Another Christmas is here. Again. Already. Some galactic entity must have revved up the planetary clock, because Christmases seem to be coming faster and faster. Even though we didn’t all evaporate on December 21, 2012 with the end of the Mayan calendar, we seem to be hurtling into the future at breakneck speed.
I’ve been dealing with holiday stress, such as running late while making hors d’oeuvres for a family party, and trying to figure out what gifts to buy for my teenage nephews. But that’s easy stress.
I am no longer pining for someone to spend the holidays with—an emotional void that made me vulnerable to the sociopath. And I am no longer going to family parties and pretending that life is wonderful, when in truth I was terrified that my whole world would soon collapse, as I felt during the Christmases I spent with my sociopathic ex-husband.
Compared to the emotional upheaval of those years, normal holiday stress is a piece of fruitcake.
The deep emotional wounds of the past are healed. Today, my non-sociopathic husband and I share a love that’s real, not a mirage. Now, during the holidays, all I really have to do is slow down and appreciate my good fortune.
I can feel peace at Christmas.
That’s what I wish for all Lovefraud readers—peace at Christmas. If you’re already there, I’m thrilled for you. If you’re still working towards it, please keep going. Give yourself the gift of letting go.
Peace on Earth begins with peace within our own hearts.
Donna and All,
Happy Christmas and the brightest and most healing New Year to all here at Lovefraud.
I participate in a radio query, where they send me a question every day, and if they like the answer they ask you to call and record it. They actually played one of my responses a few weeks back about whether I believed empathy was something that could be learned, or if it was inherited.
The other day the question was what was the one gift I had ever received that I was MOST thankful for. Well, right away I thought ‘I understand psychopathology…and I am not with a spath’.
I didn’t send this in. Too hard to fit the whole thing into a tiny text…much too complex.
I am so totally grateful to be in a life I love living. And it would not have happened if I had not learned, finally, who and what I was letting into my life, and why.
Thank-you, every one here at Lovefraud….to the ‘oldies’ and the newbies.
Deepest healing and peace to each of you,
Slim
Peace on this day to all of us.
STARGAZER, I used to be a recluse, too…until I went out dancing!
I found a whole new world…but little did I know that it was chock-full of psychopaths. THE DANCE FLOOR IS ONE OF THEIR FAVORITE HUNTING GROUNDS.
That’s where I met the psychopath and endured several months of absolute hell. Now he’s still dancing (and trolling and doing what he does) and I’m back home alone.
Please know that the social dance scene is a place you need to have your guard way up. I had no idea at the time. Their numbers are way up in the dance world. Please be CAREFUL.
Hear Hear Arianna,
The guy I knew TAUGHT a kind of dancey exercise, and was out in the social dance scene every weekend. I also have a strong association of dance and psychopaths/narcissists….they LOVE to perform for the crowd, and dancing is very seductive.
That said, they hide in plain sight EVERYWHERE. They are dancers, doctors, singers, gurus, priests, mothers, sons, chefs, writers, runners, construction workers, business owners….you get my drift.
Anywhere you look you can find them.
I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I must say that every single holiday I had with my ex spath was HORRIBLE, including my birthday. He managed to ruin every single part of those days —
So this year, it feels so good to be with my family and friends & not have to be walking on egg shells and worrying about him or making sure I am doing and saying what I should, just to not invoke an argument that will somehow end up being my fault…namely each holiday I seemed to find out he had been cheating on me!
Anyhow, Merry Christmas to all of you! Peace & Love!
Thank you for your words Donna. They are a very subtle but honest reminder of the most important thing we can learn from our experiences with sociopaths. “Letting Go” I have learned many things this year. One is that a man I loved for twelve years is a sociopath…. Which brought me shockingly and painfully into the reality that he never loved me. And with an excruciatingly painful, heartbreaking, gut wrenching, hopeless sigh that lasted several months, I learned more. The second thing is I have to let go.
The best thing about this journey is I’m learning to be very patient with myself. Can’t let to of someone you loved for twelve years in a few short months especially when I never let go of all my pain from the past before I met him. Fortunately I am learning how to let go and it is a gradual release that makes me feel at ease. And my painful sighs are shorter, with less tears and less anger. And my me time has become a lot less invasive with thoughts of him and his family and more of me and how I can love myself more. And my smile is where it should be most of the time. My daughter is happy although she never missed a beat. And I am so grateful that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. And the thing that gives me the most comfort is that God is right where He said He would be. He never left and this time I’m not leaving Him.
To Donna and all the wonderfully, emotionally, honest, loving, and strong survivors at LF, have a blessed and happy holiday.
Happy Christmas and Merry Everything to the LF gang, oldies and newbies.
Like so many I am alone and feel an emptyness, but I am at peace.
MoonDancer
Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Merry Christmas to you. And when I sleep tonight, my spirit will come into your dreams and give you the biggest hug. I just know that if you lived near me, you would be the best adopted brother a gal ever had and I would make you eat my baking.
All my best, Katy
Arianna, I’m so sorry about your dancing experience! I hope it doesn’t put you off of going out dancing in general. There are many forms of dance where it’s all about the dancing. I’ve never met a psychopath in all my years of dancing, even back at the normal clubs. But a spath wouldn’t last long in the salsa community because everyone knows everyone and looks out for everyone. If a man is anything less than a gentleman, word gets around fast. There are quite a few players, though. Some are unintentional players. They are just ordinary guys who get to be very good dancers. Then all the women want them, and they just turn into players because they can. This is why I’m pretty guarded with these guys. There is the one from my class whom I have a very special relationship with. But he’s the one who isn’t over his divorce, so I keep it at the level of dancing. The dancing can be very sensual and romantic, so I have to be careful. He is too much of a man to ever take advantage of me, and I would never let him anyway. It is a new experience for me to be so close to a man, to be romantically, spiritually, and intellectually attracted to him, and for it to be mutual. And yet we have not slept together or even kissed. We are just dance partners. I have learned so much from this situation – about what I want in a man, and also about the virtues of not getting involved too soon. But I still have fun and get that male energy fix that I crave, the creative expression of the dance, and a great aerobic workout. It’s been very positive for me so far. I’m so addicted to salsa. I can’t imagine my life without it.
Arianna
Yep. You are prolly on to something. My spath X!Husband joined lots of dance groups (without my knowledge of course… b/c I LOVE TO DANCE, but he refused to join a class with me). Dance classes/events were his favorite trolling ground. Little competion (always need more male partners, many times he and one other Player were the only two men in the class), and the women were needy. If there’s a place that newly single women congregate, it’s dance classes. The women in those dance classes were very happy to keep secrets. My husband made LOTS of liasons while telling women that in order to keep others from getting jealous, they needed to be platonic while in class.
Stargazer. In spite of the heartbreak of my husband using dance classes as his hunting ground, I am glad for you to have a different experience in your dance classes. I confess I’ve never heard of the phrase, a man being “too much of a man to take advantage” but… I think as long as it’s the dancing that fulfills you, then snakes like my now X!husband won’t be a problem for you.
katy – what a warm christmas gift you just gave me…hugz and good nite from Hens and the wieners three~!