Lovefraud recently received an email from a woman in Israel. She says that she was involved with a man for almost two years, and had sexual relations with him. He promised that they would marry and have children. The guy seemed to have a wife, but he claimed it was a fake marriage to get a passport. Well, he was, in fact, married and leading a double life—a con man. The woman is trying to get him prosecuted for “rape by deception.”
Yes, Israeli law includes the concept that consensual sex based on a false premise is rape. Here’s the actual law:
RAPE
345. (a) If a person had intercourse with a woman —
- (1) without her freely given consent;
- (2) with the woman’s consent, which was obtained by deceit in respect of the identity of the person or the nature of the act;
- (3) when the woman is a minor below age 14, even with her consent;
- (4) by exploiting the woman’s state of unconsciousness or other condition that prevents her from giving her free consent;
- (5) by exploiting the fact that she is mentally ill or deficient, if — because of her illness or mental deficiency — her consent to intercourse did not constitute free consent.
then he committed rape and is liable to sixteen years imprisonment.
When I first heard of this law, I was amazed. A law like this actually exists? What a great idea! How many of us have been lured into sex through deception? My sociopathic ex-husband told me that he was a financially stable entrepreneur, a decorated war veteran and in love with me—none of which was true. I would be thrilled to have him prosecuted for his outrageous lies.
Israeli case
Only a few people have been prosecuted under the “rape by deception” provision in Israel. One case from last year was the subject of a lot of media hype. It turned out to be a very bad case, unlikely to gather support for a law that many of us would probably like to see enacted here.
A man by the name of Saber Kushour was convicted of rape by deception because he led a Jewish woman to believe that he was a Jewish bachelor, and they had consensual sex. In fact he was a married Palestinian with two children. The woman filed a complaint.
Here is what Tzvi Segal, one of three judges in the case, said:
“The court is obliged to protect the public interest from sophisticated, smooth-tongued criminals who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price — the sanctity of their bodies and souls. When the very basis of trust between human beings drops, especially when the matters at hand are so intimate, sensitive and fateful, the court is required to stand firmly at the side of the victims — actual and potential — to protect their wellbeing. Otherwise, they will be used, manipulated and misled, while paying only a tolerable and symbolic price.”
You can read about the story, and the verdict, in Arab guilty of rape after consensual sex with Jew on Guardian.co.uk.
As you would think by the above headline, the story touched off international criticism that the Israeli court was racist, and the law was a ploy to inhibit interracial dating.
Once details of the case were known, it got even messier. Apparently the woman, who was not named, approached Kushour as he walked out of a convenience store. Within 10 or 15 minutes of meeting, the two went to a nearby building and had sex.
The woman told police that she had been abused by her father since she was young and forced by him to become a sex worker. She also said that the sex wasn’t consensual; she was raped and left naked and bleeding.
Then it turned out that she had filed 14 previous rape complaints. The prosecution agreed to a plea bargain, reducing the sentence to “rape by deception,” supposedly to prevent a long cross-examination of the victim. My guess is that the prosecutors decided the woman wasn’t credible, and if they took the case to trial, they would lose. The prosecution took what it could get. But Kushour thought the sentence was too long—18 months— and he is appealing his conviction. Read:
Saber Kushour: ”˜My conviction for “rape by deception” has ruined my life’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Arab rape-by-deception charge ”˜was result of plea bargain’, on Guardian.co.uk.
Israeli Palestinian man to appeal rape-by-deception conviction, on CNN.com
Possible in the U.S.?
So, could there be such a law in the United States? Actually, a few states have similar laws—California, Tennessee, Alabama and Michigan. They’re called “rape by fraud” or “rape by coercion” laws.
Back in 1995, Nashville, Tennessee was all a-twitter about the case of the “Fantasy Man.” Raymond Mitchell III, a 45-year-old businessman, took to calling women late at night. In a sexy whisper, he persuaded them to unlock their doors, undress, put on a blindfold, and wait for him in bed. At least eight women thought he was their boyfriend and had sex with him.
