By | June 1, 2009 161 Comments

The philosophy of a sociopath

Lovefraud recently received a letter from a woman who we’ll call Valerie. She met her husband, who we’ll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets.

Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn’t want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn’t tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie’s intuition told her to check her husband’s Facebook page, where she found Dylan’s love letters to another woman.

Then Valerie found how Dylan described himself on another website. Here’s what he wrote:

My name is Dylan and I believe in Chaos, destruction and murder. I will contradict myself but I don’t think that should make me a hypocrite. I hone my strengths and hide my weaknesses because only the strong will survive. I lie, cheat and steal. But only if it’s the most intelligent plan of action; & only the stupid get caught. I’m fighting a personal rebellion I can’t justify. I’m losing my mind, my friends and my morals with each passing day, but each day I pass leads me closer to finding myself. I would rather live my life in surrender to temptation than to deny my natural instincts. I never hurt those who do not hurt me first, I don’t believe in physical confrontation but as in eastern philosophy I am trained to engage in it, if for nothing more than the practice of strengthening the bond between mind and body.

I know who I am, but not where I am, or why I am here. I find Art to be the only voice of reason in a place otherwise inhabited by counter-production. I promote sex, but lack emotion, I hate addicts but I believe in drugs, I make music but I destroy everything else. I bore easily but I am doomed to repeat myself.

My name is Dylan and this is only the beginning.

Whoa! Did this guy just write the sociopath manifesto?

I don’t know if Dylan is truly describing himself—apparently he’s got some kind of hardcore band and perhaps he wrote the above statement for its shock value. Still, is it possible to even come up with these ideas if he didn’t experience the state of mind that they imply?

Fundamentally different

The truly scary thing about sociopaths is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They do not want what we want. They do not value what we value.

Normal human beings want affection, cooperation and achievement. We want to care about others and contribute to life. Sociopaths want power, control and sex, and they’ll destroy anyone and anything to get what they want.

But sociopaths look like us and appear to act like us. That’s why they are so hard to identify. It’s also why people who have not experienced their manipulation up close and personal find it so difficult to believe us. The uninitiated—those lucky souls who have not been devastated by a sociopath—have yet to learn that there are people in the world for whom proclamations of love, truth and promises are nothing but tactics in a power game.

Everything changes

This is the bottom line: Dealing with a sociopath changes everything. Normal human courtesies do not apply. Social protocols do not apply. Rules do not apply. Contracts do not apply. Laws do not apply.

If we find that we are interacting with a sociopath, the best thing we can do is get the person out of our lives. When that is not possible, we need to be on mental red alert at all times and understand that anything the person says may be a lie. We need to know that for the sociopath, we are not a friend, or a lover, or a relative, or a co-worker. For a sociopath, all we are is a target.

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Elizabeth Conley

“Valerie” has been married to “Dylan” for seven years. He changed very rapidly. He may be mentally ill.

That being said, I’m pretty sure he’s given her grounds for a divorce. You haven’t mentioned children. That seems like a blessing.

A good friend of ours was married to a wonderful young woman who became severely deranged in her early twenties. She was institutionalized, and he divorced her. He did this because the person he had fallen in love with and married no longer seemed to be present in the body that remained. He was a Lt in the US Marines at the time. Even if he had remained married to her out of a sense of obligation, her needs were not compatible with the transient, stressful lifestyle of Marine Officers and their families.

This sounds cruel, but I support these hard choices. I think Valerie may have to mourn the loss of her husband and move on with her life.


Donna wrote “The truly scary thing about sociopaths is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They do not want what we want. They do not value what we value.”

I might add that in the end, it is their lack of “humaness” that is one of the most shocking revelations of all. And because of this lack, they are very capable of plowing their way through other peoples lives over and over again…. Rarely being held accountable for their actions…Those of us who are with human qualities will always be hurt and betrayed by them.

Elizabeth Conley

PS – in another instance the patient grew up in a loving Catholic family, the successful middle child in a large family of successful, well educated young adults.

One morning the family woke up to the shocking reality that he was pacing in front of the Whitehouse, pleading for a meeting with the President. He was aware of horrible threats to the President’s life, and wanted to save him.

