With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Joanie123:
Wow, what a story. Isn’t it funny how we can spot them a mile away once we have been taken once?
That whole herd mentality thing really makes me angry. I question why all those people can’t see what that man was doing especially since they knew you and liked you prior to him starting his crap. BUT…they were just taken by him as we all have been taken by these beasts.
That is what I was afraid of that if I reported him, they would not believe it anyway and then I would be even more angry. It’s funny though when yours started his stuff with the next victim, he was fired…hahaha! He deserved it. I guess by then HR realized what must be happening. I am sure you felt vindicated!
nolarn:
Yep, there is our lesson not to trust anyone really. I don’t want to sound jaded, because I am not TOTALLY jaded, but we have to be extremely cautious from now on who we tell things to and who we can trust. What I have found out is that it is very few people if any. Sad.
eb-your spath had a whole lot of balls for hooking you with his wife working in the same place. That is crazy. My ex’s wife getting a job where I was working was the beginning of the downfall of our relationship. I was totally freaked out when he told me and he said he was freaked out too. He told me that she applied there and one other place. I later found out that she never applied to the other place. I was wondering if he encouraged her to apply to my hospital because he was into the thrill and danger of possibly getting caught. After we broke up, I found out that the affair that he had before me was with one of his medical residents in another state. He was grading her performance and sneaking her into his call room and having sex on hospital property there. It came out when women’s underwear where found in his call room by the next surgeon who used the room.
eb-you are SO RIGHT about not being able to trust a person. I will never tell anyone anything at work ever again. I am done with that.
nolarn:
No, it was not his wife. It was another woman who he was having an affair with and she was also married with a small child. How nice is that? Plus a wife. But he was separated at the time, but still. He knew he never had any intentions whatsoever of getting a divorce. His wife doesn’t work; she doesn’t have to…he makes a very high salary.
I have no doubt that your X’s wife got a job there only because of you. She knew about you and she wanted to make trouble and looks like she succeeded.
eb-she didn’t find out about me until months after she started working there. That’s why she was so furious and out for blood when she found out. She had a psycho drunk drug addicted friend in another city start making threatening phone calls to me. I had to change my number. She went crazy when she found out that we were in the same building. She blackmailed me into resigning from the job. She told me that if I refused, then she would call the police chief and have me fired from my job cuz I was working at both places. The nursing job was to supplement my income during the academy. Then she told everyone in the building that would listen about “what I did” and I was instantly blacklisted from that hospital. I guess that’s what happens when they get humiliated like that. I am just so glad I am no longer in their triangle. My friends still work with him in my old ICU and they despise him for what he did to me. Most of them want to kill him. My friend told me that she would kill him if she was sure she could get away with it. I told her that he was SO NOT worth the trouble.
nolarn:
Oh, OK, thanks for clearing that up about her not knowing about you until after she started working there. She was really scorned; she definitely pulled out all the stops to ruin you. Sigh.
eb-yeah she worked pretty hard. It’s hard to blame her though. I can’t know how that would feel. I was devastated enough when I found out that he was shacked up with someone behind my back when he went out of town to this big conference. He told me that he couldn’t take me to it because she always went with him to it. He couldn’t explain to their friends. She later told me that some other doctor’s wife called her and told her that he was with someone else there. He came home from it and straight into my bed-telling me how much he missed me. She told me this after we broke up and he adamantly denied it and insisted that it wasn’t true. At that point. I knew about his other affairs and didn’t believe him. I was devastated from that lie so no wonder she came after me. My issue is that she took him back 4 times before this so why would she be surprised and why would she even care. For me, in a marriage, cheating would be one strike and you’re out. Marriage isn’t like baseball.
nolarn:
I hear exactly what you are saying.
I totally get that and have also always tried to put myself in the wife’s shoes. Of course we would be upset…that would be our husband. So we can never blame them I guess for the levels they will go to to try and ruin the OW. But I don’t know…I have known wives who have not stuped to that level…it also says something about their character. Clarification here…I am not talking about myself being the OW and these wives. I am talking about what I have observed around me. Whew!!
I get what you are saying about continuing to take him back. I also wonder how they can still really care…seriously. The only explanation I have is that they are extremely trauma bonded and also all the other things that go along with a marriage such as children, the house, the finances, etc. It can really bond people together.
eb-from what I hear about her, she is a really big fan of the finances. He was always complaining about her spending so much money. I remember he was with me one night and she was out of town. He always made sure to stay with me everytime she went out of town with her friends. She was bugging him about buying some big ticket item and he didn’t want her to do it. She kept calling him and he finally got so freaked out that he went home. It was our last night together on the weekend before she was set to come back. She asked where he was and he said he was out with one of his buddies. I used to hate it when she would call him and he would answer the phone when he was with me. One time she actually called when we were in bed sleeping and he answered the phone in my bed-thank GOD we weren’t having sex when it happened. If it had happened then I would have been done I think. I couldn’t believe the nerve that he answered it. It hurt so bad. I got out of bed and went out into the living room and sat on the couch and cried. I told him that if he EVER did that again it was over.
I really wish that I was next door with DK. I can hear her TV over there. I saw here earlier for a second when she peaked her head out the door-I was coming in with dinner. I can’t understand how she is just totally alone all the time. I am alone too so I always wish that I could be with her-even to just sit around and watch tv or something.