Mitchell turned out to be a man with a double life. By day he was a churchgoer who spent time with his ailing mother and helped raise a fatherless nephew. By night he was the Fantasy Man. Mitchell was convicted and sentenced to 15 years in prison for rape by fraud and attempted rape by fraud. Read:
Three accuse ”˜Fantasy Man’ lover of rape on LATimes.com
Rape by fraud guilty verdict on NYDailyNews.com.
”˜Fantasy Man’ going to prison on News.Google.com.
In a similar case in Massachusetts, the perp was not convicted. A woman lived with her boyfriend in the basement of his father’s home. Her boyfriend’s brother also lived in the house. One night, while the woman slept and her boyfriend was at work, a man came into the room. It was dark, the woman thought her boyfriend had come home, they had sex—but it was the brother.
The brother was prosecuted for rape. But because Massachusetts law specifies that rape requires force, and the sex was consensual, the state supreme court ruled that no rape had been committed.
Read Does sex through fraud constitute rape? On Salon.com.
I have a feeling that we’re not going to see many rape by deception laws. Even if the laws were enacted, they wouldn’t be enforced. I mean, most prosecutors won’t go after people who commit bigamy, so they’re unlikely to go after people who are slick enough to talk themselves into other people’s pants.
Panther,
when they wear no mask, I call them narcissists.
Those that wear a partial mask, I call socipaths. These are the ones that are jerks but somehow manage to convince us that they have a heart of gold underneath all that bad-boy/girl exterior.
Then there are the psychopaths. The mask is firmly in place and they are the last ones you would ever suspect. The mask never comes off and you have to know them pretty well to know it’s a mask.
That’s just my most recent attempt at categorizing the spaths.
.
Panther
Demitri is the funniest thing I have ever seen on YouTube. I predict he will go viral. HE is the epitome of sleeze. We will all be looking at a guy, turn to someone else, and both say Demitri and we will both know that we have called someone a terrible name. It’s gotta be an act. He’s a stereotype. People from his home country will be demanding that he change his name or stop mentioning his heritage. Oh gotta go share him with my friends who are depressed at not having a boyfriend. He is THE CURE. Makes ya happy to be ALONE!! LMAOROTF. LOL LOL LOL.
Is Demitri related to Borat?
I think I’ll become the female Demitri. Oh wait, one of my stbx husband’s flings beat me to that persona….
Constantine,
You are right there is so much the SAME about psychopaths…and it is kind of funny to imagine them changing “costumes” from hairy chested guy to some Barbie-wanna be.
We have joked on LF for years about the “Psychopath’s Play Book” and how it seems they all seem to use pages out of that book. Actually the book “The 48 Laws of Power” is almost the exact play book, I think. I’ve heard about this Dimitri guy before and how he makes money giving seduction lessons. The guy who wrote 48 Laws book did one on seduction as well, though I haven’t read it…not gonna waste my money even buying a used copy. LOL I think 20/20 or Dateline did a program on Dimitri didn’t they? He makes my skin crawl!
‘
Hello Constantine
You ask a question and I have an answer, albeit, perhaps unique to me but if I’ve learned one thing on LF, nothing about me and my spath is unique.
My husband could say the most sincere things, things that melted my heart. His pity play, that he was just a nice guy but all his girlfriends, for one reason or another, left him and he had to pretend it didn’t matter. (was bs, they left only after he was so cold and cruel that they had to get away from facing his calloused face that pretended he didn’t even know them…)
My husband IS the most charming, most seductive man. He steps into your personal space and instead of being alarmed, you want him there. He’s handsome and (at first) validating, and kind, and just a folksy good ol boy who wouldn’t harm a fly (actually he kills after he determines that he has an excuse b/c his target “asked for it”.)
