Last week Lovefraud posted an article that described one woman’s experience of romantic manipulation by a sociopath. Another reader responded with advice.
This woman had been married to a narcissist, which in many ways is similar to a sociopath. Once she divorced him and started dating again, she relied on a list of red flags. “If I saw even ONE flag, the guy was OUT of my life, period,” she says. Here is her list.
Red flags
1) Needing to be around you as much as possible and knowing where you are at all times.
2) Refusing to have any meaningful social life, even with his own family.
3) Telling you what to wear and advising what is “appropriate clothing” for you.
4) Requesting that you spend all your free time with him and NONE with friends. (In the beginning, you can see friends on a limited basis, but he has to be there.)
5) Absolutely NO male friends or hugging any male.
6) Dictating what you look like, i.e., you should wear glasses instead of contact lenses, less makeup, less jewelry, etc.
7) No more going to the gym, men might look at you there while exercising.
8 ) Outright anger when you join a church or any other “institution.” The REAL issue is…he is afraid a priest or other “authority” will tell you what to do and “control” you.
9) Encouraging you to engage in unhealthy habits like not losing weight. They use these “bad habits” later to criticize you.
10) You cannot be “too friendly.” People might get the “wrong idea,” especially MEN.
11) You have the feeling of walking on eggshells, waiting for a blow-up if you say the wrong thing or say the right thing in a way he does not like.
12) You know he thinks he is smarter and better than others by his almost constant criticism of others…words like “idiot” and “slow learner” are a common part of his everyday language as he discusses others.
13) He loves the thrill of a good “fight” with nearly anyone, but when he perceives himself as the loser, he is a very poor one and there are always rationalizations for WHY he lost and they have nothing to do with HIM, of course.
14) He acts like he cares what you think, gives lip service to being “liberal” and open minded but his actions are the opposite.
15) He thinks absolutely NOTHING of lying and will take advantage of anyone at anytime if it furthers his goals.
16) You have never met anyone like him”¦he does things that no one else does…his behavior is simply outrageous to others and they shake their heads and say what GALL!
17) The rules do NOT EVER apply to him…he is above them.
18) He resents, on many levels, having to care for his children unless a woman is around to take on most of the “burden.”
19) He often “forgets” what he is supposed to do for his children (especially when it involves anything to do with money).
20) He says things that simply make NO sense and you, as a rational, logical person, just cannot quite figure it out.
21) He shows up with no notice at your job or home (no common sense of courtesy).
22) When he thinks he is being rejected, he calls, emails, comes to your home or job obsessively and often actually stalks.
23) Early in the relationship you are his “whole world” and he does not want to spend any time with anyone but you.
24) He seldom thanks anyone for anything.
25) These men are VERY adept at fooling others”¦everyone thinks they are just great and love you so much”¦BEWARE!
By the way, the woman who compiled—and applied—this list of red flags has healed and met a wonderful man who is now her fiancé.
Matt:
And you WONDER WHY your unemployed?????
ROTFLMAO
🙂
The Jet ski…..well….have had Spath #2 and 3 on my plate…..so haven’t sent the letter yet……So no word.
Figured I’d draw it out……a bit. Maybe the attorney will get tired of dealing with ‘the two of us’????
Spath #2 & 3 (bus. relationship) this week has been interesting…..
Posted on that….but to recap…..
Got a message from him #2 (husband of #3) Last week….weird timing….since I had just heard, via email, from another bus. reltaionship he conned alerting me of #3’s arrest for pos. of stolen vehicle……rented a car and ‘forgot’ to return it…..4 MONTHS LATER…..ooopps…..my bad darling….??????WTF???
Well……I believe he may have hacked my email…..and he was booted out of a local I cafe for telling them he’s hacked their computer…..the court bailiff recieved an email from him (wierd??) inviting him to join his linked in page….???? THE COURT????
They turned it over to their security dept for investigation….they were boggled by receiving ANY email from him…..as the other bus. victim and I had communicated with this Bailiff re; legal issues on our cases needing service…..
Well…..the timing of his reappearance was odd….45 minutes after our communications (victim/court/me).
His message to me was to the effect of I’m gonna get your ass and you’ll be hearing from my attorney VERY SOON….yadayada…blah, blah…..
So, rather than responding……as I KNOW that does NO good……no verbal rebuttal needed from EB…..
I was at the courts first thing Monday am filing a garnishment Writ of execution (from judgement) on an item he had in a local shop for repair…..
Got it signed by judge and served on the shop and item SEIZED!!!!
So…..howd ya like that FUCKER!
