There is a form of writing which has been shown to have remarkable effects on research subjects’ well-being, social functioning, and cognitive abilities. The best-known of the scientists who study ‘expressive writing’ is James W. Pennebaker, chair of the Department of Psychology at the University of Texas. Pennebaker and several others around the world have found that a short series brief exercises of this particular form of writing about emotional upheavals can improve physical and mental health.
An early study
In his accessible book Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (free chapter here) Pennebaker describes an early experiment. Fifty students were asked to write for 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days. Half were to write about superficial matters; the other half about a traumatic event. Blood was drawn the day before writing commenced, after the final session, and six weeks later. Results. 1. Compared to the superficial writers, the students who wrote about trauma reported feeling sadder and more upset after each day’s writing. 2. Those who wrote about trauma had improved immune function (T-lymphocytes). This was highest the last writing session, but persisted for six weeks. 3. The number of visits to the health centre dropped among those who wrote about trauma. (See below for other effects found in subsequent studies.)
This is likely to seem to be a claim of magic, so let’s go back a step. “Having any type of traumatic experience is associated with elevated illness rates; having any trauma and not talking about it further elevates the risk.” Many readers of Lovefraud have testified to this; they name multiple instances of physical and mental ailments which they date to their stressful and traumatic relationships with psychopaths. And they describe multiple ways of working through it all including participating in internet sites like this one. If non-expression is bad for one, expression might conceivably be good – but exactly what kind of expression matters enormously.
The method
Writing about emotional upheavals in our lives can improve physical and mental health. Although the scientific research surrounding the value of expressive writing is still in the early phases, there are some approaches to writing that have been found to be helpful. Keep in mind that there are probably a thousand ways to write that may be beneficial to you. Think of these as rough guidelines rather than Truth. Indeed, in your own writing, experiment on your own and see what works best.
Getting Ready to Write
Find a time and place where you won?t be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.”¨”¨Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.”¨”¨Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.”¨”¨You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.”¨”¨You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.”¨”¨What to Write About
Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much.
Something that you are dreaming about.
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way.
Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years.
Researchers have found which aspects of this writing are vital and which can be varied – and by how much.
- ‘Writing’ – It turns out that writing with pen and paper, typing on a keyboard, and even ‘writing’ without marking the page (e.g. with the nib retracted) each work fine. (Indeed, female participants do better with the latter method in that they feel freer to use curse words). Even speaking (in this free-form way) into a dictaphone while in bed helped participants to sleep. Importantly, thinking about the trauma showed none of the benefits – some form of expression is crucial.
- Free expression – While the mechanics of the expression can vary, the form of the expression should not. The writing must be ‘free’ – continuous, unencumbered, uncensored. It is helpful to write with the intention of destroying the pages afterwards – if no-one, not even oneself is to read them one may feel more able to let go.
- Frequency – Once a day on three consecutive days was as effective as once an hour for three consecutive hours all on one day. The crucial factors are the regularity (no more than 24 hr gaps) and a frequency of no less than three and no more than four sessions.
- Duration – Writing sessions of not shorter than 15 minutes and not longer than 20 minutes work fine.
Some important Don’ts
- Don’t do too soon after a trauma – It is very important to let one’s normal adaptive mechanisms (including rumination and obsessing) do their healing work. In other words, it is completely normal and even necessary to struggle somewhat after experiencing trauma or emotional upheaval. Only if the symptoms persist after 3-6 months might something like expressive writing be called for.
- Don’t do for more than four days – this particular form of writing, says Pennebaker, shouldn’t be used in an ongoing fashion. It takes one down emotionally at first – one’s system must be given a chance to pick up again.
- Don’t do if it seems too much to tackle – Expressive writing is meant to help not hurt.
- “Despite the large number of promising studies, expressive writing is not a panacea.” — Pennebaker and Chung
- Disclaimer – You will appreciate that I am not in a position to give psychological or medical advice in this forum. This post is not a recommendation but rather food for thought. If it makes sense to you, please discuss it with a mental health professional.
Write unhappy, think happy
The magazine Scientific American Mind summarises the field of expressive writing. It refers to a study which tested three forms of retelling an experience: telling it or writing it proved therapeutic, merely thinking about it, though, “created chaos: events, images and emotions became intertwined, leading people to relive the experience – with the danger of becoming lost in the misery all over again.” (I have referred to this phenomenon as rumination.)