He was mentally ill, and in spite of medication he has not recovered to the extent that anyone hoped. He still lives in a group home, carefully medicated and monitored. While he’s not dangerous, he’s not husband and father material either.

Several experts have speculated that the reason this man is not dangerous, in spite of his paranoia and delusions, was his unusually good family life.

When a young adult changes overnight, we have to consider the possibility that they’re mentally ill.

In Dylan’s case, it may be that he has abused the wrong drugs. Many street drugs do profound neurological damage.

Please do not call every behavior you do not like Sociopathy. There are other conditions that cause serious interpersonal difficulty.


Donna wrote

“Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically” (RED FLAG)”
” He said he didn’t want to be with Valerie any more.” (HUGE RED FLAG)
“He picked fights.” (RED FLAG)

“She asked Dylan to leave” (STOP. CHANGE DIRECTION – for others it may be simply leaving “not asking the P to leave”…but it worked for her.)

“but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him” THIS IS WHERE I STRUGGLE WITH MY PAST. THIS IS WHERE I STRUGGLE WITH HOW TO DETERMINE RELATIONSHIPSTHAT ARE SAVED THRU THERAPY AND RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE DOOMED WITH A P- PARTNER…but we are so confused and conflicted that we offer that shred of hope/understanding/willingness to do whatever is necessary to help him or save relationship..

I think I learned rather than stick my head in the sand…doing what Valeries intuition was “investigate”…albiet secretively…so as not to use it against him but to gain valuable information and proceed with caution is probably the best one can do…or maybe one better is to severe ties based upon the bad treatment…but being married you have to get divorced so I guess its not that easy….

But if you arent married, the best course of action is ACCEPTING and ACKNOWLEDGING you arent being treated right…no offer to” help “the other person figure it out or work it out..if you love the other person who is treating you badly…you self-protect and self-respect and self-trust your abiilty to ask yourself am I being treated good – if not – you let them go and you remain NO CONTACT – or you WILL find yourself a continual target.

Good luck Valerie…your intuition and you acting on it likely saved you years of confusion and P-inflicted pain. Sorry for your journey. So glad you stopped and changed direction!


Dear Witsend,

Im posting under this thread for you so that all of us reaching out to you are spread out on the board…in case you are catching up on threads… I am thinking of you as school is nearing completion…altho I think maybe your sons school has ended for the summer? I share my concern with Oxy and Rune, and hope you check in soon and let us know how you are doing with everything… Continued thoughts and prayers for you… xoxo Learn

Ox Drover



I think this is a good assessment of where most/many of us have been in the past. Still wanting to “help” them and give them the “benefit of the doubt.”

It isn’t original but I call this MALIGNANT HOPE, it is hope founded on delusion and denial, and it is just like CANCER, you have to CUT IT OUT IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. That kind of hope nails your feet to the floor when you know the “house is burning” and you stay just wondering if you can blow on the fire like a birthday cake candle and put it out.

That delusional hope that I held on to with my P son when he was 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 when he finally committed the murder and went to prison to stay a while….even after that I kept on with delusional malignant hope that ate my heart and soul like a cancer.

A sudden change in a person’s behavior CAN BE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, but even if the man was mentally ill, UNLESS HE IS AN IMMEDIATE DANGER TO HIMSELF OR OTHERS even a wife can’t FORCE someone to take medication. He may, indeed have started studdenly to exhibit mania of bi-polar or several other things might have happened, but it doesn’t matter in the PRACTICAL SENSE because she can’t fix him and he obviously doesn’t want to be fixed.

NO MATTER WHAT THE LABEL FOR THE “PROBLEM” IS, trying to fix it will make this woman’s life a living HELL.


EC wrote: ‘Please do not call every behavior you do not like Sociopathy. There are other conditions that cause serious interpersonal difficulty.’

I think this is a such a good point. Human beings are all so complex an as a society all kinds of bad behaviour and exploitation seems to be encouraged.

I have done so much research over the last few months into personality disorders and mental health issues, not least beacause of my own depression and strange behaviour both as an enabler all these years and now as a ‘victim in recovery’. I am not very good at expressing myself,or very bright, Its mind boggling for a bear of little brain like me; the myriad of problems people have, personality wise or due to circumstances that can cause interpersonal difficulty.

