When I was married to James Montgomery, who I believe is a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn’t know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on.
“What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way.
“What?”
“Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.”
“Do you know who she’s married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans.
Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published last year by Canadian researchers seems to indicate they have an enhanced ability to spot and remember potential targets.
The study was called A pawn by any other name? Social information processing as a function of psychopathic traits. It was conducted by Kevin Wilson and Sabrina Demetrioff, of Dalhousie University, and Stephen Porter of the University of British Columbia-Okanagan.
The study
The researchers created a series of fictional characters using photographs of men and women with expressions conveying that they were happy or sad. They assigned biographical traits to the characters indicating that some were successful and some were not, along with other details such as “likes skydiving.”
Forty-four male undergraduate students participated in the study. They were first given a personality test to determine their level of psychopathic traits. Then they were shown the photos and biographical information about the fictional characters. Afterwards, they were asked to recall the characters.
The researchers anticipated that the study participants with high psychopathic traits would best remember useful or vulnerable individuals—the happy, successful male was probably most useful, and the unhappy, unsuccessful female was probably most vulnerable.
The results
Study results indicated that they were partially correct. “Participants with high levels of psychopathic traits demonstrated enhanced recognition for the unhappy, unsuccessful female character; arguably the most vulnerable individual presented in our study,” they wrote. “In fact, the high-psychopathy participants demonstrated near-perfect recognition for this character.”
The researchers called this “predatory memory.”
“Psychopathic traits, even in the absence of overt criminality, are associated with a cognitive style that is predatory in nature,” the researchers concluded. “In extreme cases, this may allow individuals with clinically diagnosable levels of psychopathy to spot vulnerable individuals for future exploitation.”
Remember—the study subjects were not criminals in jail, they were college students. The conclusion we can draw is that people with psychopathic traits are out in the world, spotting potential victims and filing the information away for future use. It’s frightening.
Rune
Elizabeth Conley: I like your opening comment, but I want to add another level.
You said: “The Sociopaths . . . social networks are marked by several distinct traits. 1. Everything centers on the S. Each person in their network has a relationship with the S, and does not like or trust the other people who are also connected to the S. The S does not foster relationships between individuals in the group. Rather, s/he deliberately sows mistrust. 2. Targets (groups or individuals) are selected by the S and demonized, in order to provide cohesion. The social network of the S is kept continually busy attacking some perceived external threat.
“A psychosocially gifted social networker . . . tends to serve as a matchmaker, deliberately introducing people who can benefit each other. A gifted social networker appears almost oblivious of divisive elements. S/he isn’t, of course. S/he simply works to downplay these issues.”
However, of course, if you are a gifted social networker who also happens to be one of the former dupes of the sociopath and you try to blow the whistle, you appear to be the sower of divisiveness, once again playing into the hand of the skilled manipulator, adding more credibility to the S/P’s play by looking as if YOU are the problem.
As you say, “The trick is to recognize the difference between ethical and unethical beneficial relationships.” Interaction with these manipulative “geniuses” is like running in a nightmare “funhouse” hall of mirrors with no convenient “EXIT” signs!
akitameg
Matt– that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear and I thank you!!!
Stargazer
Everyone, please read my update on the other thread. I finally got a response from the senator’s office, and it was the one I needed to hear.
usedabused
Mine once told me the way he sold all his “investments” was not by talking, but by listening, so this made sense to me. I think he had targeted me for years, even while I was still married to someone else.
Sudy results indicated that they were partially correct. “Participants with high levels of psychopathic traits demonstrated enhanced recognition for the unhappy, unsuccessful female character; arguably the most vulnerable individual presented in our study,” they wrote. “In fact, the high-psychopathy participants demonstrated near-perfect recognition for this character.”
The researchers called this “predatory memory.”
Akitameg, this is actionable: I never, ever gave him the permission to do that. yeah”“ if yiou go to my perpetrator’s website”“ there is a gorgeous photo of me in a wedding dress”“ next to his name at the top of the page
It’s called misappropriation of name or likeness. You can get it down, if not through him through the web host. While there is a law absolving them of criminal liability, most are helpful if you tell them how their service is being misused.
