The headline of an article that a Lovefraud reader recently sent to me is:
Why women really do love self-obsessed psychopaths
With a headline like that, of course, I had to read it. The article, from 2008, describes research on the “Dark Triad” and mating behavior. The Dark Triad refers to the personality disorders of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. I had some problems with the article, but before I ripped into it, I figured I’d read the original study. Here it is:
The Dark Triad: Facilitating a Short-Term Mating Strategy in Men
This study was published in the European Journal of Personality in 2009, and the lead author is Peter K. Jonason. To be honest, I find it hard to believe that the study was considered to be a contribution to the field of personality research. But before I rip into it, let’s review the Dark Triad.
Dr. Liane Leedom posted an article about the Dark Triad on Lovefraud back in 2007. Here it is:
Choosing a love partner? Beware of The Dark Triad
Dr. Leedom wrote:
The Dark Triad is Psychopathy, Narcissism and Machiavellianism. To varying degrees, all three personality types entail a dark, interpersonally destructive character with tendencies toward grandiosity, emotional callousness, manipulation and dominance. Psychopaths and Machiavellians have high self-esteem, and are charming and fun but psychopaths are also impulsive and cunning. Narcissists are grandiose and have high self-esteem, and may also be intellectually gifted. Research has shown that these three personality types are all a bit different and yet also highly overlap.
So what do these three personality types have in common? They are preoccupied with dominance and power, and deficient in love and empathy. To anyone who is looking for a love relationship, Dr. Leedom offers the following advice: “Avoid, at all costs, connecting with a member of the Dark Triad.”
Dark Triad and mating strategy study
I realize that scientific papers aren’t supposed to offer advice, but the degree to which Jonason tries to remain “objective” in his study is ridiculous. Here is how he describes the Dark Triad:
Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy—collectively known as ”˜The Dark Triad’—are traits that are linked to negative personal and societal outcomes, and are traditionally considered maladaptive. However, the persistence of these traits over time and across various societies, as well as linkages to positive traits, suggests that the Dark Triad can be advantageous in some ways. For instance, subclinical psychopathy is associated with a lack of neuroticism and anxiety, which may facilitate the pursuit of one’s goals through adverse conditions. Similarly, narcissism is associated with self-aggrandisement, and Machiavellianism is associated with being socially manipulative, both of which may aid in reaping benefits for oneself at the expense of others, especially in initial periods of acquaintance. (Citations omitted.)
So Jonason ascribed to psychopaths the positive quality of persistence in overcoming obstacles—would he be referring to stalking? And self-aggrandisement—drawing attention to one’s own importance—helps in stepping on people? But what is the real value of Dark Triad personality traits, according to this author? Exploitative, short-term sex! Here’s what he wrote:
Although most studies have focused on the negative aspects of the Dark Triad, our evidence suggests that there might be some up-sides to these anti-social personality traits. We found that the scores on the Dark Triad traits were positively related to having more sex partners, an unrestricted sociosexuality and a greater preference for short-term mates.
Study subjects
So, how did Jonason conduct the study? He offered extra credit to 224 undergraduate psychology students to fill out self-report questionnaires. The group included 88 men and 136 women. They were aged 17 to 43—the median age was 21 and the average age was 23.5.
The students filled out three separate inventories to test for their level of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism. Then the students were asked about their views on sex, and about their sexual behavior.
So how do you think hormone-drenched, strapping young adults in today’s sex-crazed culture would respond to the following: “I can imagine myself being comfortable and enjoying casual sex with different partners.”
I assume the answer was: “YEAH!”
Then the students were asked, “With how many different partners have you had sexual intercourse within the past year?”
I assume, especially among the males, that the answer was an exaggeration.
If the popularity of Jersey Shore is any indication, my guess is that plenty of 20-somethings think lots of casual sex is just fine, and if they weren’t getting it, they’ll lie and claim that they were. Jonason even admits that this may have happened in his study.
