With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Nolarn, I think there is such a thing as “spiritual abuse” and what your mother said to you is a load of it. I don’t think this is the real spirit of Christianity. I don’t believe in a judgmental God. I think humans are the judgmental ones, and they use God as the scapegoat for their own judgments.
eb, I gleaned two things from what you said. Either I am also a spath or your spath is also not a Christian – at least not the dogmatic kind. Or a third thing – it doesn’t matter what a spath says because they are all talking out of their asses anyway. I go with explanation #3.
The pseudo-Christians I mentioned above are the dangerous people in this society – the ones who don’t take any responsibility for their actions, because God or (fill in your favority authority) is doing it for them. But I wanted to clarify that there are people like this in EVERY religion or belief system. There are people like this in Buddhism (I’ve met quite a few), in 12-step programs, and in other new age groups. It is not really a Christian problem – it is a human problem, that so many people are like sheep. They don’t live their lives consciously – they are just looking for a group/religion/whatever to tell them how to live their lives. Then if they live their lives according to what they’re told, they are good people and will go to heaven. It’s a sickness in our society that really has nothing to do with Christianity. The Christian church just happens to be a convenient means because of our Judeo-Christian society.
Interesting… my spath claimed to be a Methodist when we met and insisted we get married by a Methodist pastor, even though I didn’t practice the same religion. I saw the spath go to church exactly twice in 14 years of marriage — the wedding itself, and the following Easter. Around 1997, when I started becoming involved with a very well-known, legitimate Zen Buddhist group in our area (up to that point, I had simply meditated at home), he absolutely flipped, called it a “cult,” and said he would never allow me to go on one of the religious activities that involved staying overnight. THEN, toward the end of the whole relationshit, HE started claiming to be a Buddhist, and indeed told me he was a better one than I was (despite not knowing the “rules,” the equivalent of commandments). Needless to say, both religions tell you not to commit adultery. Guess which major commandment of both he broke….
Stargazer,
I am so in agreement with you re: abuse of religion. I had a wonderful church that taught me the biggest sin was to get into GOD’s business; that there was OUR business, the business of people and that there was GOD’s business.
My spaths mother helped to make my life so miserable. She said she prayed and God told her that I was evil and that God had not wanted me to marry her son or have children. She’d openly pray for God’s will when I got pregnant. I miscarried. She was so overjoyed and actually celebrated the proof of God’s will. God also told her to break up my marriage. And God told her to attack the minister who married us and drive him and his family out of town. She did that by attacking his children (they had adopted interracially).
People who say “I prayed and GOD told me (how it was ordered for them to cause a bad outcome for someone else)…” is a HUGE red flag for me.
But funny, I still have a very strong connection and faith in God. For me, God is the truth and the light. I do not tell others that their religion is “wrong” or that they go to hell unless they embrace MY faith. I do believe God speaks in the language which his children can hear. My MIL also said that she was forgiven for whatever she did b/c she was Christian, but b/c I was in the WRONG church, I was condemned and that was another reason why she was annoited to destroy me….
Her son was the adulter, fraudster, con man, liar, gossip, cheat, abuser, and he did NOT believe in God, but God had NO message for him…. but I was evil one b/c I am of a certain religion (Catholic), she worked her part to destroy my marriage, my reputation, my ability to find work, my child, my ability to rent a home, etc… there was no end to my punishment for transgressing what God told her about my sin of marrying her son….
Katy, who tries to not get into God’s business
Katy-she sounds incredibly evil to me. My own N mother never behaved that badly.
People who claim to be a “Christian” (or any other religion or moral code) but do not show evidence of being honest, morally up right, etc. are hypocrites, claiming to be one thing but actually being another. It is not unusual for people to CLAIM to be “Christians” but are actually using this claim as a cover for their psychopathic traits….or dishonesty and/or manipulative behavior.
Of course no one, Christian or otherwise, is “perfect”—but the GENERAL PATTERN of behavior is there….even if it is covered up by pretense. Unfortunately, fake Christians often use the “forgiveness” angle to get themselves “accepted” by saying a FAKE “I’m sorry for my sins.”
“Forgiveness,” and “turn the other cheek” etc. does not necessarily mean that the RELATIONSHIP IS RESTORED, or that TRUST is restored, but unfortunately, many times people who are genuine Christians do believe that “forgiveness” ALSO means that IMMEDIATE TRUST must be restored.
Getting the bitterness out of our own hearts toward the psychopaths (or anyone else for that matter) is for US, not them. “Forgiving” (getting the bitterness out of our hearts toward them) them helps us. Holding on to that bitterness, I think, is like US drinking poison and expecting someone else to die! LOL Getting rid of the bitterness doesn’t mean approval of them or what they did in any way….it just means that we no longer obsess over it.
I think that the spiritual aspect of ourselves is important for us, whatever that spiritual aspect is–Christian, humanist, New Age or otherwise. Tapping into that aspect of ourselves is a healing thing for us I believe.
ps Star, the “Pseudo-Christians” you mentioned are MANY!
Yep, I believe many wars are started because of people who think they know God’s intentions, and those intentions involve killing other people who worship a different God. Dangerous stuff, this avoidance of personal responsibility. Even the Bible said to pull the log out of your own eye before pulling the splinter out of someone else’s. I think even Jesus wanted us to take personal responsibility for our actions, not just point to a book and say, “See? The Bible says you are wrong.”
Oxy-I totally agree with everything you said-particularly in how it relates to my N mother. I am over my spath after two years, but I’m still not at that point where I can forgive him. I’m sure that will come in time, but I don’t have it in me at this point. I also agree that a lot of people think that forgiveness means restoring instant and immediate trust. I don’t agree with that. It’s kinda like N mother telling me that no one is truly evil and everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt.
Bingo, Oxy. I love the way you express this.