I have access to some of the greatest minds in the world of psychopathy. For years, these individuals have studied, taught, researched, and written. Yet, when they have certain questions that they just don’t understand, they ask me. At times, I sit back and think about how amazing that is. At others, I genuinely wish I had no clue about this subject.
I lived with psychopathy. I watched it, learned, and put all of the pieces of this very complex puzzle together. Then, I spent a significant amount of time doubting whether or not it could be. But it was. It is. When I realized this, I set out to educate the world. I was on a mission that caused our worlds to collide. Before long, I came to a place where I grew tired of talking about it. Its toxicity became too great for me to continue to recount. However, in truth, once we are touched by it, it is ever-present. So here’s round two.
As I was recounting my latest round of psychopath inspired nonsense to one of the experts, he asked if it was common for them to “keep coming back.” I laughed to myself because I couldn’t imagine that he didn’t already know the answer. Turns out he did, but what he specifically had been pondering was their “rate or return.” Luckily, I was there to explain.
There is a long and short answer to this question. Believe it or not, both are relatively simple, because in truth, so is the psychopath. And usually, they do come back.
The short
Sometimes, they just want to test the waters. Perhaps they are short on psychopathic/narcissistic supply. They may have broken up with a partner. A good source cut connections. Perhaps something happened in their lives that re-kindled their anger at you. Who knows. There are as many reasons as there are psychopaths. Either way, what better place to look for more, than from someone who was readily available in the past?
Maybe you won’t respond. Maybe you will. They think it’s worth a shot. If you maintain no contact, it is likely they will move on. It is also possible that they will try again in the future. This is mostly about them and where they are in their own heads at any given point in time. Regardless, their connection to you is minimal under these circumstances. You’re exceptionally fortunate if you reside here.
The long
However, if they perceive that you have wronged them in any way or have caused “narcissistic injury,” the ride will be much rougher. These personalities tend to be relentless and will not back off until all the perceived “wrongs” have been righted. Unfortunately, all you really have to do is exist in order for them to feel wronged. Remember, they feel nothing is their fault. They will do their best to destroy and use any means possible. This often even extends to the manipulation of their own children without a second thought. What better way to disarm a caring parent, for example, than by harming their children?
Why?
They are sinister. These folks tend to be the ones with the higher scores on the Psychopathy Checklist. These are the sadists. These are the cases in which there is increased cause for concern. These are the individuals with psychopathic features who are quite dangerous (not that they all aren’t to some degree.) Sound extreme? Ask the families of those whose stories appear on Dateline or Forensic Files. Consider the story of the court appointed Wisconsin social worker who was sent to supervise a visit. The estranged father pushed her out the front door and proceeded to kill his two sons just to hurt their mother. Some simply have an axe to grind and it does not matter to them how long it takes to settle their score. They will do it. Or at least they will try.
Psychopaths are vindictive and vengeful. They stalk. They are obsessed. Sadly, many do so in very legal ways. Often, they do so in such a manner, with their agendas so hidden, that they may seem legitimate to even the most seasoned receivers. If you are the object of their obsession, prepare yourself for the ride of your life. Fortunately, once you have them figured out, however, their games are highly predictable and you are better able to self-advocate.
Illustration
For example, consider the behavior of “Fred”. At the end of his marriage to “Lisa”, he did not adequately “finish her off,” (his own words.) He brought forth years of post- decree litigation against her, hoping to facilitate her demise. He did not, however. She gained strength and flourished. This drove him harder to exact revenge.
In the initial round, he alleged numerous counts of contempt, as well as parental alienation, and many other completely ridiculous, falsified items. As is usually the case, projection ran rampant and it was he who was doing the alienating. His intentions were to “break her and her daddy too,” (financial) and “put her through so much she had no choice but to end it all” (emotional and psychological.) Mind you, he had already waged years of physical, psychological and emotional warfare on Lisa and her children. But he wasn’t done.
The divorce was only the beginning, which is very common with these abusers. It should be noted that she was the moving party after she discovered he had been with multiple women and had another family in another state. That was her first “mistake.” The leaving was not on his terms. It did not matter that he had been incredibly abusive and had affairs. It did not matter that she experienced the proverbial back breaking straw.
