Lovefraud recently received an email from a woman in Israel. She says that she was involved with a man for almost two years, and had sexual relations with him. He promised that they would marry and have children. The guy seemed to have a wife, but he claimed it was a fake marriage to get a passport. Well, he was, in fact, married and leading a double life—a con man. The woman is trying to get him prosecuted for “rape by deception.”
Yes, Israeli law includes the concept that consensual sex based on a false premise is rape. Here’s the actual law:
RAPE
345. (a) If a person had intercourse with a woman —
- (1) without her freely given consent;
- (2) with the woman’s consent, which was obtained by deceit in respect of the identity of the person or the nature of the act;
- (3) when the woman is a minor below age 14, even with her consent;
- (4) by exploiting the woman’s state of unconsciousness or other condition that prevents her from giving her free consent;
- (5) by exploiting the fact that she is mentally ill or deficient, if — because of her illness or mental deficiency — her consent to intercourse did not constitute free consent.
then he committed rape and is liable to sixteen years imprisonment.
When I first heard of this law, I was amazed. A law like this actually exists? What a great idea! How many of us have been lured into sex through deception? My sociopathic ex-husband told me that he was a financially stable entrepreneur, a decorated war veteran and in love with me—none of which was true. I would be thrilled to have him prosecuted for his outrageous lies.
Israeli case
Only a few people have been prosecuted under the “rape by deception” provision in Israel. One case from last year was the subject of a lot of media hype. It turned out to be a very bad case, unlikely to gather support for a law that many of us would probably like to see enacted here.
A man by the name of Saber Kushour was convicted of rape by deception because he led a Jewish woman to believe that he was a Jewish bachelor, and they had consensual sex. In fact he was a married Palestinian with two children. The woman filed a complaint.
Here is what Tzvi Segal, one of three judges in the case, said:
“The court is obliged to protect the public interest from sophisticated, smooth-tongued criminals who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price — the sanctity of their bodies and souls. When the very basis of trust between human beings drops, especially when the matters at hand are so intimate, sensitive and fateful, the court is required to stand firmly at the side of the victims — actual and potential — to protect their wellbeing. Otherwise, they will be used, manipulated and misled, while paying only a tolerable and symbolic price.”
You can read about the story, and the verdict, in Arab guilty of rape after consensual sex with Jew on Guardian.co.uk.
As you would think by the above headline, the story touched off international criticism that the Israeli court was racist, and the law was a ploy to inhibit interracial dating.
Once details of the case were known, it got even messier. Apparently the woman, who was not named, approached Kushour as he walked out of a convenience store. Within 10 or 15 minutes of meeting, the two went to a nearby building and had sex.
The woman told police that she had been abused by her father since she was young and forced by him to become a sex worker. She also said that the sex wasn’t consensual; she was raped and left naked and bleeding.
Then it turned out that she had filed 14 previous rape complaints. The prosecution agreed to a plea bargain, reducing the sentence to “rape by deception,” supposedly to prevent a long cross-examination of the victim. My guess is that the prosecutors decided the woman wasn’t credible, and if they took the case to trial, they would lose. The prosecution took what it could get. But Kushour thought the sentence was too long—18 months— and he is appealing his conviction. Read:
Saber Kushour: ”˜My conviction for “rape by deception” has ruined my life’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Arab rape-by-deception charge ”˜was result of plea bargain’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Israeli Palestinian man to appeal rape-by-deception conviction, on CNN.com
Possible in the U.S.?
So, could there be such a law in the United States? Actually, a few states have similar laws—California, Tennessee, Alabama and Michigan. They’re called “rape by fraud” or “rape by coercion” laws.
Back in 1995, Nashville, Tennessee was all a-twitter about the case of the “Fantasy Man.” Raymond Mitchell III, a 45-year-old businessman, took to calling women late at night. In a sexy whisper, he persuaded them to unlock their doors, undress, put on a blindfold, and wait for him in bed. At least eight women thought he was their boyfriend and had sex with him.
Mitchell turned out to be a man with a double life. By day he was a churchgoer who spent time with his ailing mother and helped raise a fatherless nephew. By night he was the Fantasy Man. Mitchell was convicted and sentenced to 15 years in prison for rape by fraud and attempted rape by fraud. Read:
Three accuse ”˜Fantasy Man’ lover of rape on LATimes.com
Rape by fraud guilty verdict on NYDailyNews.com.
”˜Fantasy Man’ going to prison on News.Google.com.
In a similar case in Massachusetts, the perp was not convicted. A woman lived with her boyfriend in the basement of his father’s home. Her boyfriend’s brother also lived in the house. One night, while the woman slept and her boyfriend was at work, a man came into the room. It was dark, the woman thought her boyfriend had come home, they had sex—but it was the brother.
The brother was prosecuted for rape. But because Massachusetts law specifies that rape requires force, and the sex was consensual, the state supreme court ruled that no rape had been committed.
Read Does sex through fraud constitute rape? On Salon.com.
