When I was married to James Montgomery, who I believe is a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn’t know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on.
“What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way.
“What?”
“Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.”
“Do you know who she’s married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans.
Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published last year by Canadian researchers seems to indicate they have an enhanced ability to spot and remember potential targets.
The study was called A pawn by any other name? Social information processing as a function of psychopathic traits. It was conducted by Kevin Wilson and Sabrina Demetrioff, of Dalhousie University, and Stephen Porter of the University of British Columbia-Okanagan.
The study
The researchers created a series of fictional characters using photographs of men and women with expressions conveying that they were happy or sad. They assigned biographical traits to the characters indicating that some were successful and some were not, along with other details such as “likes skydiving.”
Forty-four male undergraduate students participated in the study. They were first given a personality test to determine their level of psychopathic traits. Then they were shown the photos and biographical information about the fictional characters. Afterwards, they were asked to recall the characters.
The researchers anticipated that the study participants with high psychopathic traits would best remember useful or vulnerable individuals—the happy, successful male was probably most useful, and the unhappy, unsuccessful female was probably most vulnerable.
The results
Study results indicated that they were partially correct. “Participants with high levels of psychopathic traits demonstrated enhanced recognition for the unhappy, unsuccessful female character; arguably the most vulnerable individual presented in our study,” they wrote. “In fact, the high-psychopathy participants demonstrated near-perfect recognition for this character.”
The researchers called this “predatory memory.”
“Psychopathic traits, even in the absence of overt criminality, are associated with a cognitive style that is predatory in nature,” the researchers concluded. “In extreme cases, this may allow individuals with clinically diagnosable levels of psychopathy to spot vulnerable individuals for future exploitation.”
Remember—the study subjects were not criminals in jail, they were college students. The conclusion we can draw is that people with psychopathic traits are out in the world, spotting potential victims and filing the information away for future use. It’s frightening.
Endthepain-
I understand where you are coming from, listening to messages and such; trying to stay 2 sreps ahead of the S. But don’t! If he would ever figure that out, he will use it against you – invasion of privacy. As far as him saving the messages – I can only guess, but probably to use it against you to show you are “crazy”. I didn’t think my S saved anything, but for the deposition, strangley enough, everything I had mailed (throughout the 5 years together) appeared; trying to show that I was “crazy” and stalking him. He also filed a claim of invasion of privacy, but the judge threw it out.
I agree, you have to decide what you want for an end result, and you can do this without talking to him or leaving messages. There are other means (court, certified mail, etc) that will show you have your act together, not “crazy”, and that you are not intimidated by him. NC is paramount. Believe me, I have been dealing with my S for 3 1/2 years since the bottom fell out, and it does get so much better. Good Luck!
thank you..I have been feeling sick about even leaving a message and having to speak with him. Altho nothing in the message can be used against me..it can only reinforce what I have tried to do. I will heed the advice given and follow up with a certified letter. No more messages. Its so scary when having to deal with innocent children as all you want to do is protect them..and I struggle with being able to do that. I like the end result question…I haven’t pondered that thought long..as I already know I want him to leave us alone…go and suck the life out of someone else…for 2 1/2 yrs he put me thru hell..before I took him back again….I kicked him to the curb..called him on his crap..he convinced his wife I was crazy and then allowed her to do his dirty work for him…..there was fiking after filing to reduce support….tried to get out of it any way he could…hand hurt..cant work….no work…tried…started out business..not enough work…said he was going to adopt a 16 yr old from his wifes previous marriage so he couldnt support our son..thrn tried to say our son wasnt his….killed me crushed me..my spirit died….he told me it was all her..if he didnt do what she said he would lose everything…he left her came to me…filed for divorce and then attempted me to have me do his dirty work…she attempted to expose him and have him pay her close to 40,000…he flipped…i kicked him out and he went back to her..its disgusting…anyway..the pain…has been burioed and Im still dealing with it..I got blind sided so many times..and trying to stay one step ahead is exhausting…Im so close to his mom and she has an amazing relationshipo with our son..unfortunately she hates the wife she she believes her son has been poisined by that woman and isnt capable of doing anything horrible that it has to be her…I love her dearly..but blood is thincker than water and she cannt see that he is just using her in his game as well….my son loves his grandma and I dont know how to not let that be affected when he will be coming and staying with her and playing his poor me game..I feel powerless today and tired…LF has helped me alot but I realize Im far from where I want to be
endthepain:
I was struck by the parallels between you and his wife. He gets her to do the dirty work vis-a-vis you He gets you to do the dirty work vis-a-vis her. And then there’s the energy and resources he is expending just to avoid honoring is obligations to you and her. Amazing.