I’m blue today, have to admit I miss him, and I’m trying very hard to think of the hurt as how I felt when I learned the truth, that my fears that it was all $$ not any love or even attraction were true exponentially. Spent 2 days in bed. I’m wanting to email and “let him have it” but I realize that it will only engage, and, more importantly, every day that he does not hear from me shows him that I know what he is about.
The only thing these guys fear is prison. And I agree with the others as to mine. His bunk is waiting. Will check out Stargazers other thread, hope to find it.
ErinBrock
Akitameg:
My S is really, really stupid. Yes, he’s vindictive and keeps score…..but I have way too much on him for him to scare me anymore and he knows it! He is scared sheetless to go to jail, he is way too cute for jail, and he would be there for a long time! He knows that too.
This is where it all paid off and continues to for me. Yeah, he still lies…..I expect that.
He made some fatal errors in his game!!!
In most cases, danger lurkes and it may not be worth the while.
I learned that when you get angry, do the OPPOSITE of what your natural reaction is…..Oh, that is priceless. It takes restraint, but it is soooooo worth it! They just don’t know how to react then.
This is where my ‘theme song’ helps me! I can sing along and get perky and laugh at him as I sing it! (my anger release).
If you have nothing to gain substantially…..walk away with your life, get your emotions back in order and know you know the truth! Thats good enough really.
They will mess up and expose themselves…..Karma, God, however you want to look at it. It never happens soon enough for us though.
Just stay safe!!! There is a lot of living to be had!
ErinBrock
Usedabused:
Keep your strength, but allow for your grieving.
You know what you have to do…..so stay strong and find a way to your rainbow.
Ox Drover
Dear Usedabused,
QUOTE: “the only thing these guys fear is Prison”
Sorry to burst your bubble, they DO NOT EVEN FEAR PRISON. First, they think they are too smart to ever get caught, and secondly, it never dawns on them that they WILL get caught, so even the “fear of prison” isn’t a problem for them.
In fact, they don’t acknowledge much in any way “fear” of anything, since, after all, they are SOOOOO much smarter than the rest of the world.
Donna Andersen
Akitameg,
If you wanted to, you could sue your ex for using your photos on his website. It is well established in communications law that you cannot use another person’s likeness for advertising purposes without permission.
Also, I definitely recommend that you read The Betrayal Bond. It is an excellent explanation of the dynamics of abusive relationships, with exercises to help victims escape. Don’t be afraid.
Donna
usedabused
Wow! So many posts since mine, y’all must be back east.
Yes, Oxy, you are right. He just said he feared prison (had been in for years), it was how he got me to pay off some debts to people he said had threatened to call the authorities. An S does not experience fear the way we do. Mine is staying away not out of fear but a combination of knowing the jig is up and just the logical connection of learning I have a close friend in LE with the possibility of a call to his parole officer, nothing more.
It’s just so awful learning that the person who my world spun around for several years is not even human, it’s like he’s a robot or an alien, just a manipulative machine that drags people around by their emotions. Heard of another one who had talked a woman he was not even dating out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. When I asked her why, she waved her hand in the air and said “Magic.”
Akita, I had to string mine along for a few weeks to recoup some stuff. At the end, he said “you played me”, then started the tear jerk messages. Felt bad then but later realized he had played me for years, to get all sorts of stuff, mostly cash, that he had no claim to at all. What I got was mine. I knew if we talked face to face he would talk me out of taking it, convince me he could pay for it just not this week. I just wish I could laugh about it like you do, maybe one day.
I’m wanting to do something to help others before they get hurt as bad as we did, some sort of list of warning signs, maybe get Match.com or another dating site to publish it as a public service. There were so, so many early warnings that I ignored.
usedabused
Hi Donna & Akitameg
Absolutely Akitameg can sue, and might not even need to. You cannot use a person’s name or likeness without permission unless they are celebrities out in public.
Many years ago, someone took a picture of my dog in the park and put it on the front page of a magazine. When I called, they were terrified, but all I wanted were copies. It was an adorable picture.