It is noteworthy that ruminating about happy or good things makes one happier (ruminating about unpleasant things, as we’ve seen, is bad for one); conversely, writing about happy things somewhat spoils them (while writing about unhappy things is therapeutic). Note: this refers only to free-form writing.
Any comments? I’d love to hear them.
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Some other research findings
Here are some illustrative points from a 2007 review of the field by Pennebaker and Chung:
- significant drops in physician visits among relatively healthy samples
- beneficial influence on immune function in beneficial ways, including t-helper cell growth (using a blastogenesis procedure with the mitogen PHA), antibody response to Epstein-Barr virus, and antibody response to hepatitis B vaccinations
- skin conductance levels are significantly lower during the trauma disclosures
- systolic blood pressure and heart rate drops to levels below baseline following the disclosure of traumatic topics but not superficial ones
In short, when individuals talk or write about deeply personal topics, their immediate biological responses are congruent with those seen among people attempting to relax. McGuire, Greenberg, and Gevirtz (2005) have shown that these effects can carry over to the longterm in participants with elevated blood pressure. One month after writing, those who participated in the emotional disclosure condition exhibited lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure (DBP) than before writing. Four months after writing, DBP remained lower than baseline levels.
- attitude, stereotyping, creativity, working memory, motivation, life satisfaction, and school performance all changed for the better
- students who write about emotional topics evidence improvements in grades in the months following the study
- senior professionals who have been laid off from their jobs get new jobs more quickly after writing
- university staff members who write about emotional topics are subsequently absent from their work at lower rates than controls
- self reports also suggest that writing about upsetting experiences, although painful in the
days of writing, produces long-term improvements in mood and indicators of well-being
compared to controls
I completely agree that writing is extremely helpful after going through something traumatic. I have always used it as a coping mechanism. When I have experienced the death of people close to me, I always spent time writing–usually poems. It is no different now in the aftermath of the sociopath, except I do not feel as free to journal. This was a secret relationship and I have not shared it beyond this blog. That makes it even harder and the need to write even greater for me. The following is a poem I wrote. It describes the obsessive and confusing feelings I have about the relationship and the overwhelming and annoying need I have felt to keep checking for e-mail messages from him and reading over old ones for clues about the relationship.
Gardening has always been a passion of mine–a means of escape and creative expression. During the affair, I told him I was going to plant a red garden to remind me of him (his favorite color–of course!) I’ve decided that I will still plant it–for different reasons:
Secrets
I admit that I still come here ….
A secret, virtual park bench, the only place where I can safely
look back on the last six months and collect my thoughts.
Anywhere else, and it feels like my imagination. I know I will be alone here–
that both calms and saddens me.
I have been spending my time among the defrauded and the monsters of
this world–a self-imposed pity party that I remain on the fringes of.
My reality has been shaken to its core–all my basic beliefs about
human nature have been challenged in one fell swoop.
If they are to be believed, people can exist who are beyond redemption–
parasitic monsters in human form, walking among us, their purpose: manipulation,
power and self gratification with no remorse or higher consciousness.
Why can’t I wrap my brain around that? It defies my understanding
of the general goodness and oneness amongst our kind. No matter what,
my glass must stay half full. I will not give in to it completely. I will not
let it ruin me.
Do I come here looking for closure? I wonder. What would that be?
Validation that I’ve been deceived, manipulated, worked over?
Or do I want the comfort of compassionate words– would I believe them? I want to.
I read of the days past, and wonder why I wouldn’t allow myself to read between the lines.
What made me need to believe so badly–what was so broken in me that
could only be repaired by someone else’s words?
I need to go home to the sea. I need to throw this out into the waves. Just like
all those days years ago of skipping school and giving everything up to the ocean.
The sand and salt washing me clean, carrying away my secrets. Instead, I will spend
the next month scrubbing and organizing and rearranging–trying to put some
order back into my thoughts. To scrub my mind clean. To rid myself of the need
to come here everyday to think. To make it go away somehow. To put what happened
in some kind of order. To have it all make sense in the grand scheme of things.
For now, I stay here in this secret place, thinking disordered thoughts, not yet
ready for the spring cleaning. Spring is in the air, I can smell it sometimes, and I can see
it in the way the light has changed. Soon my hands will be covered in warm
soil again. I will remember how cleansing the dirt can be. I am desperate to feel
the warm ground under my feet. To be caught up in the busyness again. To be fully occupied
by something purposeful.