My concern for you is his mother. I am all for her having a relationship with her grandson. Obviously, she is important to your son’s life. However, you are being put in a dangerous postion with her.
At a minimum S is going to go on the attack for your “interfering” in his relationship with his mother. In a sad way, he has a point. The sad reality is his mother is his mother. Not only is she going to take his side (which will drive you bonkers), but, anything you say to her will be passed on to him (which will work to your detriment).
I had great relationships with S’s family. Many of them reached out to me after I sent him packing. And I had to tell them all the same thing — I could not get in the middle of their relationship with S. Family is family. Punto.
I think you are going to have to establish a few groundrules with grandma. Basically you’re going to have to tell her that you cannot discuss S or your dealings with S with her. It is not fair to either of you. I would also make it very clear that while she is welcome to come and visit her grandson in your home, the same invitation does NOT extend to her son. Her son’s role in your son’s life and his obligations to his son will be determined by a court of competent jurisdiction.
And then leave it alone. No further details. No information.
Matt..
Yes the parallels are amazing..but more disgusting in my eyes…He was able to play me up until he came back and was going thru his divorce ans as I said ATTEMPTING to get me to do his dirty work…I saw what he was doing to her and his daughter and I was disgusted…I saw him for the first time the real him and I didnt like it which is why I kicked him out..I appreciate your feedback as I know you are right about establishing ground rules..right now he uses his mom to get right with me or to see his son..but I know once I put everything in motion that will change..he will con her…and thats between them…as of now..she feels he should leave me alone and be on HIS OWN and just pay the support..I appreciate more than I can tell you the advice you are giving…I dont feel so scatterd or alone
endthepain:
I think one of the worst feelings in the world is the day you finally wake up and realize how you have been played. When you realize that all the love and caring and, yes, money you spent didn’t mean a damned thing in his eyes because he didn’t love you, but viewed you as a mere source of supply, the human equivalent to an iron lung.
And right up there is when you realize how you and and another of his victims have been played against each other. Now when I look at the stunts his ex-partner (of 8 years) pulled on me, I actually feel sorry for the guy. At least I finally saw what S was all about. That poor sucker was determined “to win S back” and will never see.
As for his mom, it is good that she thnks he should leave you alone and just pay the support. Unfortunately, as we both know, he’ll no doubt co-opt her for his own objectives.
so true…his ex was desperate to “win him back”..and now she is losing her home and has no money due to the fact she had supported him and all of his “fantasy dreams” not to mention child support for another child….she wanted him back and got him back alright she did….she’ll never know that each time I kicked him out he went crawling back to her..I got out lucky..and Thank her as well…as each time she wanted him back she gave him more and less to her…she now has nothing and him!! I lost alot but not as much as she did..I could have been her..married to him….thank god…I was lucky
yet again the similar stories, like the helpfullnes of damsels in distress. this struck me about my s pretty early on in our meeting. he was soooo keen on helping females he didnt even know, like the single mother with the pram getting on the bus oh what a gentleman, then come home and tell me about it, i was like yeh and he had a big conversation with her too not just helping her, im thnking weird to talk so openly to a stange woman when your suposed to love me. then helping teenage girls who are sick in the shopping center, weird again i thought. then the stories of him helping woman in the past one who was arguing with her boyfriend on the street and the s just pokes his nose in and gets into a fight over it with the guy. again a total stranger. it seems a strange way of meeting people yes. i didnt know of sociopaths then. always the hero. but when he met me i wasnt apearing outwardly in distress actually i think he went for me cause i had more of what he didnt, my own apartment and a loving family parents who cared he had none of this. he definately digged for info about me too and i had a boyfriend at the time. but he big strike was when i had a fight with the boyfriend he gave me his number as quick as a flash all caring, if you need to talk to someone call me. he just went and took the risk of rejection even though he