Last week Lovefraud posted an article that described one woman’s experience of romantic manipulation by a sociopath. Another reader responded with advice.
This woman had been married to a narcissist, which in many ways is similar to a sociopath. Once she divorced him and started dating again, she relied on a list of red flags. “If I saw even ONE flag, the guy was OUT of my life, period,” she says. Here is her list.
Red flags
1) Needing to be around you as much as possible and knowing where you are at all times.
2) Refusing to have any meaningful social life, even with his own family.
3) Telling you what to wear and advising what is “appropriate clothing” for you.
4) Requesting that you spend all your free time with him and NONE with friends. (In the beginning, you can see friends on a limited basis, but he has to be there.)
5) Absolutely NO male friends or hugging any male.
6) Dictating what you look like, i.e., you should wear glasses instead of contact lenses, less makeup, less jewelry, etc.
7) No more going to the gym, men might look at you there while exercising.
8 ) Outright anger when you join a church or any other “institution.” The REAL issue is…he is afraid a priest or other “authority” will tell you what to do and “control” you.
9) Encouraging you to engage in unhealthy habits like not losing weight. They use these “bad habits” later to criticize you.
10) You cannot be “too friendly.” People might get the “wrong idea,” especially MEN.
11) You have the feeling of walking on eggshells, waiting for a blow-up if you say the wrong thing or say the right thing in a way he does not like.
12) You know he thinks he is smarter and better than others by his almost constant criticism of others…words like “idiot” and “slow learner” are a common part of his everyday language as he discusses others.
13) He loves the thrill of a good “fight” with nearly anyone, but when he perceives himself as the loser, he is a very poor one and there are always rationalizations for WHY he lost and they have nothing to do with HIM, of course.
14) He acts like he cares what you think, gives lip service to being “liberal” and open minded but his actions are the opposite.
15) He thinks absolutely NOTHING of lying and will take advantage of anyone at anytime if it furthers his goals.
16) You have never met anyone like him”¦he does things that no one else does…his behavior is simply outrageous to others and they shake their heads and say what GALL!
17) The rules do NOT EVER apply to him…he is above them.
18) He resents, on many levels, having to care for his children unless a woman is around to take on most of the “burden.”
19) He often “forgets” what he is supposed to do for his children (especially when it involves anything to do with money).
20) He says things that simply make NO sense and you, as a rational, logical person, just cannot quite figure it out.
21) He shows up with no notice at your job or home (no common sense of courtesy).
22) When he thinks he is being rejected, he calls, emails, comes to your home or job obsessively and often actually stalks.
23) Early in the relationship you are his “whole world” and he does not want to spend any time with anyone but you.
24) He seldom thanks anyone for anything.
25) These men are VERY adept at fooling others”¦everyone thinks they are just great and love you so much”¦BEWARE!
By the way, the woman who compiled—and applied—this list of red flags has healed and met a wonderful man who is now her fiancé.
but they are SOO HARD TO CHOKE DOWN; she will at least need olive oil.
Cluster B’s are already so slick…..no additional lube necessary with that diet.
How about this for a sign, EB?
“Beware of fierce Dog.
People who trespass will be EATEN!
Fora name for her,-how about “Sweetlips”?
{Like sweetlips Houlighan in “MASH”.}Or was that “Hotlips?”
Love,
GemXX
Hi GeM:
Will have one made up ASAP!!!!
Hotlips/sweetlips…..no need to split hairs…..
XXOO
EB
Yeah I wish I had had 3 pitbulls instead of three weiners the other day when was out snoopin around in my back yard –
when IT was snoopin around
I have a sign on my fence that says This Property protected by Dachshund Security Control – And now I have a sign next to it that says No Trespassing – my state has a Make My Day Law – but I am sure it wouldnt apply for me….but I have a feeling he will be back as soon as the snow melts – he’s up to something. Two years and no sign of him and all of a sudden there he is in my back yard? He was wanting a confrontation I am sure – but I am ready for him – I have a paint ball gun – will make that pretty new truck look like a rainbow…
what colors have you chosen?
yellow green orange – should look very nice on a black – ya think?
I always knew you were the decorator…..
With a color palate as such….maybe I will let you come decorate my house…..after we landcape and find the paint…
Hmmmm…..I wonder what colors he chose to bury.
Yellow, green and orange…..
I’m thinking neon?