He was angry that he was not the one to initiate the leaving and it did not follow his timeline. Had it, he likely would have had time to allow the house to foreclose, sink her into debt, force her to remove the children from activities, harm them further, and the like. His terms. She, however, innocently derailed his plan by leaving first. This was the first reason he desired such revenge. She made a reasonably clean break, which was not how he saw their ways parting. In front of the children, he had stated that he wanted them to be homeless so she had to “figure it out.” When that did not happen, he sunk further into the desire for revenge.
Flash back for a moment
Let’s dissect the the above statement regarding her “ending it all.” With this, he meant her life. Interestingly, in the end stages of the divorce, he either purchased or planned to purchase an automatic weapon in order to “defend himself” against her. He wanted to kill her.
Translation of his thoughts: “I want you dead. Not only can I not stand you, but you will cost me far too much money in this divorce and I prefer you were no longer living. I tried, but I did not want to actually risk prison by doing it myself. The whole ‘gun thing’ did not work out for me, so I will emotionally destroy you until you do it yourself.”
Had he been successful and had that occurred, he would have been able to “prove” everything he had been saying about his “crazy ex-wife.” She would have proven him “right” and solidified his lies were correct and what he “endured at her hands,” simply by what he had to put up with. People would have believed she was nothing more than the insane crack-pot he alleged. At that point, he would have received pity, probably even praise, and she would be out of the picture. Let the record show, however, that if Lisa ever ends up dead, she did not do it to herself. Yet, in this case, this did not happen. She did more than survive. He did not get what he wanted and after protracted litigation where he ultimately failed, he retreated.
Furthermore, enter the scenario with the children. In this situation, they were also expensive. He also knew that accessing them was the best way to harm his ex-wife. Additionally, he had deep seated disdain for them as well. He was abusive to all of them and continually reminded the girls that they “reminded him of her.” He had been abrasive from the start.
Yet, during and after the divorce, his behavior became even more unusual and dysfunctional. The mask had cracked. They were down-right afraid and not without good reason. He withheld food on visits, he assaulted the oldest, lied to all of them and attempted to drown the youngest in a nearby river. The youngest was able to re-tell the story to her GAL and this was one of several the events that ended his visitation.
This event did not occur without warning, however. As they typically do, he gave fair notice. The problem is that most do not understand what they are saying. Lisa came to hear the meaning in time. On the day of the incident at the river, he had warned her that, “accidents can happen to anyone, people die every day, it doesn’t matter if they are young or old, they die every day”¦”
After this, he felt he was in a position to force the dust to settle. He was not, however, gone in the way most thought he was. Lisa knew.
Where did he go?
She knew all he was doing was re-grouping. He was losing his shirt, so to speak. He never expected she would figure the situation out, recognize what she was dealing with, or have to strength to do anything about it. She had been his punching bag, along with the kids, for all those years. He was furious. But she knew how to read the messages sent to the children in their Christmas cards each year (his only communication other than an occasional birthday card.) She knew “you’ll get your gift when I see you” and ” I will see you soon,” when all visitation had been ended by the court was a threat. Lisa knew he would return.
Many told her he was gone for good. Others told her she was being paranoid when she said it was not true. Her own lawyer said that she had given him too much credit. She, on the other hand, knew they were incorrect. The sharpest tool, he was absolutely not, but she had come to speak “psychopath” and knew that he’d be back one day to try to finish the job. He couldn’t stand that she was still standing. He could not stand that she had “won.” He will claim that he spiraled into a depression, but he did not. Or maybe he had. However, if he did, the reasons were none so noble as the ones he proclaimed. He was merely enraged that she had survived and was thriving
It wasn’t enough that the litigation total had just crossed over $100,000. It did not matter that he ended up filing bankruptcy in the process. That was her fault, after all. Never mind that his spending habits were akin to a child in a candy store or a college freshman at a frat party. He wanted more. He wanted to harm her due to his obsession with her demise. He was insatiable. Instead of moving on with his life, post-divorce, he waged war.
The battles were small skirmishes and usually over money, but constant. Initially, he sent email suggesting he had no money and would reduce his child support. He did reduce it. She rode the situation out. She kept records, and she continued to notify him of his obligations. All the while, she never initiated any legal action. He was the litigious piece of that equation. It’s in their nature and she expected it.
