By | December 21, 2011 12 Comments

Recognizing Hell, and Finding The Way Out

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

This is the third in a series of postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.

 -Spiritual Truth-

-There is absolutely nothing that ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being happy, joyous and free today.  If this is true”¦and it is”¦then, peace must be a choice.-

One of the most challenging things that I have ever done is seeking to make sense out of my experience with my father.  It has also been the most rewarding.

I just didn’t believe that I could ever trust God if I was not able to make sense of these events, so I set out to find the answer.  What I found not only surprised me, it literally turned my understanding of the world upside down.  Thank God.

Hell, I found, is not something experienced on the outside.  As much as I wanted to think that being the son of a serial killer and the experiences that I had with my dad were to blame for everything bad that happened to me, it is just not true.

Hell is created on the inside, by our own doing.  It’s what we do with the experiences that determine where we live.  It is a choice between heaven and hell”¦literally.

Real freedom from fear, and these experiences, comes through release from the past.  This release occurs when we realize that the past has no power over us.  Freedom from the past is all about specific steps.  First we admit that we are powerless over whatever it is that has brought us misery. Next, we recognize that we were unable to relieve ourselves of this suffering, so some power greater than ourselves would be needed to get free.  Consequently, we make a decision to turn to Our Creator for help.  Then we commence to search out the things in ourselves which had brought us this discomfort.

Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one’s life.  When we look deep within ourselves with an open mind and willing heart, we can see where nearly every trouble in our lives has originated from.  It is not a blame game, but something called spiritual growth and the rewards are indescribable.

Once I began journaling, I noticed, for the first time, that there was a pattern to my behavior.  One of the most interesting findings was that I had multiple encounters with sociopaths.  My initial response was, “why me?”.

At first I felt like a victim, then I asked myself that haunting “why me” question again.  This time I meant it, and because I was beginning to seek God’s help with the answer, I was no longer afraid to ask the question.  In fact, I wanted to know the answer.

What I found was that I was attracted to them. As it turned out, they had many of the same characteristics as my father”¦charming, engaging and they seemed to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.  It sounded crazy to me that I would fall for this again and again.

Then, I noticed the gift I was being given through this process.  The gift of Awareness”¦now I knew that it was me that needed to change, not them.  Unless I changed, I would continue to repeat the same behavior as so many of us do, over and over again.

I knew where this gift came from.  I was asking God to help me understand all this, and now I was beginning to get answers.  Trust was being established, but I still had a long way to go.  At least, it seemed, He was there and beginning to answer my prayers.

My part was becoming willing to believe and the journaling was proof that I had taken the next step towards faith.  It is important for me to point out that I did not do this alone.  There were others helping me that had done this before me and found their freedom just the same way.  I saw peace in them, and I wanted it.  Experiencing Hell no longer appeared to be a blocker to peace, as it was now becoming the motivation for it.  I was opening the door that would release me from my past.

This is a simple fact for me now. 

Today I am surrounded by loving, caring people.  I am no longer a victim and have no fear that I will ever become tangled up with a sociopath again.  I attract different people into my life and just as I have no interest in sociopaths anymore, they have none in me.  I am no longer an easy mark for them.

What we think, what we do, has an impact on what is manifested in our lives.  Everything I do or even think has an effect on my world.  What I see I have asked for.  This in itself can be a scary proposition, but there is one who has all power, and he wants to help us overcome this fear.

This lesson taught me that peace IS a choice.  It is up to me, but to get there, I needed to surrender the past, ask God for help and do the work.

This was still only the beginning, but it was a good start.  The Miracle was that I was coming to know my teacher and His characteristics were nothing like that of the sociopath.  He was offering peace, love and forgiveness.

I am grateful that I came to believe that there was another way to look at this, and trusted others to show me the way.  Now, the greatest gift that I have, is being able to help show others the way out.  Today, I offer a six week Course in Forgiving online that guides participants through the step by step process of letting go.   This suffering has become a Miracle of Healing that I would not exchange for anything in this world.

 If interested in The Course, information is available in my listing in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide, or you are invited to visit my website at  My contact information is listed there as well.

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donna dixon

Thank you, Travis!!!! Your analogy that HELL is created INSIDE is priceless….
After reading Mel’s post yesterday and yours today I concur 100%.

