Relating to Maria Shriver

Sky, maybe he is a sociopath. I don’t know. It just seems that 90% of men cheat. Maybe it just looks that way to me because these are the only types I’ve known in the past 20 years.

You know, I actually think about stuff like this……..I wonder if men are really just not cut out to be monogamous. What if it really is their nature to be polyamorous? But they are like round pegs trying to fit into a square hole in this society. In some other cultures, men are allowed to have other wives or lovers, and it is not frowned upon, and the women are not jealous. If it is not in a man’s true nature to be monogamous, but he lives in a society that cherishes marriage above all else, how would he handle those conflicting desires? He desires the security of a relationship. He wants to fit in and be acceptable. But he wants other lovers. What does he do? Usually, they take the path of least resistance, which is to cheat and then keep it a secret, thinking that if the wife doesn’t know, it won’t hurt her. I don’t think in this case it an intentional desire from the start to hurt and deceive. It is a lie of omission. The intent is to fulfill their desires, but to try and avoid hurting their partner by keeping it under wraps. They figure if their partner doesn’t know, it won’t hurt them. I think it is much easier for a man to compartmentalize parts of his life than it is for a woman.

I’ve known a few women like this, too. I had a friend once who was happily married and loved her husband. But she had a lover she would fly to visit occasionally. The husband believed the guy was just a friend. The reason she had a lover is because her husband wasn’t into oral sex. But she didn’t want to leave him over it. So her lover gave her what she was missing, and nothing more. She and her husband both were getting their needs met and seemed very happy. She loved her husband and didn’t love the lover. It was just a FWB situation for her.

Now I can sit here on my high horse and say she was wrong. She was lying and cheating. And that it would be better to be alone and celibate while you are waiting for the one person who can fulfill ALL your sexual needs. But really, is that better? Ask some of us who have been single forever. Personally, I don’t know if I would want two lovers in my life. And with all the diseases going around, I wouldn’t want to share a man with someone. But why is it my place to judge her? I’m guessing there is a lot more of this happening in our culture than people know about because for most, the secrets are never exposed. What if most people – and not just men – are not really meant to be monogamous? And what would happen if people could just be honest about it? This was what was happening in the 60’s in the free love era. Free love was socially acceptable then. Even Yoko Ono sent John Lennon off to another woman for a while. I wonder if this concept of monogamy in marriage has become outdated because this is not who most people are?

Just something to think about. I don’t really know the answer. I just like to think outside the box.

Ana, I agree about the honesty. I don’t understand how people can keep secrets to that degree. Personally, I would prefer total honesty. But the point I was making is that in our culture, it is considered wrong for a person to even want to sleep with someone outside their marriage, never mind be honest with their partner about it. Just like just a few decades it ago was considered wrong to be gay. So many gay people hid their sexual orientation. Some even had straight marriages just to be socially acceptable. I’m trying to figure out why such a large percentage of married people cheat. I don’t think you can just call 60% (or more) of the population sociopaths. I say “or more” because I suspect the actual percentage is much higher. Throwing that label on everyone who behaves badly doesn’t solve the problem to me. Nearly all the men in the Latin American culture cheat from what I have heard. It is culturally acceptable and almost expected for them to do it. I don’t think it makes them all sociopaths. I really think there is a cultural component to cheating and covering it up.

If you look at all the symptoms of sociopathy, there is a lot more than womanizing and covering it up. There are communication patterns, such as gaslighting, pity play, and many other indications. I don’t think you can diagnose someone on just that one criterion. That’s not to say I personally would want to get involved with someone like that or that I would trust them in a public office.