He got raises, he failed to report. He convinced a doctor somewhere that he was “disabled” and it took him a very short time to file for a reduction. He got it. He hid money. He spent money. He did as they do with finances. No surprise.
When he got a new job, he filed for a reduction in support, based on his probationary pay; never thinking for a moment that the pay scale would be supbeanoed. In the end, he ended up with a significant increase and a payment program regarding his large arrearage, which had risen into the tens of thousands. The judge referred to him as a deadbeat. He had been admonished again in the very courtroom he had hoped would vindicate him. He grew angrier.
As of late
Then it happened. Lisa knew the day would come when she would open the mail box and sitting within would be the notice; a one-two-punch of sorts. Holland Law Offices. A petition to modify support and visitation. A death warrant. Hers. Her minor children. The oldest, now majority age, was out of the picture (sort of). Never mind the fact that he had not had anything to do with them in almost seven years. Never mind. Anyone who would take this case would ultimately wear their blood on their hands if he were to prevail. But will he? That remains to be seen. Fortunately she knows his tactics. She knows that when the angry and violated persona did not work, he will need to switch methods and turn on the charm. He will swing from Mr. Apologetic, “I Was So Wrong Nice Guy” asking forgiveness to a wild man again. She knows and anticipates and has planning for this day as well for years.
Why? They all come back.
Why A Relationship With A Sociopath is Soul-Destroying–Some Thoughts
There is far too much in the initial post (and the comments) that resonates with my situation. I have recently been through a disgustingly long and expensive divorce with my spath in which he has gained 50-50 custody of our two children aged 10 months and 3 years. I am terrified for them – I foresee both emotional and sexual abuse in their future (if not present). This is a smallish city that runs on connections. My spath and his family are rich, dirty, and connected and I suspect have used their connection to influence the outcome of the case.
The issue is the children. Some days I try to tell myself that I can’t do anything more about the situation and that I can only love them and be the best parent I can be on my time. I try to tell myself it is probably just unfounded fear that’s keeping me up at night. Sure, he’ll emotionally abuse them but if I can show them a better way then maybe we’ll all be OK in the end since kids are smart and resilient and they’ll eventually see and understand. That’s the optimism I try to put on. But there’s another part of me that truly believes the fear is founded. He is a monster. And perhaps I’m being weak or not a good enough mother in not taking more drastic steps to protect my children. But the problem is I don’t know what else I can do.
So if anyone knows how to protect the children in the midst of this or has any thoughts on how to discern the state of abuse the kids are being or will be subject to, I’d be most interested. I have tried to broach the situation with a couple of professionals and I get very nice but ultimately condescending responses – I’m just angry, emotional, etc. In trying to explain the state of craziness I come across as the crazy.
I have read Liane Leedhom’s (sp?) book, ‘Just Like his father’ and it was fantastic. We’re working hard on learning to identify and discuss emotions, and we’re working on discussing boundaries and the difference between surprises (good secrets) and bad secrets. But I’m terrified about what’s in store for my children and am at a loss as to how to assess the risk to them and don’t know what to do.
I am sorry that you have gotten brushed off by the professionals you consulted. I hope that you can find someone somewhere who takes your concerns seriously and knows how to help you.
It is my understanding that if one intuitively has fears and concerns that they are most likely to be accurate. A helpful place to start in assessing the threat your ex poses is here: https://www.mosaicmethod.com/ This is a detailed professional and free threat assessment survey which is helpful in organizing one’s thoughts and making sense of one’s intuition. The website has some suggestions for further reading.
I suggest that you continue to research on line, and read everything worthwhile you can that relates to your situation. Knowledge is power. Perhaps somewhere online you will find a professional who can help you, most likely somewhere outside of your community. There are attorneys and counselors who understand psychopaths, abusers and dangerous characters, who may be able to help.
You may want to try to formulate a plan what you will do if your ex does sexually or otherwise abuse your children.
It is true that children are resilient, and that your loving normal relationship will go a long way to protect them from the disordered parent.
You may already be doing this, but the grey rock technique of dealing with a spath is the best and only way to get the best possible result. http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
Google search of ‘coparenting with a psychopath’ yields a lot of material; perhaps you will find something helpful to you.
AnnettePK,
Thanks for posting info about the Mosaic risk assessment.