Evolutionary argument
Nowhere in his report does Jonason indicate that he actually interviewed any psychopaths, narcissists or Machiavellians. He merely asked a narrow and unrepresentative sample of human beings to answer questions about themselves on standardized tests. Jonason subjected the responses to a myriad of statistical analyses. It appears that he dazzled the journal editors with his math, because I wonder about his conclusions.
First, he says people with Dark Triad traits have more sex. Even though he based the conclusion on testosterone-enriched young adults, I’m sure he’s right. Then, Jonason portrays this casual, exploitative, short-term sex as a successful mating strategy in the march of evolution. He writes:
Our study indicates a connection between the Dark Triad and more positive attitudes towards casual sex and more casual sex behaviors. To the extent that lifetime number of sexual partners is a modern-day marker of reproductive success, and given that the Dark Triad traits are heritable and exist in different cultures, we speculate that these traits may represent one end of a set of individual differences that reflects an evolutionarily stable solution to the adaptive problem of reproduction. (Citations omitted.)
So he’s saying that casual sex benefits the survival of the human race. I have to wonder about this argument. According to Wikipedia, “Natural selection is the process by which biologic traits become more or less common in a population due to consistent effects upon the survival or reproduction of their bearers.”
Psychopaths have been called intra-species predators. They exploit other human beings, and some have been responsible for killing others, ranging from a few to millions. If the members of the Dark Triad were so successful, I would think there would be more of them in the population. But this would be bad for the species, for human beings, as a whole. Would natural selection encourage an adaptation that has the potential of killing off other members of the species? I hope not.
Back to the news article
As is now obvious, I have a low opinion of this study, and my opinion of the news article is even lower.
First of all, consider the headline, Why women really do love self-obsessed psychopaths. Nowhere in the study does Jonason claim that women love psychopaths. Whoever wrote the headline converted the idea of casual, exploitative sex into love.
Then there’s the first paragraph of the article:
Bad boys, it seems, really do get all the girls. Women might claim they want caring, thoughtful types but scientists have discovered what they really want — self-obsessed, lying psychopaths.
The article completely omits the study’s description of duplicity in the sex pursued by personalities of the Dark Triad. As we well know, most of us who have been intimate with psychopaths, narcissists and Machiavellians were conned into it. We didn’t want, “self-obsessed, lying psychopaths.” We were deceived. But the author, Science Editor Steve Connor, went for the sensational rather than the accurate.
Finally, there’s the idea of using James Bond as an example of the Dark Triad, or at least the most recent James Bond from Casino Royale, starring Daniel Craig. This James Bond, you may recall, fell in love. He was ready to quit being a spy so he could be with his love—until she betrayed him. Even then, Bond attempted to save her life.
A real psychopath wouldn’t do that.
One – that made me laugh out loud the image of you spitting your tea with laughter!
Skylar I think you make a really important point about putting the target on a pedestal to start with. Whilst it’s important to delineate the major symptoms of the true disorder, it’s also important to highlight that ” YOU WON’T GET TO SEE ANY OF THAT AT THE START AS HE/SHE WILL BE THE MOST PERFECT PERSON YOU’VE EVER MET AND WON’T PUT A FOOT WRONG INITIALLY.”
I already knew to avoid people who openly lied, cheated, were cruel … what I wasn’t prepared for was the betrayal from the man who claimed to love me and have my best interests at heart – it hurt so much more coming from him.
hi polly! I was thinking of you the other day. How are you doing? (did you ever get the CD i sent to you?)
I already knew to avoid people with active addictions to drugs and alcohol, dominating, domineering, angry all the time and who have passive/ aggressive and codependent ways of interacting; and people who are racist and homophobic. Well, that was the work of the FIRST half of my life. LOL.
sky – i woke up sore and not good this morning…went back to sleep, and now i am foggily getting going. your above post was like getting tackled! man, things sit differently at 2 am than 11 am! 🙂
may be one of your best yet.
i think when i say they like to ‘win’, i am am ascribing a different set of values to them. i like to win. makes me feel happy and puffed up sometimes, and humbled and living syncronictically at others – it lasts a while and then i get on with things. when i win, it is NOT about others losing. when i say they like to win, i see a shark going after a piece of meat, but anthropomorphically doing it with guile and glee. he sees what he wants, its destructive and he goes for it in a single-minded way. So when they win we are either collateral damage or it is about us losing.
i think you have something of value to contribute to the literature on spaths. And i want to encourage you to do so. start saving your posts with time and date, and those of others who add to your theory or spark new developments of it – all you have to do to start.
