Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Press jet concider yourself lucky
Better to get onb with life than to stay in a hole of Sh*T
Dear Presseject Well that sucks and that is just all you need right now. The economy is bad – lot’s of people are losing jobs lot of companys are going bankrupt. I am sorry for you – but you have back bone and you are a survivor and I will keep you in my thought’s. I almost lost some of my best client’s during the worst of my aftermath of being involved with the x P. It was hard to get out of bed let alone keep a landscaping business going. I am thinking maybe it is time for me to consider a career change – a whole life change. Maybe this is time for you too make changes also – but none the less – getting fired or laid off or let go is a very traumatic experience even without the bad relatrionship!!! hang in there Presseject
Henry ! You never said you where in Landscapein ??? I am the Plant man
Some of YOU can type till the cows come home and go back out to pasture and have kids and are dust my gosh make it simple. long narative made SHORT. LOVE JJ
This is still such a shock tonight. Henry, thanks for your support. God doesn’t give us what we can’t handle right? Thanks IndigoBlue, yes, who needs to stay stuck in a bad situation. I miss having someone to hug right now. I am trying to be so careful now as this just adds more to the upheaval I have been going through this year. Henry, I like to think I am a survivor that this isn’t as bad as my mind wants to make out. A friend of mine lost his job and was diagnosed with cancer all at once and nearly died, but he worked his way back to health… on his own terms too! It just leaves such a bad aftertaste though since things had been going so smoothly up until just the last month or so with the economy changing. I wish they hadn’t said I “wasn’t performing,” this seems so unfair after all that I did for them, sounds like a lovefraud case huh? I guess the good news is I don’t feel like running for a heavy round of cocktails like I might have in the past. That alone is progress I think. I can find support with freinds so I am lucky. But it still feels raw right now. Maybe a career change is an idea Henry, but I will have to move carefully with all of this now. Thanks for your help and support in thinking about this!
PressEject
Dear Presseject, Sorry to hear of your latest set back, but I hope it leads you to a more rewarding career in the near future.
On your question, are we addicted or attracted to SPN’s in business as well, NO, Business is sociopathic! Rent the film “The Corporation”, business checks out 13 for 13 on Hare’s check list.
This is why the “successful” P’s rise to stardom in that system and then we are attracted to them. They lust for power, and I know I for one was attracted to that power, when it came with the promise of loving and protecting me. NEVER AGAIN.
One quirky item I want to share on another note, near the very last days of my breakup with the ex (27 yrs) after I had found out about more of his deceoptions and betrayals, and finally tossed him, he petulantly in a childlike voice said “but you said you loved me!”
Think of that, so out of touch with what love is that he assumes it means a lifelong pass to abuse the one who felt it for you.
One of the other really chilling quotes was ” I know I am not conventional”….
I have been reading recently ordered back issues of “YES” magazine, as it relates to my interest in curbing corporate power as a way of healing our society and planet. Very uplifting stories of grassroots victories in the face of overwhelming corporate power. The term used frequently is “Sociopathic” to describe the system and culture we have of unregulated, free market, winner take all, last one standing, economic system.
Interestingly, studies show that countries that have the smallest wealth gap ( less sociopathic system) also have the best indicators of health and longevity. As the gap between rich and poor grows, wellness shrinks, for everyone including the P’s.
My point is that AWARENESS is growing across a broad spectrum of the harm caused, individually and collectively (Inc’s)
and there are many new strategies for recovery and healing. Emoloyee owned companies are on the rise and doing well, co-ops and so on, land trusts, local currencies. These are all strategies for boycotting (NC’ing) the predator corporate class.
Best of luck, PressEject in your future endeavors, hope you find a job with a culture of respect and humanity, rather than greed and envy.
Peace, A
EYEWIDEOPEN
AWSOME! AWSOME ! FABULOUS! TERIFIC! Did I say I LOVE this? 🙂
In the Natural world of Animals ; The Law IS Eat or be Eaten , only the strong survive , we where taught this in school science class. Do they still teach Science? BUT they did’nt tell us about Natures REAL Law , When a Species becomes over populated , Nature requires a Balance ! so little things like fleas that carry blood diseases or the waste of the over abundent species causes a epidemic. From the cronicals of Dr. Zeus . Beam me UP Scotty! LOVE JJ
Were off to see the wizard! The Wonderfull Wizard of OZ!
If I only had a brain ??? LOVE JJ
Dear Presseject,
I too went to work for a psychopath boss once, and I was warned before hand. She did the usual “idolize” bit at first then started the devaluing, and when she did her first rage, I resigned immediately. She had done it to everyone in the office to “show her power” and no one but me apparently had the back bone to resign immediately. she came to me after she received my notice (the day after her late afternoon tirade) and said “We have to talk” and I said, “Nope, you said enough yesterday” and that was the last time I spoke to her. I did give notice (2 weeks, in a job that is customarily 1 month) but felt like 2 weeks was all I could do and hold it together.
Being in a profession that was very critical in shortage, I found another job in 2 days and one I really liked, so no problem. It is possible with your sales up they thought they could get someone else and give them a LOWER COMMISSION or salary AND KEEP MORE FOR THEMSELVES. All businesses are in one way or another sociopathic in nature, for the good of the BUSINESS ONLY–to hell with the employees. So don’t take it “personally” LOL (not laughing at you being fired, just that it wasn’t YOU, it was anyone that they could screw over and you (personally) were just in the spot. Does that make you feel loved? LOL
I also believe that sometimes the thing that seems bad at the time, turns out to be a blessing in the end when it is all said and done. “All things work together for GOOD to those tht Love the Lord” so hang in there presseject. I was devestated that a job I loved was downsized to part time and I had to leave it to keep insurance benefits etc. and it turned out to be a real blessing down the road. I ended up taking a “weekend option” job which only required me to work 2 days a week and receive full pay and benefits, and that was right before my late step father was diagnosed with cancer and it allowed me to be there for him which I couldn’t have been if I had been working the full time M-F job I had loved and would never have voluntarily left.
((((hugs))))) and prayers! God bless you.
It’s funny, I work in fine arts and you would think those in this type business might have heart and compassion and sensitivity. But it was all about sales and money and brand names in the artwork inventory (ie: famous artists, must have only the most famous…). Oxdrover, yes thanks, it could be a blessing in disguise. I would rather connect with people that have a heart and care and show respect. I am hoping I can find something suitable (soon!) and have to believe it is out there. Thank you too eyeswideshut,these are good reminders it is not about the individual, just the economics and who is in the bad spot to take the fall. I saw a pattern where I worked, people start out there and eventually they take more and more from them while giving back less. I lost my assistant who was never replaced, I assumed two people’s jobs and then was expected to do more on top of this towards the end. It is like you can never please them. Even when you have boundaries in place, it is easy to be used. I am praying hard that the lessons I have been learning this year will help me through this too. It doesn’t hurt as much as losing the S I thought I loved (That was like a living nightmare of pain and still haunts me), but it still feels like a shock being let go from work. ( I had that damn hypervigilence return last night and couldn’t get a wink of sleep!! Are skillet boinks good for this? Oxdrover? It would be nice to be knocked out cold this time!) Thanks for keeping me optimistic during this time, I am trying to get through this transition with some amount of grace if I can. The words here really help.
PressEject