I took this about 8 months ago and refer back to the result every now and then; to remind myself how dangerous this situation is.
The results are indeed very frightening.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Strong,
I go through it about every 6 months even though I have limited (and no face to face) contact with the ex psychopath. He is in the community. It helps me make sense out of my intuitive fears; and reading the premise of each question gives me concrete information to apply to my situation.
It is frightening, especially the first time I worked through it several years ago, to understand the reality of the danger these spaths can be.
ditto …..I just found out that its possible my sociopath has left texas and may be here in Georgia.I go to school at night, what does that say for me? I make two circle trips around the car i drove to class tonight to make sure there is no damage to this loaner car.I know hes in the community, and I cant get a protection order because , his sins is in Texas not here in Ga,.and Id have to hire a lawyer to obtain a signature from the judge for that protection order.What does that say for the poor women that cant afford a atty to buy that protection order in Georgia?
Angel,
Depending on the motivations of the abuser/stalker/spath, a restraining order may or may not help provide protection. If you discern that it would help you, maybe there is a Legal Aid or similar organization that could help you with the process without cost. If there is a DV shelter in your area, they may have services that help victims who aren’t staying at the shelter. Consider reporting your situation to the local police even without an official restraining order, so they can be alert for a possible stalker.
Thanks for the resources. I wasn’t familiar with mosaic or with the gray rock method although I’m very familiar with no contact (an ideal I cannot achieve given the custody situation). The gray rock variation is interesting and may prove helpful. Thanks again.
Fudd,
I agree with Annette that it’s best to try the greyrock technique and see if that works. However, I am never for allowing your livelihood, well being and safety to be jeopardized while trying to do greyrock. Hopefully, if you act like you don’t care about the visits, that you are completely unbothered by him he hopefully will move on and find someone else. He hopefully will tire of the visits when he sees the visits aren’t getting a rise out of you. If you think your children are being harmed while trying to implement greyrock you will have no choice but to go to the police.
Since i am majoring in Criminal justice, I believe that the Grey Rock method falls slightly under the disengaged and defusing the situation .when my husband started to bully me, i changed the subject and told him that i had some sewing for a friend of mine and that the extra money will put gas in my car until next wk. I could tell he was edgy &He wanted some vigorous excitement out of me and i wouldn’t cooperate. I kept telling him that im sorry that im so boring& that he can take off if he needed a breather, thus leaving me alone for hours at a time ….its probably why he slipped out with out a trace because he just couldn’t accomplish getting me to eating his poisoners dishes , dance to his bickering or entertain his ugly request for sexual favors from me . I told him i was done with drama from my ex husband and him too.( although, it was hard putting up the brave face during all that time,yet, inside i was petrified of him) But when that grey Rock aka disengage comes up in class, i will forward that to other women in the classroom. Its quite informative.
Sounds like it worked out for you; maybe if you continue to be invisible and boring to your ex spath he’ll lose interest.
It took me a very long time to understand that my ex psychopath likes drama, hurting others, etc. I kept looking for other explanations of his behavior, and thought I was working with him to overcome his problems. When I finally understood his motives and that he has no desire to change, greyrock made a lot of sense. I was able to use some of the greyrock techniques, but it is incredibly difficult for an honest loving person with natural emotions. My ex psychopath was always able to push my buttons if he tried long enough. I was able to get out and have no face to face contact and almost no email contact, which led to my recovery, happiness and a rich good life now that I’m about 5 years out.
Yes Annette there are many I’m sure who think I’m crazy… But they thought that anyway. Now I actually have a following of people who are supporting me that I’ve never met that he works with. Also, I unfriended all people I know. Waging the war and moving it to his turf doesn’t hurt me. The courts are in my town and he careless about that. Besides the match.com profile the other things in the f/b are his drunken raging voicemails and his vicious slimy threatening emails. I add no commentary. I do think if can’t go greyrock you better expose him and be smart about it. Getting my divorce is a full time job. I’m going to spend my energy on something I might as well go the offensive instead of spinning my wheels on the defensive trying to field the accusations one at a time. Let him fight a two front war-at work and in the courts
Some advice from someone who has been through it for 50+ years. Run! Take your children and get as far as you can from him and never come back. Do not tell your children who he is or where to find him. I did not move far enough and kept contact “for the children” and he now uses my children and fear for my grandchildren to victimize me to this day. Thinking my children needed a father (that any father was better than no father) was the biggest mistake I ever made. I raised my children while he went through several marriages abusing other wives and and stepchildren. After being harassed for years over child support and visitation while he abused others, he was finally left alone and targeted our daughter. The initial adoration and then abandonment of her as a child guaranteed her need and when the time was ripe, he lied and charmed her just like he did to get me to marry him. I look back and so clearly see the trauma bond he did on her as a toddler when he left.