My red garden, the plans have been made. The gestation nearly complete. It will be born this year.
Now standing as a symbol for me, of knowing myself more, of acceptance and neediness,
passion and longing…of understanding. Of wariness, betrayal and secrets. Of all the
paradoxes of human nature. Of mystery and faith. The birds and butterflies will
carry it’s secrets skyward, setting me free again.
I type fairly well and fast, and writing has always seemed to me a way to “think” rationally and it seems that putting the “truth” on paper somehow makes it more real for me, whether it is “free form” writing or poetry, it seems to take the rancor out of my heart.
While I write and form words with my fingers it seems that the ideas I put on the paper somehow are “spontaneous” and open. I can type without the words going through my brain (typing off something I am reading) some how they go from my eyes to my fingers, bypassing conscious thought, but when I type from my brain to my fingers, it somehow gives my feelings and my thoughts validity and focus and helps me problem solve.
I started my current blog on narcissism, psychopaths and evil primarily to write this horrible experienceout of my life. To learn something and share it.
It seems every day I have new epiphany and I get closer to better.
Wow, great article!! YES, writing does help! It’s cathartic, keeps you in touch with your own soul on a daily basis AND it’s fun. I’ve blogged since 2004 or 2005 on every subject meaningful to my own heart and found that, during this period of time and while away from Mr. Not-Wonderful back then (a term coined by the guy I’m sort of seeing now), I found something truly terrific in the process: ME.
It kept this round with Mr. NW at a level where I could almost navigate, could bounce-back much better than in the past, and properly place him and his antics in perspective. Not perfectly in perspective, as I ended-up with romantic shellshock or PTSD for awhile still, but much better than ever before in our joint history.
Writing made me find my self-worth in ways I’d never before realized, even with a degree in journalism and a portfolio full of articles since age 20. It was the personal writing, rather than professional, that made me awaken to every facet of my own being and understand my own worth as a human.
There’s something about transferring your deepest thoughts, good or bad, to a page, particularly one that can be read by other people, that screams: here I am – take me as I am or leave me…but I accept that this is me, warts and all.
i am a writer by trade – working as a newspaper reporter for most of my life…
and i don’t think we need a scientific study to know that writing helps us.
it is well understood that after suffering a trauma that people have the need to tell their story – that’s why reporters have an easy time interviewing a witness to say, a car accident, fire or even the world trade center tragedy.
in 20 years of experience, everyone who witnesses a trauma wants to talk about it – it is almost universal. it provides ‘therapy’ to the person.
i believe that even a child who suffers horrendous abuse can survive it – as alice miller offers – with the help of a compassionate, sympathetic witness.
all it takes is one person who believes in the child and the child can survive.
that it is not so much the abuse, or the trauma – but the absense of a sympathetic witness that leaves us damaged.
if the child has no one to believe him, he turns the blame on himself and suffers for a lifetime. he has no one to say ‘you didn’t deserve what you suffered.’
unfortunately for us, we haven’t had any witness to our trauma, no way to ‘tell our story.’
we have no microphone in our face, or sympathetic aunt with the insight and courage to validate our experience and offer a soft shoulder to cry on.
no one believes our story.
the trauma of life with a psychopath keeps us alone in our suffering.
maybe people will get mad at me for saying this, but sometimes i wish the trauma i suffered was more visible, maybe i could have been a spouse of a fireman who died in the WTC.
it would have been i think, easier, because as horrible as the loss would be, i wouldn’t be alone.
my husband would have been a hero. my nation and community would have reached out and supported me. i would have been asked to tell my story.
i would have professional counselors knocking on my door. neighbors would bring casseroles. my child would have the love and support of other men, maybe fellow firemen, who promised to fill in as his “dads.”
it is amazing to me that today, as my psychopath is working and working me to get back with him AGAIN – i really have no one to reach out to. i am isolated.
how can i tell my friends what i am going through AGAIN? they twist their faces when they look at me.
but here i am, writing. i am writing to you, virtual strangers – who have now become my sympathetic witnesses!
now, i get to tell my story and have it received and validated. i know i will heal. i will resist his manipulation.
years ago, people traumatized by psychopaths couldn’t reach out to each other through the web. they couldn’t do a YAHOO search on “manipulation.”
five years ago, i had no idea what a narcissist was. psychopaths ate human flesh.
now, through my writing, through others’ writing, available to me on the internet, i have told my story. i have seen my story in others. my reality is real. it is validated.
i no longer have to carry around the trauma inside me, because – you see – i write….
holywatersalt – Congratulations on your blog. Great look, gripping material. Well done!