mustnt of expected me to call…. sadly i was so lonely and needed someone to care i called him what a big mistake for me. but i think now its all over long ago that he thinks of me more than i think of him they pretend not to but i feel they cant stand to lose right, and one got away and found out the realtruth i think with mine anyway it burns him inside. my ultimate revenge will be getting happy and moving on to the life i want with someone wonderfull and him still playing that same old game trying to find happiness. but they never will they dont do any work on themselfs they put all thir energy into playing others to get what they think is important . funny some one mentioned the movie labrynth on here it was a favorite of his i havent seen it also he likes the show heroes prob cause he thinks he is one. he also copied alot of the things i said to him. i said once your an amazing person.then when he was breaking up with me he said those exact words and i felt sick and creeped out by this. he often repeated me and probly others. he was also soooo sensitive it wasnt funny it was attractive a first but then it was intense to be real. his mother was a struggling single mother whos attention he craved but rarely got. so he always has sympathy for these type of woman. to this day. the way they think their minds workings are complicated yet so basic it is very confusing . the way they think so fast reacting so quick its s o strange even when i know all that i know now things still shock and amaze me but not the right way. even reading someof the things here make me feel astounded. i do find peace in knowing he will never really be happy this sounds cold sounds cruel but it gives me comfort. maybe its karma for all the terrible things they do to us.
about this article, Since P’s don’t feel empathy what do they say about their ability to recognize and remember the sad and vulnerable faces? I understand the predatory quality in this ability, but how do P’s interpret it within themselves. They lack self awareness and see nothing wrong with themselves. I’m sure that THEY wouldn’t call it predatorial. It might be interesting to conduct a study asking, “which faces to you find the most attractive?” What do you think?
Kin,
I spent a couple of years in Africa in my teens doing wild life photography. The PREDATORS there are VERY astute in picking the ONE animal out of a herd of 1000 that has a LIMP or something wrong with it (old, sick, very young, whatever thing) that would make it EASIER to attack than the other 999 out of the 1000. Just a glance at a herd and a lion or wolf or a tiger and they can pick out that ONE VULNERABLE potential victim that will give them a little bit of an edge in killing it.
I think the psychopaths, who are HUMAN PREDATORS learn just as the feline or canine predators do what makes something a more vulnerable victim than the rest of the herd.
Like humans have a lot of learning to do in order to survive as an adult and we stay with our “parents” longer so do predatory animals. Bears stay with their mothers for two or more years during which time they learn hunting techniques from her, wolves stay with their pack and learn by demonstrations how to survive.
I just got a national Geo DVD documentary on polar bears and how they learn from their mother to survive and to hunt before she turns them out on their own. VERY interesting.
I think the Ps learn by a combination of instinct and trial and error just like the polar bears, the wolves and the big cats do.
It is a survival thing. It isn’t that they empathize with their victim’s emotions, it is more that they RECOGNIZE THE WEAKNESS which was a benefit to them in the past. The fact that they PREY makes it mandatory that in order to succeed, they learn, and I think that is what they are doing, pure and simple. Learning is BEST learned by intermittent success, which is what I use in training animals with the rewards coming every time they succeed at first, then being spaced out, so that though they may get a reward for their behavior, they never know when it will come, there may be 500 times between the behavior and a reward, but they neve rgive up on getting the reward, so they keep repeating the behavior. Ps do the same thing I think, They try, and try and try and eventually they will get rewarded.
According to the film I saw on polar bears, they only are successful an average of 1 in 20 tries to catch a seal, but they keep on trying and eventually get one. I’m not sure what the “success rate average” is with psychopaths, but every time they catch one, they are reinforced with success, so they just keep on trying to pick out the “weakest” from the herd.
ps Kim, there have been many studies done on “attractive vs unattractive faces” but what makes a person ATTRACTIVE to a P is WEAKNESS of some kind emotionally, a vulnerability of some kind that they move in on.