But most of these things(most) are something that is happening to the poor person suffering from whatever the dysfunction is, The person most hurt is the sufferer.

So I keep coming back to the same same place and that is that S/P’s seem to be in a separate box to all of these other variations in human behaviour, and degrees of mental health because they LACK that ‘humanness.’

I feel like I could spot it a mile off.I hope I dont have that theory tested too often;)

Just my thinks.

Southern man said:”I might add that in the end, it is their lack of “humaness” that is one of the most shocking revelations of all.’And because of this lack, they are very capable of plowing their way through other peoples lives over and over again”. Rarely being held accountable for their actions”Those of us who are with human qualities will always be hurt and betrayed by them.” Well said.xx


Also – I agree with Oxy – that whatever the problem may be, trying to fix something that may be beyond repair will make your life a living hell.




“NO MATTER WHAT THE LABEL FOR THE “PROBLEM” IS, trying to fix it will make this woman’s life a living HELL”

IMHO, Lifes single most difficult and painful lesson to learn with loved ones, family and friends.

Essentially a living hell either way…but some peace and sanity when you chose to save yourself vs the other… :((

Life…sometimes…I just wanna kick it in its butt…



“I feel like I could spot it a mile off.”

Are you saying you think you could spot a psychopath from “a mile off?”



In the weeks since I found this blog – and posted briefly – I’ve been steadily working my way through all the archived articles and other threads. I’ve learned so much and I’m rather giddy with all the new concepts and awareness in my head now!

I just wanted to say that I have really appreciated reading your posts and articles. I just love your writing style. It is so easy to absorb and learn from. It helps me ‘get it’ – for example the recent “feet nailed to the floor while the house is burning” analogy (?) of what Malignant Hope is. This is great – now I get it! And, while reading other posts of yours, including the story about your two ‘asses’, I just laughed and laughed and laughed.. which was significant all of it’s own accord – there has been very little laughter in my life since I ended a relationship with a N/P over a year ago.

Thank you again for sharing so many of your personal experiences and insights learned, and reassuring all the newbies, and not-so-newbies that it does indeed get better; that the despair can be replaced by times of joy and happiness. I’m just starting to really grasp this for myself, thanks to you and all the other caring, and insightful writers on LF.

I suspect I’m like many LF readers – who are all learning and quietly absorbing, but just don’t feel ready to share too much just yet, but at the same time are very appreciative of those who do.


:S Yes Rosa. Ooooh I feel a severe boiking coming on….



I doubt that you have ever met or encountered a psychopath, or maybe you have and did not know it.

Their thespian skills are worthy of Oscar.

Even with all of the knowledge and experience I have gained, I am still so afraid of being “sucked in” again by yet another one.

When a psychopath is coming at you, I can almost guarentee that you will NOT be able to “spot it from a mile off.”


“My name is Dylan and this is only the beginning.”

There is much I would comment on this description of himself or who he thinks “Dylan” is. But the last line chill me…

Is this a warning or some type of self prophecy?


🙂 I hear you Rosa. But I have actually been involved with a psychopath, it’s why I am here, trying to work through things likw everyone else.


I am well aware of their Thespian skills.
I have spent the last 5 months de-briefing.
And yes – although no one is beyond being fooled, I have a pretty good insight now that I didnt before… was being a bit flippant I guess.x

Please try not to invalidate me like that. It has upset me.



Wow! Then you are more confident than I am about being able to spot one again.


Whatever. I think I’ll lay off this topic /thread. I just think I have learned an awful lot lately.

Elizabeth Conley

Dylan is not a well camper. I doubt he’s a Sociopath, but I don’t want him near me or my kids.

There are a lot of Dylans out there. Most of them are teen agers. Dylan’s “Fruitcake Manifesto” is the sort of thing we generally watch out for in our teens’ friends. To see this tripe coming out of a 25 year old is really peculiar.



You’re right about Ox-Drover. She has a way with even some of us stubborn oxen and asses who think we “know better” and can help these people! If anyone could “fix a psychopath,” I’d put my money on her, but even she admits she couldn’t.

I’m glad you popped your head up, and welcome to the crowd of commenters.


