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Revenge stalking, psychopathy, and the children

I have access to some of the greatest minds in the world of psychopathy. For years, these individuals have studied, taught, researched, and written. Yet, when they have certain questions that they just don’t understand, they ask me. At times, I sit back and think about how amazing that is. At others, I genuinely wish I had no clue about this subject.

I lived with psychopathy. I watched it, learned, and put all of the pieces of this very complex puzzle together. Then, I spent a significant amount of time doubting whether or not it could be. But it was. It is. When I realized this, I set out to educate the world. I was on a mission that caused our worlds to collide. Before long, I came to a place where I grew tired of talking about it. Its toxicity became too great for me to continue to recount. However, in truth, once we are touched by it, it is ever-present. So here’s round two.

As I was recounting my latest round of psychopath inspired nonsense to one of the experts, he asked if it was common for them to “keep coming back.” I laughed to myself because I couldn’t imagine that he didn’t already know the answer. Turns out he did, but what he specifically had been pondering was their “rate or return.” Luckily, I was there to explain.

There is a long and short answer to this question. Believe it or not, both are relatively simple, because in truth, so is the psychopath. And usually, they do come back.

The short

Sometimes, they just want to test the waters. Perhaps they are short on psychopathic/narcissistic supply. They may have broken up with a partner. A good source cut connections. Perhaps something happened in their lives that re-kindled their anger at you. Who knows. There are as many reasons as there are psychopaths. Either way, what better place to look for more, than from someone who was readily available in the past?

Maybe you won’t respond. Maybe you will. They think it’s worth a shot. If you maintain no contact, it is likely they will move on. It is also possible that they will try again in the future. This is mostly about them and where they are in their own heads at any given point in time. Regardless, their connection to you is minimal under these circumstances. You’re exceptionally fortunate if you reside here.

The long

However, if they perceive that you have wronged them in any way or have caused “narcissistic injury,” the ride will be much rougher. These personalities tend to be relentless and will not back off until all the perceived “wrongs” have been righted. Unfortunately, all you really have to do is exist in order for them to feel wronged. Remember, they feel nothing is their fault. They will do their best to destroy and use any means possible. This often even extends to the manipulation of their own children without a second thought. What better way to disarm a caring parent, for example, than by harming their children?

Why?

They are sinister. These folks tend to be the ones with the higher scores on the Psychopathy Checklist. These are the sadists. These are the cases in which there is increased cause for concern. These are the individuals with psychopathic features who are quite dangerous (not that they all aren’t to some degree.) Sound extreme? Ask the families of those whose stories appear on Dateline or Forensic Files. Consider the story of the court appointed Wisconsin social worker who was sent to supervise a visit. The estranged father pushed her out the front door and proceeded to kill his two sons just to hurt their mother. Some simply have an axe to grind and it does not matter to them how long it takes to settle their score. They will do it. Or at least they will try.

Psychopaths are vindictive and vengeful. They stalk. They are obsessed. Sadly, many do so in very legal ways. Often, they do so in such a manner, with their agendas so hidden, that they may seem legitimate to even the most seasoned receivers. If you are the object of their obsession, prepare yourself for the ride of your life. Fortunately, once you have them figured out, however, their games are highly predictable and you are better able to self-advocate.

Illustration

For example, consider the behavior of “Fred”. At the end of his marriage to “Lisa”, he did not adequately “finish her off,” (his own words.) He brought forth years of post- decree litigation against her, hoping to facilitate her demise. He did not, however. She gained strength and flourished. This drove him harder to exact revenge.

In the initial round, he alleged numerous counts of contempt, as well as parental alienation, and many other completely ridiculous, falsified items. As is usually the case, projection ran rampant and it was he who was doing the alienating. His intentions were to “break her and her daddy too,” (financial) and “put her through so much she had no choice but to end it all” (emotional and psychological.) Mind you, he had already waged years of physical, psychological and emotional warfare on Lisa and her children. But he wasn’t done.

The divorce was only the beginning, which is very common with these abusers. It should be noted that she was the moving party after she discovered he had been with multiple women and had another family in another state. That was her first “mistake.” The leaving was not on his terms. It did not matter that he had been incredibly abusive and had affairs. It did not matter that she experienced the proverbial back breaking straw.

He was angry that he was not the one to initiate the leaving and it did not follow his timeline. Had it, he likely would have had time to allow the house to foreclose, sink her into debt, force her to remove the children from activities, harm them further, and the like. His terms. She, however, innocently derailed his plan by leaving first. This was the first reason he desired such revenge. She made a reasonably clean break, which was not how he saw their ways parting. In front of the children, he had stated that he wanted them to be homeless so she had to “figure it out.” When that did not happen, he sunk further into the desire for revenge.

Flash back for a moment

Let’s dissect the the above statement regarding her “ending it all.” With this, he meant her life. Interestingly, in the end stages of the divorce, he either purchased or planned to purchase an automatic weapon in order to “defend himself” against her. He wanted to kill her.

Translation of his thoughts: “I want you dead. Not only can I not stand you, but you will cost me far too much money in this divorce and I prefer you were no longer living. I tried, but I did not want to actually risk prison by doing it myself. The whole ‘gun thing’ did not work out for me, so I will emotionally destroy you until you do it yourself.”

Had he been successful and had that occurred, he would have been able to “prove” everything he had been saying about his “crazy ex-wife.” She would have proven him “right” and solidified his lies were correct and what he “endured at her hands,” simply by what he had to put up with. People would have believed she was nothing more than the insane crack-pot he alleged. At that point, he would have received pity, probably even praise, and she would be out of the picture. Let the record show, however, that if Lisa ever ends up dead, she did not do it to herself. Yet, in this case, this did not happen. She did more than survive. He did not get what he wanted and after protracted litigation where he ultimately failed, he retreated.

Furthermore, enter the scenario with the children. In this situation, they were also expensive. He also knew that accessing them was the best way to harm his ex-wife. Additionally, he had deep seated disdain for them as well. He was abusive to all of them and continually reminded the girls that they “reminded him of her.” He had been abrasive from the start.

Yet, during and after the divorce, his behavior became even more unusual and dysfunctional. The mask had cracked. They were down-right afraid and not without good reason. He withheld food on visits, he assaulted the oldest, lied to all of them and attempted to drown the youngest in a nearby river. The youngest was able to re-tell the story to her GAL and this was one of several the events that ended his visitation.

This event did not occur without warning, however. As they typically do, he gave fair notice. The problem is that most do not understand what they are saying. Lisa came to hear the meaning in time. On the day of the incident at the river, he had warned her that, “accidents can happen to anyone, people die every day, it doesn’t matter if they are young or old, they die every day”¦”

After this, he felt he was in a position to force the dust to settle. He was not, however, gone in the way most thought he was. Lisa knew.

Where did he go?

She knew all he was doing was re-grouping. He was losing his shirt, so to speak. He never expected she would figure the situation out, recognize what she was dealing with, or have to strength to do anything about it. She had been his punching bag, along with the kids, for all those years. He was furious. But she knew how to read the messages sent to the children in their Christmas cards each year (his only communication other than an occasional birthday card.) She knew “you’ll get your gift when I see you” and ” I will see you soon,” when all visitation had been ended by the court was a threat. Lisa knew he would return.