One joy, So happy for you about getting 6 more months employment, and getting a raise. 🙂
After your post the other day with the links to Ram Daas, I went to the Library and found a documentary on the Sufi poet Rumi. Are you familiar? He was raised by his Sufi master father, and practiced Sufiism his entire life. Then met a man who became a beloved mentor and friend to him for many years. When his friend died, Rumi was struck by enormous grief. One day, while in the depths of dispair over his loss, he wrapped one arm around a column, and started walking in a circular motion, and as he did this beautiful poetry started flooding out of him.
This is the origens of the whirling dervishes…their practice is a healing for grief. Much of Rumis poetry deals with the greif of seperation….seperation from the original source of love and a contstant desre to reunite.
I thought you might be interested, since you have an interest in Eastern religious tradition.
Kim – yah, income! freaked out about the job of course, but $ is the thing! how are things coming along for you, are you looking for some work?
I did not know this story about Rumi (so beautiful, thanks for telling me!), but i know his poetry.
I heard Maya Angelou on the radio yesterday, and she was saying that if we are having trouble getting to our emotions to find the poetry that matches it. Rumi might be very helpful to many people. I think the translations by Coleman Barks are the best known and most available, and their are readings on youtube, also.
One of Rumi’s poems, moves me to circling my own column. It’s not of grief, in any way, except, all things fall away over time.
-Like This-
If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the nightsky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,
Like this.
If anyone wants to know what “spirit” is,
or what “God’s fragrance” means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.
Like this.
If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don’t try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.
Like this. Like this.
When someone asks what it means
to “die for love,” point
here.
If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.
This tall.
The soul sometimes leaves the body, the returns.
When someone doesn’t believe that,
walk back into my house.
Like this.
When lovers moan,
they’re telling our story.
Like this.
I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.
Like this.
When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.
Like this.
How did Joseph’s scent come to Jacob?
Huuuuu.
How did Jacob’s sight return?
Huuuu.
A little wind cleans the eyes.
Like this.
When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he’ll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us
Like this.
– Rumi
PS – when i listen to Krishna Das I want to raise my arms, palms up and twirl. It’s very interesting, because the music takes one on a journey – starting slow and speeding up and resolving. (like ALL good things. 😉 Ecstasy is ecstasy.
Yes, I think there might be something very healing about circling. I had a dream, years ago about going home, and looking for a house I used to live in. I couldn’t find the house, even though I knew it was on Callow Ave. A voice in my dream told me to just keep going left.
I looked up the word callow in the dictionary and it means “youth”. In dream interpretation, we are told to play close attention to this kind of instructive voices.
Also, the symbol of a house is often the “self”.
I told a Therapist about this dream, and she noted only that, by continueing to go to the left, I’d be going in circles. Well, I thought, “I don’t want to be going in circles.”
So this is interesting. And I love Rumi. Maybe He has something to teach me….I don’t think I’ll enter the order of the WD’s, However.
I enjoyed your Ram Dass. I think the chanting focuses positive energy.
I am trying to get a job at a convenience store, near by. Not much of a job, but income is income, and it’s honest, so…..
I want to finish out the school year with the toddlars…..but then it’s on to the next right thing. That is a big hurdle I need to get over.
One Joy,
Krishna is a Bhakti Yogi (devotion). When I first got his cd I was on the expressway doing about 75 miles per hour and got stopped for speeding. I was Hare Krisha-in along and was so into it I forgot to look at speedometer. THAT is why on the cd jacket there is the warning: Not responsible for speeding tickets. I told this to Krishna at a kirtan in NYC and boy did he laugh!