I just re-read what I wrote – and I have to say I am not very good at communicating and tend to be over optimistic in times of trouble. I can see how it rattled you Rosa. I am definately not walking about cock-a-hoop about my new insight into the existance of evil, but I definately know more than I did before. Mainly down to reading people’s stories here. I think I was trying to say something about how these people are different, they’re not running around naked or foaming at the mouth with a big label with ‘MAD’ strung round their necks… those are not so scary…(flippant again)… but, for me, I have learnt something very important about what to lookfor in people, feelings and instincts to take notice of… maybe I couldnt spot one a mile off…but I’ll certainly listen to the sirens.Somthing like that.


Blueskies: You’re making a good point — once we understand that these REALLY scary people are “not running around naked or foaming at the mouth with a big label with ’MAD’ strung round their necks” ” we’ve taken a huge step forward.

The fact that you’ve learned to look for more subtle signs, and to pay attention to your feelings and instincts puts you miles ahead in the “game.”

What scares me, though, and Rosa might have been hinting at this, is when people read just enough to get a grip on their own situation, and then they think they know all the “red flags,” all the possible signs, and they are now “S/P-proof”!

I don’t get the feeling that you are that (dangerously!) certain of yourself. Even professionals who study psychopaths for a living can be fooled. None of us should ever assume that we are S/P-proof. We can hope, though, that we’d recognize one sooner, and know that we need to GET AWAY! (Or, in Rosa’s case, stay close by to watch over her niece and brother . . .)



I did not mean to upset you.
I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.

If a psychopath heard you say that you could “spot it from a mile off”, they would make you eat those words.


:)x Rosa and Rune.x

Dangerously certain of myself? I wish!

Like I said, I dont think I word things right.

All of our situations are different, no I may not be able to protect myself from now on, but I have to say I am pissed at being told that I have never encountered a s/p.



Dear Blueskies,

This is my take…with calmness, with a sense of total understanding of self-worth, self-respect, and self-trust….the interaction I have with a potential psychopath will be SIGNIFICANTLY reduced going further.

The red flags I am aware of put a percentage of them in the bin upon HELLO and brief conversation…

The red flags I have yet to be made aware of are being learned as I go and thus putting me way ahead of the game of where I was having no knowledge or preparedness about becoming a target. I am learning the tools and I am learning the ways in which I can self-protect while choosing stop. change direction.

I respectfully you Rosa that if a psychopath heard me say I could spot it from a mile off that they would TRY to make me eat those words…but if a Psychopath (S/N or Disorderd person or bad person) came close enough to my radar and started oozing with unusual kindness and bizarre humor or engage in one upping me or quickly trying to romance me or ever treated me badly or left me feeling awkward or uncomfortable or raised a hand, etc. etc. (any of the A-Z numerous red flags) I and MANY OF US would be able to spot him this time around faster than I could say SEE YA PSYCHO….

Question is how prepared are we to act on the red flags… think we are all getting more and more prepared with each passing day. Am I vulnerable to another personal hit from a psychopath — I guess anything is possible — but this time Im better prepared and unless I let my guard down and lose my self-awareness i dont believe Ill ever be in a fetal position again over a toxic relationship…because I wont be getting involved in one! And Rosa I think you would be able to react differently to one now too :))


First of all, Donna acknowledged that there could be other reasons that Dylan wrote what he did. But the point is, regardless of why DYLAN wrote it, shock value or what, it is a damn good representation of what a sociopath would write. Doesn’t mean he is one, as Donna acknowledges and some of us could write a good imitation of the rantings of a sociopath because unfortunately we’ve come to recognize a little bit about how they think. But it IS a great representation of how different they are from normal humans. And until you get that, really, really, really get that, I don’t think a person understands sociopathy.

On April 28th, Sandra from another site sent out in her newsletter a list of all the ways scientists are discovering that sociopaths are different from the rest of us in physical ways. The list had 39 individual items, such as “The amygdale in psychopaths have less reaction to fight-flight responses, causes them to feel restless, spurring them on to raising hell just for the excitement value.” These items have been documented by tests with MRI imaging, controlled studies, etc.

