Editor’s note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud’s Professional Resources Guide. Rebecca Potter works as a licensed mental health counselor in West Palm Beach, Florida.
I’m every woman ”¦ It’s all in me ”¦
By Rebecca Potter
Rebecca Potter profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide
Sadly, on February 11, 2012, the world lost another woman’s voice when Whitney Elizabeth Houston died in her hotel room. The press talked about her drug and alcohol use, her bizarre behavior, etc. Reporters briefly mentioned her tumultuous marriage. Did we lose another beautiful woman’s voice to the tragic, permanent, emotional and physical side effects of leaving an abusive marriage, and/or the struggle of trying to protect her young child from a dangerous man in the legal system?
A quote from a news article reads:
“When Whitney Houston decided to end her marriage with Bobby Brown, the thought in many minds was why did this decision take so long in light of the history of infidelity, scandals, drug and alcohol arrests, and marital problems during their marriage?”
It appears that Whitney’s life took a turn for the worse when she entered into a relationship with Bobby Brown
Although I can only offer a hypothetical opinion as a therapist, her struggle seems hauntingly familiar. Is it possible that Whitney Houston suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Those of us who have left an abusive relationship understand the fear and anxiety we developed in the relationship. We know it is hard to leave, and repeated exposure to the trauma creates Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The neurological and biological effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms affect our ability to clearly identify what is happening. The powerful biological responses of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may cause an abused woman to under react (dissociate) or to overreact (perhaps explaining some of Whitney’s bizarre behavior). What we also know is that the mere exposure to a dangerous man in a relationship causes a continuous roller coaster of biological and neurological reactions that affect our brain chemistry and create anxiety. This biological reaction from post traumatic stress disorder can be triggered instantly by any environmental cue (where the abuse occurred, angry voices, displeasure from someone, etc.), long after leaving the abusive situation.
Lack of effective medical treatment
Sadly, many women medicate this anxiety with drugs and alcohol. The medical community, governed by insurance corporations, will allow and cover drug and alcohol treatment usually only for 30 days. Drug and alcohol treatment is ineffective with patients who have suffered trauma and betrayal bonding. Still, the standard approach is to use prescription medication to treat the substance abuse. These professionals know all too well that an addict is going to relapse. Professionals know that recovery involves a desire to heal, to attend meetings, and professional therapy, for much more than 30 days of treatment.
Whitney went to treatment and possibly in treatment she was given her prescription medications. She left treatment early, but continued to be given the prescription medications, continued to abuse substances and possibly continued to be triggered by trauma symptoms. It is unlikely that she was informed and educated about the permanent and pervasive effects of a dangerous relationship.
What if Whitney would have been able to seek treatment to understand the betrayal bonding that occurred in her relationship with Bobby Brown?
What if ”¦
- she had been treated with biofeedback
- she learned to recognize the trauma triggers
- she had connected with a group of other women who could have supported her
- she had heard from other professional women who had given so much of themselves to a man who was not able to love and return love because of a serious mental illness and genetic disorder
- she heard from others that they endured the emotional , financial, mental traumas, who stayed because they were trying to live by God’s law and supporting an erratic husband
- she heard that many women feel relief when a husband finally hits them, because they are able to recognize physical abuse, but have become numb to verbal, mental, and financial abuse
- she knew what to expect when she went to the court system, that she would then be abused by attorneys who wanted what was left of her money and the fear she may have felt from a legal system that could award her child to an abuser
- she knew that due to mere exposure to the trauma and domestic violence her daughter could marry the same type of man
- she understood that personality disorders are an enduring pattern of behaviors; stable and long duration that are inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations
- she knew that the abuser could appear so supportive and caring to groom and gain her trust
- she knew that the sexual intensity between them was part of the betrayal bonding component
- she knew that many women begin substance use to try to connect with these abusive mates
- she knew that exposure to these kinds of people would leave her emotionally and physically ill and leaving him would expose her to devastating financial harm
- she knew that these abusers looked for injured folks and put up a mask to draw them in, usually with intense personalities and sex, only to take everything and leave them
- she could have let go of the fear and shame that haunted her
A tragedy
The world lost a beautiful musical voice. My hope is that the world learns from the tragedy of Whitney. To all other beautiful voices who may currently feel or have felt the pain of betrayal, I encourage treatment with professionals who understand the complex treatment of trauma, professionals who clearly understand the effects of abusive betrayal bonds used by so many in our society to take and pillage from innocent people.
God bless you and keep you Whitney Elizabeth Houston and ALL OTHER VOICES who struggle with healing from trauma bonding.
