How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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  1. Maryjane

    Hi.. I am Ann from http://www.womenexplode.com...

    Many comments state that Maria must’ve known about this affair…I disagree.. if you read the article that I wrote concerning a similar experience in my life.. I did not know that my husband was having a long affair with his secretary that produced a child.. I was around her at company parties.. and never suspected anything nor did I suspect that my husband was having affairs.. he did drink and gamble and the marriage had issues.. but it never crossed my mind that he was cheating on me and never to the extent that he was.. I married him just out of college and I was sheltered and not worldly in those topics but he never acted like he was a womanizer and when I did find out… I discovered that he had affairs the whole time even during our engagement.. wiht a married woman that also worked for my father’s company…
    So I think we need to lay off trying to blame Maria and vilify her.. She is wounded beyond belief… and I don’t think that she ever would condone what Arnold has done..

  2. adamsrib

    Sky, seems to me that if we allow ourselves to fear the big bad spaths that are everywhere then they win. I feel it is enough that we know that they are there and that we avoid them. I do not need a PhD in black widow spiders to know I don’t want to be bitten by one!

    I personally think you put too much emphasis and focus on spaths. Not my cuppa tea …sorry just saying. So now I have said my peace I am going to bed…

    Blessings to you!

    One Step thanks for the explanation. I did not know that an edited post always leave one letter.

    Blessings to you too!

  3. one/joy_step_at_a_time

    damn, can’t sleep. been a creepy day people wise. and the saner i get the more i see my PTSD at work. The crazy guy upstairs ((the one who used to live here and has now moved back in), and not to be confused with the db who lives directly above me) has been flipping out a good part of the late afternoon and evening. yelling random words and noises. the nice neighbour lady came over to whisper something to me about what he did yesterday and i wanted to punch her. She won’t get her head out of the sand and CALL the landlord (the crazy boy is his wife’s son), but she will come over and gossip to me about it. I actually asked her what she was getting out of not telling the landlord. boy, it ticked me off.

    the ‘reformed n’ new boss – well, very interesting…have had both parties who were in a meeting with us, contact me and express concern about him. I did my best with both – to protect the organization, myself and them; and not undermine him. I also talked to a trusted business acquaintance about him – i am trying to decide whether to do an end run around the reformed n boss, straight to the board. have decided to give it a bit more time to shake out. he’s doing some things that might jeopardize the orgs rep and some funding – and i damn well don’t want to clean up after him again. i shouldn’t have done it this time. my friend pointed out that the reformed n boss isn’t my problem to deal with, but the board’s. I will give it another few days or another bad move on his part and then i will see what i need to do. the more i can keep my hands clean the better.

    this boss makes my heart sink. dealing with him…well, at first i thought he was just finding his feet – and he def has some cognitive impairment; but now i am thinking he isn’t competent and that they should get rid of him before he can make a mess.

    then tonight something else happened – mniro but it flipped me out and i can’t sleep. i know i flipped out because it tangentially involves the woman from my garden who is manic depressive who made up some crap about me last year when she was in a mania, and the guy she originally told it to. she SUCKS as a communicator, and i see that lots of things aren’t getting done in the garden and that as the admin. she is not doing a good job as the person who passes info back and forth. so, in part because of that someone went out and did something that is on my list, and bought something in a material that i will have to interact with a lot and that will make me sick. i freaked and said i already bought item x, and in metal, not plastic, i can’t be around off gassing plastic and please return them. it was a bit too blunt – but the point is – BECAUSE it was these two people, i freaked out. the air has never been cleared. she admitted to em that she made that crap up – but did she tell the other people she had lied to, also?

    ohhh, people ick day.

  4. skylar

    sorry you got slimed all day One Joy.
    you ARE up late.

    Don’t let this slime build up on you. Acknowledge that it doesn’t feel right, then acknowledge that this is your immune system (your emotions) giving you guidance about what isn’t good for you. So thank your immune system for it’s guidance and pay attention to whatever it may be saying to you, for as long as it takes. Then, if anything is revealed, thank your emotions again and let them go back to bed. Meanwhile you can use that information to address the issues with your rational self.

    If I get anything from your post, it’s that you are a very responsible person. Spaths and other toxic people love that. It’s ok, but take care of you first.

    I know I’m giving you advice that I should take for myself as well, it’s not easy giving up that role of taking care of everyone else.

  5. one/joy_step_at_a_time

    sky – i went to bed, buy sleep wouldn’t come.

    i love the way you put this: this is your immune system …giving you guidance about what isn’t good for you. yes, i love this very much.

  6. skylar

    One Joy,
    Most of that stuff I learned from Kathleen Hawk.

    I found a new term: alexthithymia
    It means having no words for emotions.

    I think it is what spaths have. People who are not spaths can have it too, it doesn’t make them spaths, but it causes problems in processing emotions.

    So, I’ve been reading up on that. Currently looking at this site.
    http://www.emotionalprocessing.org.uk/Tears/Tears%20and%20the%20processing%20of%20emotional%20hurt.htm

    here’s one on alexithymia
    http://eqi.org/alexi.htm#A Medical Definition of Alexithymia

  9. skylar

    test
    Edit:
    One Joy, my posts kept disappearing and I couldn’t reply.
    I’ve been reading about alexithymia, which is about errors or inability to process emotions. but everytime I try to post a link here about it, it disappears. coincidence?

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