When I was married to James Montgomery, who I believe is a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn’t know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on.
“What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way.
“What?”
“Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.”
“Do you know who she’s married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans.
Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published last year by Canadian researchers seems to indicate they have an enhanced ability to spot and remember potential targets.
The study was called A pawn by any other name? Social information processing as a function of psychopathic traits. It was conducted by Kevin Wilson and Sabrina Demetrioff, of Dalhousie University, and Stephen Porter of the University of British Columbia-Okanagan.
The study
The researchers created a series of fictional characters using photographs of men and women with expressions conveying that they were happy or sad. They assigned biographical traits to the characters indicating that some were successful and some were not, along with other details such as “likes skydiving.”
Forty-four male undergraduate students participated in the study. They were first given a personality test to determine their level of psychopathic traits. Then they were shown the photos and biographical information about the fictional characters. Afterwards, they were asked to recall the characters.
The researchers anticipated that the study participants with high psychopathic traits would best remember useful or vulnerable individuals—the happy, successful male was probably most useful, and the unhappy, unsuccessful female was probably most vulnerable.
The results
Study results indicated that they were partially correct. “Participants with high levels of psychopathic traits demonstrated enhanced recognition for the unhappy, unsuccessful female character; arguably the most vulnerable individual presented in our study,” they wrote. “In fact, the high-psychopathy participants demonstrated near-perfect recognition for this character.”
The researchers called this “predatory memory.”
“Psychopathic traits, even in the absence of overt criminality, are associated with a cognitive style that is predatory in nature,” the researchers concluded. “In extreme cases, this may allow individuals with clinically diagnosable levels of psychopathy to spot vulnerable individuals for future exploitation.”
Remember—the study subjects were not criminals in jail, they were college students. The conclusion we can draw is that people with psychopathic traits are out in the world, spotting potential victims and filing the information away for future use. It’s frightening.
Hi Matt–
I can so relate to your post. It makes me so sick that I was just supply. How do they know exactly what to do what to say, and when to say it– tears and all– to get the supply—
You are lucky in the fact that your S has been caught/has a record. Mine has been sheltered by his wealthy family and looks like the sweetest guy. He got in trouble at work once for putting his hand on a nurse who did not do what he said.
when she offered to sue– his mommie and daddy paid her off an then get this guys–
INSTEAD OF SENDING HIM TO A PSYCH WARD OR REHAB OR WHATEVER–
THEY SENT HIM TO A GORGEOUS– Monk Monastary in the Mountains of NY for one month.
It was a way to get him off pot for a month– without having a record.
Evil or what?
and then he even looks better cuz he brags to people about his month at a monestary like he is some deep, medativite, disciplined, God fearing man!!!!!
akitameg:
Read the book. Knowledge = power.
As far as your ex — mommy and daddy won’t be around to save his sorry ass forever. And a couple of million bucks doesn’t go as far as it used to in buying your way out of trouble.
Regarding the way you are feeling — you are describing typical stress symptoms. I’m starting to feel a bit better physically, but am going in for a battery of blood tests tomorrow to see if there is something else going on with me.
Matt-
i am going to ask for the battery of blood tests too.
I’ll be thinking of you! I know– I often wonder if my thyroid has gone out of whack–
Wow Akitameg,
“Mine has been sheltered by his wealthy family and looks like the sweetest guy. He got in trouble at work once for putting his hand on a nurse who did not do what he said.
when she offered to sue”“ his mommie and daddy paid her off an then get this guys”“
INSTEAD OF SENDING HIM TO A PSYCH WARD OR REHAB OR WHATEVER”“
THEY SENT HIM TO A GORGEOUS”“ Monk Monastary in the Mountains of NY for one month.
It was a way to get him off pot for a month”“ without having a record.
”
I thought that stuff only happened in victorian novels. It boggles my mind that anyone would have sufficient “stupid money” to waste any of it protecting themselves from the discomfort of having a con family member.
Can you imagine what that cost?
Elizabeth-
Have you read, “Betrayal Bond”?
Akitameg:
They know because they are tuned actors, mimes of society.
I can relate to your anger on the coverups….
Mine has been successful at conning and manipulating our clients and wealthy community members…..
BUT….it’s all coming to a head for him now!!!! He has exposed himself. And it’s crashing in around him.
I can soooo relate to the portrayal of a fancy whatever….my self professed, willfully unemployed (drug dealing) S bragged in the deposition about living in an 8500 sq ft. estate and all he did was Jacuzzi and Sauna, “all day, every day”.
When he get’s cut off from his current supply, he might need that Montastary’s contact info. 🙂
We couldn’t send them to rehab or psych ward…..that would imply they had a problem.
Hang in there!
ERin–
thank you.
You know– every night I dream of telling his family, coworkers– having proof– whatever.
Have you ever tried to uncover him or like everyone says here– do I just let go??
Akitameg,
“Have you read…”
Nope. I read
http://books.google.com/books?id=pEdMu4JVsc8C&dq=Betrayal+Bond&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=UvP1SaL3AY7DtwfmrKW6Dw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#PPA8,M1
and
http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/stockholm/index.html
It seems like a good book, but I read a lot. I can’t read everything, nor do I want to.
About 3 months ago I decided to stop reading about the S/P/N or relationships with S/P/N. I wanted to read and think about healthy relationships, and I wanted to fill my time with productive and/or fun activities.
Thinking about relationships with cluster Bs was keeping me angry 24/7. The S/P/N don’t rate that kind of devotion.
Hospice – I agree with Matt, it isn’t love they want, they don’t really understand love at all. They parrot things that are said to them about love, or things they see in the movies. My ex-S loved movies, he filmed himself in these videos he made, one was him “looking cool” in his sports car, of course he only filmed the side of the car that wasn’t totalled in his DUI, and he filmed another in black and white where he gets drunk and puts a gun in his mouth then the screen goes black. Everything was about how cool he looked. Same thing went for “love.” When he bought flowers or gifts he always made sure there was an audience, he wanted the praise of being a “good boyfriend.” What we imagine is their desire for love is really more of a desire to be worshipped. It reminds me of the Goblin King’s line in the movie Labyrinth, “I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I’ll be your slave.” Give them their supply and they “love” you, but go off script and face the Devalue and Discard. Real love isn’t part of the script, real love has healthy boundaries, it isn’t “cool” enough, it isn’t the all-consuming fire of worship. I used to think that if it didn’t cause pain, it wasn’t True Love. Of course, part of that could have also come from my Catholic upbringing. When you’re fed messages about how unworthy you are and how you should both love and fear God and be thankful he loves you despite how much you suck….well, it kinda sets the stage for becoming a victim of someone with a God-complex.
akitameg:
It is well established — by both experts and bloggers on this site, that when provoked sociopaths are extremely vindictive if not downright dangerous. I have to remind myself of this whenever I’m ready to jab a stick into the hornets nest.
Maybe you need to approach your need to “out” your ex to his family and friends from a slightly different angle. Even if they can’t name to what he is — sociopath — because they are stuck/have chosen to be in a relationship with this creature, they have developed their own coping mechanisms. If your ex gets wind of what you are doing, you are putting both them and yourself at risk. Ask yourself, what is this going to gain you?
To paraphrase Elizabeth Conley — focus on you first, and then on healthy relationships.