When I was a med student, I studied animal models for human stress and depression. The best animal model of what a psychopath does to others is that of the rodent resident-intruder paradigm. In this model, males are introduced into the home territory of other males, they experience social defeat and are removed before they are injured. Repeated exposure to this situation produces a defeated animal who is chronically submissive and gives up without a fight whenever he encounters other males. Below is the posture of a defeated mouse.
The physiology of this defeated rodent resembles human depression very closely. The defeat state can be reversed with antidepressants. Defeat is associated with elevated stress hormones, immune dysfunction and learned helplessness.
I think it is important to know that the potential to develop the defeat mentality exists within us. In humans this mentality takes on a more sophisticated form. When defeated many people become enveloped by what I call “the victim identity.”
Identity or self concept means how you think about yourself and how you think others perceive you. Identity and self concept always includes some component of how dominant or socially potent we consider ourselves to be. Social status is another related part of the self concept.
An encounter with a sociopath/psychopath often leaves a person defeated in every sphere of life. The status, reputation, career, finances that took a lifetime to build vanish. The victim is left in limbo, not knowing how to put the pieces together.
It is in this limbo that the victim identity develops. A person who used to be financially well off and productive having lost everything now adjusts to that loss by defining him/herself as “victim”. This victim identity is further supported by the constant pain and anxiety the person feels. Why do I hurt? Why have I lost? Why am I defeated? I experience all these things because I am a victim.
The minute I say, “I am a victim.” That word victim becomes part of my self definition. There is a certain comfort in the victim identity. It helps a person explain and cope with their external reality and internal symptoms.
The danger in the victim identity is that it will come to be the totality of a person’s self-definition. Once this happens, the victim stops living, and is like the defeated mouse, assuming the posture at every challenge.
I challenge you today to consider the place your identity as a victim has in terms of your total self-definition. Is the trauma the first thing you think of when you think of yourself? Are you being fair to yourself when you identify with your victim status? Perhaps you have a good deal more living to do than your victim identity will allow?
It is important to be whole. That means the part of you who is/was a victim gets integrated with the other parts. “Victim” has to become just a piece of the puzzle that is you.
I confess that I am aware of my victim identity most in the company I choose to keep. I feel most comfortable relating to other people who understand psychopaths and what they do. If that also describes you realize that is a sign of victim identity. It is important to acknowledge these tendencies and balance them by having friends who are not victims or family members of psychopaths/sociopaths.
It is especially important to spend time with functional families/couples who love and care for each other.
Try never to take pride in your status as a victim or use it as an excuse for dysfunction. If you experience symptoms of PTSD, that is a challenge to overcome not a curse you are condemned to live with.
Ask yourself today if you really want to be like that poor defeated mouse.
For another opinion and further discussion of the victim identity see The Line between Victims and Abusers (although I do not agree with all Dr. Stosny says here).
neveragain
But still wondering if hypnosis could help…
neveragain
And thanks again Jim, I’m using that technique and will keep working with it.
Tilly
I hate maths..maybe i could draw a picture!
Rune: Am I paranoid or is she one..its not quickly spotted i have been in her class all year! help!
Rune
Tilly: Remember how good they are at faking it? It appears that your classmate is doing some serious schmoozing, buttering up the teacher. I’d be wary. They can appear very authentic, and then switch around.
Some people say that 1 in 25 people is sociopathic. Some people think the numbers are higher.
Even if it has taken you all year in class to figure this out, I think you deserve “extra credit”! Good job!
Tilly
The teacher went off with her to the back room for 20 minutes. When she came out the “class mate” walked in the opposite direction to me. The teacher came over and sat opposite me and looked at me straight in the eye and said “I hate liars”. Then looked away from me but didn’t move.
The class mate new that I was the narcissit’s favourite because I played her. ( Told her she was a genius all term). Bit I didn’t know the class mate was a P! I hate myself!
Tilly
Then again, I’ve got another year with the P class mate so at least i found out now.
Although the narcissist teacher doesnt give our marks out until next week. She can’t fail me as I have excelled.. Just mark me low. But I pray I don’t have her for another subject. And I am furious at myself for falling for yet another P! DAMN!!
Rune
Wow, Tilly. It’s a lesson in getting distance from a P as fast as you recognize one. When I saw the first part of your story, I had a bad feeling about how it might end.
Deep breath. Keep moving forward.
Ox Drover
Dear Tilly,
I had a P instructor in school, and I smoozed her for one semester, but CHANGED SCHOOLS because I knew I could’t get by with it for another 3 years….eventually they act like they did with that woman who was in college and the prof attacked her after buttering her for a while. I think her name was Betty—CRS, not sure of name!
They will “love bomb” you for a while if you go along with them and smooze then but eventually, they ATTAACK. It isn’t a matter of IF, but WHEN they bite.
The way yours said “I hate liars” seems to me you couldn’t tell if it was the other student she was talking about or YOU. so no matter what with these people, you ALWAYS get bitten to one extent or another. Just be WARY! (((hugs))))
Tilly
I know the attack was to me and I was expecting it, but i thought it would be next week!!
AFTER OUR MARKS!!
But when she attacked me I kept making eye contact with her, because then I would know if she could back it up. But she didn’t. There were other people present.
I believe the classmate told her some lies about me and then the art teacher came out and attacked me. I believe they are both cluster Bs.
So today I decided I will send my last bit of work by email to the narcissist teacher. I don’t have to have contact with her for about 7 weeks . And then I will see if I can change subjects. In the meantime , I will cancel the course I was going to do with the two faced “classmate”. No contact. Case solved. THANKYOU OXY!!! YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS FOR YOUR COURT THING! xoxoxoxox
James
One thing about these panic attacks for me was that it’s a physical reaction to a emotional state of being. What I mean it’s something I can put my hands on in a way. In the beginning so many times we will doubt ourselves like;
Am I the crazy one here?
Were they really that controlling?
How can (statements) all what they said be lies?
I can’t believe they never really loved us?
Am I remembering it as it “really” happened?
Is she really as bad as I making it out to be?
Am I doing the right thing?
Who is the one that really needs help here, me or her?
Self doubt is normal and we all do it. But it only adds to our confusion.
But whenever we are experiencing a “panic attack” isn’t that telling us something is wrong emotionally but just taking on a more physical form?
My major panic attack (per the physician) was for me a “wake up call”. After experiencing it I realized I couldn’t do it on my own and rethought my decision about not taking antidepressants. It also helped me not just go to a psychologist but run to one! After my testing and interview with a licenses psychologist she did put me on antidepressants and they did help with my emotional and mental state of mind. I was put on only a “introduction” dosage and stay at that level for one year. After that I quit them but as I stated before never experienced another attack after that one, THANK YOU LORD!
Rune,
““Trauma from interacting with a psychopath is not just psychological, it’s NEUROLOGICAL!” That statement is from notes I took on a conversation with a psychologist who does neurofeedback.”
Can you give me more information on this? A link maybe?