Thanks for the comments.
I have no delusions that this man’s presence in the children’s life will be nothing but destructive to them and to me. The question is exactly how destructive is he going to be and what on earth can I do to mitigate the destruction?
I’ve tried to put thousands of miles between us and return home to my family and start over where I have support and resources. The court denied this despite the mountains of evidence in black and white print showing his extensive use of porn, his incessant cheating, his lying to everyone, his need for dominance, power and control, his antipathy towards the children (until the last hour when someone did the support calculations) and more. The court decided he should ‘have a chance’. So running isn’t really an option? I have a 100 mile radius and I suspect that there will be wars waged when I attempt to move even 50 miles.
He’s already starting to emotionally manipulate my son (3 yrs) and seems to be instilling a script into him – likely a precursor to further legal action and to make further changes to the already atrocious custody situation.
Fudd,
Spaths are potentially dangerous, but what actually happens depends on a lot of things that are outside your control. An extreme example is if he gets chronically sick or incapacitated in some way he may be unable to be a factor in your children’s lives. Another slightly more likely possibility is if he gets interested in some other person(s) to abuse, bully, lie to, manipulate, and exploit, he may lose interest and not even want to spend time with his children, especially if he thinks you want him to spend time with them.
If you could find a really good attorney, perhaps through an online search, who practices in your state, he/she may be able to determine if there is something else you can do legally. It’s possible you’ve exhausted all legal options, but the practice of law is an art, so maybe a competent attorney who understands spath behavior may be able to help you.
I have heard that it’s important to document absolutely everything with respect to his interactions with the children and with you about them. I’ve heard that all communications should be in writing, ie email or text, and that everything you communicate should be written for documentation for court, as that is where it may be used. I’ve heard transfers of the children for visitation should be done by a friend in a public place, without you present; or at least with a witness everytime. Not giving him any access to you may allow him to lose interest if other factors lead him that way. You may already be doing all this.
Have you contacted domestic violence hotlines or women’s shelters for references of professionals who can help you? You may want to contact those in other towns than where you and he are living.
This article scares the living shit out of me. I’m the Lovefraud Case File under Mark Ledden. He will be up for his first chance at Parole around this time next year. I am scared to DEATH. We have 2 children together and I know he will never leave me/us alone until he’s six-feet under. 7-20 on a plea bargain to Agg Assault after stabbing me 11x in front of our children. Sickening. This really scares me…….
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a Horrible SOB! 11 times? I hoped you moved far away…? If i had kids with my husband (TG) i would have gone to another country , i couldn’t bear to expose my kids to this man ever again. That hurts me to read your story honey.
And to think that if i continued to eat my husbands cruise dinners that he laced with his Barbiturates &that i would have been dead by now.SO glad he escaped but i am still trying to contact his sister in England and see if she knows about this murder,Not like i expect a reply but just to give her heads up .I only have her work address so I would have to put CONFIDENTIAL on the front of it.
Consider carefully that whatever you say to the sister may get back to him. Anything your ex spath told you about his sister and his relationship with her may not be true. She may not even be his sister. In my experience, unless one can corroborate information from another source, it is not safe to rely on information from the spath.
You might research news items about unsolved murders in the location and timeframe he told you about, and any other details you know. Again, keep in mind that it could be partly or all lies. If he had a motive to make you think he is capable of murder, it may not be true.
It’s unbelievable that he would ever be let out of jail, but sadly that’s the way the world works… Can you start consulting an attorney and a DV shelter now to see what steps you should take if he does get paroled? Is there a way the gov’t can help you change your identity and move away?
I REFUSE to run from him. Due to the violent nature of his crime, he should serve close to 80% of his back-end number of 20 yrs, but I will be at EVERY parole hearing, anything I need to be present for, to ensure that happens. If he comes after me, I will kill him. Zero questions asked. I will defend myself and my family. I am a DV volunteer and communicate with DV people often. No way i’m running from him.