I also have located several other things needing seizure……and I’m putting a garnishment on the cash posted for Soc #3’s felony arrest bail money…..
They will also be having company at that hearing for service of an motion for ‘discovery’ of assets….
If they dont’ show up for that…..well….. a bench warrant will be issued.
You’d think…..they would figure out how to pay me what they owe……but he is so ego headed and she is so stupid and reliant on him……that they will continue, despite court orders…..feel they have been wronged!
It would be well worth 5K cash paid on the judgement to shut me up! Since the balance was near 10K…….it’s well worth my efforts for the learning experience of the process…..
The education is ONLY costing me just shy of 5K…..
He could ‘take me out of school’ if he just paid me what he owes.
What’ll you suspect hacking into court computers will ‘buy’ him???
Ya know Matt….the offer still stands…..you and I could make a wicked team!!
The “go braugh” shrimp agency sounds perfect!!
ErinBrock:
I think we should go into business together. Justice ‘R Us.
I just came back from New Year’s with a friend whose sister is a powerful wicca priestess. This woman can deliver — coronaries, job losses, bankruptcies. I had her cast one on both the S-ex and my S-ex boss. You remember that sweetheart, don’t you? The one who gave me a perfectly fine recommendation, then turned around and let her lover, who was an ex-colleague of mine, know about the job. Guess who got it?
I don’t want the bitch dead. I want her mute and paralyzed in a wheelchair. The same thing I want for S-ex. If that happened I would cheerfully got to nursing school and then become their personal nurse — just so I could jam the needle in 10 times a day!
Any suggestions you have on getting back at my S-ex boss would be greatly appreciated since I most admire your work on S#2 and S#3 so far. Based on what you’ve been seizing from them and what you’ve still got around from your S-ex, I see another yard sale in your future.
Matt:
Have your people call my people.
Suggestions~
Well….let me think about it…..
I’m not sure I can top a powerful wicca priestess’s work!
Let me think about it…….
🙂
Far out Matt and EB – jeez Louise!!! I am t hinking of getting his quals taken from him. He seems to have conveniently forgotten he didn’t do all the papers – I did some of them for him. My only concern is it might get me into trouble too …but surely the fact I was in an abusive relationship would be a mitigating factor – advice please???? I shouldn’t need to do it – he said he was leaving for his home country in a few months, but now I hear that was a lie and he’s enrolling to do more papers – so that means he’s planning on staying. I just want him to leave. It pithes me off the thought that he’s planning on building on his fraudulent work – why should he be allowed to do that??? Although it would be difficult to prove with all texts typed on pc, all anyone would have to do is compare the two writing styles – they are miles apart.
So he’s planning on staying and rubbing his party boy lifestyle in my face for evermore. I don’t think so. Anyone else done something like this before? what are your thoughts? What penalty would he get? I don’t really want him to lose his quals, but I don’t want him to be able to study again either. I just want him to leave.
Polly:
What is a quals?
qualifications – degree and post graduate degree
Hi Polly, where did he graduate?
Anyway Polly, plagiarism is not really punished these days, so I don’t think the fact that he didn’t write his papers would get him into that much trouble. Not an undergraduate level anyway. If it’s a postgrad maybe teh person in charge of the programme would like to know. But I have a feeling your S could explain it away. What would be very interesting for the university would be admin fraud, eg forged documents, falsified transcripts etc. They don’t want sociopaths in colleges, but they need something concrete. If his qualifications are from another college, I would suggest you ring that place to ask about the grades he really got…
It is on several papers – all they need to do is look at the difference in writing style from what he wrote and what I wrote. Plagiarism or in this case fraud is an extremely serious academic offence here – students are routinely thrown out of colleges for it. And now he’s planning to go and do more to build on it so I think they would take it seriously. I would just worry about me getting into trouble for it although I didn’t tell him to submit verbatim what I wrote – I told him to rewrite it and add his own quotes etc. He studied both quals at the same university and in the same department.
Ok then go ahead…don’t worry about being judged. I did what you consider doing and it went fine. But I know that admin fraud is easier to prove – students can’t appeal in such cases. For plagiarism they can claim that they memorised something unconsciously and regurgitated it without realising it was someone else’s prose. I know it’s mad but it happens…though at postgrad level someone caught for plagiarism might stay on the programme but would lose all credibility and their work would be checked scrupulously and rejected if found plagiarised. Funny our respective sociopaths are so similar…I think mine wanted to stay in college all his life, to give himself an excuse for his parasitic (broke student) and idle (can’t look for a job, have to study) lifestyle.