Rebecca Potter, LMHC is a licensed therapist in Florida who has also suffered trauma from a former abusive husband and a corrupt, abusive family court system. She can be reached at: tlc211@gmail.com.
For more information, read: Inside Whitney Houston’s violent marriage to Bobby Brown on TheDailyBeast.com.
Sky – fantastic post. I love the piece about turning on a lamp!
I have been watching THIS EMOTIONAL LIFE, a series I rented on netflix. I heard there, I think, that music creates in us the same kind of emotional or chemical reaction as sex. I think?
Anyway I think I’m going to try more music too.
Wish my kids would stop stealing my earbuds.
Athena
Music is a great idea.
I am sorry to hear, Louise, but jealous of your month in Hawaii. I know sometimes travel can jar the mind into breaking habitual thought patterns, but it doesn’t fix all problems – whatever issues you have you will take them with you. 🙁 It might help in discovering a new interest in life or spark some creative ideas. It helped me mainly because I met a new love interest there who was so much better than the other guy. But then I had to let go of him too. 🙂
I cannot tell you guys how much I look forward to the next CR trip. Our guide sent our group a video of where we will be staying and picture of the snakes he’d seen up there. I got so excited I almost peed myself! One of the snakes – the eyelash viper – I’ve never seen before in the wild. I hope to see one of those. They are so adorable!!! Really, I can’t wait. I do think it helps to have something to look forward to. I know when I’m there, the things I normally obsess about will be a million miles away in my mind.
Star you made me laugh out loud. I love your enthusiasm.
Star:
I am so excited for your next CR trip! My friends who live in Hawaii are going there next month on spring break. They have been there before and love it. I want to go sometime also.
A few of us in the May CR group joke around about eyelash vipers. They are called eyelash vipers because the scales over their eyes are spikey like lashes. We joke around about at least finding some false eyelash vipers. lol (*there is no such thing*)
It’s not just about snakes…I think looking in the jungle is exciting. It’s like looking for hidden treasures. The things you find in the woods here are pretty predictable. But out there you never know what you’ll find. Last time we did a hike at night and saw a 2-toed sloth and a kinkajou, both within photographing distance in the trees over a suspension bridge. Later that night we saw some giant tarantulas, a helmeted lizard, a poison dart frog, and a fer de lance 20 feet into the jungle. The fer de lance is the most common venomous snake of CR. It just sat there and looked at us, flicking its tongue. Adorable! I still get excited looking at the pictures I took myself from such a close distance. The trip will be more special this time because I already know most of the people in the group from last year, so we have our own private jokes.
Sorry for going off topic. It’s just hard to contain myself. 🙂 But anyway, this all started with my first trip there in 2010 when I was very depressed. It has led to more trips, to an entire year devoted to learning Spanish, a love affair that was possibly the most passionate of my life, and possibly a move there some day. This is why I say to anyone obsessing……just do something different – something you would not normally do. And see how it changes you.
Hey Star ~ My oldest spent two months going to school in CR – part of his Spanish class. He spent part of his senior year in college in Madrid, Spain. He speaks Spanish fluently and uses it all the time in his work. His job takes him all over the world, but he says CR was one of his favorite places. I remember he did not want to come home. I’ll have to ask him what city he was in, I’ve forgotten.
Sounds like you will really enjoy yourself in May. I am so happy for you.
I love when it rains in Costa Rica. The roofs are made of tin, so the rain makes an incredible amount of noise. It’s so third world. Love it.
Athena
Milo, I so envy your son. I wish I could have discovered CR when I was younger. It would have made more sense to move there before I started collecting animals and settling down. Seems like I’m always a few steps behind with my life choices. I’m kind of a late bloomer you might say.
And Athena, I love that sound, too! I also love the way plants grow out of the tops of roofs. And the iguanas…….so adorable, and everywhere! One of the things I miss the most is being waken up by roosters at 2am. I don’t know why but I grew to love it. Wow, the more I think about it, the more I am leaning toward just moving there.
Star
When I read what you write about CR, I get the sense that your time there was more than recovery from depression. It seems to me that you became more YOU there. YOU GREW. No wonder it has such a call for you. I want to encourage you to explore more of the same. I believe that the art of living is about becoming more US. Costa Rica is calling you. I’m looking for a way to the place that calls me, for the same reason. I feel more ME in such a place, a place I felt I belonged. What an incredibly special feeling.
ps do not think you are a late bloomer; what matters is you are not a TOOlate bloomer.