The P/S/N I was involved with had a sister with Down’s Syndrome. I used to teach retarded children and she is the only retarded child I met who was consistently aggressive, angry, etc. I now think it was a result of living with her P/S/N brother.

I also now think of him as just as damaged physically as she is. Emotionally retarded doesn’t quite capture it. But to meet him, at first you would not suspect that. A successful doctor, has made mega millions, very very smart. But now when I think of him, I feel so much sadness for him. Much more so than his sister, I think he never had a shot at being a fully functioning human being. That has ultimately replaced all the hurt and then anger I felt toward him….a raging anger! But now I truly feel sorry for him, but would never lift a finger to help him. Futile. Completely futile.


One point I keep making, I know, I know, because it took me so long to get it, is that we MUST always keep in mind that the sociopath is bad news for everyone. EVERYONE. Sometimes the S doesn’t cause problems for someone because the S is sucking up to them for something they want, and they get it and just leave. Like a job recommendation. But if they choose to target someone, it WILL be something that person has to deal with.

BUT now that we know there are S’s out there, there ARE things we can do to better protect ourselves. And yes, many of us on lovefraud share traits that made us an easier and jucier target for a S. Some of those traits are STRONG good traits. And some are vulnerabilities that we can now work to resolve or protect. But the point is, in a world of good people like we have on lovefraud, our vulnerabilities would not matter, because no one would try to take advantage of them.


JAH!! :))


“But the point is, in a world of good people like we have on lovefraud, our vulnerabilities would not matter, because no one would try to take advantage of them.”

But the problem is I thought the world was full of good people…so my lesson was to work on my vulnerabilities across the board as it only helps me in healthy and unhealthy environments… It is true to continue to be ourselves and all that we are with everyone…while being consciously aware of our vulnerabilities and what we have learned from our experience with an extox and carry those tools with us for life…

Something so many keep pointing out is how different they are from normal humans…so in that sense I do believe… (oh no here i go again… 🙂 but I do believe some of my ex-tox “ways” were “ways” even he had no clue and was confused about my sudden reaction or comment to something he might have done — because they are so different they dont do what we expect them to do — and they dont necessarily know whats expected (barring the learned behaviors and common sense stuff that we all know…sometimes his lack of knowledge in social skills would get to me in my most vulnerable ways…so NOW THAT I KNOW…I dont let it get to my vulnerable area… does that make sense? Its almost reverse psychology in a sense — I am aware x is unhealthy so he is no longer on the same playing field as me )and I know its IRRELEVANT whether he knows how bad his choices are or not…Im just saying when you REALLY KNOW AND HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THESE CREATURES…they affect your strong and good traits and weaknesses less and less…and you just learn to stop and change direction.


blueskies, you express yourself wonderfully and I have no doubt that you have encountered a P/S. It is rare to be mistaken about that, I think. If anything, most of us tend to give the person the benefit of the doubt, and hope it is something curable.

I have a relative that I think is a S. Even at birth, she would go rigid when picked up. She is a man eater. She is a dare devil way beyond normal, doing brave feats. Most people who meet her admire her tremendously. But she is an S. No doubt about it. ARRGGHHH. Any man I have seen her get involved with thinks he has died and gone to heaven. And I’m never close enough to warn them, and I doubt they would listen. She is a very seductive package, but she leaves them all in a fetal position on the floor, often their careers ruined too.


learnthelesson….You nailed it I think!


Wow, this is a s manifesto, regardless of who/what wrote it. As for Valerie, I am glad she listened to her guts and cut bait.

In regard to malignant hope, or malignant optimism…I read this at my office the other day:

If you think everyone is good….then you haven’t met everyone.

As tongue in cheek as that is supposed to be, it stopped me dead in my tracks, got me laughing. I could see myself, through the years ‘believing’ everyone was good ‘deep down inside’. I think we all learn that stuff from our culture. And then if we’ve got crazies in our family, and the family requires us, as children, to catagorize them as normal….well then we learn to ‘normalize’ and see those who do terrible things to themselves and others as being good.

If molesting grandpa, alcoholic angry auntie, and selfish mom are all normal and good it is no wonder we develop unhealthy doses of malignant hope and optimism.