I read the account of what happened to you. I hope you have found some small measure of peace since the horrific attack. Annette posed the questions as to whether you can have help changing your identity/relocation. Especially if you choose to testify at his parole hearing. I hope there are resources out there to help you if you choose to relocate.
I’m going nowhere; i’m not abandoning my life, my parents, my friends, etc because of him.
I WIN,
Just a little advice for the parole hearing. Attend in person so the board of parole members get to know you. In Iowa you can choose if the criminal knows you are there or not. If it’s the same in your state, DO NOT let him know you are there.
Write a statement and read it to the board members. Tell them what your fears are. If the criminal has done anything to you while in prison tell the board members. In my case, at one of the hearings I found out that he was trying to have me arrested, which he has done unsuccessfully many times. They did not release him. The board wants to see that he is remorseful and rehabilitated. If you can show that he is still pursuing you in any way, tell them.
If you can tell they are probably going to let him out, plead for them to release him gradually, as in to a halfway house or minimum security prison first. Also tell them you feel that he should wear a GPS tracker when he is first released into the community. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. The safety of your family is at stake. No one will fight for your safety as hard as you will.
In my case the board said they would recommend a GPS but couldn’t guarantee it. As soon as I found out stalker was being released to a halfway house I called and asked about the GPS. Apparently someone forgot to recommend it. I fought for him to have one. They are supposed to let me know when it is taken off and as far as I know he is still wearing it. It’s been almost a year. Every so often I call to make sure he is still wearing it and remind them that they said I would be informed when they take it off.
If you can, get a permit to carry, learn and practice, and arm yourself for protection when he is released.
I’l your look at your case. I may have read it already. Mine is under Mike Bonert.
~hugs~
I will read your case as well. I am glad to have resources here on how to handle things re: parole board. I am speaking at a DV medical conference where members of the PCADV will be. I am hoping to get some answers from some of those individuals. I’m preparing my own ARSENAL if you will, against him. And I don’t mean physical weapons. He’s dome some things in jail like requested his father to mail him a driver license manual but to “act like” it was being mailed from the DMV. (he slipped a note into my sons xmas cards, mailed them to his father who opened one of them and re-sealed it, missed that one, so the little hidden note came directly to ME). He has found my mailing address after I got married and him AND HIS FATHER started mailing shit to my house vs. the court ordered third party (my mother’s home). I have ammo. They will hear about it. They will know that his family still believes that his wounds were inflicted BY ME. I ask that the parole board question his family to ask them what they know of the events in question. The case never went to trial, so his superficial self-inflicted wound medical report was never public for them to actually SEE. That alone would prove he’s not remorseful nor rehabilitated. I’ll be satisfied with 15 years behind bars, nothing less. At that time, my kids would be 22 and 19, legally able to obtain firearms to protect themselves. I believe the only reason he didn’t kill them that night was because it was more important for him and his narcissistic ways to create an ‘alibi’ for himself, a chance at trying to get people to believe him, and him to get out of trouble. he’s way too full of himself to commit suicide, sadly.
I’m not sure what the laws/rules are where you live. Where I live there is no telling how much of the prison sentence must be served. Where I live, except in cases where there is a finding of a deadly weapon, which means a minimum of half of the sentence must be served, or it is specified at sentencing how much of their time must be served before probation eligible. Overcrowding of prisons, budget constraints, inmates behavior and the like are huge considerations for when one gets out of prison. Wishing you the best.
Hello all. Just checking in. It’s been awhile. Life goes on wether we want it too or not.
I’ve pretty well maintained the no contact thing with the Ex. It’s felt good.
I got my wish he isn’t living happily ever after with the one he left me for. She left him 2 months after he left me for her. Never skipped a beat and moved on again to the next one in line. I guess he’s running through the girls pretty fast and doesn’t have one now because he came over last night to see if he could help me with anything. Oh and to get some more of his things which are still here after 4 months. Little by little he comes for things.
Normally I leave him to it to get his things from the garage. I just go to bed till he leaves.
Last night he asked for a drink and I made one like old times.
Low and behold he is wanting me to feel sorry for him for how bad his life has gotten since he left me. He says maybe he should just be single. Things just don’t work out for him
Like they should.
