With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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Louise
nolarn:
It will all come together. It breaks my heart to hear that your self esteem is low due to the rape and that has lead to being overweight, etc. If I didn’t have exercise, I probably would have lost my mind a long time ago. I understand fully it is hard to get motivated when we are somewhat depressed and down in the dumps, but I can assure you that if you could start an exercise program, you would feel so much better. It really helps to channel my emotions. I think I have actually replaced sex with exercise…haha! I think I have also replaced sex with food so therefore I have to exercise more to keep my shape! SIGH. It’s tough, but you have to be determined to do it for yourself. YOU matter!!
ElizabethBennett
eb-I am exercising. I have to be careful though because my foot is injured and I tend to overdo it sometimes and then it really hurts to walk. I have PCOS and it’s really hard to lose weight because of it. My whole female system is in disarray. I just really hate myself so much. Part of it has to do with my younger sister telling me that I was the cause of her bulemia because she didn’t want to be disgusting like me. She said it to me the year I gained 60lbs after the rape. When we were in school, I was a size 8 and she was a zero and she said I was fat all the time. Then she waits to say all this stuff til after the rape when I really was fat, and I can’t get over it. It hurts so much. I feel so completely worthless. It’s hard because I always hear how it’s such a shame about my weight cuz I have such a beautiful face. DK told me once how beautiful I am. I feel like even if she were gay that she wouldn’t want me because of how I look.
Louise
nolarn:
Don’t do this to yourself!!! You were a size 8 and your sister thought you were fat? It’s a shame all the things we carry with us. Glad to hear your are exercising…that is good! Any type of activity is good. I know it’s easy for me to say, but you have to get past this so you can be a healthy, beautiful you! You already are beautiful; you just need to prove it to yourself! I am praying for you and praying that the counseling will help!!
Stargazer
Well, I’m back. I just went to feed my snakes, and now I’m waiting on my frozen dinner. My microwave broke, and I’m too cheap to fix it so I just use the oven. It takes sooooo long.
Nolarn,
Over the years I can recall three friends I’ve had who were not just overweight, they were grossly obese. They probably all weigh around 400 lbs. Pretty, but obese. All three of these found loving husbands who worship them. Weight in and of itself is not the repellent. And possibly age is not the repellent. Can you believe I’m saying this? So, it must have something to do with how we feel about ourselves. When we have a lot of internal stuff going on, it’s easy to become focused on someone else. If you can keep pulling your energy back and focus on yourself, you will need her less. Someone who cares about themselves and takes care of their own needs is very attractive to others. You don’t need to attain some magical level of healing to achieve this. Just pull your energy back and focus it on yourself. I do this every time I meditate.
ElizabethBennett
eb-it has to help. I have to get this pain out of me. It’s not coming out on its own and it needs to come out. I can’t stand feeling like this. I am having flashbacks from it and I can’t get it out of my mind. I don’t know why I am having flashbacks after all this time-I guess it’s cuz I didn’t deal with it when it happened.
Stargazer
Nolarn, I was saying those exact things last weekend. The pain was so great, I wanted to die. I called a few friends. One of them couldn’t deal with it. The other was great. She let me talk and cry until some of it came out. I’ve been so desperate, I’ve talked with Raymond’s imaginary presence. It worked. Do whatever works – talking, writing, talking to God, whatever you have to do. You have the power to get the pain out. You don’t have to wait till the magical moment you are in therapy.
Louise
nolarn:
Can you talk about the rape on here? I would never want to push you if you are not comfortable. Just wondering what the circumstances were surrounding it. Maybe I could help more if I knew a little more and maybe it would help you to get it out.
Stargazer is right. It’s the confidence we portray that attracts people to us. It’s funny how people can sense our emotions.
ElizabethBennett
star-I’m afraid to let it out all by myself and I don’t know why. I’m scared of when it comes out. I’m tired of seeing it happening in my head again and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Louise
Stargazer:
Wow, did that ever pop out at me…your comment…”Someone who cares about themselves and takes care of their own needs is very attractive to others.”
Do you realize what you said?? Think about it…this is how an spath acts. They only care about themselves and they take care of their own needs! By that I mean they make sure their own needs are met. They are not taking care of anyone else. And look how much WE are attracted to THEM! Not saying this in a bad way at all. I am not saying we should only care about ourselves and no one else and only take care of our own needs and not think of others. You get what I’m saying…I guess it’s nature to be attracted to someone who exudes that confidence!! Funny!
ElizabethBennett
eb-I can talk about it on here and I did a little bit before, I told the whole thing to onestep on the day after I had the first flashback two weeks ago.
It was when I lost my virginity and I was 21. I was dating the first spath. He was 11 years older than me and I was not wanting to have sex yet because I was saving it for when I was really in love. He was very supportive of that and I believed him because he was from a religious home and his dad was a minister.
I was at his apartment for a new years eve helping him to play hostess for all these people from church. They were Baptists so they decided to cut loose and drink. I only had two margaritas that night. Normally that would NOT phase me cuz I could drink like a fish when I was in college. After two drinks I felt dead on my feet, like I was about to fall out and I told him that I had to go lay down and leave the party. I believe now that I must have been drugged, like he put something in my drink.
I was out as soon as I hit the pillow. I don’t know how long I slept but I suddenly woke up cuz I couldn’t breathe and I was in pain. When I opened my eyes I realized that he was having sex with me and it hurt. I started fighting him as much as I could and remember screaming at him to stop but I felt like I could hardly fight. I remember him telling me to be quiet cuz he’s sons were asleep in the next room and they would wake up. He had me pinned down so tight that I couldn’t get loose and he told me to quit fighting cuz we were almost done and it was almost over. I kept fighting and then it was over. As soon as he got off me I tried to get up but I was so weak. I crawled into the corner on the floor of his room and he was in the bed trying to get me back in the bed. I was crying and then he asked me if “it was good for me” while I was in a fetal position in the corner. I knew there was no way I could drive, plus the cops had a sobriety checkpoint up between his place and mine and I was afraid of getting arrested. I cried myself to sleep in the corner and then left while he was sleeping at like 5:30 in the morning.