By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
Last week I wrote an article about the captain of the sunken Italian ship who said he “fell into a life boat by accident” and that was why he got off the ship very early, not waiting for the rescue efforts. It also turned out this married man was with his lover and was drunk at the time the ship was steered, on his command, closer than normal to an island so he could show it off to the residents and his friends there, crashing it into known rocks.
Even after the ship had hit the rocks and was stuck, he denied to the company and potential rescuers that anything other than an electrical “black out” occurred and delayed even issuing an “abandon ship” until it was on its side an hour later, making the ability to abandon ship at that point almost impossible. Amazingly there was actually a small number of dead and missing out of about 4,000 people on the ship since it happened close to shore. I stated that his unbelievable lie (alone) made me think the man was a psychopath, and subsequent information confirms this to me that the man is high in P-traits.
Josh Powell
Another horrible tragedy, which also had significant “Red Flags” displayed, was reported this past week in the news. Josh Powell, whose wife had “disappeared” a couple of years ago, blew up his home, killing himself and his two young sons on a “supervised” visit. His father, who had lived in his home, had previously been arrest for secretly videotaping others undressed.
Read: ”˜Mommy’s in the turnk’: Sons of missing woman gave chilling account of her disappearance before father killed them in gas blast, on DailyMail.co.uk.
Here is a short quote from the article:
It is a horrific end to a long, bizarre tale. Josh Powell was under investigation in the disappearance of his 28-year-old wife Susan from their West Valley City, Utah, home in December 2009. He claimed he had taken the boys on a midnight excursion in freezing temperatures when she vanished.
His explanation of how and why his wife “disappeared” is bordering on the unbelievable level of the Captain of the Concordia “falling into a life boat by accident.” His children later said that they went camping and “mom was in the trunk.”
Another red flag to me is that the Josh Powell’s father is a pervert, and was arrested in the home with pornography he had secretly recorded of girls and women. He is currently in prison awaiting trial. Since we know that psychopathy and dysfunction tends to run in families, both by genetics and by environmental influence, I would say that Josh’s father being a sexual criminal would put him high on my list of “red flag” people associated with Josh, and would give Josh a second look from me.
Learning from the news
Learning about “red flags” doesn’t have to be done by being around people. We can “practice” looking for red flags in the evening news, the news we read online, in the papers and the stories we hear about. When we hear about some horror story, or just some person’s divorce, we may be able to use that as a “learning experience” and see the red flags that, as we practice, will become more and more obvious to us.
I was also glad to see an article in yesterday’s Sunday paper by Carolyn Hax in her column Tell Me About It. A young man talked about catching his girlfriend in a lie and how controlling she was ”¦ and he asked Carolyn her opinion of this relationship. Carolyn didn’t call the woman a controlling witch but she told him to dump the woman, that there was no chance a control freak who was a habitual liar was going to be rehabilitated. Good advice. I’m glad to see more advice along this line in some of our “advice to the lovelorn” columns.
If we look around us in the news, in our neighborhood, we can watch for the “red flags” that show themselves all over the place. The Flags that tell us “get out of that relationship” or “don’t start a relationship with that person” or “aren’t we glad we didn’t have a relationship.” Not all of these people will be full fledged murdering psychopaths or sexual perverts, but they will have some character flaws that we don’t want to deal with ”¦ like pathological lying or controlling behavior. It helps us learn and the “tuition” cost is zero.
It’s a sick sick story…
First their mother had to live not just with one spath partner, but her spath in law father who was sexually interested in her, as well as in childre. (and she was raising two children in that house).
Pretty sure he killed her. Did she decide to leave him with her 2 children? So, he murders her, puts her in the trunk… his sons of 3 and 5 are witness to it, and he does a ’97 bonnie and clyde with them… taking them to his disposal spoth, meanwhile lying to them they’re gonna hae a nice family camping outing… at the MIDDLE of the NIGHT while it’s freezing cold?????????????
Dad carried Mama out of the trunk, disposed her and to those young boys he probably told some other “child fantasy story”, like “mama went swimming” or whateer.
But time was catching up on him. The boys started to figure out slowly what they witnessed, started talking too. He couldn’t have that. And he couldn’t have his in-laws “owning” his boys. And he couldn’t have a judge tell him to get pscyh ealuated.
Sickening.
Katy & Oxy ~ when Grand was 3, a court investigator decided to supervise visits with mommie dearest in her home. He was an older guy, real know it all. When we picked up Grand after visit, mommie was gone, had driven off with DUI suspended license, left Grand with convicted felon boyfriend and court investigator. Grand walked out door to greet us with absolutely no hair on the entire front and sides of his head. Turns out NO one was supervising the CHILD and he got up on bathroom sink, got sissors out of medicine cabinet and cut his hair off. Court investigator, turned qualified visitation supervisor’s comment – Well, he is almost four, he should be able to take care of himself.
Until you go through this crapola, you have no idea…….
