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By September 16, 2012 46 Comments Read More →

Poetry–during and after the sociopath

Editor’s note: The following poems were sent to Lovefraud by the reader who goes by “Gia Rad.” She describes herself as a “recovering people-pleaser, ex-victim, natural health practitioner, mother and survivor.”

Positive ”¦
by Gia Rad

Today, I feel positive.
Positive that a new era is emerging
And I’ve left behind for good the hell I once lived with you.
Positive that not every day and night is a nightmare in disguise.
Today, I choose to smile at the rainbow
And stand defiantly in the pouring rain
As I’m positive, for the first time in ”¦ forever
That I’ve survived what many don’t, and will even blossom with time.
Positive that I’ve learned to avoid your type
And keep myself away from the evil lurking in the darkness of your soul.
Penniless I am, emotionally impoverished yes, I admit
Yet POSITIVE I’ve gained my strength ”¦ and tomorrow I’ll show the world
I’ve learned ”¦ To love and trust myself again.

You’ll see that Positive is proof I’m getting better particularly in contrast to an earlier poem called Life ”¦

Life
by Gia Rad

“Life” has dealt me a fatal blow
and I’m lying here dying ”¦
On my deathbed I write to say
That “Life” is code for You.
Didn’t know that giving you my heart would cost my life
Had no idea that your vampire self would drink my blood.
Good bye my former friend and lover
Farewell, to the one who never deserved a moment of my time.


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46 Comments on "Poetry–during and after the sociopath"

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Thank you, Oxy! I actually quit 4 jobs in a matter of 3 weeks, prior to the job I just got fired from, as I work the same philosophy as you. I am in Therapy. Togehter with my therapist, I decided that with this one, I was going to stay for the sake of practice (just 2 days per week). I practiced being there on my terms, speaking up to the spath, and not allowing abuse. I have no regrets, as there seem to be fewer and fewer “good” folks in our worldly existence, therefore forcing us to learn to take care of ourselves in the presence of spaths, and other disrespectful ingrates, since we cannot always control whether we will be inflicted with spath bs, and sometimes must in fact stick it out to a certain extent, for whatever reasons. (kind of like darwinsmom’s situation with disrespectful teacher colleague). So I can think of it as; I had used my weekends to practice standing up to spaths. In addition, during my stay at this weekend job, my behavior caused 2 other employees to begin to stand up for their own, personal boundaries, as well. I got to witness that and it was fantastic. Some folks just haven’t learned yet. I got to help spark that awareness in them. I do however, agree with you completely. In order to fully heal, we must remove ourselves from spaths and their abuse, whenever possible. I would much prefer to to be jobless, than have a spath boss. Fortunately, I am my own boss. Thank you for your “empowering” words of encouragement, the TOWANDA, and wishes for fun at Nephew’s party, today. I truly appreciate it!! Much love!

Shane,
good for you for getting fired!!
lol.
🙂
Ok, I’ve really been enjoying the new Rush album and here are the lyrics to another song. If this isn’t about spaths, then nothig is!!

“The Anarchist”

Will there be world enough and time for me to sing that song?
A voice so silent for so long
For all the years I had to get along, they told me I was wrong
I never wanted to belong – I was so strong

(I lack their smiles and their diamonds;
I lack their happiness and love
I envy them for all those things,
I never got my fair share of, my fair share of)

The lenses inside of me that paint the world black
The pools of poison, the scarlet mist, that spill over into rage
The things I’ve always been denied
An early promise that somehow died
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage

In all your science of the mind, seeking blind through flesh and bone
Find the blood inside this stone
Well, I know I’ve never shown what I feel, I’ve always known
I plan my vengeance on my own – and I was always alone

(I lack their smiles and their diamonds;
I lack their happiness and love
I envy them for all those things,
I never got my fair share of, my fair share of)

The lenses inside of me that paint the world black
The pools of poison, the scarlet mist, that spill over into rage
The things I’ve always been denied
An early promise that somehow died
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage

Oh – They tried to get me
Oh – They’ll never forget me

The lenses inside of me that paint the world black
The pools of poison, the scarlet mist, that spill over into rage
The things I’ve always been denied
An early promise that somehow died
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage
A missing part of me that grows around me like a cage

Hmm I don’t have a poetry, I have some mantras.

1: No shit, you again?

2: I don’t do bullshit, take it elsewhere.

All I have to say to a spath….

Shane,

LOL! About the boundary-crossing colleague of mine…It’s quite easy to avoid and ignore him totally. The only time I’ll ever have to work with him is during math-teacher meetings (4 times a year). And I will not go to bowling night, because he’s one of the organizers and so proud about his bowling trophees. In all the years I’ve worked there, I participated once and ended up winning the teacher tournament. So, I’m not risking a chance to end up winning a trophy I don’t particularly crave for from the supposed school champion. I don’t greet him, don’t talk to him, don’t need to either (not even during the break in the teacher lounge, since it’s full of other teachers). To be honest, he is truly emotionally non-existent for me. Only time I noticed him the past two weeks was Thuesday, when he was sitting at a table by himself making some notes at the chair where my teacher bag was resting. So, I went to pick it up and place it somewhere else without any contact. Anyway, with a team of 30-40 teachers it’s quite easy to ignore someone you don’t have to cooperate with on a daily basis.

If the principal were a spath though, I’d be bent on finding another school though. The colleagues I have to work directly with on a more daily basis are fine people.

Yep, Skylar…that is truly a spathsong, complete with the pity ploy, and they will never forget me.

The Bells-the Moon and the Lie ~

Six twelve six
Full as I see through the limbs and leaves
That which shone bright as thee
This way the illusion appeared to me

Six twelve six
Dubious tricks the mind he plays
Into the shimmering moonlit haze
In malice he walks his blinded lover

Six twelve six
The farce calls to his lover “the bells”
Boundless faith in beauty lies
At dawn she leaves his thickened guise

Six twelve six
Night of many moonlit kisses
Wounded by her happiness
His evil hidden, shone

Six twelve six
All in a moonlit night
Child of scorn hath built the illusion
“Fare thee well”, she cries

Shane (aka CLI)

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