With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
nolarn:
They love no one but themselves. My X didn’t profess feelings like that for me. He only told me he loved me once, but it was just a ploy to get me to sleep with him. Ha, like we were 16 years old or something! Geez.
Sooooo glad you did not have a baby with that man. The rest of your life surely would have been Hell. Now you can move on in peace and not be tortured back and forth by someone who only loves himself. But I understand…we get caught up in these things.
I sure was caught up in it. The most important that I learned is not to listen to what they say, pay attention to what they do. They’re actions are incongruent with their words-in my case that was true. He was professing every day how he was so in love with me and that I was the love of his life-blah blah blah! If that were true, then why did he leave me to go home to someone that he “didn’t love and was only platonic with”. His actions don’t match with the crap coming out of his mouth. A normal guy would NEVER do that to the women who was the love of his life. A normal guy would have chosen me based on that love and not cared about “social status”. A normal guy would have fought to save that relationship.
They say so many things and act differently. He use to talk some much about my crying being painful to him and how he was the only man who would never hurt me.
When he discarded me, he told me that he “never loved me and was only using me for sex”. It’s interesting how the truth comes out when the mask crumbles, because he ended up doing what he promised he’d never do-hurt me. He also made me cry-after saying how much that bothered him when I did it.
It just all goes to show you how they are a pathetic sham of a person with no heart and no soul and no conscience or empathy. What he did shows those things. A real person wouldn’t do that. Thank GOD that is over!!!!
nolarn:
So true!!! That is the most important thing I have learned also…look at ACTIONS, not words. We can be given lip service all day long, but what do they really DO? A normal man will SHOW you they love you by taking care of you, etc. Mine was doing that too, but on a much, much smaller scale. Mostly by always saying he wanted to see me, but never would. Boy, the true person really came out to you in the end, didn’t he?? That must have hurt really bad when he told you he was using you only for sex. But sadly, that is what they do. We are only sexual objects to them. It makes it sooooo hard to ever open up sexually to someone again. It’s been almost 15 months since I have been with anyone. Even though I have the desire (I am not dead yet…haha!) I refuse to let myself go there. Yep, no soul whatsoever. I just wonder in my X’s case what in the world happened to him when he was young that turned him into this? How long have you been away from him now?
eb, he was born that way
darwinsmom:
After thinking about it…agreed.
I’m off. Pub’s calling! See you later:)
I have been away from him for 2 years and Monday is the 2 yr anniversay of my resigning from my police academy class because of it. He was supposed to be there to pick up the slack financially for the paycut since he was living with me. I had to move and resign when he left cuz I couldn’t afford my apartment or survive on a recruit salary.
Thank God I will be working on the surgical floor on Monday on the anniversay so I won’t have time to think about it. I am also like you in really wanting to be with someone too. My hormones are more than ready but I know that my heart isn’t. That’s why I am having so much trouble with my feelings for my neighbor next door. Some people on here think she’s a spath, but I am just not sure. I need to get to know her better to find out. All I know is that she is beautiful, smart, and sexy and I want her SO bad, but I know that even if she isn’t spath that it would be SO risky to try to get with her because if it didn’t work out then I would want to move, and I don’t want to ever leave this apartment. I also don’t know if she’s into woman or not and I WON’T fool with someone who isn’t. I won’t even fool with someone who’s curious. I would only get my heart broken because I don’t give up sex easily and I bond strongly with the person I’m intimate with. I WILL NOT take a chance on my heart to get hurt. She sure is killing me though because I have NEVER been attracted to anyone this much-except maybe Mariska Hargitay.
candy:
Have fun! Wish I was going to a pub!
nolarn:
So just so I am clear. You are lesbian, but you did have the affair with the married guy? Why were you attracted to him if you are gay? Was it because of the rape? I am kind of confused now. I kind of picked up on this last night, but I was too tired to go into it. Please…NOT judging at all. Just want to be clear.
Hmmm, well, just take it slow with the neighbor. I think if something is meant to be right, we figure that out eventually. And it is in you and your heart’s best interest to not push it. How would you find out if she is gay unless you come right out and ask her??
Hi eb92044, and everyone. I’m new.
It is possible nolarn2bcop is bisexual, like Billie Holiday, David Bowie, Oscar Wilde, and me. Some people are attracted to, and able to fall in love with, people of any gender. Some of us are more strongly attracted to one or the other; some are more or less in the middle. But it’s not indecision, greed, or confusion for most of us; it’s just the way we are — attraction and love for the person trumps gender.
Also, I’ve been raped twice — first boyfriend spath and ex-husband spath — but neither of them succeeded in making me dislike men… luckily as I’m now living with a good, gentle, very loving and humble guy whose family is great and whose stories actually check out! I had crushes on both boys and girls as soon as I was old enough to understand the concept of a crush.
I have to agree with your words of caution about the neighbor. As nolarn herself pointed out, if things didn’t work, she’d still have to see the neighbor all the time. I think that’s the biggest single reason to avoid workplace relationships — you don’t poop where you eat, as it were.