Lovefraud recently received an email from a woman in Israel. She says that she was involved with a man for almost two years, and had sexual relations with him. He promised that they would marry and have children. The guy seemed to have a wife, but he claimed it was a fake marriage to get a passport. Well, he was, in fact, married and leading a double life—a con man. The woman is trying to get him prosecuted for “rape by deception.”
Yes, Israeli law includes the concept that consensual sex based on a false premise is rape. Here’s the actual law:
RAPE
345. (a) If a person had intercourse with a woman —
- (1) without her freely given consent;
- (2) with the woman’s consent, which was obtained by deceit in respect of the identity of the person or the nature of the act;
- (3) when the woman is a minor below age 14, even with her consent;
- (4) by exploiting the woman’s state of unconsciousness or other condition that prevents her from giving her free consent;
- (5) by exploiting the fact that she is mentally ill or deficient, if — because of her illness or mental deficiency — her consent to intercourse did not constitute free consent.
then he committed rape and is liable to sixteen years imprisonment.
When I first heard of this law, I was amazed. A law like this actually exists? What a great idea! How many of us have been lured into sex through deception? My sociopathic ex-husband told me that he was a financially stable entrepreneur, a decorated war veteran and in love with me—none of which was true. I would be thrilled to have him prosecuted for his outrageous lies.
Israeli case
Only a few people have been prosecuted under the “rape by deception” provision in Israel. One case from last year was the subject of a lot of media hype. It turned out to be a very bad case, unlikely to gather support for a law that many of us would probably like to see enacted here.
A man by the name of Saber Kushour was convicted of rape by deception because he led a Jewish woman to believe that he was a Jewish bachelor, and they had consensual sex. In fact he was a married Palestinian with two children. The woman filed a complaint.
Here is what Tzvi Segal, one of three judges in the case, said:
“The court is obliged to protect the public interest from sophisticated, smooth-tongued criminals who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price — the sanctity of their bodies and souls. When the very basis of trust between human beings drops, especially when the matters at hand are so intimate, sensitive and fateful, the court is required to stand firmly at the side of the victims — actual and potential — to protect their wellbeing. Otherwise, they will be used, manipulated and misled, while paying only a tolerable and symbolic price.”
You can read about the story, and the verdict, in Arab guilty of rape after consensual sex with Jew on Guardian.co.uk.
As you would think by the above headline, the story touched off international criticism that the Israeli court was racist, and the law was a ploy to inhibit interracial dating.
Once details of the case were known, it got even messier. Apparently the woman, who was not named, approached Kushour as he walked out of a convenience store. Within 10 or 15 minutes of meeting, the two went to a nearby building and had sex.
The woman told police that she had been abused by her father since she was young and forced by him to become a sex worker. She also said that the sex wasn’t consensual; she was raped and left naked and bleeding.
Then it turned out that she had filed 14 previous rape complaints. The prosecution agreed to a plea bargain, reducing the sentence to “rape by deception,” supposedly to prevent a long cross-examination of the victim. My guess is that the prosecutors decided the woman wasn’t credible, and if they took the case to trial, they would lose. The prosecution took what it could get. But Kushour thought the sentence was too long—18 months— and he is appealing his conviction. Read:
Saber Kushour: ”˜My conviction for “rape by deception” has ruined my life’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Arab rape-by-deception charge ”˜was result of plea bargain’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Israeli Palestinian man to appeal rape-by-deception conviction, on CNN.com
Possible in the U.S.?
So, could there be such a law in the United States? Actually, a few states have similar laws—California, Tennessee, Alabama and Michigan. They’re called “rape by fraud” or “rape by coercion” laws.
Back in 1995, Nashville, Tennessee was all a-twitter about the case of the “Fantasy Man.” Raymond Mitchell III, a 45-year-old businessman, took to calling women late at night. In a sexy whisper, he persuaded them to unlock their doors, undress, put on a blindfold, and wait for him in bed. At least eight women thought he was their boyfriend and had sex with him.
Mitchell turned out to be a man with a double life. By day he was a churchgoer who spent time with his ailing mother and helped raise a fatherless nephew. By night he was the Fantasy Man. Mitchell was convicted and sentenced to 15 years in prison for rape by fraud and attempted rape by fraud. Read:
Three accuse ”˜Fantasy Man’ lover of rape on LATimes.com
Rape by fraud guilty verdict on NYDailyNews.com.
”˜Fantasy Man’ going to prison on News.Google.com.
In a similar case in Massachusetts, the perp was not convicted. A woman lived with her boyfriend in the basement of his father’s home. Her boyfriend’s brother also lived in the house. One night, while the woman slept and her boyfriend was at work, a man came into the room. It was dark, the woman thought her boyfriend had come home, they had sex—but it was the brother.
The brother was prosecuted for rape. But because Massachusetts law specifies that rape requires force, and the sex was consensual, the state supreme court ruled that no rape had been committed.
Read Does sex through fraud constitute rape? On Salon.com.
I have a feeling that we’re not going to see many rape by deception laws. Even if the laws were enacted, they wouldn’t be enforced. I mean, most prosecutors won’t go after people who commit bigamy, so they’re unlikely to go after people who are slick enough to talk themselves into other people’s pants.
Thank you ((Superkid)). I think that’s why they call it a Mind F**k.
Great article….I wish such laws existed here!!
