Another Christmas is here. Again. Already. Some galactic entity must have revved up the planetary clock, because Christmases seem to be coming faster and faster. Even though we didn’t all evaporate on December 21, 2012 with the end of the Mayan calendar, we seem to be hurtling into the future at breakneck speed.
I’ve been dealing with holiday stress, such as running late while making hors d’oeuvres for a family party, and trying to figure out what gifts to buy for my teenage nephews. But that’s easy stress.
I am no longer pining for someone to spend the holidays with—an emotional void that made me vulnerable to the sociopath. And I am no longer going to family parties and pretending that life is wonderful, when in truth I was terrified that my whole world would soon collapse, as I felt during the Christmases I spent with my sociopathic ex-husband.
Compared to the emotional upheaval of those years, normal holiday stress is a piece of fruitcake.
The deep emotional wounds of the past are healed. Today, my non-sociopathic husband and I share a love that’s real, not a mirage. Now, during the holidays, all I really have to do is slow down and appreciate my good fortune.
I can feel peace at Christmas.
That’s what I wish for all Lovefraud readers—peace at Christmas. If you’re already there, I’m thrilled for you. If you’re still working towards it, please keep going. Give yourself the gift of letting go.
Peace on Earth begins with peace within our own hearts.
Season’s Greetings to all my dear friends and thank you for your support throughout the year. I’m finding my true identity again after my encounter with a spath. For those of you in the early stages of recovery I’m here to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Am loving EB’s analogy…..You are the driver of your own vehicle. As my dear Dad would say, “Paddle your own canoe!”
EB, what a wonderful gift, seriously. I got choked up reading of your beautiful experience, and I’m looking forward to feeling that sense of peace.
Strongawoman, yeah – being in charge of our own vehicles. I’ve been having VERY unsettling dreams about the exspath driving my vehicle for the past few months. I understand the symbolism, and I’m working on this perception that he’s somehow in the driver’s seat.
And, brightest blessings of the Season!!!
EB,
Your kids really do get it. As hard as the experience has been for them, it has tempered them to be stronger than your average person. These are lessons that are going to help them as adults. Kudos to you.
Strongawoman and Truthy,
Driving our own vehicles is a perfect metaphor. I also had a driving dream at one point. In my dream, I was sitting in the backseat of a car with Ziggy, the cartoon character. He wanted to drive and I thought, “Why not?”, then I handed him the keys. Then he had an accident and I had to take responsibility because it was my car. My dream couldn’t have been more accurate: I had let a 2-dimensional, card board cut out of a human being take charge of my life and he destroyed it then walked away.
EB, I sat and BAWLED at the gift your kids gave you and what the oldest Jr said about you and them. How wonderful.
Sky, great insight into your dream! I used to have those “theme dreams” I called them where I would be driving a horse/donkey drawn wagon and stop to take care of something “helpless”–baby kittens, baby pigs, baby chickens, old women, whatever helpless thing showed up—then while I was taking care of the helpless thing, the animals drawing the wagon would wander off and wreck the wagon.
I FINALLY got the “theme” that showed what I had done with my own LIFE (represented by the wagon) I had allowed it to wreck, crash while I was off taking care of something or someone else. Funny thing, once I “caught on” to the themes the dreams stopped. I also stopped enabling others and only accept responsibility for what is mine to do. I can’t take care of the entire world. DUH!!!!
Skylar and Truthy,
I’ve always been afraid of being on my own, in charge of my own vehicle!! What a revelation to realise I can stand on my own two feet after all. It only took me til I was 50!
Which leads me to another favourite platitude…….better late than never!!
Incidentally, my daughter has had her fair share of spathy experiences. She has recently told me that she is glad of the experience and as a result knows what to look out for. I am so definitely in favour of educating/warning our young people!! More power I say 😆
Strongawoman, TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀 and, ^5 for your daughter!
I don’t care what we want to believe, it’s still a Man’s World out there and I mean NO offense to men, whatsoever. It’s just a fact. And, a strong, self-assured woman is a hard, hard target.
Brightest blessings
I am so glad this year is OVER.
Lost my house, my car and my credit is in shambles. HOWEVER, I did finally get rid of that psychopath in August!
Things are beginning to look up. I spent Christmas Day with my brother and his family. The “stress” of the holiday was evident. Sometimes it’s too much food, too many beverages and too many PEOPLE!
I called up a girlfriend and we decided we are driving to Taos, NM next year for Christmas. We will invite our kids and if they cant/dont want to come we will throw the bags in the car and head for the mountains without them. (They are young adults.) I can’t wait to start a fire in my kiva and sip hot chocolate!
This could become my annual event.
Happy New Year to everyone! We are stronger everyday! Keep keeping on!
Dear Hope, glad you are P-free, that right there is a big bonus! You and your GF make that trip and enjoy it, or if she can’t go, go by yourself! I spent Christmas snowed in and alone but not lonely. It was great! Son D will be home tomorrow and life will be back to normal again! Still peaceful back here in my hole in the woods!
Dear Skylar, Thanks for the hugs and good advice. This has been my year of reading: Snakes In Suits, In Sheep’s Clothing, Without Conscience, and The Sociopath Next Door. My husband is aware of this sudden influx of information and has disparaged of it to the kids. I have been told by my 15-year-old son that the books have ruined me and that I read too much. I genuinely understand the confusion our sons and daughters feel. But “education” is the key. I know it. I’ll look up the books you’ve recommended—and, yes, I should buy nine copies.
cherith10, welcome to love fraud,, and welcome to sanity. I understand where you are coming from with your children, and the pretense of the “happy family.”
The choices you make to play along with the pretense exact a toll. I know, I’ve been there and done that…but if you decide not to pretend then there is a price to pay as well. When the time comes that you decide to quit playing “lets pretend we are a nice normal family” then you will do it. I made that decision, but it was COSTLY, I admit. Staying in the “family drama rama” was also COSTLY as well and I chose what for me was the lesser priced option.
I’m glad you are here, glad you are learning and growing. It helps, no matter what your choices are. Each of us must make our own choices, that’s a fact. What is right for one is not right for another one. I have a friend who had 11 children by her Psychopathic husband, and all 5 of the boys are ‘JUST LIKE THEIR FATHER.” She did divorce him, but has paid a high price with her sons, especially. She’s 84 now and still kicking and doing well, actually still working 40 hours a week or more. (one son bankrupted her) but she has been instrumental in saving one granddaughter from the wiles of her P father. The girl is nearly 18 now and my friend raised her completely from birth to age 8 then her son wouldn’t let her see the child at all for years.
I admire her strength. She got a volunteer job at the girl’s schooll so she could wave at her across the cafeteria. Made peace with the BPD mother and got to visit the girl on the mom’s weekends and managed to keep the relationship whole. We do what we have to do to cope.