I have a feeling that we’re not going to see many rape by deception laws. Even if the laws were enacted, they wouldn’t be enforced. I mean, most prosecutors won’t go after people who commit bigamy, so they’re unlikely to go after people who are slick enough to talk themselves into other people’s pants.
kitten:
Good post! So sorry though that despite doing all the right things (waiting to have sex after marriage) it still went awry. Teeny male member…haha! Sometimes I think these guys with little ones need to try to prove something…going from woman to woman…UGGHH.
Donna-my mom is a raging narcissist and also one of the most religious people you could ever know.
Liz and Donna,
my mom too. Prays the rosary every night on her knees and she’s a total spath. She feels nothing for anyone.
Kitten,
my spath had a tiny member too. Could this be a clue? It reminds me of a South Park episode I watched once.. LOL!
skylar:
I think it could be a clue!
I just went to a website that I thought was very interesting, written by a psychologist who “gets it” about psychopaths. Here is a bit of an article she wrote about “rape” by deception.
Our society has been conditioned to define rape narrowly, usually as a man forcing themselves upon a woman. But force is just one way of violating another human being, and both genders can be victims of rape. Fraud and coercion are two other major means of achieving power and control over another via sexual violation.
Unfortunately, defining rape as anything but an act of force is stereotyped as feminist or liberal thinking. Reality is that rape committed through fraud and coercion can cause most of the same traumatic effects as rape by force. We don’t need scientific proof of this; just ask someone who’s been through it. PTSD, for example, is alive and well in a wide range of rape victims.
Rape by fraud and coercion can carry an additional psychologically damaging element because victims may question how they could allow themselves to be duped and blame themselves for the violation. Victims can also suffer from lasting medical issues such as sexually transmitted diseases, some life-threatening, as a result. Pregnancies and financial difficulties can occur, and the victim’s ability to have or maintain future relationships can suffer horribly.
http://wildninja.wordpress.com/
HOSANNA – I have a question for you. You mention that the marriage was annulled due to fraud. Was the law involved or only your church? I can relate to SO MUCH of what you’ve shared of your situation. In my case, the sociopath is ALSO pretending to be a man of God, he also pretends to have had a transformation from a previously evil life to a life of purity in Christ, he is also involved in ministry although NOT as a minister — thank God…. however he preaches and is very pushy about being involved with as much church activity as they will allow him to. He has convinced the minister at his church that he is holy and I am a she-devil….. but our day in court is coming — Nov 14th – and by God’s power and justness I hope he will be shown to be the conman predator that he really is. He has defrauded me mercilessly from day 1. He was a lie from Hello to Good Bye. He is PURE EVIL — a pathological liar who has no remorse and only wanted my money. The sociopaths who masquerade as godly men are even more enticing to women — because it is easy to trust someone who is constantly invoking the name of God – it’s powerful to those who are really trying to do His will. You’re SO right when you said you were spiritually raped! My sociopath spiritually raped me by convincing me it was God’s will that I marry him. So I can add that to the list (emotionally, psychologically, financially and spiritually raped). Now on my way to healing and wholeness. Thank you all for your input. I find solace in this community of fellow sufferers. THANK YOU ALL!
As a survivor of both “normal” rape and rape by fraud, i must say that the normal rape had less effect on me because it happened ONCE. the other one though happened soooooo many times, and the effect was the same. i wish sometimes it was just a one night/day thing and not a constant rape for 2 years……..
isurvived – when i ran into one of my x friends this spring (someone i had been close to and lost during the spath debacle), i told her that effect was like being raped, and that they (she and another friend) had just abandoned me. I was trying to find a context for my experience that i thought she would at least be able to relate to intellectually, that would help her to understand why expecting me to be all over it in 6 months was unrealistic. Glad I said it, but it didn’t make a wit of difference with her. It did with me, however. Every time i have seen her since i have walked in the other direction.
isurvived
maybe that’s my problem with defining it as rape. b/c like you, my “normal” rape was a onetime event that i could process. it was the carp done to me after that was traumatic (beaten so the blood ran through my shirt and stuck it to me and thrown out of the house for being a whore, never to have a family ever again.)
Like my rape, the events done to me by my husband were bad, but it’s the trauma stuff done after that totally mindfarked me. Like when he cheated, totally blew me away b/c I never thought he was that type. But all the people making fun of me b/c he wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t so ugly, that he couldn’t stand to touch me, laughing and pointing at me, judged as less than, he was excused and defended for a variety of reasons, the woman coming to me and telling me and laughing at me for being too stupid to figure out she was the one, his uncle who we let live rent free in the house next to ours making threats to me as he felt protective of the other woman…why did the whole town have to know? The humiliation piled on of all the ways I was worth less…the threats to my life b/c I was worthless…the small physical assaults… RAPE was easy in comparison.
Katy,
I’m sorry that you experienced that.
It is sad when people need to diminish another in order to feel better about themselves. Sad for them. The extent to which your exspath and his minions went to, to accomplish this, demonstrates how pathetic their own internal lives are.
When my exspath asked me, “what have I done to you that is so bad?” he was hoping to wallow in the rehashing of how he humiliated and tortured me. Instead, I replied, “spath, you have not done ANYTHING to me compared to what you have done to yourself.” because the truth is, that when someone commits such vile acts, the destruction they cause to their souls is worse than what they do to us. They are metaphorical “suicide bombers” who have cut off their own noses to spite their faces.