Several readers of Lovefraud have mentioned medical problems that arose in their lives with psychopaths. These readers are convinced that the psychological stress and pain of these relationships translated themselves into physical ailments. Some of these symptoms disappeared when the psychopath disappeared, some didn’t. Here are a few recent comments:
When I parted from him, physically I felt so raw and sore, I looked like I had been in a boxing ring. My health was poor and I couldnt even have the osteopath touch me, I said I felt like I had been stabbed all over. All though he never laid a finger on me, he gave me plenty of mental and emotional abuse.
I have a feeling its 2 years of being TIRED and worn to a pulp emotionally by his wordy games.
sleep loss is another big thing ive experienced since this s path during and after i still have trouble sometimes sleeping, like my mind will not shut off. and during being with the s apth i was trying to work out what the hell was going on and trying to work things ou in my head stopped me from sleeping well. which makes your head even more clouded.
Talking about physical consequences of being around bad stuff for seven years in my case, I don’t know if this applies but there is one thing that makes me think is the fact that my blood pressure got so much better. I used to have high blood pressure during the last four years with him. Since I left him for almost six months I don’t even need to take medication and I’m sleeping so much better these days.
Anytime we are trying to fix someone else, we are off track. I just work on me now. If I see someone other than me that needs work”¦ I feel TIRED. No can do!
Dr. Steve: I would so much appreciate a forthcoming post about physical consequences or PTSD of an association with a Sociopath. Nearly 5 months hence, and past the “why” and figuring out the “puzzle” (identifying him as a sociopath and doing intensive investigation/research as to who he really is and what he has done), there is still a lot of emotional pain
Have you noticed anything similar? How do you understand/make sense of this ‘translation’? Have you managed to deal with such an ailment or overcome it? How exactly
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In future posts I will write more on the interaction between experience, the mind, and the body. I will present some ideas of how/why it is that a interpersonal situation can have bad effects not only on one’s mind but on one’s body. Also, I will introduce some exciting research on what you can do to help repair the damage psychological distress mave have contributed to your body.
fighter – People justifiably get upset when told that their ailments are “all in their heads”. Technically the name for that phenomenon is hypochondria, an excessive worry that one might be ill. This is not what I’m getting at at all. A migraine, say, might be brought on by psychological/emotional processes, but it is not imaginary or ‘all in the head’ – no pun intended. There is a real constriction of the blood vessels, real pain, real nausea, etc. A psychosomatic ailment is a physical ailment which has a psychological component – (some would say this is true of every physical ailment).
Here’s the wikipedia definition:
Hi It’s me again–HairEllen. My ex. would even cry watching that christmas movie,”It’s A Wonderful LIfe.” But he did all this crap to me…if he truly is a pathological whatever, how could he have tears watching that movie? And could it be that he is’t a pathological? But all the crap about him! Bad credit, falling out of love with his first wife and then me, leaving me and her with all these unpaid bills, his criminal behaviors when he was a juvenile…his pot smoking and smoking pot with his sixteen year old daughter, his weird requests with anal sex….All these things and more! I am not a doctor and the last time I did go to a couselor, I asked her what she thought, and she replied that he had alot of problems. She was NO help to me…and I went elswhere-still no help–just told me to move on….I still am so affected by this! Somebody please g-d, help!
Do you know – I am SO wary of men who cry at films now. I’ve gone out with three men who I’d regard as having sociopathic traits (one pure sociopath) and they would all blub profusely at the drop of a hat! It was as if getting ‘moved’ by someone else’s stuff was the nearest they got to the real thing. Crying at stuff on a television or record player and having absolutely NO reaction to the suffering going on around them…
I think it’s important to remember that just because they have no conscience doesn’t mean these sociopaths of our don’t know right from wrong. They do. They just don’t care who it hurts as long as it serves their needs. I think the same is true with emotions. They’re also phenomonenal actors! They’ve learned to feign real emotion. Maybe they even have feelings to some degree — god knows he was great at behaving outraged or wounded, and he could keep it up for days on end to punish me, but if he got distracted, it was as though nothing had ever happened. He said he was forgiving and that’s why he could drop something after tormenting me with my minor and usually imagined transgression for days or weeks. I think he just had a limited attention span. When it stopped being fun to see me cry, he’d stop his behavior. When I stopped allowing him the power to manipulate me, I wasn’t any fun at all.
We know that Dr. Steve – but realize that in the medical community, especially here in North America – the victim of a P seeking help being told its psychosomatic is usually doctor code for “I have a whack-job here.” Which causes them further trauma and inability to get real help.
Additionally there’s the “get over it” or “just move on” school of therapy which invalidates & blames the victim.
We have seen victims develop MS and other painful illnesses which therapy can’t touch. The body just “snaps” after the stress & PTSD. But doctors won’t admit that – or can’t because of managed care or their own narrow beliefs.
Swallow-Your before and after list is mine!! Adding hair loss, Xanax to calm the anxiety, Alcohol because I cant sleep. Alcohol to help me sleep. I read and I post. Very few up days, mostly down and continue still to feel like I am in a tornado. Find it hard to catch my breath alot. Up to 2 packs of cigs a day now. Just sick! I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Sick and tired of obsessed thoughts creaping into my head.
