Editor’s note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, reminds you that even if you feel crushed by a deceptive sociopath, you should still honor your perfect spirit. Read more about Liberty.
By Liberty Forrest
Following on from last week’s article, Who Do You See in the Mirror?
I’m going to ask you another question. And again, please take a moment or two to consider your answer before continuing to read.
Ready? Okay.
When’s the last time you hurt yourself?
Please think about that for a moment…
I’m really curious about what your answer was. It will depend, of course, on what the question meant to you. Chances are you were wondering when you last stubbed your toe, dropped something on your foot, cut yourself shaving or slammed a car door on your finger.
It can mean just that, if that’s as far as you want to go, but let’s look at some other options that might be more useful. Let’s assume for a moment that it was just such an incident. What did you say in that moment? Possibly some sort of expletive? Or did you utter something like, “I’m so stupid!” or “What an idiot!” as many people do on such occasions?
Belittling yourself
Unfortunately, loads of people do make these kinds of statements on a regular basis if they’ve forgotten something, or made a mistake, mislaid an item, or for other minor infractions. And heaven forbid there should be something more major! It’s heartbreaking the way people can beat themselves up, simply for having made an error, for messing something up, and for being human.
Read more: How long does it take to recover from a sociopath
Sadly, involvement with sociopaths can often create or exacerbate this kind of thinking. They go for the throat, although not always so blatantly. The cutting remarks, the insults and criticism that are sometimes veiled in an fake attempt to “help you,” the manipulative comments and passive aggressive sighing, eyeball-rolling, or other signals to let you know you’ve messed up. If they can put you down, they feel superior or above reproach. The more they say hurtful things to you or do their best to make you feel like something they’d scrape off their shoes, the better they feel about themselves. They have no problem sacrificing your happiness, your sense of self-worth and self-esteem, or anything else about your life if it will serve some useful purpose for them.
Give Yourself a Break!
Do you ever get up in the morning and say, “Hmm, today I think I’ll do less than my best!”? Of course you don’t. No one makes that decision. Whatever you do, or don’t do, you’re always doing the best you can do on that day, in whatever circumstances exist at that time, full stop. Whether it’s a bad day or a good day or you’re tired or upset or it’s not the best you have done on other days — all of that is irrelevant. It is still the best you can do in that moment and on that day, unless you can tell me quite honestly that you have ever made a conscious decision to do less than your best.
Beating yourself up with unkind comments and negative self-talk will never be helpful, and in fact, such behaviour is quite damaging. Every malignant syllable sinks quietly into your soul, spreading its toxicity and delighting as your sense of self-esteem and self-worth slowly decay. And sociopaths are only too quick to pick up that ball and run with it like the wind.
Do you really want to give them that power?
Take a moment to think of other ways in which you hurt yourself?
Please…consider your answer before continuing to read…
Doing for Others
Whatever your answer was, I wonder whether it included how long it’s been since you did something nice for yourself. No doubt you’re frequently tearing around doing this and that for other people, keeping yourself very busy with a long list of Things To Do, but neglecting to put your own needs, your own care on that list. You tell yourself “Later, later, later…it’s okay, I’m fine,” and you keep rushing through your life, head down and gritting your teeth as though you’re blindly pushing your way through a Saturday-before-Christmas crowd of shoppers.
And of course, sociopaths will be only too happy to keep you busy running for them. It reassures them that they’ve still got control over you. Or at least, that’s what they think — until you decide to take back that control.
It’s bad enough to leave yourself off the list of Things To Do. It’s worse when you notice your needs and choose to ignore them. You feel exhausted and need extra rest. You don’t want to entertain Uncle Henry and Aunt Mildred next Tuesday. You’d rather stay home and put your feet up than go to that concert for which you bought tickets. You don’t feel like cleaning the house today; you’d rather goof off, go hiking, sit in a park, visit a museum, have a hot soak or a cold beer.
And you really don’t feel like catering to the sociopath.
How Often Do You Ignore Your Needs?
Do you do it by not listening to your tired, stressed, overworked body? By not listening to your Spirit screaming for a little “time out,” some meditation, some quiet time to reflect, to play, to draw, to create, to be still, or to laugh? Not only is this destructive on a physical level, it damages your mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
After reading this, you’ve probably discovered that you’re hurting yourself a lot more than you knew, and on a regular basis. Isn’t it time to stop? Isn’t it time to remember your Spirit, which is who you really are? It is pure and perfect; it is your Divinity. It does not deserve to be ignored, neglected or insulted. It deserves to be respected, loved and revered.
Learn more: Self-care for complex PTSD
Sociopaths have absolutely zero respect for you, your happiness or your wellbeing. If they ever seem to be on your side or encouraging you to do something that’s good for you, it’s only because they see some benefit in it for themselves, such as to gain your trust and make you think they care about you.
Honor Your Perfect Spirit
It is up to you to see to it that whatever you add to your life in any way is positive, meaningful and for your benefit. Whatever experiences, people, films, books, thoughts — everything — all of it must be honor your perfect Spirit.
In return, your nourished and nurtured Spirit will show you a life that is more beautiful than you could have imagined. The world and its possibilities will open up to you when you are rested, rejuvenated, self-respecting, honouring your Spirit. That is the path to true happiness and inner peace.
Please. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Honour, respect and love yourself. It is what you deserve as the divine and perfect Spirit that you are.
This article was originally published at LibertyForrest.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
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