I believed (up until I met Oxy) that the reason psychopaths were like they were: was because they had been brutalised on every level as a child…like I had! It didn’t occur to me that “hang on, but I ‘m not a psychopath!” DUH…A HOMER!


learnthelesson says:

humans”so in that sense I do believe” (oh no here i go again” but I do believe some of my ex-tox “ways” were “ways” even he had no clue and was confused about my sudden reaction or comment to something he might have done because they are so different they dont do what we expect them to do and they dont necessarily know whats expected (barring the learned behaviors and common sense stuff that we all know”

I remember noticing that over and over. She looked so puzzled like a child sometimes. Didn’t have a clue how she should respond. Big red flag!

Ox Drover

Dear Sugarandspice,

Thank you, sweetie, I am glad that my ramblings have struck a nerve with you, and especially that my stories about Fat Ass and Hairy Ass made you LAUGH. The asses make ME laugh every day with their big floppy ears and “sot en thair ways” behavior.

Tilly, you are so right on, too, that they are what they are and not just because they were treated badly as children. (Some were and some weren’t) I can testify that my P son was never ABUSED, but boy O, does he pretend he was/is abused by me—and believe me if the cops would let me and his brothers in a room with him for half an hour he WOULD BE ABUSED.

Some times I still try to oget the “malignant hope” that my egg donor will “see the light”—I read this great book recently and I got this idea if she would just read it she would “see the light”—so I even ordered a copy for her, and was going to send it to her—sheeeeeeeeeT!!! WTF? Where did THAT idea come from? Out of the blue, obviously! OUt of the deeply buried desire I must still have to get through to her. NOT GONNA HAPPEN, OXY! Get over it!!!

I agree with slimone, if you think everyone is good, you just haven’t met everyone, but then I would change that to ANY one. LOL

Oh, well, onward and upward! Keep reading, keep learning, and internalize it the best you can! (((hugs))))



Me too. And I kept thinking the same thing: that we were kindred, injured spirits. That they needed lots of love and tenderness….like I did/do. Not to say that they may not have been brutalized. But from what I’ve read the abuse in their own backgrounds ‘flavors’ them (though I think they ALL taste like sh*t after you get a real mouthful), but does not turn them into p/n/s.

And as strange as it may sound there was a time when I wanted to be detached and ‘strong’ like I perceived them to be.

Without intellectual/book-learning I kept trying to understand them from an emotional place. And I am admittedly a ‘romantic’ and an ‘individualist’ and a ‘victim’. So, I was ripe for the pickin’!

I have re-categorized many of my past relationships/friendships and can see how my own woundedness, and my belief that they were the ‘walking wounded’–like myself, made me feel lots of compassion and tolerance for their horrible acts.

If they gave me the sad story of their ‘brutalized’ pasts, I was an instant goner. Felt like I just found my soul mate.

I wish more information had been available 20 years ago about s/p/n’s, it would have been SO good to have found out about this then.


Hey everyone–
I am freaking out. I was put on Wellbutrin two weeks ago for Major Depression/post sociopath.
Has anyone else ever been on it????????????????
It has eased my symptoms of depression, but I am noticing a lot of hair coming out on my brush etc.
could be coincidence.– something else. thyroid is fine as is nutrition.
no hormonal probs.
if anyone could tell me their experience with Wellbutrin=== I would really appreciate it.
I will see the shrink on Wed.

Love to all of you.

I hate psychopaths.



I lost a lot of hair too. Mine was stress related. And it didn’t show up right away, it was after I had a high level of stress, over a prolonged period of time.

I hate them too!


Me, too. Two large patches. At the time it showed up, it was a year after I had fled the dangerous psychopath. I was working for someone who used to be a hairdresser, but who had reinvented herself as a businesswoman. She laughed and laughed at my bald spots.

Turned out, she was a psychopath. Guess what happened to the money she owed me for the work I did!


The good news is that the hair grows back generally pretty quickly if this is stress related. You’re doing the right thing, Akitameg, by getting your life back on track.

I put my hair back in a clip that hid the spots. Don’t panic. This too will pass!


