With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
EB92044: This is true. Nothing you ever do will please a spath.
You can give them life and limb and they will never be pleased.
To give you an example I knew a woman who had a spath boyfriend for many years on and off. He ended up going to jail for a major crime. He was facing many years in prison.
But he found a good lawyer who could get him out for $100,000.00 and legally represent him. He had no money and he was in prison. So his girlfriend who loved him with her heart and soul worked for several years night & day overtime to get the money for his legal fees. He got out eventually and do you know what happened? When he got out he met another woman and left her. But if he had remained in prison he would still be behind bars.
Moral of the story, you can never please a sociopath. You can give them your life’s blood and this was literally blood money and they will still TURN ON YOU!
KatyDid:
So are you going to divorce him? Yeah, he doesn’t want to do it…he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy and you are right…if you do it then he can say ahhh, look she left me, blah, blah, blah.
Joanie123:
That poor woman!! Moral of the story…leave their ass in jail!!!
Katy,
I would so like to get my hands on your spath…
Eb, yes, X targets women with health problems. I just wasn’t dying fast enough for him so he was helping me along. I went to see my doctor not long after he left. After two years of every test in the book, I did a runway model spin and said “Tadaaaa!” Doc just about fell off his chair at how much I had improved. He told me he was going to refer me to a hospice when I came in that day. That meant I had less than six months to live. Oddly, just three days after X left, in spite of crying the entire time, I began to recover. Wanna guess who was totally in charge of my medications? I was worried about the girlfriend and his family. Took me almost a year after he was gone to find out he had been taking my pain pills, which I rarely took because I’m afraid of addiction! He’d been refilling the prescription every month for at least three years. When I mentioned his pill taking, meaning that I had gotten concerned about his constantly popping “allergy medications” he yelled he had to take them because of the pain of living with me, LOL. Um, yeah, sure, I buy that….NOT! At the time, I had no idea what he was talking about.
EB,
ROTFLMAO,
you already read my story so you know! they are all soo much alike.
sorry about laughig, that’s just my nature, I laugh at every thing. It’s what helped me to survive.
huggs to you. towanda for surviving the evil spath.
Edit:
whoops, I meant to address this to Romantic Fool. You’re Dr. visits reminds me of mine. Also, how suddenly you were well, when you left him, me too. Because he had been poisoning me.
I love the idea of a spreadsheet of their reactions. Addicts have a pattern of behavior I recognized even though I had no idea X was doing drugs at the time. One they share with sociopaths is never taking responsibility for their own actions. Over the years I’ve been surprised at how many people have reported their spath saying almost exactly the same words as mine did. Some of his reactions I find quite funny now. I saved a copy of his will in case I ever had to prove he was crazy. I can’t imagine WHAT the lawyer thought. It copies almost word for word the love letter he wrote me…while he was having an affair using the same phrases to her. I think he got them off a cheap romance novel or a B movie when he was a teenager. He was very big on telling everyone we were soul mates. Gag me with a spoon, fer shure! What’s your sign and do you come here often? My wife/partner/dog doesn’t understand me….
Mine was just like Katy’s in his ultimate quest for the good family man image. That’s why he turned into Mr. Hyde when he discarded me. It was all about making sure his image wasn’t F***** up. He told me that. He told me that he would tell whatever lie he had to so he could keep up that image. He kept telling me how much he really did love his wife when he went back.
I told him that you never loved your wife-you don’t cheat on someone you love 4 documented times and have relationships behind her back-or that doesn’t include the rumors of the one night stands and hookups. Then she told me on the phone during triangulation that she truly believed that he was in love with me and only came back to her for his image and to keep her from cleaning him out financially with the divorce.
I told her that he never loved you in the first place or he wouldn’t cheat on you the way he does, or continue to do it. That is LONG before I figured out that he was a narc/spath. Because they AREN’T capable of loving ANYONE-it’s not in their makeup.
He warned me that I would be sorry if I tried to do anything to hurt his image. I told him remember-the whole secret is out about how you snared me and lied to me. Both of our reputations are already shot- yours more than mine. Your coworkers and bosses and every nurse and med student and everyone at that hospital knows what you did. He was told that he would never be promoted past the position he was in now. Just wait though-after a few years they’ll forget and he’ll behave for awhile and then get some promotion.
nolarn:
It’s definitely all about the image. He didn’t love his wife…he was trying to convince even HIMSELF when he kept telling you how much he loved her when he went back. That is classic.
eb-yeah it is. It is proof that they can’t love. He professed his undying love for me on a daily basis and talked about having a baby with me. It’s like I told his wife-he doesn’t love either one of us. If he loved her than he wouldn’t have done her like that, and if he loved me, he wouldn’t have put me in the position that he did-leaving me and going home to her when he knew it was tearing me up and breaking my heart. I always cried when he left me to go home to her. He would talk to me on the phone all the way home-until he got in the driveway. He would always tell me how it hurt him and upset him that I was crying and would always beg me to stop.
The whole thing seems almost surreal to me now because it was a horrible existence for me. When we were together I wanted his child so bad but we were planning to wait til after I was a cop for a year. Right after he left when I was devastated, I was so mad at myself for not getting pregnant as soon as he moved in with me. I was sad and distraught at the time. I thank GOD every day now that I didn’t do that. I know the way he is and I would have never been rid of him-especially if I had a son. His only child was a grown daughter and he really wanted a son. I would have been tied to him forever if I had his “boy”. Thank GOD!