Many told her he was gone for good. Others told her she was being paranoid when she said it was not true. Her own lawyer said that she had given him too much credit. She, on the other hand, knew they were incorrect. The sharpest tool, he was absolutely not, but she had come to speak “psychopath” and knew that he’d be back one day to try to finish the job. He couldn’t stand that she was still standing. He could not stand that she had “won.” He will claim that he spiraled into a depression, but he did not. Or maybe he had. However, if he did, the reasons were none so noble as the ones he proclaimed. He was merely enraged that she had survived and was thriving

It wasn’t enough that the litigation total had just crossed over $100,000. It did not matter that he ended up filing bankruptcy in the process. That was her fault, after all. Never mind that his spending habits were akin to a child in a candy store or a college freshman at a frat party. He wanted more. He wanted to harm her due to his obsession with her demise. He was insatiable. Instead of moving on with his life, post-divorce, he waged war.

The battles were small skirmishes and usually over money, but constant. Initially, he sent email suggesting he had no money and would reduce his child support. He did reduce it. She rode the situation out. She kept records, and she continued to notify him of his obligations. All the while, she never initiated any legal action. He was the litigious piece of that equation. It’s in their nature and she expected it.

He got raises, he failed to report. He convinced a doctor somewhere that he was “disabled” and it took him a very short time to file for a reduction. He got it. He hid money. He spent money. He did as they do with finances. No surprise.

When he got a new job, he filed for a reduction in support, based on his probationary pay; never thinking for a moment that the pay scale would be supbeanoed. In the end, he ended up with a significant increase and a payment program regarding his large arrearage, which had risen into the tens of thousands. The judge referred to him as a deadbeat. He had been admonished again in the very courtroom he had hoped would vindicate him. He grew angrier.

As of late

Then it happened. Lisa knew the day would come when she would open the mail box and sitting within would be the notice; a one-two-punch of sorts. Holland Law Offices. A petition to modify support and visitation. A death warrant. Hers. Her minor children. The oldest, now majority age, was out of the picture (sort of). Never mind the fact that he had not had anything to do with them in almost seven years. Never mind. Anyone who would take this case would ultimately wear their blood on their hands if he were to prevail. But will he? That remains to be seen. Fortunately she knows his tactics. She knows that when the angry and violated persona did not work, he will need to switch methods and turn on the charm. He will swing from Mr. Apologetic, “I Was So Wrong Nice Guy” asking forgiveness to a wild man again. She knows and anticipates and has planning for this day as well for years.

Why? They all come back.



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58 Comments on "Revenge stalking, psychopathy, and the children"

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I cried throughout this post.

SPs and Ps do not go away. I am seeing that with my own SP son.

Over the years, he has continually tried to destroy us, his own parents, in various ways. He has given us the silent treatment, on many occasions, when we do not jump through the hoops that he wants us to jump through. Before I discovered that he is a SP, I took those silent times personally, and felt wounded…yet I knew that something was terribly ‘off’ with him. That gut feeling that I should have listened to.

Now that my daughter in law, his ex, has also discovered who he is, he has become full blown SP. Everyone can see it now. Except those who do not really know him. Like mediators…judges…police…just a normal guy whose wife asked him to leave. Not even close. This ‘crisis’ in HIS life has brought to the front his SP personality. I wasn’t absolutely sure until this split happened. He uses the two small children to torment my DIL. In so many ways. It is clear and evident that he does not truly love them or want what is best for them.

My DIL threw him out, made that decision, not on his time table, like you say in the post. He was already done with his marriage and kids…having a photography side job where he could escape nights and weekends into the wedding and boudoir party atmospheres, with lots of other girls and women…but HE was not the one who ended the marriage…my DIL was! How dare she trump him in that decision!

Now, she is paying, and I fear, will pay for a long time to come. I am disgusted and disappointed with and in HIM. No son of mine would be like he is.

I have established NO CONTACT…but I am sure that he will ‘test the waters’ again, like he always eventually does, when he NEEDS money, or something else, from us.

It’s like living in a SP hell that you cannot truly escape from. I always find myself dreading the insidious worm contacting us again…

BTW, my SP son was actually DIAGNOSED three times with a personality disorder, the first one being at age 6 / 7 years of age…and I still did not fully realize and accept the diagnosis until this first ‘crisis’ in his life.

His marital collapse. He NEEDED that marriage and children for appearances. For how he wished to be perceived to others.

The only thing that made it a crisis was that HE DID NOT CONTROL IT. She left him….he did not leave her. Now, it seems like he must destroy her.

Pathetic. Disgusting.

The first time in his life that things did not go his way…

The day he left he said the worst of all the horrible words he’s ever said to me. He said, “I’ll be back. Maybe in a year or so, but I’ll be back.”

This is exactly what has just happened to me. Mine has told the 2 youngest (the only ones I was forced to let him see, the other 2 are older and make their own minds up – so dont go) that they need to run away, hide in a house so no-one knows where they are & nobody will know there are 2 little girls living there!!! I stopped him seeing them, he has taken me to court & the judge has said that I had no right to stop them seeing him, or get supervised visits. I should have asked him if he had said that & believed him when he said no. Mind you they recount at different times different aspects of what running away would mean, although not fully understanding the dangers. But apparently he says my daughter is lying and the courts believe him & I have been told that I need to to. The judge actually said that he cant believe that i would take the word of a 7 yr old over an adults!!!!!!!!! I could not believe it. In hindsite, I wish I had asked the judge – “if my child had come home and told me she was being sexually abused by someone, should I go ask that adult, and if they deny it – Call her a liar???” They dont understand Psychological harm and how dangerous it is. I now have to let him have them every second weekend and hope for the best! 🙁
I cannnot believe that court judges do not understand there are truly wicked people out there. And evil, lying SOB’s. But I will have my police station on high alert when he has them and hopefully now that I have flagged it he may now want to look like the bad guy?? This is all I can hope for. Or that he will get bored and walk away.

Linda Hartoonian Almas – what a scary story. I am glad that “Lisa” is strong.

When I saw the title of this post I didn’t know whether I would be up for the read. At first I just glanced the topic sentences of each paragraph. Read on I told myself. Truthfully I haven’t the heart to read the whole article. The parts that I’ve read have hit a nerve. I have been in the trenches of hell for the last month battling and fighting my soon to be ex spath . I am exhausted, spent. I haven’t had the energy to post on LF. My seasoned trial attorny told me after 15 years in practice this one of the worst divorce cases she has ever seen. After reading everything in my file she told me she understood if I never see my children living with him again. “He’s too dangerous”, she said. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or horrified. I wish I had it me to post all the details but I don’t.

Becomingstrong,

I am so sad to hear what you are now going through and how you are feeling. You were so ‘up’ just weeks ago, thinking that this nightmare was soon going to be a distant memory, once the divorce was finalized.

HE is obviously intent on making life hell for you, like they can do. It is too bad that he does not have a ‘new’ victim to play with and occupy him so that he might ease off on you. I hate to throw another poor someone else under the bus, but I can only thinking of you and how exhausted and spent you are with this whole mess.

Please know that we all care deeply about YOU and how YOU are. You must prevail over this spath. You will prevail. He is too ‘dangerous’ for everyone involved in this, not to eventually see that he is high conflict and is creating much conflict…

I am with you. We all are. Use our strength. If I could come to where you are and hold your hand, I would!