Diagnostic Criteria for Schizophrenia

A. Characteristic symptoms: Two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated):

* delusions
* hallucinations
* disorganized speech (e.g., frequent derailment or incoherence)
* grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
* negative symptoms, i.e., affective flattening, alogia, or avolition

Note: Only one Criterion A symptom is required if delusions are bizarre or hallucinations consist of a voice keeping up a running commentary on the person’s behavior or thoughts, or two or more voices conversing with each other.

B. Social/occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time since the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset (or when the onset is in childhood or adolescence, failure to achieve expected level of interpersonal, academic, or occupational achievement).

C. Duration: Continuous signs of the disturbance persist for at least 6 months. This 6-month period must include at least 1 month of symptoms (or less if successfully treated) that meet Criterion A (i.e., active-phase symptoms) and may include periods of prodromal or residual symptoms. During these prodromal or residual periods, the signs of the disturbance may be manifested by only negative symptoms or two or more symptoms listed in Criterion A present in an attenuated form (e.g., odd beliefs, unusual perceptual experiences).

Diagnostic Criteria for Schizotypal Personality Disorder

A. A pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, and reduced capacity for, close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

* ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference)
* odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is
* inconsistent with subcultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or “sixth sense”; in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations)
* unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions
* odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped)
* suspiciousness or paranoid ideation
* inappropriate or constricted affect
* behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar* lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
* excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self

B. Does not occur exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia, a Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features, another Psychotic Disorder, or a Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

C. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.

Note: If criteria are met prior to the onset of Schizophrenia, add “Premorbid,” e.g., “Schizotypal Personality Disorder (Premorbid).”

Or does Dylan have a cluster B personality disorder?

Or maybe Dylan is just acting out of social norms trying to find out just who he is or who he thinks he is? Something teenagers do before they reach maturity.

Really I for one don’t know but I would worry if I was Valerie. She may want to seek some type of therapy just to get a handle on her feeling and desirers on what is happening to her husband.

But I agree with Donna that he did describe to us in part what a sociopath is.

I for one can only hope that Dylan will at some time reach out to others who understand just how complex we are as human being and get the help I believe this person needs.

One question I asked myself is that if this is a “love letter” what type of woman would be attracted to this type of person? But then again how many “ladies” fall in love with serial killers after they are caught and are in prison?

Ox Drover

JAMES!!! GREAT POST! THANKS!!! All good food for thought! The bottom line is though, Valerie needs to get away ASAP, because she cannot “fix” this man.



Has he said he is taking a break ????

I haven’t seen him post – maybe I just missed them.




I was wondering the exact same thing about Matt!!!
It has been a week since he last posted.



Did MAtt say he was going MIA for awhile?

It’s not like him to just go quiet is it??

I know he was job hunting and had recently spent time with his folks.

Ox Drover

As far as MATT being MIA, not sure, didn’t see anything he posted about going MIA–he’s done it a couple’a times though, once for vacation, and once when he had to see something about an ill parent. So I’m not concerned, my guess is he will be back here soon.


Great article. Great posts. I too am missing Matt. Hope he is well and enjoying a moment of bliss somewhere.
Slimone I’m loving you. Yep, won’t forget the taste of that in my mouth any time soon.
I’ve been staying busy, trying to have fun, make new friends, Put out of my mind the whole court thing. My Dad is coming to me my strong shoulder to lean on and was witness to my trip to the domestic violence shelter years ago though they have lost my records and are now representing the poor “abused” ex sp because I hurt his little feelings. Well he threw a sofa on top of me so oh well. Lawyer on Friday and then court next Tuesday the 9th. Prayers please for the open eyes of the judge and my step daughter’s safety as she lives alone with this inhuman man.


Whats MIA?


I feel like running away for ever from everyone…but where to? And who from? I’m a mess tonight.


Tilly: “Missing In Action”

Hang in there, if you wait a few days we can all run away together 🙂 !!!!!!!!!!!


I try to shy away from labeling people & first impressions. This guy made my skin crawl. I truly hope that Valerie is far away from Dylan. I think he has the potential for doing some serious harm. Since I’ve been reading here at LF these last couple years, there have been a couple of s’s who posted their BS. Both times I had to log off & get my mind on something else. It felt like being violated or something. Almost like finally getting the courage up to go back into the ocean to wade around a bit, then here comes Jaws, theme song & all. Very unnerving for me.

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