Wow to all the comments here and, distraught, I loved your poem.
I mentioned in another thread (at least I think I did; the past few weeks have been so overwhelming for me; I started writing two or three different comments that I never completed and posted) that I have definitely found writing to be helpful. What I do is write the minute I wake up. As soon as I realize I’m awake, I think: ugh, I don’t want to sit up and write, and then I sit up, grab my laptop and start writing anyway, and I do it for at least ten minutes.
I don’t necessarily focus on the trauma in my life. I write about anything that comes into my mind. But, of course, the trauma almost always comes up.
Some mornings I find myself resisting writing about it. I am tempted to write about the weather or what I did yesterday or the mundane chores of the day. At times I allow myself this avoidant behavior. Other times I push myself to face the pain and I allow myself to write about it as fast and as freely as possible.
I remember a line I read long ago. Can’t remember who wrote it or even what kind of book it was in, but it went something like this: Don’t trust any thought arrived at sitting down.
Can’t say I’ve always heeded that wisdom, but I think it’s good advice. And even though writing would technically involve sitting down, I think free writing is active, a combination of physical and mental. Right-brained thinking, hand or fingers moving. Maybe the combination of the mental and physical is what makes it so helpful.
lilyGirl,
You hit on a very important aspect of your suffering is that it is “invisible”—and we don’t get community support for it.
When my P son murdered the girl that he killed, I would gladly have traded places with the mother of the girl, and had my son in a casket and her kid in prison for doing it.
She got community support, and I had to keep my pain “secret” (can’t let the neighbors know!) I locked myself in the house for 3 months, crying like a “gut shot dog” not eating, not sleeping, probably needed to be hospitalized if the truth were known.
It was only when I was able to write this down, and then later, when I went to work in a psych hospital for adolescents, most of which were NOT mentally ill, but were budding psychopaths, that I realized I was NOT ALONE IN MY PAIN, or shame–not that I blamed myself for what he had done, but I realized that my son was a monster and had done the unthinkable.
Yet, even after this he SUCKED me back into his web, and convinced me and his brothers and my mother that he had “repented” and learned something in his years of incarceration—but the mask dropped again, and I saw the “Charlie Manson” eyes, and while his mask was down, he let it slip that he is PROUD OF HIS CRIME, proud that it was “more horrible than even the cops know” (HIS WORDS) and the chilling realization went to my bones that he was NEVER GOING TO CHANGE, he would always be a danger to society, and especially to his family.
Since I have initiated NC with him, I have written and written and gotten the pain out of my heart, and for that I no longer need to write “free flow” about my feelilngs and emotions concerning the loss of my “fantasy” son, the son he could have been but isn’t. MY SON is dead—he died at about age 12 or 13, and the body that keeps walking around and breathing is not my son, but some malignant alien life form that resembles my dead son’s looks.
I have grieved for the loss of my son, the death of his soul, though his body is still mobile, and I no longer believe I can “reach” my son any more than I can pretend that my late husband will be home for supper tonight.
The medical research that is being done about psychopaths, and about our own healing is confirming most of the ideas that I have from “observation.” Once we get past the malignant hope that we can help them, change them, make them see the light or that they will ever change or become “human” we can move on with our own healing.
OxDrover…
i am sending you my homemade macaroni and cheese casserole right now….you didn’t deserve to go through this…
your friend,
lilygirl
Thank you Dr. Steve.
I find writing to coalesce the jumble in my mind.
OXDrover- Your situation is hell. I think psychopathy is torture for survivors, friends and family b/c they ( the Psycho) are alive but NOT for all intents and purposes. I couldn’t ever get a real reaction or answer- it was an un-fun house experience.
But there they are playing at remorse…and we want, need are dying for remorse. And what is so disturbing for me is the fact when I see my P I see
the disorder. The mask is hanging, frayed and it has gotten to the weird point they make odd facial contortions when no one sees them…I remember the looks before, but then I thought it was body language, now it’s like someone looking around a corner at me “seeing” them.