Peace….:)

Oh Bev I knew you would be here. You are such a comfort. Yes I agree with you latch on to someone else and give me a reprieve. No no sign of my much replacement. He is now coming after my two children, he has nearly sabotaged my sons full year academic scholarship to study abroad, he has removed me from vital insurances, he is becoming very threatening. I fear he has never to lose. I have been in court on the minutia. Only a last minute court order saved my son’s scholarship. I spent thousands of dollars and untold legal time trying to advance my divorce one inch. I can only save the children who want to be saved and even those children are in jeopardy. His narcissism is fine only psychopathy remains. I do have some faith this will end. My new lawyer totally gets it and more in one hour than my precious lawyer did in one year. I do feel he is becoming more dangerous and more erratic. There are days I long for my mother to comfort me. I have no person in my world who has the same effect my mother did. My mother always made me feel that no matter what the problem was it was going to be okay. Bev you and your kind words remind me of that feeling. Everything will be okay and this will end. I hope.

Yes, well, I feel the same about you. You are always here, on this site, for whomever may need your help and/or guidance.

I want to think that there are people who will truly REALIZE and SEE who SPs are and what they do, and the SPs will eventually get ‘theirs’. The karma that they deserve!

I mean, dammit, just like your ex, my son lives to torment all of us who are trying to leave his life. All of us who have discovered who he is are and what he is are capable of. All of us who know that we HAVE to leave his life, no matter what, so that we can SURVIVE.

My mother is just like yours was…only I still have the wonderful beautiful priceless benefit of having her in my life still. I think…where would I even be without her?? She is my rock…the one that I can lean on…the one that tells me that things will eventually be okay…that HE will eventually get HIS comeuppance.

This WILL end. I promise you. At least, the worst of it will.

Bev,

They are sadists. Once you are in their web it is a Herculean task to get away. These types are capable of the most horrific atrocities. There’s no telling what they can and will do. I hope your DIL is able to flee to safety.

My poor DIL…I hope she can have happiness again too 🙂

I worry every single day what that SP son will do…

For levity I wrote a proposed match.com profile for my soon to be ex-husband. I posted on our still joint Facebook that I have control over. Based on the snarling and snapping in court on Friday I’m presuming he’s quite unhappy. My only weapon with him is going public and so I will. Enjoy!

Proposed Match.com Profile
> Newly single doctor available. Tall dark and handsome doctor, self made man. Very buff, upper body only. And modest too. Wears a jacket in the middle of the southwest summer so people won’t stare at his upper body muscles.
He’s such a fantastic driver he only needs to use his pinky at the wheel when carting his soon to be exwife and his 5 tiny children around. We know he’s a great driver because even though he only uses his pinky there are only 4 known car accidents attributed to him and only one resulted in serious bodily injury. Fortunately, for his first wife, (he’s had two now), they were able to extricate her head from the windshield and her skilled neurosurgeon saved her from being a vegetable. Despite some facial and head scarring and a now permanent eye squint she still is an attractive woman.
He’s really good with money too. He only buys cheap vodka at Costco. And only a 1/2 quart every 8 days. He likes to drink in moderation because takes his job as an anesthesiologist seriously. He’s a liberal Indian too. None of that old fashioned stuff for his daughters. Starting at the age of 13 he’ll drive them to dates and let them stay on the telephone all night texting boys they met at the mall. But he’s on top of things when they don’t do well at school, because they’re exhausted from their nocturnal telephone adventures, he’ll be sure to scream and yell good and loud over their poor grades. School is important to him. And screaming and yelling is the winning strategy.
He’s a worker too. He’ll take his calls and everybody else’s. His family obligations pale in comparison to his colleagues family obligations. If your kid has a birthday, rest assured he will miss the once a year party to take his friend’s shift so his friend can go to his own kid’s birthday party. He’s such a good samaritan.
He’ll give you a lot freedom too. He’ll set you up in a big house in another city, where it’s cheaper to live, pay for help and only ask that you take care of the 5 kids 24/7 and be available every other weekend for a 36 hour visit. It’s a lot of fun.
He’s really fun to travel with too. He’ll let you make all the plans and then only complain about half of them and get good and sauced on the other half. Your main function on these trips is to play tour guide, because you’ve grown up going to these cities, ignore the carping and keep him from stumbling out into on coming traffic. Fortunately, the saucing and the complaining will occur in far away places like Paris, Mexico City, New York and Guatemala and you’ll never have to see all the people who witnessed it AGAIN. When you get on the plane to go home you’ll have the slight feeling that you are fleeing the scene of a crime. It’s so exciting. If big cities aren’t your thing family trips to the beach are fun filled. Hopefully you will know how to swim because you because you’ll be the only adult swimmer. While he lies on the sand resting up from taking all his friends shifts. You’ll get to spend lots of quality time chasing the kids around between beach and pool making sure they don’t drown. It will be very relaxing and worry free for you.
Besides being a great travel partner he’s a good listener too. He’ll ask you questions about your friends and family. He’ll want to meet everybody and get all their contact info. He’ll listen to you talk about your intimate thoughts for hours and when you ask him about his own family he won’t bore you with his own details. To all of your questions he’ll just shrug his shoulders and mutter I don’t know and move quickly on to his next question about you. After 15 years of marriage if you find out what his brothers do for a living, besides cash your check, you’ll know you’re special.
As the third wife, fourth marriage, you won’t have to worry about whether he has the green card as his second wife dealt with all that nastiness for you. Finding out after he married her that he was actually in deportation proceedings for fraud with INS regarding his marriage with his first American wife, spending tens and thousands of dollars on immigration lawyers, dragging herself and the tiny kids to Immigration court begging the judge not deport his Prince Charming’s ass back to India, winning, and then filing all the citizenship papers so that when he berates you and blows out your eardrum and puts you in the OR, he’s not deportable. It’s a small gift that won’t be required of you.
You won’t have to deal with any pesky overseas in-laws either. They’ll limit their contact to midnight phone calls demanding money. He will only wipe out your joint bank accounts every now and then, to send them money, not ALL the time mind you. And he will be stern and put his foot down when his mother calls, one convenient midnight when the kids are already up from the croup, and demand the entire contents of your 401K, because she wants a new house.
He’ll be really helpful when you singlehandedly line up a full year academic scholarship for your son to study abroad by only requiring 3 months, 15 emails, 10 phone calls, and one court intervention to make him to sign the necessary paperwork. Like I said he’s all about advancing his children academically. It’s a priority for him and you need to be prepared.
He’ll be faithful too. While he won’t tell anyone he’s married, he’ll comfort you, when you find out that you are on none of the important forms because he’s listed as single. And that after 15 years of marriage you don’t know any of his friends, by telling you he hates everyone so there’s no one to know, and those flirtatious texts are just that flirtatious texts. You’ll feel a lot better when he explains everything.
When you try to leave him don’t worry. He’ll show how much he loves and misses you by driving to town and spending three days cruising the streets ferociously looking for his run away slave. Fortunately, because he’s such a good earner you will have enough money squirreled away to hide out in different hotels until you can get into court. Money you will need since he stiffs you on maintenance for months on end. You will only have to change hotels about five times. A minor inconvenience.
Your divorce shouldn’t take any longer than 2 years, but who’s counting, and by the time you’re done you won’t have to worry about how you’ll support all 5 kids. He will have convinced the majority of them that although he’s left them exclusively in your care 24/7 for years, that you are in fact a horrible mother and an utterly worthless human being (check out the loving, tender and sober voicemails he left his second wife posted above on Facebook). They’ll go off with him like the pied piper. So you get to save money there too.
He’s also really standup, most criminals try to get out of their jail sentence, not him, in court under oath, when asked why he didn’t comply with court orders, his response was he was prepared to go to prison. You got to hand it to a guy who says he’s gonna do the crime and do the time in advance rather than abide by court orders. It’s a admirable quality. The icing on the cake is when you ask him why he lied to you about everything (The first wife, the deportation, what his family does, taking the money out, putting down he’s single, etc…) he’ll have the decency not to deny it and look you in the eye and tell you, “The truth was easily discoverable.” It’s your fault. You are in the presence of a truly perfect human being. It’s a breathtaking discovery.
And when you send the kids up to live with him, he will use, “I’m now a single father” as a pity ploy. Many women find it very attractive and hopefully you will too. He probably won’t post these great qualities because he’s so modest and those two wild and crazy gals who divorced him just didn’t understand him. But for sure you’ll do better. The next fifteen years will be all about you.