MiLO
Oh Good Lord heaven help us. Another example of why those with “parenting skills” there to supervise parenting should NOT be allowed near a child. I hope he was fired for his incompetency but I know better. Had my own experiences with social services and their “logic” which is why I feel so angry and impotent, that NOTHING has changed. Am SO sad b/c there are families with NO ONE to step up. Look what they are left with as their teachers. If not for you, imagine what life Grand would have. 🙁
Well, MiLo, I must confess that the Christmas my kids were 4 and 5 about a day or so before christmas Patrick cut C’s hair off in front and the next day C returned the favor so our Christmas pix that year have GREAT hair cuts in them! LOL Fortunately we had posed a few in front of the tree a few days before the hair cut event..and you know no matter how closely you supervise them at that age they can get into all kinds of shiat even with you THERE and trying! You have to sleep and go poo sometimes! It is amazing that any of them get past age 2 or 3….!!!!
Yea, Oxy, but I forgot to mention the best part, neither boyfriend or supervisor noticed he had no hair.
Just caught a little of Dr. Drew, he said Josh was sciopath, but the expert, author, psychologist disagreed. Oh, no she said, maybe a N, but not nearly a sciopath. Depressed and hopeless maybe. What is the use.
Also heard that the home visits were a court order, social workers had no say to where visits would take place.
PS – I once cut a chunk out of the front of my bangs to match my missing front teeth. My mom said, MILO, what did you do and I said nothing mommy.
So why is it that people who have not encountered a spath, don’t see red flags? What I mean is, why are we training our children to assume the best in people even when they lie like dogs?
Surely, this was not always so? Didn’t there used to be common sense? What happened in the history of humanity so that spaths can now get away with telling incredibly stupid lies and they aren’t being drawn and quartered?
Oh, yea,, I did the same thing TWICE in first grade…first time my bangs were bothering me so cut them off with my little round pointed scissors…told not to do it again, but did it anyway next time they tickled me…got my butt smacked! LOL didn’t do it again! LOL
Oxy and Milo,
my mom did it for me. You should see my first grade picture.
My sisters got to wear their beautiful hair long but my mom hacked mine off. She didn’t even bother trying to get it straight.
When I got old enough to make a stand, I wore my hair long and have worn it long almost my entire teenage and adult life – really long down to my waist. That’s how much it affected me, what she did.
Sky, I wish I knew why there is this “everyone has good deep down in them” mind set in the West at least…it is Pollyanna-ish for sure and never has been true so I am not sure why it has suddenly over the past few decades become so PC that if you say it isn’t true there is something wrong with YOU.
Anyway, I’ve had enough drama and red flags for today and I’m going to go to bed….been a busy and productive day. My leg is enough better that I can get around now without a limp so have been trying to catch up with this nasty house I have neglected since I got hurt nearly a month ago. Cooked for us, and cleaned and even cooked for the dogs (scraps from the butchering!) The Jack Russell won’t eat the meat raw because he remembers when I sneaked the pills for his tick fever into raw meat “treats” to get him to take them and they made him sick…so if I offer it to him raw he hunkers down like I have beaten him. He is so paranoid of abuse (from previous abuse by his first mother’s adult psychopathic sons I think) and he thinks nail cutting or pills are just being mean! LOL Oh, well, I cooked it for him! What a woosie push over I am right! LOL
Got to get back on my nutritional plan though, the medication I am taking for my leg is making me ravenous and I am eating TOOOOOO much. Not sure how much I’ve gained in the past couple of weeks but bet it is 50 pounds! LOL the medication is helping my leg though, so I really don’t care! Can’t stand being lame! That’s why they shoot horses. Never did figure out how shooting the horse made the leg heal faster but what’da I know, right? LOL G’nite!
Hello, I am pretty new to this site (and this is my first post) but have read pretty extensively in the past few weeks with great interest.
By way of brief background: I recently ended a relationship with a man who is a sociopath, I have come to realize. I was lucky in many ways to come through relatively unscathed. The relationship didn’t last very long and while we were living together for a few months, he moved out of state (and onto his new victim, whom he apparently married a few weeks ago). I was only receiving emotional “rat poison” (great visual!) for a few months, all told. I have been working pretty hard to heal and I’m honestly shocked at how damaged I feel from a relatively brief encounter.
I am an attorney and my cases are mostly in the child welfare and mental health domains. My network of family and friends is filled with mental health professionals. Through my work, I have mostly been exposed to and learned about mood disorders and psychotic illness. I have never received any training about personality disorders.
In fact, on Friday, I spent the day being trained on “mental health issues in the law” and there was no mention of personality disorders. On the evaluation form, I requested they conduct training on sociopathy and domestic abuse in the future. I recognized two judges in the audience, which is laudable to me. In my state, a pretty progressive place altogether, I know how little the judges and lawyers understand mental health issues.
I know how much better informed I am than most of my colleagues because of the many conversations we’ve had. I never recognized sociopathy in my work (which seems incredible as I type it) because I thought I had no first-hand knowledge, particularly of the “sub criminal” “parasitic” variety. I could usually see who was loathsome and identify particular behaviors that were unacceptable but I had no idea about the larger pattern of pathology. Now I see it in so many places that I worry about now being over-inclusive.
The way I figured out what the deal was with my ex-spath was from a comment a dear friend (who is a professional therapist) made. She remarked, months ago, that his lies were sociopathic. I gasped when she said it but didn’t really look around for information about the disorder for several months. While I had healthy gut instincts (for example, thinking about Quaker shunning idea rather than “no contact” after our break-up), I didn’t see the framework for the pathology until after I’d experienced it.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t think most of the court officials in this country have a clue when they are dealing with sociopaths. They are no different than the general population when it comes to understanding the ramifications of personality disorders.