Within the last 60 days I have felt this powerful ball of energy within myself and it was just last week that I told one of my children how I felt physically and mentally powerful. I know I no longer harbor the “HURT” and “DEVASTATION” of a relationship that never was. I realize that I AM a strong woman and I alone can accomplish whatever I set my mind too. I know that I possess all the qualities that I held in my youth but I am stronger for HAVING SURVIVED the charade of a loving marriage I THOUGHT I was in. My reward is knowing that I was and will always be a LOVING, CARING person and NO ONE can ever destroy that spirit within me.

I can’t thank you and Mel enough for your posts!!!! I know I am on the right path….you both have shown the light on the path I have chosen.

I am so looking FORWARD to 2012. I am putting my doubts behind me and moving into MY FUTURE!!


Ox Drover

Travis, again an excellent and thought provoking article with lots of “meat” to it. I totally agree that we create hell inside ourselves and stoke the fires to keep it burning brightly as we complain about the heat! Great analogies. We have other choices and how we make those choices either stokes or dampens the fires of hell within us.

God bless, Travis!


Great poast Travis, as is all the others on here, which i have spent a week reading & WOW.
I am new to this site & this is my first post. How i came to this site is: once again i was at a low point & i said to god I’m tired & don’t have the strength to go another round, show me what i’m missing, show me the answeres to my never ending questions. Help me to understand myself & wh ymy life has been the way it has . And one click on a link the next day and i found myself here at LF & it has been a week of OMG & WOW’s. Even though i am feeling as i type this as though i am in a fearful, nervous & panic state, i am also aware why i feel that way. I very, very rarely expose my inner self, thaughts or emotions. God has indeed answered me 🙂 I had not heard a lot of the words, signs or behavious before except in connection with the famous-Ted Bundy ect, but from what i have been reading that is what i have been dealing with in the past, only me & my kids called them the NUTTERS &boy did i attract them. we have been in NC from them all for about 4yrs now, but still live with the after effects-dear god does it never end?. I don’t know if my ex b/f is a spath/n/bpd, but he ticks all the boxes except leaving or going away, he was a wonderful man that did not raise a single flag or bell, i have extremely good intuition on abusers (had 14yr DV marriage & a nutter stalker) could & still can, spot them a mile away. Not a thing did he raise, untill the mask (in place for 6 months) came off, left with a very violent nutter & then i spent 7months tring to get away.The only time he left me on my own was when i couldn”t physicaly leave or he would have one of my kids with him.
Is this typical of a sp/n? from what i’ve been reading, i don’t think he ever had his hook in where he wanted it or deep enough, if you know what i mean. Well just wanted to say Hi to everyone & what a wonderful site this is, blessings to all.


Congratulations and enjoy YOUR future!
I will be moving on after xmas, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to go but it is growing. As I have started nurturing MYSELF over the last few weeks, I feel a new person, the real me coming out again, someone I haven’t seen for 15? years. I too thought I was in a loving marriage, but realised that it all revolved around him and his wants, desires or lack of wants, and I grew small beside him. Although I loved him intensely I thought, but even a loving relationship can stifle the person within, and you become subsumed into the other. But the dimishment is less, as I find my own way and satisfactions and the thought of being alone in the new year is thrilling!


Travis, thank YOU for this article! The timing of it was extraordinary for me, as I only just yesterday became aware of a change in myself, in how I look at the events of the past year which were so difficult. I almost cannot believe it… I’m actually starting to feel gratitude for the experiences I’ve had (that can ONLY be a miracle). Because of where I seem to be heading, due to having gone through the suffering. I, too, asked for help from God and … am receiving it. It’s still early days and very hard to express in words. I’m grateful that you are farther along on your path and able to shine this light to those of us who are still stumbling about.

Everything you wrote resonated. I’m really looking forward to future articles in this series. Thank you for this gift.


Thank- you for the welcome Travis, I think i am begining to understand a little more about “let go and let god” and for me i am learning that it is connected with trust, not just on a mental or emotionaly level but on a soul level. Blessings to all

donna dixon

Lovelost ~ Thank you for the well wishes! I certainly can relate to what you wrote about everything revolving around him and becoming small. That is exactly how I would describe my relationship and what I had become. I remember at the end of my marriage when it finally hit me that there was something wrong with HIM ~ I could barely form an entire sentence. It’s actually frightening when I think that if I had stayed any longer I may not have made it back to MY sanity (and didn’t even have a clue what was happening at the time.)