Oh my!! Perfect!!

Hopefully, (only a SP moron) would find his profile and take him on…just because of the money!! They LOVE money. It is everything to THEM.

That type would be perfect for him!! Another SP. Who only cares about money. She can be unfaithful and never even have to see HIM…

I am crossing my fingers…lol…I wish this were a real profile and that that special SP ‘someone’ would just lap this all up!

You’ve done a great job of describing this spath, and exposing him. You might consider sharing it with understanding friends and family, and on this site with us; but not anywhere the spath will see it. To him, it’s a victory that you are thinking about him, writing about him, and feeling emotion about him. He will feed off it and it will keep him engaged with you. Given his dangerousness, consider that it may be safest for you if he does not get any new information about you – he is more likely to get bored and leave you alone if you don’t feed him. Consider trying to rise above his subtle attempts to keep you engaged with him and in competition with him. You will really win when you no longer think about him and when he no longer can control your emotions. While you are working through your thoughts and emotions, try not to have any communication with him.
Consider taking down the Facebook page and staying off social media so there’s no chance he will see anything about you. Becoming as invisible as you can be to him will help you be safer from him.

Thank you Annette for your advice. For reasons to long to list I have no choice but to be public. I have tried the greyrock method for one year and that only landed me with false accusations threatening my license, ability to earn a living, and the children who live with me. This man was not going to let go. Taking on a spath is not for the lighthearted for sure. If I could run I would but I can’t. I wouldn’t advise exposing the spath for most. But I have no choice but to be public. I also made myself a promise when I left him and that was I would never take another beating in private again.

These types thrive and do their best work in the dark. Keeping their worlds separate galvanizes them, fuels them. Only my complete destruction was going to satisfy him. Now he can just beat me in public. My spath is of the type described in the article. He almost killed two women. Very dangerous. Shining the light on him in and out of court is my only protection. You can’t be reticent.

Thanks for your reply. I understand that you’re deliberately choosing to engage, and that you’ve thought it through and considered the consequences. I understand that you discern that you will get better results and be safer by engaging him than by continuing greyrock. I hope that you are able to stay safe, and eventually get to where you don’t have to deal with him anymore.

Is it possible that he has done more and possibly even worse things, that you might not yet be aware of? The things I happened to find out about my ex psychopath are likely just the tip of the iceberg, and he has likely done other things I don’t know about.

Hi Annette, when my spath falsely accused me of felonies I had only one choice-expose him. I chose to protect my occupational licenses and my children. He was trying to apply pressure for me to go back to him, to finish me off. If I pursued my divorce he upped the pressure and accusations. During our “settlement conference” (I was greyrock at the time), he kept alluding to the accusations he would make against me if I continued with the divorce. He walked away from the conference after only 20 minutes and allegedly over $50-yes it was a sham. I think you are right about his other crimes. I think there are more. I am terrified of him and can’t wait to be free but I need to look evil in the eye and face it. What have you learned since your divorce.

Your ex spath sounds like a horrible evil harmful spath. What a nightmare. Taking legal action to protect yourself and your children and to refute the false accusations he made is likely necessary to keep him from destroying you to the extent he can. However, you might consider the cost benefit of a public facebook post. Whatever benefits it may have, there may be the downside that folks who are not familiar with spaths may view you as “just bitter, angry,” etc. Taking the high road and maintaining one’s dignity sometimes speaks louder than words. You might consider only sharing the post with some people privately.

I learned that spaths exist, which I had no idea that there really are people who like harming others, are pathological liars by choice, etc.

I learned that I am weaker and more vulnerable than I ever would have believed. I learned that I could not resist my ex psychopath’s manipulation to engage and act out unless I maintained no contact. I was never successful at greyrock; my ex psychopath was always able to push my buttons to get me to act out as long as he had access to me.

Yes Annette there are many I’m sure who think I’m crazy… But they thought that anyway. Now I actually have a following of people who are supporting me that I’ve never met that he works with. Also, I unfriended all people I know. Waging the war and moving it to his turf doesn’t hurt me. The courts are in my town and he careless about that. Besides the match.com profile the other things in the f/b are his drunken raging voicemails and his vicious slimy threatening emails. I add no commentary. I do think if can’t go greyrock you better expose him and be smart about it. Getting my divorce is a full time job. I’m going to spend my energy on something I might as well go the offensive instead of spinning my wheels on the defensive trying to field the accusations one at a time. Let him fight a two front war-at work and in the courts

It sounds like you’ve thought it through. You situation makes me a little uneasy when I extrapolate my ex psychopath’s nature, although that may not be relevant to your situation. I am reminded that spaths enjoy fighting wars; you might make sure he’s not still manipulating you. It sounds like you have already considered what is best for you in the long run. You seem to feel comfortable putting your energy into fighting him; and you can always change course if you change your mind. In my experience the adage that the only way to win with a spath is not to engage, but perhaps your situation will be an exception.
Please keep us posted how things are going; wishing you safety and a good outcome for you in every way.

i have a stranger story to explain. I thought i found my soulmate , known him for six years. I sent him to Texas to find an apt while i stayed in Georgia another five months to finish up my education .My job was waiting for me there in Texas. My mother is in a nursing home. I was there for the first ten days and i notice that the man i married was becoming restless and argumentative. Texting strangers yada yada…