I’m happy for you that chanting is bringing joy to you. Bhagavan Das said “I found something, GOOD and I want to share it” Glad he did 🙂
‘going in circles’ is always seen through cultural eyes. ‘going in circle’ in buddhism is the imaginal physical journey of some mantras (visualized in meditation); ‘going in circles’ is what prayer wheels do; ‘going in circles’ is actually ‘spiraling’, although we are walking a physical circle we are never where we were a second ago, we are journeying, so add the dimension of change and journey to a circle and it is a ‘spiral’. A spiral, in or out, is again a journey. Walking a Minoan labyrinth is a journey – we start, we travel, we come out changed.
I am a puker, so I don’t know if i could ever make it as a WD, but i want to be in a room with Krishna Das for the Om Namah Shivaya Kirtin. I feel joy and excitement just thinking about it…the way i used to feel about my Lama and his students (until his racism became undeniably clear ). Chanting that chant i feel how i used to feel when i mediated all the time – that storehouse of good impressions is obviously still within me – which is VERY exciting to me, i thought that house had been razed by the spath. Meditation or chanting are ‘polishing the diamond’ – removing the tar and smudge from what we really are.
i spoke with a woman for a long time last night at a political rally (federal elections were yesterday and we were at the rally waiting for our area candidate – who won!) She is a smart woman, an accomplished woman. I know her husband, he’s smart as a whip. She got a job just recently with a company i know, and now they have been bought out by another company – and she will not have a job. We stood and fed words to each other and finished each others sentences – all about how hard it is on our esteem to not be able to get work. in the last few months i have met more and more people here who are in this position. I had felt so alone, such a loser, so alienated. I would bravely say that it was because of the size and economic base of the town, and bemoan this reality – but i still felt like a damn leper. talking to others who are going through this i know we are not lepers, we are at the mercy of the situation.
I have done my best to help others get jobs, make business contacts, etc. since i started my job. it’s part of what i do, but i have also gone beyond my job description, and will continue to do so. I know for a fact that i have helped 4 people get jobs in the last 3 months. I still know more people looking that businesses needing, so i need to move more over to finding out about the businesses themselves.
my last 2 jobs kim – i was cognitively impaired, and it was such a struggle to work. i know i can work at a pretty high level, but I couldn’t – I forgot details, names, sent wrong emails, lost my ability to shmooze and connect dots; and from all that my confidence fell to the floor. i felt like such a loser. so undeserving. this last job – there was so much silence from some of the higher ups that i spent months terrified that i would be fired. i have NEVER felt this way before. oh, and there was that threat of the smear campaign by the spath….so fresh in my mind for so ling. (now, she can piss right off – i am almost done being scared)
At some point i realized that they couldn’t fired me, or their conference wouldn’t happen; and i started to work more closelt with a youth intern – who was VERY good with details (and grammar!) – both of these things made a big difference. and i hit my stride – still anxious as hell, working many hours (out of balance) and still PTSD feaky, but i hit my stride talking with people , putting things together, finding people who knew things i didn’t.
And then the good feedback started rolling in. my conference was a huge success, in all ways. i got some important feedback from outside the org. that really told me i could swim in the bigger pond in this city. that damn conference is my best ‘resume’ ever.
so, i am telling you all this because you never know what will happen. once you are out there kim, it will continue to open up for you. jump.
their are gifts and challenges we can’t imagine, but they have helped me to grow in confidence and ability again. i feel safer among my business peers than in social situations, but i did pretty good last night at the rally.
‘honest work’ is the thing. i don’t love my job or the org. i don’t feel comfortable or at ease there – but it is an honest job, with an org that is doing positive things, and i am now seeing it as a stepping stone. i am going to use it to market the hell out of the ‘one joy step’ brand in the next few months (the length of my contract), and work on some personal goals that will undeniably increase my marketability – here or anywhere else.
Ana – i thought of the warning when i was beetling down the road the other day – walking toooo fast for my blisters to cope with!
That i am experiencing ecstasy with a devotional yogi makes sense – my background is with Vajrayana Buddhism – a yogic tradition full of crazy wise people who by virtue of the lineage and inclination are devotional.
my heart has closed so much because of the spath – to open is ecstatic.