comfortable to keep going the way we did all our lives. The illusion we are living in is all we know and to see it after changes have been made is just as hard as making those changes. Its all just the way we look at things.
Hate
We meet people we fall in love we form friendships and others we stay away from all together.
You loved a person once and now you hate them? All what’s left of your friendship with a person is hate?
Then how come you don’t hate that person you stayed away from to start with?
We looked at a illusion, how often did friends say to us he or she isn’t right for you and did we listen or how …THE END YOU FIND ON MY WALL
About Me: RELAX
Lay down listen to sounds that surround you
Watch a really stupid (cheech and chong) movie don’t think about the story line or quality, laugh
Get comfortable in your backyard notice every little detail around you without feeling the need to fix this or that
At night lay on your lawn look at the stars they shine right then just for you don’t get romantic follow their path
Follow the fly in the room look at the places it visits
Look at the grain in the timber painting thousands of pictures
Just watch your kids play unnoticed don’t think just watch
Notice how clouds change their shape as they pass by
Now get out there do it JUST DO IT
Even the show about nothing made something out of it
“Venting helps with getting rid of your anger. ”
Answer: FALSE
In fact, the opposite might be true! Research shows that immediately after trying to vent (for example punching something when angry) participants feel angrier and respond more aggressively when compared to participants who were distracted and not allowed to vent.
I am writing in response to post that have been put on my wall.
To anyone that feels treated badly.
I am sure that the majority of people know how to treat their partners, if not they shouldn’t be with their partners to start with. There is not much point complaining about it, it will help not yourself and the people that did that to you archived their bottom line. I can just imaging what is going on in your minds when you go back and re live the situation. Soon that sorry feeling will turn into anger and the anger will grow with every bad experience to the point where resentment starts breading.
We all have got a choice we can either accept it or we can walk away and that’s where it should stay. There is not third way bad feeling, complaining or retaliation is just fuelling that dark inside we all have and wont let us get over it.
I turn it around, to all the women hat don’t know how to treat a man if you can talk about what he wants. In case all you get is accusation and silly talks forget it I can’t help you. I could tell you here what I want but I can not talk for all man out there, I know what most man want.
Some of us can even be educated but it has to be done with caution, if you are able to leave out emotions when you talk about your wishes you feelings might be understood but in most cases not the corse of it. Just like everybody we do things for a reason if the reason isn’t there then the action has no meaning and meaning is needed to create an action. If you keep that in mind then it comes clear to you, not every time do we understand the meaning but that’s good we are individuals that’s why we have doctors, cleaners, lawyers and so on.
Next time you get hurt think about the reasons, they say keep your enemy close to you try to understand how they tick, make yourself known and walk or stay.
It is good from time to time to air out but by all means partnerships are so overdone.
Just get along,
YEP THATS HIM…. HE WAS ALWAYS JEALOUS AS MY FIRST HUSBAND WROTE SUCH ELOQUENT ENGLISH … AND NOW MR. KNOW IT ALL .. IS TRYING TO DO THE SAME !!
HOW OFTEN I READ SHAKESPEARE TO HIM .. WITHOUT HIM EVEN HAVING A CLUE !!!
HE QUOTED GOETHE !! …..OR RATHER HE ‘SPOKE’ OF HIM !
OOHHHH IT HURTS TO THINK I TAUGHT HIM SOME CLASS AND NOW HE IS PRANCING AROUND WITH THAT ‘KNOWLEDGE’ .. I HAVE TO GO TO BED .. I WANT TO SMASH HIM ………………………
GOOD NIGHT ALL ..HAPPY READING .
LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR COMMENTS.
HUGS AND KISSES
RINA
PS . I am still not convinced he is a sociopath……….SLAP ME !
GOOD NIGHT all ….
Dear dear DEAR Rina,
I hear your pain, your disappointment, the grief, the disbelief, the anger, the rage….it is all there, and I think most if not all of us have felt the same way at one time. It is AWFUL to feel that way.
I know that you want him to know how you feel, you want him to HURT as you hurt, but contacting him only makes YOU hurt. He CAN’T hurt because he didn’t love you, he doesn’t love “the slut” either–he can’t love anyone.
Your pain is PROOF that you can love, that you have a heart and a soul,, and his lack of painn is proof positive that he is incapable of loving anyone. You, even in your pain, are so much better off than he is.
Rina, NO contact, …and yes I know….it is difficult at first…but it will give you the peace to sort through all this stuff. As long as you make ANY contact with him, watch his dating profile on the internet, or find out anything about what he is doing, will rip the wounds OPEN and make the pain worse. It takes some time to heal, my dear, and I wanted soooooo deseperately to tell my Ps off. But until I STOPPED CONTACT, stopped trying to find out about them, I couldn’t heal, only hurt.
Fortunately I had “wiser heads” that had been through it all that pounded into my THICK skully, NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZERO, NO CONTACT. For a while I would hold immiganary conversations with them in my head as I drove, saying all the things I wanted to say to them. I ranted and screamed as I drove…Aloha said she did the same thing, and how silly it must have looked to other drivers as they passed us to see some woman in a car “talking” and screaming at someone who wasn’t in the car with them. LOL
Now, I don’t even do that, I don’t feel the need to any more, because it finally got through to my heart, not must my mind, that they CANNOT FEEL REMORSE. Telling them how they hurt you is only reinforcing for them, and hurts US.