This was not the same man i knew for six years. Meanwhile the ex wife was annoying as hell trying to locate me through my ex husband and my older adult kids. I asked my new British husband of 68 years old why is your ex trying to contact me.He swears off her as jealous and so did so did I . my dinner meals were always excellent until the tenth day in Texas starting my new job and i was becoming sleepier than i normally took bed time at 12 midnight. Im hyper…but with eating or drinking anything that he so lovingly served me was making me sicker and sicker..I refused his meals and his vocal intimidation was discouraging and crushing my attitude that affected my work. Once he laughed a TV program and said, I killed someone and i know i got away with it.”i really thought for a mere second he was kidding but when i turned my back his facial expression gave me a chilling feeling that he was telling me the truth.by the fifth month , he left with out a trace.NO note but with in two days my new payroll check was going to be electronically dep and he would have cleaned that along with what he already stolen per say from our joint account. I was fortunate that God guided me . I have read all the classic stories every tells about sociopaths,and marriage with them.So i needed have to list these traits. The new apt lease was in his name and so the apt manager could not and refused to change the locks to the apt so i was screwed..the weird thing it , my husband is normally a lazy about his hygiene habits and in our bathroom. when i came home that one day that he disappeared with out a trace, he left NO DNA evidence to speak of…But he left two pills in one rx bottle of his and the other was the lethal rx that would have ended my life had i not stopped eating his food three weeks prior to him abandoning me. I eventually called his ex wife …she told me all the horrible things hes done to her and whats worse????????????????? Shes an enabler!…she went to ENgland on a false pretense that he was Jack Lang instead he was G.W Gregory.I continued to listen to her stories for three months going forward. I eventually figured that shes divorced him after 9 yrs and continued to have him at her home to care for her elderly mother for the next 10 years !.and he would disappear for 2 wks at a time and come back to her and she would send him to the doctor to get stds checked and continued to BEd with him as if they were long life partners and she blames herself that hes an alcoholic ? I noticed that she lurks now on Social media accounts and flags my own account as if she is the true WIFE of this sick man but she give endless excuses why she is looking for him…but really I have been married to this man a year and 7 months and she was still hounding me if i had any recent contact with my husband? This lady would go on and on how she supported him with luxuries etc. , but she is so lost into the fact if he even just sat at the sofa and watched her elderly mother, that the man is going to always think “You”owe him regardless.

What bothers me is that my husband was adopted at birth.His parents died with out a will and so when he was packing family belongings he discovered his birth certificate and looked his mother up.She did not welcome him at all.as matter of fact , he searched for his biological half sister at a young age of 17 years old and had sex with her and lived together for 14 years until at her age of 31, both of them received an surprised visit from a distant family member and discovered that he was looking at my husband and girlfriend (his real sister) apparently favored each other. The sister got away easy and left and never to be contacted ever again.So why would this ex wife of my husband knowing this , would keep my husband there at her home all those years and whats worse he was sleeping with her while married to me? His family is in Liverpool but not much of family since hes quiet out lived every one except his one cousin and “with out a trace “sister.

I was spared most of some of the horrible stuff like bankruptcy issues or credit cards. I felt this coming on the tenth day i got into Texas, I loved my husband but , time before he left , he meant to humiliate me and tell me that i was fat and even laced all my food.he was so dark , i knew it was satans helper …but each day there, i prayed , to ask God to spare my husband and free him of his demons but what i learned was that Sociopaths cant be cured.Thank God I had no children with him.my love for him was so intense, i could barely breathe.But with each passing day, i am growing further away from those feelings.
I listened to the ex wife,how spoke of her own tales, she lost 79 k and debt up to her ears.But what saved me , was these criminal justice classes and God. Im still battling with this scary thought about the person he did kill in England.His stalking continues off and on, divorce is around the corner , but even so, I am still healing and often times i m pissed that i wasted my time there in Texas with him because of the intense shame , i went back to my ex husband,adult kids in Georgia and see where I can find myself again.

It sounds like a nightmare; and really good you escaped. It sounds like you are blessed to have people who care about you to whom you could to back to in GA.

Spaths can’t be cured because they don’t want to change. They like doing and being exactly what they are doing and being.

The feelings you describe of shame and anger are normal. You were manipulated and exploited. You can be pleased with yourself that when you came to understand what was happening and what the spath is really like and how he treats you and others, you got out.

When you’ve had some time to think about his confession of murder, you may want to look into it and maybe let some authorities know. You may choose to report his attempted murder of you by poisoning you. Consider giving yourself some time to think about what if anything to do, what is best for you given how dangerous this spath is.

With respect to his being adopted and the rest of his story about himself, consider that it may or may not be true. Spaths are pathological liars, and unless you can corroborate what he says, there is no way to know whether it’s true or not.

Prayers for your safety.

Annette,
You do have a point that you never know whether you are stepping into some plan they devised. Yes he is dangerous which precisely why I need to be public. Six months ago he was openly harassing me, phone calls, emails, coming to my home. Now everything but the emailing has stopped. Going public is contrary to my nature, the pre-divorce me. I believe now his plan was to cause irreparable harm to me now I’m just making it harder. He is the rare type who will not move on and let go. I have only seen him, outside of court, three times in the last year and the most recent was August. I have only spoken to him in the phone twice in the last year and the most recent was August and prior to that was May. I don’t have ten years for greyrock to work all the while fielding false accusations. Now he is on the defensive and I see the job was just a ruse he’s prepared to lose it. My sister told me a couple of years ago that the only thing he thinks about is how to ruin me. He’s a an obsessive compulsive person as well and once he gets a thought into his head there’s no changing it. His one thought and always has been is to ruin me. I will keep you posted.

There is far too much in the initial post (and the comments) that resonates with my situation. I have recently been through a disgustingly long and expensive divorce with my spath in which he has gained 50-50 custody of our two children aged 10 months and 3 years. I am terrified for them – I foresee both emotional and sexual abuse in their future (if not present). This is a smallish city that runs on connections. My spath and his family are rich, dirty, and connected and I suspect have used their connection to influence the outcome of the case.

The issue is the children. Some days I try to tell myself that I can’t do anything more about the situation and that I can only love them and be the best parent I can be on my time. I try to tell myself it is probably just unfounded fear that’s keeping me up at night. Sure, he’ll emotionally abuse them but if I can show them a better way then maybe we’ll all be OK in the end since kids are smart and resilient and they’ll eventually see and understand. That’s the optimism I try to put on. But there’s another part of me that truly believes the fear is founded. He is a monster. And perhaps I’m being weak or not a good enough mother in not taking more drastic steps to protect my children. But the problem is I don’t know what else I can do.

So if anyone knows how to protect the children in the midst of this or has any thoughts on how to discern the state of abuse the kids are being or will be subject to, I’d be most interested. I have tried to broach the situation with a couple of professionals and I get very nice but ultimately condescending responses – I’m just angry, emotional, etc. In trying to explain the state of craziness I come across as the crazy.

I have read Liane Leedhom’s (sp?) book, ‘Just Like his father’ and it was fantastic. We’re working hard on learning to identify and discuss emotions, and we’re working on discussing boundaries and the difference between surprises (good secrets) and bad secrets. But I’m terrified about what’s in store for my children and am at a loss as to how to assess the risk to them and don’t know what to do.

I am sorry that you have gotten brushed off by the professionals you consulted. I hope that you can find someone somewhere who takes your concerns seriously and knows how to help you.

It is my understanding that if one intuitively has fears and concerns that they are most likely to be accurate. A helpful place to start in assessing the threat your ex poses is here: https://www.mosaicmethod.com/ This is a detailed professional and free threat assessment survey which is helpful in organizing one’s thoughts and making sense of one’s intuition. The website has some suggestions for further reading.

I suggest that you continue to research on line, and read everything worthwhile you can that relates to your situation. Knowledge is power. Perhaps somewhere online you will find a professional who can help you, most likely somewhere outside of your community. There are attorneys and counselors who understand psychopaths, abusers and dangerous characters, who may be able to help.

You may want to try to formulate a plan what you will do if your ex does sexually or otherwise abuse your children.

It is true that children are resilient, and that your loving normal relationship will go a long way to protect them from the disordered parent.

You may already be doing this, but the grey rock technique of dealing with a spath is the best and only way to get the best possible result. http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

Google search of ‘coparenting with a psychopath’ yields a lot of material; perhaps you will find something helpful to you.