Are you kidding me ?
He offered friendship. He offered his help. He said he was sorry. Are you kidding me ?
I asked him to leave
Then I cried all night. Doubting myself. Doubting he is really a sociopath. Succumbing to just a little kindness. The power of these people. The devastation. I was falling for the fairy dust again.
Thank god I woke up cried out and my sanity returned.
Sounds like you experienced revisiting your grief and pain, and a reality check from contact with the ex spath. It sounds like you did a great job of not falling for his BS. It is painful to know he’s trying to manipulate you again. The experience may be motivation for you to get the rest of his stuff back to him and out of your life, and to maintain no contact to avoid being re-injured by him. When I had the occasional contact with my ex psychopath after getting out, it always turned out badly and I ended up hurt, upset and miserable.
You can read the Mark Ledden account here. It is beyond chilling. http://www.lovefraud.com/true-lovefraud-stories/mark-ledden/
lady ….dont doubt that if he is or isnt .its that ole game of sympathy and it sound so sincere that hes rehearsed his script plenty of times in his head before he dished a good screen play of sympathy on you with his latest version. I married this old man….literally an old man Im 58 and hes 68 …Hes from England.He was adopted into a wealthy family but until his parents died , he lived it up not ever having to work more than two hours a day with his dad with his chain stores.When his meal ticket died and discovered that he is no rightful heir to the estate , he went out broke. Today hes charming and charismatic days are numbered .Hes done this cheating and lying to get out of working a real job since he was 19 years old. He neglected his teeth so bad that he probably has about six teeth in his mouth when i last saw him in October . I couldn’t get him to use my dental insurance to have them extracted cause they lay in his gum line dead stem root teeth. He would have long strands of grey hair coming out of his ears and nose and would sometimes allow me to trim him up a bit so that he could look half way decent, and yet he really believes that he has alot to offer women just because his British voice is alluring and attractive to hear . He’s going deaf now and he has epilepsy , which he needs money to pay for his basic medication for it.But he uses some of it in the women he prepares meals for to put them to sleep so he can go out at night to hunt for his next victims, His profile on POF and CL, is that he offers oral sex for women that appreciate his love in exchange for room and board.What ever ladies of the night, you can have him. he doesn’t like to do his feet well anyways, they are thick and crusty .Gross you out yet?
while i traveled back in forth in the month of October 2015 , i was going to Ga on fridays to pick up more of my things ,crying back to texas ( cause inside i was dying for my kids to love me and wish me well) and arriving at 1 am the next monday morning and going to wk at five am. I did this three times in October .I end up seeing that my husband had never been home all weekend but at someone else home and taking my new heels from its boxes to let some other woman wear them while i was away on the weekend. Since i have known him for six years , I would never believe the evidence that i was collecting since living with him five and half months…This man does not use a wash cloth to scrub or exfoliate his skin during a bath ( never) and after having sex with me. Then he complained I never want to have oral sex with him? really? I over looked alot of his traditional British qualms and ill manners to criticize Black women and Hispanic women , to later find out that he is banging black women all over Houston from ads that hes placed on CL. I even over looked the fact that hes not that great looking to begin with except i was suckered and possessed in a way that made me thing he was the universe and i was his servant. But soon as my family was away from my reach, i was able to see my husband for who and what he is….all my school training rised alot of flags really fast. I tolerated alot of his provoking me and his intimidation’s tactics just so he could get me to throw the first punch at his foul vulgar mouth, instead, i with drew to our second bedroom and pumped up my spare air mattress. for the next three weeks prior to his leaving.
silly me confronted him and told him that I know your unhappy with me , how about we just stay roommates until you decide what you want in life , marriage or to adventure out with another woman. I even went on line in front of him to type up a document to get our young marriage an annulment, but he stopped me from typing it up. Then the next day in the morning while i was at work, he disappeared like a ghost, still stalking me every single day, breaking into my car , broke the locks etc …and manager of the apt loves the British voice from my husband that she became smitten by him and would cover up for him when i know she knows that hes been there at the apt stealing my stuff…
SO really you arent alone …cry and get it out of your system..I cried for four months over the loss of this animal …. And yes everything about his past, i have validated and i know that his adoption at birth stemmed from a young mom that was raped by another animal and she gave it up for adoption , so his being a sociopath is pretty much in his blood. But I have to move on and make each day count, its so easy for someone to say that the best revenge is to be happy ….who ever said that wasnt hurt or destroyed as much as some of us.But i get the nature of that statement, its just still too hard to work it out to really Be HAPPY. the worse part is when friends and family members look at me like im crazy and that i should get past the pain , yet they walk away still thinking im nuts…that hurts the most.