My husband has a “close relationship” with his mother. He was her confidant. She was sexual, wore next to nothing when I saw her, didn’t even put on a robe when her adult son was in the house, no bra, very touchy, and also invaded personal space. At marriage councelling, it came out and my husband agreed that there was “emotional incest” but did not go as far as admitting physical incest (didn’t say yes but didn’t say no either, very evasive, changed the subject by asking a question.) BUT would insist on sleeping with me in the same position his mother did when she put him to bed as a child. It was one of our HUGE disagreements. It sickened me. I felt like a pedophile to sleep in the way he demanded (if I didn’t, he punished me by being cold and distant)
Have I painted enough of a picture yet? Of a grown man still being his mommy’s special little boy, still her confidant bff, her soulmate joined in eternity (those are the words on a mother’s day card he gave her, again i was heartbroken to read that.)
His mother taught him how to seduce. He just rinse, repeat with ALL women. Old women loved his charm. Younger women loved his seduction. Dropping his voice an octave, smiling a friendly smile, drawing them into a confidential secret. It was like breathing to him. He did it b/c he knew it worked. It worked since he was a kindergardner. Everyone knew he was very very close to mommy.
Once a town lady told me she was surprised his mother let him marry b/c they were “unusually close” mother/son relationship. But I stupidly didn’t get the message. All I saw was a son who avoided his mom, didn’t even talk to her except at holidays and family events. But when our marriage was clearly not working out, she was in our home every day, making plans what she was going to do to our house, inserting herself where a wife should be, doing the grand opening of our town biz and I was excluded, and at Christmas that final year, they were sitting at the dining table after dinner, sitting like two lovers. I walked in the room and saw that and my heart was sick. The rest of his family acted like it was normal, no big deal. My daughter walked in and saw it too and said “Mom! WHat the “F”? I called my husband into another room and told him to knock it off.
You asked how they instinctively know how to do that. In my case, the answer is simple. The spath parent taught him seduction skills from birth. His genes (dad is spath too) and his experience combined, he had it down probably before he could even talk.
part II As an spath, my husband compartmentalizes like nobody’s business. He’d watch a person’s reaction as if he were a fly on the wall. He knew it worked b/c he tested it so many times that he no longer had to question it. ANd he used the same ruse over and over, with himself acting as if the event was the first time he’d experienced it. But… it was from his second time to his 100th time, and every time he expresses the same first timelike response. (i.e. He could go to the same movie 100 times with 100 different people and when he walked out, the person he went with would swear it was my husband’s first viewing. Same thing about sex. How many times can a man be a “virgin”? It stopped only when we got married.)
Constantine,
I agree with you on that being “amazing”—it is “odd” (at least) that there is so much of the same behavior across ages, sexes, and cultures, as well as it is the kind of thing that has gone on for centuries.
You’re also right about the “serious gallows humor” that can be extracted from it…unfortunately, it is “years and tears” down the line from when the knowledge finally breaks through our skulls.
You are also right that comedy is tragedy plus time, at least if it is concerning ourselves. In fact, I think most comedy is something “painful” to the other person—you see the banana peel, you see the guy walking, you start laughing because you KNOW that **he** is going to slip and fall. If it were YOU that was to slip and fall it wouldn’t be so funny in the present….only in retrospect.
So I guess I have a lot of laughter on the way, and I’m only now starting to “get the JOKE.”
Hi Constantine – if you consider that spaths lack empathy, and what that really means, it’s easy to understand how they all operate in a similar way. Without empathy, they lack a filter that we all have and use to some degree. In part we understand our environments (including other people and ourselves) by our emotional response to them. We spend a lot of time processing the information we gather and respond to emotionally. *They* do not. they just study us. They see what we respond to, and they learn to use it against us. Their singular predominant filter is that of a predator – they watch and figure out how to act to take us down.
…and yes, the best gallows humour *anywhere* is on lf!
out in the world some people mistake it for cynicism…it isn’t.