AnnettePK,
Thanks for posting info about the Mosaic risk assessment.
I took this about 8 months ago and refer back to the result every now and then; to remind myself how dangerous this situation is.
The results are indeed very frightening.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity

Strong,
I go through it about every 6 months even though I have limited (and no face to face) contact with the ex psychopath. He is in the community. It helps me make sense out of my intuitive fears; and reading the premise of each question gives me concrete information to apply to my situation.

It is frightening, especially the first time I worked through it several years ago, to understand the reality of the danger these spaths can be.

ditto …..I just found out that its possible my sociopath has left texas and may be here in Georgia.I go to school at night, what does that say for me? I make two circle trips around the car i drove to class tonight to make sure there is no damage to this loaner car.I know hes in the community, and I cant get a protection order because , his sins is in Texas not here in Ga,.and Id have to hire a lawyer to obtain a signature from the judge for that protection order.What does that say for the poor women that cant afford a atty to buy that protection order in Georgia?

Angel,

Depending on the motivations of the abuser/stalker/spath, a restraining order may or may not help provide protection. If you discern that it would help you, maybe there is a Legal Aid or similar organization that could help you with the process without cost. If there is a DV shelter in your area, they may have services that help victims who aren’t staying at the shelter. Consider reporting your situation to the local police even without an official restraining order, so they can be alert for a possible stalker.

Thanks for the resources. I wasn’t familiar with mosaic or with the gray rock method although I’m very familiar with no contact (an ideal I cannot achieve given the custody situation). The gray rock variation is interesting and may prove helpful. Thanks again.

Fudd,
I agree with Annette that it’s best to try the greyrock technique and see if that works. However, I am never for allowing your livelihood, well being and safety to be jeopardized while trying to do greyrock. Hopefully, if you act like you don’t care about the visits, that you are completely unbothered by him he hopefully will move on and find someone else. He hopefully will tire of the visits when he sees the visits aren’t getting a rise out of you. If you think your children are being harmed while trying to implement greyrock you will have no choice but to go to the police.

Since i am majoring in Criminal justice, I believe that the Grey Rock method falls slightly under the disengaged and defusing the situation .when my husband started to bully me, i changed the subject and told him that i had some sewing for a friend of mine and that the extra money will put gas in my car until next wk. I could tell he was edgy &He wanted some vigorous excitement out of me and i wouldn’t cooperate. I kept telling him that im sorry that im so boring& that he can take off if he needed a breather, thus leaving me alone for hours at a time ….its probably why he slipped out with out a trace because he just couldn’t accomplish getting me to eating his poisoners dishes , dance to his bickering or entertain his ugly request for sexual favors from me . I told him i was done with drama from my ex husband and him too.( although, it was hard putting up the brave face during all that time,yet, inside i was petrified of him) But when that grey Rock aka disengage comes up in class, i will forward that to other women in the classroom. Its quite informative.

Sounds like it worked out for you; maybe if you continue to be invisible and boring to your ex spath he’ll lose interest.

It took me a very long time to understand that my ex psychopath likes drama, hurting others, etc. I kept looking for other explanations of his behavior, and thought I was working with him to overcome his problems. When I finally understood his motives and that he has no desire to change, greyrock made a lot of sense. I was able to use some of the greyrock techniques, but it is incredibly difficult for an honest loving person with natural emotions. My ex psychopath was always able to push my buttons if he tried long enough. I was able to get out and have no face to face contact and almost no email contact, which led to my recovery, happiness and a rich good life now that I’m about 5 years out.

Yes Annette there are many I’m sure who think I’m crazy… But they thought that anyway. Now I actually have a following of people who are supporting me that I’ve never met that he works with. Also, I unfriended all people I know. Waging the war and moving it to his turf doesn’t hurt me. The courts are in my town and he careless about that. Besides the match.com profile the other things in the f/b are his drunken raging voicemails and his vicious slimy threatening emails. I add no commentary. I do think if can’t go greyrock you better expose him and be smart about it. Getting my divorce is a full time job. I’m going to spend my energy on something I might as well go the offensive instead of spinning my wheels on the defensive trying to field the accusations one at a time. Let him fight a two front war-at work and in the courts

Some advice from someone who has been through it for 50+ years. Run! Take your children and get as far as you can from him and never come back. Do not tell your children who he is or where to find him. I did not move far enough and kept contact “for the children” and he now uses my children and fear for my grandchildren to victimize me to this day. Thinking my children needed a father (that any father was better than no father) was the biggest mistake I ever made. I raised my children while he went through several marriages abusing other wives and and stepchildren. After being harassed for years over child support and visitation while he abused others, he was finally left alone and targeted our daughter. The initial adoration and then abandonment of her as a child guaranteed her need and when the time was ripe, he lied and charmed her just like he did to get me to marry him. I look back and so clearly see the trauma bond he did on her as a toddler when he left.

Thanks for the comments.

I have no delusions that this man’s presence in the children’s life will be nothing but destructive to them and to me. The question is exactly how destructive is he going to be and what on earth can I do to mitigate the destruction?

I’ve tried to put thousands of miles between us and return home to my family and start over where I have support and resources. The court denied this despite the mountains of evidence in black and white print showing his extensive use of porn, his incessant cheating, his lying to everyone, his need for dominance, power and control, his antipathy towards the children (until the last hour when someone did the support calculations) and more. The court decided he should ‘have a chance’. So running isn’t really an option? I have a 100 mile radius and I suspect that there will be wars waged when I attempt to move even 50 miles.

He’s already starting to emotionally manipulate my son (3 yrs) and seems to be instilling a script into him – likely a precursor to further legal action and to make further changes to the already atrocious custody situation.

Fudd,

Spaths are potentially dangerous, but what actually happens depends on a lot of things that are outside your control. An extreme example is if he gets chronically sick or incapacitated in some way he may be unable to be a factor in your children’s lives. Another slightly more likely possibility is if he gets interested in some other person(s) to abuse, bully, lie to, manipulate, and exploit, he may lose interest and not even want to spend time with his children, especially if he thinks you want him to spend time with them.

If you could find a really good attorney, perhaps through an online search, who practices in your state, he/she may be able to determine if there is something else you can do legally. It’s possible you’ve exhausted all legal options, but the practice of law is an art, so maybe a competent attorney who understands spath behavior may be able to help you.

I have heard that it’s important to document absolutely everything with respect to his interactions with the children and with you about them. I’ve heard that all communications should be in writing, ie email or text, and that everything you communicate should be written for documentation for court, as that is where it may be used. I’ve heard transfers of the children for visitation should be done by a friend in a public place, without you present; or at least with a witness everytime. Not giving him any access to you may allow him to lose interest if other factors lead him that way. You may already be doing all this.
Have you contacted domestic violence hotlines or women’s shelters for references of professionals who can help you? You may want to contact those in other towns than where you and he are living.

This article scares the living shit out of me. I’m the Lovefraud Case File under Mark Ledden. He will be up for his first chance at Parole around this time next year. I am scared to DEATH. We have 2 children together and I know he will never leave me/us alone until he’s six-feet under. 7-20 on a plea bargain to Agg Assault after stabbing me 11x in front of our children. Sickening. This really scares me…….

