Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Maniatissa, LIG – mine did it too! He wrote the letter and ended it “regards”. It makes me laugh now! When he wrote to me about the baby, I have been instructed by lawyer to write back when it is about baby, I ended it “regards”. Nothing like showing that narcisist his OWN REFLECTION! He mentioned it to me. Apparently that was the only part of the letter he saw, because it is the only part he mentioned!
Maniatissa, it is really normal to become scared of them. I experienced the fear that he could go to extremes. If he realizes that he doesn’t have your love anymore , he will settle for your fear. NEVER show that you are scared of him. They are capable of extremes. Know it. Accept it. It becomes your knowledge, and not your fear. Read The Gift of Fear. Learn the difference between “real fear” and “anxiety”. You’ll be ok. Just stay NC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwGS7Jmd00c
Dear Maniatissa,
My P-son didn’t wet the bed past age 1 yr, my non-P son wet the bed til age 11 (had a bladder problem)
Neither of my kids was mean to animals, with the one exception of my non-P son shooting a cow with his BB gun to watch her jump. In fact, my P-son was very attached to his pets. As a young adult though he started to want “tough” breeds of dogs and snakes, not because he liked snakes but they were “tough” and different.
My P-bio father also liked “tough” pets, wild animals, the bigger and badder the better.
None of them were fire setters as far as I know, but my P x BF burned his GF before me’s house.
The Emptied Soul. I will try and remember that one (I love the library where books are FREE!).
My P never said or did anything violent. He never showed anger toward me. I was never afraid of him. He seemed like the most laid back person in the world. Yet one day after I thought he was out of my life, I started to expose him on our internet community. That night I had nightmares that he hunted me down and tried to rape and kill me. My subconscious was picking up on just how dangerous he is. Even if you just have a garden variety seductive psychopath, the lack of conscience makes them very dangerous. I think they are more dangerous than we give them credit for. We try to imbue them with some shred of humanity, because, after all, we loved them at one time. But they really are capable of anything and not to be trusted.
The Emptied Soul is in paperback and can be gotten on amazon.com (used) for under $10.00. It’s the definitive book on the nature of the psychopath (In my opinion). It explains EVERYTHING!
Maniatissa,
“I was wondering (I remember that OxDrover has direct experience with this) how many of you have feared that the S or P in your life was capable of going to extremes (like homicide) and if so, what did you do to protect yourself.”
I worked in a volunteer capacity at my church 2-3 nights a week. The S personality I volunteered with became increasingly abusive. The gaslighting, personal attacks, then outright tantrums that were very intimidating. It looked like he was building himself into a towering rage, and the justifications for his anger were increasingly irrational. The justifications near the end were outright lies. Because he had a history of violence against women in his personal life, firearms and 30 years training in martial arts, I was a bit intimidated. Make no mistake about it, I’m a very tough customer myself, but no one is bullet proof. I also knew he was in pain management and took some mind altering prescription drugs to dull the agony of old injuries. This heightened my concern that I was in dangerous territory.
I went minimum contact immediately. I sent my letter of resignation via a third party, and it was a very kind and gracious resignation letter, not an angry or cold one. I’ve never said anything but flattering things about him to anyone but my closest confidants, and I made sure he knew I spoke kindly of him to all. I made my excuse the demands of home schooling and caring for my seriously ill child.
Because I spoke so well of him, he got a paid position in another church. This position is prestigious, but much more closely supervised. He won’t have the freedom to act out there.
I was lucky, because we weren’t married or otherwise intimately involved. I could afford to be kind and gentle, while at the same time protecting myself. This man was talented, charismatic, hard working, and at the top of his field. As long as he’s properly supervised and surrounded by people who bring out the best in him, everything’s fine.
I’m posting a link to a site I’m pretty confident none of you have visited. It will give you a totally different perspective on physical threat from a Sociopath. I’m a martial artist with a lifelong interest in self defense, so I tend to see these things different than most people. I consider this couple to be one of the premier authorities on solving physical threat problems. These people aren’t politically correct, but if you follow their advice you’ll be a much harder target for criminals of all stripes. Maybe there’s something there you can use.
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/stalking.html
POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING NORMAN V. PEAL
Nothing new! Jesus said love thy enemy , respect thy master , give more than you are asked for , turn the other cheek , it is better to give than to recieve , What you do unto the least of these you have done to me! Seek and you will find , knock and the door will be opened , ask and you shall recieve! He said I am the Truth , The Light and The Way! no man comes before the Father except through ME! LOVE JJ
Elizabeth Conley: Read what the church leaders know about “them”. They call them TROUBLE MAKERS.
“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves”
To understand the difference between us (givers) and them (takers) read this site:
http://www.abusefacts.com/articles/Givers-Takers.php
This site, along with all the materials about “them” helped me to clearly see what I was dealing with.
Peace.
Indi’s in the house: How true what you wrote.
Peace to your heart and soul sweet Indi.
Dear Wini,
“Read what the church leaders know about “them”. They call them TROUBLE MAKERS.”
I’m with you Wini, but even in church, “Common sense is an uncommon virtue.” Church leaders are remarkably easy for Ss, Ps and Ns to fool. Some days I think church is simply a playground for cluster Bs! Good grief, but sheep are silly critters! (God please don’t strike me dead!)
There’s a crying need for church leadership to have some training in group dynamics and personality disorders. Unfortunately, as organizations, churches tend to be narcissistic. They have many narcissistic defenses against solving serious problems within. If nobody in church leadership has the training or common sense to understand the problems Ns, Ps and Ss present, I think the smart thing to do is leave.