Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Further:
Crazy as it must sound, I think it’s important for Ss, Ps and Ns to be accommodated in church, up to a point. They cannot be allowed to act out, but I do not despair of the hope that they can attain salvation.
Church leadership isn’t for sissies. A church leadership team has to have a broad spectrum of competencies to deal with all the situations congregants present.
Elizabeth Conley: That would mean that they would have to step back and look at the bigger picture in life … instead of viewing what bugs the crap out of them … seeing it myopically.
Hey, each one of them has their own story of what bugs them … who cares. They are immature, think they know best and what is right … don’t want to have to look at another side to the picture and have absolutely, positively NO patience to work anything out. It’s their arrogance that is their first sin they create … after that, more of the sins get put into the mix, and then they are just jumbled up with sin … spinning their lives in sin.
That’s why they need to be incarcerated for a few years and work this negative viewpoint of sin our of their lives. The problem is with the likes of them … how do you get any of them to trust a therapist? How?
It’s trusting a therapist that the therapist will show them a better way to live is the problem. Then the other big thing they’ve got going is impatience. They want instant gratification. How ridiculous is that? Snap, here it is. We should all be so lucky that we could snap our fingers for what we want.
Patience is a virtue … and since they focus on vice, they have no clue what is to feel God’s virtues in life, one being the virtue of patience, never mind living the other virtues in life.
Peace.
SNAP
UMMMM HELLO is anyone GETTING ME my BEER and CIGARETS ?????? I am waiting???!!!
Sit through Church
Wishfull thinking! My psyco would sit through church for the collection plate to come round and take not give
Well Wini,
Like I said, I know this sounds crazy, but I think God can help. I have seen Ns and Ss do some remarkably good things, and make progress with their issues.
They need to be in a congregation with reasonably astute leadership and appropriate mentoring. They shouldn’t be placed in leadership roles themselves without careful oversight, but many people with S or N tendencies can contribute beautifully in church. They simply shouldn’t be allowed to run amok.
It’s important to remember that congregations are full of good people with varied gifts. As long as the Ss and Ns are offset by reasonably astute leadership, there’s no need to fear disaster.
Even when there’s a lack of that astute leadership, it doesn’t mean the church is bad, it just means it’s vulnerable. If a congregation is under the sway of an S or N, it’s really not their fault. You either know how to spot ’em or you don’t.
Everyone on this blog has failed to spot ’em in time at least once, so we should empathize with the plight of oblivious congregations. Sometimes entire congregations have to learn the hard lessons our Ss, Ns and Ps have taught us. At least they have each other to lean on as they work things through.
If a church learns the hard way what a cluster B or two can do to a rudderless church, then so be it. Eventually they’ll mature beyond these problems. Lets face it, before we were rolled by an N, S or P, no one could have convinced us we needed to be vigilant. We would have laughed at anyone who tried to warn us. So it is with a church that lacks the experience or training to deal with cluster Bs. They’ve gotta learn somehow, ’cause it’s part of their function to be able to cope with these issues.
Elizabeth Conley: I always knew about them … I just didn’t know my EX was one because he built himself a better mouse trap by disgusing himself so well, to be “normal”.
The bottom line is, WE ALL HAVE A SINFUL NATURE … on a scale of 1-10, how out of control is our sinful nature? Does it interfere with disrupting harmony in life with others? Is it dangerous to the well being of another?
The reason why our country went down the tubes is giving unjust credit to Ns and Ss. They need to be in the lead … show us why and how you got to where you think you should be? And not just giving us lip service, give us concrete examples and proof that you did the work to where you are! Other than that, shut up and go back to the end of the line … do the work, learn the lessons, go through the righteous steps in life to be where you assume you should be, like the rest of us.
I have compassion for anti-socials, doesn’t mean I don’t know what a bunch of weassles they are and how ruthless they are and can be!.
I know that if you look at all your strengths and weakness … write them on a peace of paper to analyze just how you developed those strengths and weakness … you will then see the truth of the anti-socials are complete opposite of us … how we got to be who we are, versus them taking the complete opposite roads to them being who they are!
Peace.
Elizabeth
I WHOLE HEARTEDLY AGREE
LOVE JJ
The Comfort ZONE
This is the most Dangerus Place to be ! It’s when we feel comfortable on a level . We are hipnotized and WaM!
Get out of Your Comfort Zone with US who have lost everything and see what holds you UP and WHO Careys YOU! :)~ LOVE JJ
Jen I just read your post at the top of this page… all I gotta say is, that man is sadistic for sure. It’s one thing to have a mean streak, to lose your temper once in a while and say mean things, or hurt someone, or break something.
But this “by accident” stuff your ex does, it’s passive-aggressive.. it’s very sadistic. The reason he does it “by accident” is because he does not want to admit to others and probably even to himself that he likes to hurt people.
I have seen this many times in my youngest daughter.. she had a deep anger against her little brother and would constantly hurt him by “accident”. Now that she has finally admitted her anger and worked through it, this no longer happens, and she gets along with him quite well most of the time.
Some sadists will just never admit how angry or mean they really are, so they will never recover from it.
In my daughter’s case.. she isn’t mean at all really, was very angry at my ex’s treatment of her compared to her brother, who is his own son.
Yes Kat: It is when someone can step back and see the overall situation to the why(s) they do or feel the way they perceive their life to be. That’s half the battle, admitting to yourself, then making the necessary changes to get through the pain and grow from it.
Can I give you my middle sister’s number? Just kidding. I’m giving her space to figure it out on her own … with the help of my family members explaining her own pain to herself and that she has to change her perspective on certain issues … and that my being born is out of my control, as well as my mothers control … Get over it, I’m here (smile).
Peace.