Wow! How awesome for Israel. This SO resonated with me because I feel like I’ve been raped — emotionally, physically and financially! THe worst part is he’s not in jail and I can’t put him there for what he’s done to me. The irony in this whole thing is I was trying to do things “right” this time — no sex before marriage. Had i been intimate with him BEFORE saying I DO, I would NOT have married him….. because as soon as I got that close to him — i realized he was a fake and just pretending he loved me. I FELT it the moment we first had sex. I KNEW something was off…. and not to mention that he had a teeny male member…. had I seen it before, i would have had second thoughts just on that account alone!
THANK YOU DONNA!! Great article, this is very validating at the least! I have even told a few close friends “I feel like I have been raped”. I was absolutely raped by deception! I was nothing more than a pawn in some kind of sick game that he was playing and when our marriage was annulled based on fraud he simply moved on searching for the next victim. Correction…, he was looking for his next victim even through our very short marriage, I just didn’t know what a creep he was. He is a predator and he has several women on a string at all times because he knows it is only a matter of time before the women will figure out who he really is. I am haunted by the reality of the deep level of pure evil that this man lives out every day all the while claiming to be a man of God. It’s not just about what he did to me, It’s about how he seeks to use the position of ministry to get a person to trust him (He was a pastor.) The church has rescinded his credentials because of his behavior, but he just moved to the church down the street and he is all over the internet talking about love of God and seeking out porn and his next victim at the same time! This man has a very long criminal history and in the church he has found a way to make it work for his benefit, because he gives the credit for his “transformation” to this church or that church, this ministry or that ministry. And I have seen organization after organization eat it up, because we all LOVE a story of transformation!! Some of that is on us!! Even though he is lying and deceiving us, He is appealing to the idols of our heart and we need to be better at discerning that!! He uses our faith against us, it is a diabolical and intentional con for his benefit. If the church leadership is not very healthy and able to see through the lies and deception it sets up an atmosphere of tremendous devastation for the victims!! Shame on some unhealthy churches for throwing the victims of narcissistic sociopath predators under the bus so they can save face!! I don’t think there is anything more offensive to God!! It isn’t just physical, sexual, financial, emotional, psychological abuse, but spiritual abuse also…completely devastating!! Please understand that there are healthy churches out there, but I will be much more cautious to not blindly trust anyone just because they say they are a believer. The church leaders that stood up for this man had never checked out his background, they blindly trusted him, and that was wrong. When people put someone in a position of leadership or ministry in the church, it communicates that this is a trustworthy person. I should have checked him out before I married him, I should not have blindly trusted the church leadership!! I was greatly deceived, lesson learned.
Thank you Donna for posting my story.
Yes it is quite great Israel has such a law, but i am still fighting the police and prosecution to pay attention to the details and take this law seriously. Although it exists, many of the “law people” are too lazy to practice this law and are doing almost nothing in order to convict people by it.
And yes, it was a double life indeed.
Thank you for letting me know there was such a law in the United states, or similar, as you said.
Actually, the Israeli law is trying to put some boundaries about that law- not every cheating is rape by fraud. Mostly, it is when a guy lies at the beginning in order to get in bed with a woman, tells her something about himself that makes her want to sleep with him, if he didnt, she wouldnt have. The case is strongest if that man had pretended to be her boyfriend or partner in life, when he didnt have the intention to do so, when the woman tries to find out about his parents, hobbies, etc. The case with the palestinian was a bit different because the woman slept with him immediately and the court didnt know if her intentions were to have a family with him, this is why he was convicted only of 18 months imprisonment.
Dear Hosanna,
Thank you for that post! Good information, and unfortunately, Jesus was right in that “wolves in sheep’s clothing” have infiltrated many churches, or taken the leadership in them as well.
They use this position of trust to mask their deceptions…then if caught, just move on to another church group.
I’m glad you got an annulment and found your way here to Love Fraud. There IS HEALING, it is just painful, but hold on to your faith, just because there are wolves in sheep’s clothing doesn’t mean the message of PEACE is wrong, just that there ARE deceivers and psychopaths who will abuse others. Satan is alive and well, and his army is made up of psychopaths! But–they can’t win if we don’t let them! Stay strong! God bless.
Hosanna – I have heard of many sociopaths pretending to be God-fearing Christians or followers of other faiths. It is truly disgusting.
Isurvived – thank you for telling me about this law. I wish it were enforced.
I can see the difficulty in some crying rape with deception. With a cheating spouse, some women don’t ask a man if he’s married. They assume that he would tell them if he was. BUT a cheater is a deceiver and just b/c a woman is good and honest does NOT mean a woman is automatically protected from opportunists and predators.
For ex:My husband has this strange logic, that if he didn’t want the other woman, then having sex with her was not cheating and he wasn’t responsible b/c SHE came on to HIM. Women flirt and make it clear they are available for a man’s attentions and then cry foul when the man is a jerk and uses them.
Thus I draw a distinction b/t true fraud as happened with Donna, the LOVEFRAUD author, versus women who did not perform even the simplist DUE DILIGENCE to protect themselves. A little self responsibility reveals a lot of married men. Plus I think being able to show the steps you took to ensure honor and truthfulness would only support your court case where you can demonstate how he connived to hide and obscure the truth for his deceitful gain.
what’s the difference b/t “i know CPR, I can help!” and “i know GOD, I can help!”
They both disarm a person and set up trust that rescue is imminent in THREE WORDS.
I am a person of strong faith who has NO Trust in Any church. Seems when money, power, and no accountability are present, then abuse of trust predictably follows.