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a Horrible SOB! 11 times? I hoped you moved far away…? If i had kids with my husband (TG) i would have gone to another country , i couldn’t bear to expose my kids to this man ever again. That hurts me to read your story honey.

And to think that if i continued to eat my husbands cruise dinners that he laced with his Barbiturates &that i would have been dead by now.SO glad he escaped but i am still trying to contact his sister in England and see if she knows about this murder,Not like i expect a reply but just to give her heads up .I only have her work address so I would have to put CONFIDENTIAL on the front of it.

Consider carefully that whatever you say to the sister may get back to him. Anything your ex spath told you about his sister and his relationship with her may not be true. She may not even be his sister. In my experience, unless one can corroborate information from another source, it is not safe to rely on information from the spath.

You might research news items about unsolved murders in the location and timeframe he told you about, and any other details you know. Again, keep in mind that it could be partly or all lies. If he had a motive to make you think he is capable of murder, it may not be true.

It’s unbelievable that he would ever be let out of jail, but sadly that’s the way the world works… Can you start consulting an attorney and a DV shelter now to see what steps you should take if he does get paroled? Is there a way the gov’t can help you change your identity and move away?

I REFUSE to run from him. Due to the violent nature of his crime, he should serve close to 80% of his back-end number of 20 yrs, but I will be at EVERY parole hearing, anything I need to be present for, to ensure that happens. If he comes after me, I will kill him. Zero questions asked. I will defend myself and my family. I am a DV volunteer and communicate with DV people often. No way i’m running from him.

I read the account of what happened to you. I hope you have found some small measure of peace since the horrific attack. Annette posed the questions as to whether you can have help changing your identity/relocation. Especially if you choose to testify at his parole hearing. I hope there are resources out there to help you if you choose to relocate.

I’m going nowhere; i’m not abandoning my life, my parents, my friends, etc because of him.

I WIN,
Just a little advice for the parole hearing. Attend in person so the board of parole members get to know you. In Iowa you can choose if the criminal knows you are there or not. If it’s the same in your state, DO NOT let him know you are there.
Write a statement and read it to the board members. Tell them what your fears are. If the criminal has done anything to you while in prison tell the board members. In my case, at one of the hearings I found out that he was trying to have me arrested, which he has done unsuccessfully many times. They did not release him. The board wants to see that he is remorseful and rehabilitated. If you can show that he is still pursuing you in any way, tell them.
If you can tell they are probably going to let him out, plead for them to release him gradually, as in to a halfway house or minimum security prison first. Also tell them you feel that he should wear a GPS tracker when he is first released into the community. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. The safety of your family is at stake. No one will fight for your safety as hard as you will.
In my case the board said they would recommend a GPS but couldn’t guarantee it. As soon as I found out stalker was being released to a halfway house I called and asked about the GPS. Apparently someone forgot to recommend it. I fought for him to have one. They are supposed to let me know when it is taken off and as far as I know he is still wearing it. It’s been almost a year. Every so often I call to make sure he is still wearing it and remind them that they said I would be informed when they take it off.
If you can, get a permit to carry, learn and practice, and arm yourself for protection when he is released.
I’l your look at your case. I may have read it already. Mine is under Mike Bonert.
~hugs~

I will read your case as well. I am glad to have resources here on how to handle things re: parole board. I am speaking at a DV medical conference where members of the PCADV will be. I am hoping to get some answers from some of those individuals. I’m preparing my own ARSENAL if you will, against him. And I don’t mean physical weapons. He’s dome some things in jail like requested his father to mail him a driver license manual but to “act like” it was being mailed from the DMV. (he slipped a note into my sons xmas cards, mailed them to his father who opened one of them and re-sealed it, missed that one, so the little hidden note came directly to ME). He has found my mailing address after I got married and him AND HIS FATHER started mailing shit to my house vs. the court ordered third party (my mother’s home). I have ammo. They will hear about it. They will know that his family still believes that his wounds were inflicted BY ME. I ask that the parole board question his family to ask them what they know of the events in question. The case never went to trial, so his superficial self-inflicted wound medical report was never public for them to actually SEE. That alone would prove he’s not remorseful nor rehabilitated. I’ll be satisfied with 15 years behind bars, nothing less. At that time, my kids would be 22 and 19, legally able to obtain firearms to protect themselves. I believe the only reason he didn’t kill them that night was because it was more important for him and his narcissistic ways to create an ‘alibi’ for himself, a chance at trying to get people to believe him, and him to get out of trouble. he’s way too full of himself to commit suicide, sadly.

I’m not sure what the laws/rules are where you live. Where I live there is no telling how much of the prison sentence must be served. Where I live, except in cases where there is a finding of a deadly weapon, which means a minimum of half of the sentence must be served, or it is specified at sentencing how much of their time must be served before probation eligible. Overcrowding of prisons, budget constraints, inmates behavior and the like are huge considerations for when one gets out of prison. Wishing you the best.

Hello all. Just checking in. It’s been awhile. Life goes on wether we want it too or not.
I’ve pretty well maintained the no contact thing with the Ex. It’s felt good.
I got my wish he isn’t living happily ever after with the one he left me for. She left him 2 months after he left me for her. Never skipped a beat and moved on again to the next one in line. I guess he’s running through the girls pretty fast and doesn’t have one now because he came over last night to see if he could help me with anything. Oh and to get some more of his things which are still here after 4 months. Little by little he comes for things.
Normally I leave him to it to get his things from the garage. I just go to bed till he leaves.
Last night he asked for a drink and I made one like old times.
Low and behold he is wanting me to feel sorry for him for how bad his life has gotten since he left me. He says maybe he should just be single. Things just don’t work out for him
Like they should.
Are you kidding me ?
He offered friendship. He offered his help. He said he was sorry. Are you kidding me ?
I asked him to leave
Then I cried all night. Doubting myself. Doubting he is really a sociopath. Succumbing to just a little kindness. The power of these people. The devastation. I was falling for the fairy dust again.
Thank god I woke up cried out and my sanity returned.

Sounds like you experienced revisiting your grief and pain, and a reality check from contact with the ex spath. It sounds like you did a great job of not falling for his BS. It is painful to know he’s trying to manipulate you again. The experience may be motivation for you to get the rest of his stuff back to him and out of your life, and to maintain no contact to avoid being re-injured by him. When I had the occasional contact with my ex psychopath after getting out, it always turned out badly and I ended up hurt, upset and miserable.