Just to let you know ladies, this mans name is Geoffrey W.Gregory.He goes by alottttttttttttt of names these days, Geoff Gregory , aka Geoffrey William Gregory or G.W.Gregory and since i embarrassed him as heck on CL posting Houston, in the garage sale section, He now goes by Jack Lang.give me a break.I should be afraid but , Im not , he may be old but hes stuck in Texas and no one would fund his money to come to Georgia. I wouldn’t advise this course of action on CL, but it was a moment of insanity.the same insanity that he created me into .But ive moved past that and realized how dangerous of a game it is to play at his level knowing that hes perfected his craft , and he could very well come back with his own version of revenge. But ive already taken precautions and addition measures to be guarded where ever i go , no matter if its to the pharmacy , school or drs appts.
I read that story about Mark the spath, Im beside myself its nearly the same as my story …..I couldnt sleep with my husband , a short three weeks before he left , i came back from work and he popped my air mattress that i was sleeping on, He asked me , well you can always come back to our bedroom and sleep on this expensive bed I bought us. I wound up following my instinct and slept on the floor in the second room. Geoffrey took off leaving with one Big expensive butcher red butcher knife , his coffee maker , Tv and his clothes ….Why he clutched that knife during dinner as big as it was worried me but never dared asked why he held on to it so much. its one of those things that if i asked the wrong question , i may be the intended target , so why ask.But his taking that butcher knife confirmed my suspicions that he very well murdered someone in England.I told a couple of police officers in Houston, they said his sins are in UK. Can you believe it ? i was looked upon as some vengeful scorned wife.and hes a British National. Hes been here for nearly 20 years and never changed his citizen.
I recalled i asked him to join me to make plans for our future like the rest of folks our age and start looking into funeral planning and he said really cold and chilling,– he said if the police found my body dead somewhere, to dont bother making arrangements to bury him. I asked ,”why , you are my husband? He said flat out that ,leave my carcass at the morgue and let them figure out what to do with his body” He actually stated why should he worry at that point what happens to his body?
Sick isn’t it to think this way. Evil dont care about anything or anybody.Even in death , hes still not worried about to whom hes inconvenienced.
What a horrible spath. So glad you’re away from him.
Consider that spaths say things to freak out their victims, so he may have just been messing with your head. Or he may have murdered 10 people. With a spath anything is possible – they do whatever suits their selfish purpose at any given time, and they are not constrained by morality nor caring about harming others.
It may be most helpful to law enforcement if you list what he told you about the murder, and forward the information to the police in the jurisdiction in the UK where it may have happened. Or you might contact the FBI – they have the means to contact the appropriate law enforcement in the UK. The local police you spoke to may not have the resources to know how to follow through.
Mark is sinister and diabolical for sure. I hate knowing there are other human beings out there that have had experiences with similar spaths.
My attorney stated that my divorce should be fairly easy. He said that since i tried FB and other social media to ask for his address to send papers for him to sign( which i knew it was a stupid crap for me to believe that he would offer his new address.) that hes submitting an motion to proceed with divorce by notification.Meaning the atty will post an ad in our local newspaper and six weeks later i get an appt with the judge to push for the divorce on the premise that my husband has not responded to appear before the judge. …..So im praying for to go smoothly.
But like the ex-wife who lives here in Georgia also , stated that he will be back to bother either one of us. Personally , I know for sure that the ex wife bears the same traits as my husband ,thats why she house him in her home even after the divorce.18 yrs back and forth and still tolerated his cheating, lying and stealing. and to hound me about what kind of personal gifts he bought me for anniversary etc..Like lady where do you get off thinking i wanna share so much information with you?
I am forced to live with my ex husband that owns a three dogs and one being pitdog , two fire arms , and tall fence and just shy six blocks from the sheriffs office.For now its enough protection til the divorce is final.