I’ll go out with friends and I am just a live wire, spinning out of control and putting myself in dangerous situations. Dont realize it at the time of my “high-party” night out but the next day shaking my head. I pretend to others that I am getting over it-him. But Im not or I haven’t yet. It is killing me that he walked away with no closure–just gone. He Got angry and stopped contact. I stopped trying to contact him almost a month ago but I struggle through each day. I look forward to the day of looking/feeling and doing well, running into him and not giving a SH*T! I know it is up to me to get to that point but it is so damn hard.
Fighter,
Is there anything more infuriating than the words “move on”? We would all LOVE to move on but just saying the words is not offering any help or understanding. I think the major problem is that the emotional damage done is invisible and many just cannot grasp the devastation inside us. That is why this and other sites are so valuable. We can talk to others who really understand and learn how to get through this.
Change,
Hang in there! Getting over this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I have slowly got better (after 2 years NC) and you can too.
Have you tried anti-depressants? There are some good ones available and designed to combat depression and anxiety. I take Zoloft but you need to discuss with your doctor first.
Try not to put yourself in situations that hype you up. At this point you need calm in your life. Coffee and nicotine are stimulants and will make the anxiety worse. Physical exercise can help a great deal to flush out all the adrenaline. Keep reading and learning. The more you understand what has been done to you, the easier it gets to pull away from the guilt, anxiety and stress and concentrate on healing your self. It may take time but you CAN recover from this.
Swallow
i should expand on nightmare. i suffered from insomnia due to the nightmare. i would sleep about 4 hours a night.
mostly mine were psychological i guess. stress, anxiety, weight gain.
one thing that happened was an abscess. my gums were in pain but the pain was even more excruciating when i was in his company.
Mainstream medical studies on the physical effects of stress have for many years shown that STRESS of any kind has a very bad effect on the health of the effected individual…animal or human.
The healthy immune system in the body daily “fights off” infections from a “zillion” viruses and bacteria, by attacking these invaders and killing them. When AIDS or any other thing (like stress) attacks the immune system the person or animal becomes more suspecpitble to infection.
Adreneline is one of the hormones released when we are frightened or upset. This hormone is a good thing in short term conditions of “fight or flight” and can do some amazing things. Remember reading about the 110 pound woman who lifted a car off top of her child? She got “superhuman strength” from the rush of hormones when she saw her child under a car. The hormones cause the eyes to dialate and see better (but also give tunnel vision) the blood flow is directed to the muscles, the lungs and away from the digestive tract. If you are trying to run from a tiger, your body knows it doesn’t need to worry about digestion because if you don’t get away it won’t be a problem. LOL
You can run faster and farther if you are scared because for a short period of time you have the strength to do this.
Under LONG-TERM stress however, all kinds of hormones are released that have bad effects on the body and the mind. They upset your ability to problem solve, to focus, to sleep, etc. as well as digest food.
Sleep deprivation by itself can cause confusion, daytime inability to concentrate, focus, remember, and just plain think. In Viet Nam and Korea sleep deprivation was used as a torture. I have sleep apnea and before I got my “breathing machine” I was feeling like I was 110 years old because I NEVER got a night’s sleep even though I thought I did.
Anxiety, especially constant anxiety, the constant insecurity of not knowing what is going on, of fear, worry, etc. can make your body and mind subject to all sorts of physical illnesses and changes. PTSD is a response to either a series of traumatic events or one huge traumatic event. It effects every part of our being.
Since my husband’s death by plane crash (he burned to death) and I was there at the time–I have had PTSD, and also from a romantic relationship with a psychopath afterwards. The list of my illnesses since then reads like a medical journal–I am a retired Registered Nurse Practitioner. My short term memory has been severely effected, my ability to make judgments, my sleep cycle has been almost destroyed, and deep depression has been my daily guest.
Change in our lives, from changing jobs, to moving from one house to another, having a child, getting married, getting divorced, etc.—any of these and more–causes stress. If you give a “score” to various stresses in our lives as Holmes and Raye Stress Scale does, you will find that as your score increases over a 3 year period you become much more liable to have an accident, infection, sickness, etc.
The Cure for stress is “time”–and peace. A decrease in change in your life as much as possible. Unfortunately, getting away from a Psychopathic partner may cause increased Change, like moving ot another house, financial problems, new jobs, new schools, problems with the kids, etc.
As much as possible, we should keep the “excitement” out of our lives and keep as steady and peaceful existence as possible as well. That isn’t always easy. I was fortunate that I could retire and not have to work at a stressful job while I was trying to heal–most people are not so fortunate. I’ve had other stressors in my life during the 3 1/2 years since my husband died, and I got involved with the psychopath, but I am now focusing on MY needs entirely. My kids are grown, my health is returning and I will pay whatever price it “costs” to have peace and peaceful people in my life–if it means I have to go live in a cave! LOL
OxDrover-
I am sorry for your loss.