You can read the Mark Ledden account here. It is beyond chilling. http://www.lovefraud.com/true-lovefraud-stories/mark-ledden/

lady ….dont doubt that if he is or isnt .its that ole game of sympathy and it sound so sincere that hes rehearsed his script plenty of times in his head before he dished a good screen play of sympathy on you with his latest version. I married this old man….literally an old man Im 58 and hes 68 …Hes from England.He was adopted into a wealthy family but until his parents died , he lived it up not ever having to work more than two hours a day with his dad with his chain stores.When his meal ticket died and discovered that he is no rightful heir to the estate , he went out broke. Today hes charming and charismatic days are numbered .Hes done this cheating and lying to get out of working a real job since he was 19 years old. He neglected his teeth so bad that he probably has about six teeth in his mouth when i last saw him in October . I couldn’t get him to use my dental insurance to have them extracted cause they lay in his gum line dead stem root teeth. He would have long strands of grey hair coming out of his ears and nose and would sometimes allow me to trim him up a bit so that he could look half way decent, and yet he really believes that he has alot to offer women just because his British voice is alluring and attractive to hear . He’s going deaf now and he has epilepsy , which he needs money to pay for his basic medication for it.But he uses some of it in the women he prepares meals for to put them to sleep so he can go out at night to hunt for his next victims, His profile on POF and CL, is that he offers oral sex for women that appreciate his love in exchange for room and board.What ever ladies of the night, you can have him. he doesn’t like to do his feet well anyways, they are thick and crusty .Gross you out yet?

while i traveled back in forth in the month of October 2015 , i was going to Ga on fridays to pick up more of my things ,crying back to texas ( cause inside i was dying for my kids to love me and wish me well) and arriving at 1 am the next monday morning and going to wk at five am. I did this three times in October .I end up seeing that my husband had never been home all weekend but at someone else home and taking my new heels from its boxes to let some other woman wear them while i was away on the weekend. Since i have known him for six years , I would never believe the evidence that i was collecting since living with him five and half months…This man does not use a wash cloth to scrub or exfoliate his skin during a bath ( never) and after having sex with me. Then he complained I never want to have oral sex with him? really? I over looked alot of his traditional British qualms and ill manners to criticize Black women and Hispanic women , to later find out that he is banging black women all over Houston from ads that hes placed on CL. I even over looked the fact that hes not that great looking to begin with except i was suckered and possessed in a way that made me thing he was the universe and i was his servant. But soon as my family was away from my reach, i was able to see my husband for who and what he is….all my school training rised alot of flags really fast. I tolerated alot of his provoking me and his intimidation’s tactics just so he could get me to throw the first punch at his foul vulgar mouth, instead, i with drew to our second bedroom and pumped up my spare air mattress. for the next three weeks prior to his leaving.

silly me confronted him and told him that I know your unhappy with me , how about we just stay roommates until you decide what you want in life , marriage or to adventure out with another woman. I even went on line in front of him to type up a document to get our young marriage an annulment, but he stopped me from typing it up. Then the next day in the morning while i was at work, he disappeared like a ghost, still stalking me every single day, breaking into my car , broke the locks etc …and manager of the apt loves the British voice from my husband that she became smitten by him and would cover up for him when i know she knows that hes been there at the apt stealing my stuff…

SO really you arent alone …cry and get it out of your system..I cried for four months over the loss of this animal …. And yes everything about his past, i have validated and i know that his adoption at birth stemmed from a young mom that was raped by another animal and she gave it up for adoption , so his being a sociopath is pretty much in his blood. But I have to move on and make each day count, its so easy for someone to say that the best revenge is to be happy ….who ever said that wasnt hurt or destroyed as much as some of us.But i get the nature of that statement, its just still too hard to work it out to really Be HAPPY. the worse part is when friends and family members look at me like im crazy and that i should get past the pain , yet they walk away still thinking im nuts…that hurts the most.

Just to let you know ladies, this mans name is Geoffrey W.Gregory.He goes by alottttttttttttt of names these days, Geoff Gregory , aka Geoffrey William Gregory or G.W.Gregory and since i embarrassed him as heck on CL posting Houston, in the garage sale section, He now goes by Jack Lang.give me a break.I should be afraid but , Im not , he may be old but hes stuck in Texas and no one would fund his money to come to Georgia. I wouldn’t advise this course of action on CL, but it was a moment of insanity.the same insanity that he created me into .But ive moved past that and realized how dangerous of a game it is to play at his level knowing that hes perfected his craft , and he could very well come back with his own version of revenge. But ive already taken precautions and addition measures to be guarded where ever i go , no matter if its to the pharmacy , school or drs appts.

I read that story about Mark the spath, Im beside myself its nearly the same as my story …..I couldnt sleep with my husband , a short three weeks before he left , i came back from work and he popped my air mattress that i was sleeping on, He asked me , well you can always come back to our bedroom and sleep on this expensive bed I bought us. I wound up following my instinct and slept on the floor in the second room. Geoffrey took off leaving with one Big expensive butcher red butcher knife , his coffee maker , Tv and his clothes ….Why he clutched that knife during dinner as big as it was worried me but never dared asked why he held on to it so much. its one of those things that if i asked the wrong question , i may be the intended target , so why ask.But his taking that butcher knife confirmed my suspicions that he very well murdered someone in England.I told a couple of police officers in Houston, they said his sins are in UK. Can you believe it ? i was looked upon as some vengeful scorned wife.and hes a British National. Hes been here for nearly 20 years and never changed his citizen.

I recalled i asked him to join me to make plans for our future like the rest of folks our age and start looking into funeral planning and he said really cold and chilling,– he said if the police found my body dead somewhere, to dont bother making arrangements to bury him. I asked ,”why , you are my husband? He said flat out that ,leave my carcass at the morgue and let them figure out what to do with his body” He actually stated why should he worry at that point what happens to his body?
Sick isn’t it to think this way. Evil dont care about anything or anybody.Even in death , hes still not worried about to whom hes inconvenienced.

What a horrible spath. So glad you’re away from him.

Consider that spaths say things to freak out their victims, so he may have just been messing with your head. Or he may have murdered 10 people. With a spath anything is possible – they do whatever suits their selfish purpose at any given time, and they are not constrained by morality nor caring about harming others.

It may be most helpful to law enforcement if you list what he told you about the murder, and forward the information to the police in the jurisdiction in the UK where it may have happened. Or you might contact the FBI – they have the means to contact the appropriate law enforcement in the UK. The local police you spoke to may not have the resources to know how to follow through.

Mark is sinister and diabolical for sure. I hate knowing there are other human beings out there that have had experiences with similar spaths.

My attorney stated that my divorce should be fairly easy. He said that since i tried FB and other social media to ask for his address to send papers for him to sign( which i knew it was a stupid crap for me to believe that he would offer his new address.) that hes submitting an motion to proceed with divorce by notification.Meaning the atty will post an ad in our local newspaper and six weeks later i get an appt with the judge to push for the divorce on the premise that my husband has not responded to appear before the judge. …..So im praying for to go smoothly.

But like the ex-wife who lives here in Georgia also , stated that he will be back to bother either one of us. Personally , I know for sure that the ex wife bears the same traits as my husband ,thats why she house him in her home even after the divorce.18 yrs back and forth and still tolerated his cheating, lying and stealing. and to hound me about what kind of personal gifts he bought me for anniversary etc..Like lady where do you get off thinking i wanna share so much information with you?
I am forced to live with my ex husband that owns a three dogs and one being pitdog , two fire arms , and tall fence and just shy six blocks from the sheriffs office.For now its enough protection til the divorce is final.

My attorney stated that my divorce should be fairly easy. He said that since i tried FB and other social media to ask for his address to send papers for him to sign( which i knew it was a stupid crap for me to believe that he would offer his new address.) that hes submitting an motion to proceed with divorce by notification.Meaning the atty will post an ad in our local newspaper and six weeks later i get an appt with the judge to push for the divorce on the premise that my husband has not responded to appear before the judge. …..So im praying for to go smoothly.

But like the ex-wife who lives here in Georgia also , stated that he will be back to bother either one of us. Personally , I know for sure that the ex wife bears the same traits as my husband , to hound me about what kind of personal gifts he bought me for anniversary etc..Like lady where do you get off thinking i wanna share so much information with you?
I am forced to live with my ex husband and our son til divorce becomes final.

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