Go back to the NO CONTACT and do it one moment at a time, one second at a time if need be, and come here and post, say it HERE where it is safe and where he and she won’t get the satisfaction of knowing how you bleed. IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise you it will. ((((hugs))))) Oxy
hi again
I just re-read what HE WROTE .. note the “leave emotions out of it” ..
im driving myself crazy .. i should not have put HIS comments on this page ……. he has contaminated it.
🙁
sorry
good night again ..
all I wanted to do was show you all HIS WAY of thinking ..
its pretty sick !
him him him him him him him him him him
I HAVE TO STOP .. ITS GOT TO BE
me,me me me me me me ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
hey its my birthday 23 JUNE. I told my sisters that I would like them to TEXT HIM “you pig” and nobody will do it ?? !!!!
ITS REALLY WHAT I WOULD LIKE, but nobody has the courage to do that . It would seriously help me.
I dont understand human beings. I need that type of support.
Do you know .. for my birthday I would love you all to send him an email ….. saying just that “you pig, you dont know what you have lost in Rina” … would you ???????
Im tired.
night x
Rina,
You apparently posted the two PSs while I was posting, all I can say about his writing is :
WORD SALAD, it is like a tossed salad, words strung together but DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL.
He is trying I think to appear “deep” and “wise” but he doesn’t know what “deep” is or what “wise” is, they are just WORDS without anything concrete to attach them to.
QUIT READING HIS STUFF and quit trying to make “sense” of something that NO ONE cna make sense of. NO CONTACT of any kind. (((hugs))))
Hi Oxy
I hear you. LOUD and CLEAR. and you are right. I wish he and she would rot in hell.
I am tired of bleeding – and letting them know. I cant believe this evil exists.
I truly cannot. and thank you from the bottom of my heart, and my children’s. I have tears in my eyes. I have aged 10 years in the last month.
I wish the same on him. Nothing more, nothing less.
and the day will come.
(((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
This is what another woman wrote back to me (on the ONLINE DATING SERVICE ) after I warned her about him … SHE WAS HIS TYPE (long dark hair, thin…big boobs !!)………..
how true it is TOO
Hi Rina,
Do not worry I have no interest in toothless. I can’t even remember his name. Sorry but I am dating someone else and even though your man has contacted me many times via a few different sites I am on I think.
I am sorry to hear your dilemma and it is sad to say only too common. Take heart that the issue is not about you as I am sure you are a wonderful woman.. MEN LIKE HIM HAVE ISSUES AND WILL NEVER FIND TRUE PEACE AND HAPPINESS (HOW TRUE) ……. and really they don’t deserve the love that a good woman can give. Usually they feel unworthy of it as they know how despicable they truly are!!
I have no interest in him other than one of many men I occasionally say hi too. Thanks for the warning though it took you guts to open up too me.
If you ever wish to share more I am all ears..as a fellow sister we help each other.. I understand your pain only too well have been there…
Nerida
what great insight .. and HOW GOOD did it make me feel to know there is some good understanding women out there..
hello AGAIN !
my god, i am firing tonight !! its a full moon tomorrow ????? i often feel this way coming up to a full moon !!!
OK OXY .. NO CONTACT…..
HOW DO YOU ERASE THE GODAMN MEMORIESSSSS???????????
Rina xxxxxxxxxx
DEar Rina,
The time will come when you can think about him and not FEEL the “memories” or at least the emotions that are connected to them NOW. I know that you think that you can never do that, but you WILL, I promise you. It will take work, and time but you WILL.
Rina, we are more powerful than Superman, if we just take that power and USE it. Instead we give them the power we have and they turn it against us.
Someone said the other day (sorry I don’t remember who) that love is “giving someone the power to break your heart and trusting them not to” I think that is such a good definition of love because it is soooo true.
Their hearts cannot be broken because they have no love. Our hearts can be broken when they betray our trust.
You will heal and you will mend, and you will be suprised I know. It feels like you will NEVER get over these feelings of rage and betrayal and hurt, but you will.
Without NO contact, though, it will drag on and on and on, and you will go right back to square one everythime you break no contact. That I can also promise you. That includes reading their stuff on line, etc.
Change your phone number, don’t post anything that he might know where to read it, don’t answer texts or e mails or calls, don’t even read the texts, block them or delete them unread. EAch time you allow him back into your head it makes it more difficult.
Stick with the no contact, and it will start to work, but it is like medicine for pneumonia, you don’t just swallow the pill and jump out of bed “cured” it takes time for it to work, and rest, good food, exercise, and taking care of YOURSELF.
Limit what you do to just what you have to do to get by the day, take time to be quiet, to read, or listen to music, try meditation or singing which always lifts the spirits. Cry, do whatever, but spend time with YOU. Be GOOD to yourself. Keep people who are “stressful” at arm’s length, don’t make any significant moves in your life, moving house, or moving jobs, etc. unless absolutely necessary (keeps stress lower).
Hang in there, it will get better! (((hugs))))