I am laughing WITH you as you mention being THRILLED being alone in the New Year. I too feel the same!!! There are far worse things in life than being ALONE. What we have been through is definitely proof of that!!!



I wasn’t sure where to post….please pray for me over Christmas. ….Because he turned every family and friend away from me I am all alone this Christmas. Well, I will have my son for a little bit…but he will just want to get to the family traditions that I started and maintained for 29 years with them. 4 children, 2 grandchildren,spouses and my 1st N/ex husband that I divorced because fof a double-life and sex addiction and abuse. …all together….and I am the one they “blame” because 2nd husband of 10 months was a dangerous P and was so convincing in painting me the “crazy”one when I found pedophile stuff on him! We were the most beautiful family, and I KNOW “how” he did this…but I am in shock that he was so expert in it, that no one will listen or give me one minute to explain.

None of that matters…all I hear is the hustle and bustle of the holidays, and I will go home to an empty home for 4 days while I know he will snicker and have an extra skip in his step knowing the pain I am going through this holiday….and that he “won”. I have begged for them to listen and they won’t so I am done begging.
Please pray for me. I was a Mom and Grandma of a beautiful family. I am 50 yrs old but feel 80 just having memories and an empty house to remember all the love and memories we shared in it. I lived for THEM. THEY were my life.
Just yesterday I looked at the web history I have of him of all the etc and family nudist camps so he could look at the naked kids- and there I saw he had uploaded a profile of himself to a casual sex site. Then the next days all kinds of googled addresses….. probably the encounters… but he is worshipped and cherished in their sight and I am dismissed as crazy. If only I could get the profile and pic of him on the site then they could not argue with me….because everything he does is so subtle, conniving and manipulative,but it was in ’08 that he uploaded it to the site.
If anyone knows someone who could retrieve this let me know please. Or how I could “catch” him…otherwise he has completely won and the longer it goes it gets cemented as “truth”.
Thank you for listening, and Merry Christmas.

Please pray for me…..Happy Holidays and thank you.

Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. Intellectually I know what you are speaking about…in my heart I am sunk, however. I cannot seem to get past, well, the past. The past to me is my future. Not only was I surrounded by sociopaths growing up into adulthood, I lost my only child, my son to a car accident. I lost all of my siblings because I refuse to be a part of their own sick lives. So, I am 100% alone save my two doggies. This is a very scary time for me. Thanks for sharing.

raised by sociopath

Happy to hear you have been finding peace in lieu of your up-bring.

I don’t believe people know of the hell these psychopaths put their own offspring through. We see the horror on the media in regards to the helpless victims of such evil however; no one except the children of such evil know of the sick tortures these monsters are capable of because we’re the targets while they are stalking their prey outside of the family unit.
How many times do the children of such monsters also receive abuse once these poc are exposed to society? We become targets again and are viewed as monsters too.

Yes such soul murder can produce monsters however; I believe the majority of us became very screwed up empathetic human beings that cry for peace and happiness through out this fd-up world. Most people have no idea what hell truly is. They need to thank God they never lived it.

raised by sociopath

To Speaking-up.
Keep praying about reuniting with healthy family members. Five or six years ago I severed the ties to the family that raised me. The physical abuse had seised once I had married however; the physiological abuse continue on until I emotionally divorced them and have no more contact with them. I’m a lot healthier and happier these days from this life changing decision.
Now I have realized there was innocent causalities during this process. This year I’m working on healing and hope to rekindle some kind of healthy relationship with these people.

During the painful interim of forcing a permanent wall between me and the sociopath and her abusive narcissistic husband I had pushed everyone away from me. Everyone. I don’t know if this sounds familiar but the other family members (they’re unhealthy too and can’t see beyond what they were programmed through the years to accept as normal behavior) were trying to enable me to comeback to the unhealthy family unit to be abused more. These causalities I am trying to see if there is a possibility to have some type of relationship with. I want a strong boundary of I don’t want to hear the sociopath’s name or her husband’s or anything relating to them. I don’t want my personal business shared with them either.

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