Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Where I work there are at least 3 psychopaths , possibly 4 . One man and two women , the other possible being a woman as well . One of these women is my X , for the most part we avoid each other like the plague . The topic of psychopaths has come up many times at coffee break , mostly because I have brought it up . Three of the psychopaths know that I think they are psychopaths . Two of them I told to their face , one being my X and the other being the male . One of the other women knows I am onto her as I have caught her lying on a number of occasions and confronted her on it in front of the boss . Needless to say she is being very carefull not to ly in my presense , but that does not stop her from subtly flirting with me on occasion , which means of course that she is probably skeeming something nasty as per her normal MO. This woman does the rounds . She is in a position of authority and it is a standing joke in the company , who’s turn is it this week to recieve her wrath . It is usually a male victim that she chooses , although she has been known to pick on younger woman if they are beautiful . It tends to get her extremely agitated if one of the men starts to pay attention to any of the younger women . This woman is in her late 50s . I guess that the whole point of my explaining this situation is that one should never feel sorry for a psychopath as I have done on a number of occasions . What got me together with my X in the first place was my sympathy for her . Did that ever bite me in the butt , as I will tell you she certainly showed no mercy once she figured out how to mess with my head . She would have sent me to emotional hell if she could have . So do I want revenge , you betcha . All three of the above mentioned people have tried to undermine me in the eyes of management , ridicule me in front of others and generally cause havoc . How does one deal with this . Well one thing I did was distribute Robert Hares , Without conscience to people in the company . Amazon.com did well by me that week as I ordered 15 copies . Since I split with my X I have gained a 6th sense . I call it the , pick a psychopath sense . Whenever I come in contact with a psychopath all my senses are on guard and I listen very carefully , because if you don’t those sleezy little buggers will slide something in somewhere that most other people seem to be ablivious too . It is at these times that one must expose them for what they are .
It is my belief that psychopaths have a weak spot and one of these days I am going to figure it out . Psychopaths cannot be embarrased , they do not blush , they always have a good comeback line , they seem to have an impenetrable ego that cannot be destroyed . They are the most credible liars I have ever met . They have no empathy for anything but themselves , they are certainly not stupid as they would sometimes like to appear and are as cunning as any predator that has ever existed on this planet . What on earth do you do with people like that .
Well there is one thing about psychopaths that I have noticed , and that is their vanity . They do not like to be criticised . In fact it makes them very angry . So far this is the only weak spot I have found and I have used it on occasion to expose them . There is nothing like a psychopath throwing a tantrum to make other people realise that all is not well in their heads . Is it possible to cause a psychopath to have a mental breakdown . I believe it is , not because I have seen it happen but because I think I came close a couple of times to achieving it . Now believe me it is not my wish to inflict that kind of abuse on anyone but is it possible that a complete mental breakdown might cure them , who knows . I guess that one thing is for sure , if you do not defend yourself against psychopaths you are destined to become their victims .
You work with 4 psychopaths? You’re a better person than I. I think I’d have to get another job. My limit is zero. I can only tolerate zero psychopaths in my life. And not one more.
Well stargazer there was definitely a time when I thought I could not tolerate any psychopaths in my life , but I soon realised that there is lots of them . My biggest problem was the female ones as I found I was attacked to them like a fly to a rotting carcase . Call me a sucker for a seductive predatory smile . I just hope I will recognise a real smile when I see it . Psychopaths have a different way of talking than regular people and it is this than quite often tips me off to their condition . Listen carefully to a psychopath laugh . It sounds like those halloween laughs . Phoney, exaggerated , forced , too often , too loud , pretentious and not real . Psychopaths do not have a sense of humour like normal people so they have to pretend to have one to hide their true essence and so when they try to show their sense of humour they tend to overdo it . If a psychopath tells you a story about something that was funny they will always tell you how much they laughed at the time and will then start laughing again just for good measure .” Look , see , like this, this is how I laughed , just like a normal person , now wasn’t that funny “. I am sure that is what goes through their minds when they laugh . Just look out for the nasty hiding behind that phoney laughter . After all , who needs a phoney laugh unless you were trying to hide something . I don’t believe in God but I sure as hell know where the devil is
Laugh
My Psyco had a wonderful Laugh ,not fake! and he had a sence of Humour! He had a very Masculine voice too. Handsome in a BadBoy way not prety! Also a mature beyond his age look!
If there is a Devil than there is a ___ ! LOVE JJ
“I always held him at nite – he never held me – I was the security blanket for him – I am always helping this person and that person – I am the fixer – the older guy – hell what I would give if some one would just hug and hold me and made me feel secure – I don’t think I have ever had that.”
Ouch Henry, this hits home here as well! I found myself in this position many times too. I see I am a “giver.” And in some ways I have enjoyed this, the one calling many of the shots. The alpha dog perhaps. But with a Sociopath, nothing, NOTHING is returned for this, the energy is just absorbed as they see fit. The irony seems that the guy doing all the work, the one “on top” is actually the passive one, subject to the abuse, the neglect. I return to try to understand this enigma and try to see how it works and then I get confused and want to shut down. I don’t know how love works.
I have been controlling and needing and hoping and giving and expecting… and hurt. I would like to try to love again. But if I am subconsciously seeking the love I never got from my Borderline father, then why do I return to find this in men that aren’t emotionally available to me? If I am with a man that IS available, I find some kind of fault and ruin it. The more I have become aware of this awful dysfunction recently, the more I think it is like an impossible puzzle to solve.
So here I am at Lovefraud, still hurt, worried, confused, hoping, praying and trying to find answers. All I really know now is that I AM AWARE of these patterns, that I have a tendency to draw the unavailable ones to me. I can’t do this any more, can I. So each day is like being in withdrawal from this. It is painful and uncomfortable. But this is the place for healing, isn’t it? I have to believe this. I have to have faith. I have to rely on others to help me through this. I have to be the one to fight this fight and set my heart straight. I hope others find this strength here, I hope we all do.
PressEject.
Oh Your Co-dependent! Bull sh*t!
Since when is being Passionately in Love with someone Co-dependent? They have a new Syndrome for everydayoftheweek! eat eggs synd. Poop synd. , smoke weed synd. , brush your hair synd. , brush your teeth synd. you name it it’s a sydr. Bull cra* LOVE Syndrome
Sorry Indie but anything, including loving someone, can be taken to far and become a serious problem. SOME people that get involved in these relationships have dependent personality disorder. This is not some new every day of the week fad either and it appears to occur equally in men and women. Even when the FBI BSU unit was doing their research into compliant victims they noted this also.
Look at some of the symptoms of DPD:
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/Personality_Disorders/hic_Dependent_Personality_Disorder.aspx
It is always easy to blame someone else, it is often extremely difficult to look at what part I my have played in everything that happened. And that is NOT blame, rather it is maturely assuming responsibility for one’s own life and trying to make sure it does not happen again.
BloggerT7165: My situation wasn’t co-dependent with any one. I believed, because my EX wanted me to believe that we were in a loving relationship that was beneficial to both parties involved. All done while my bosses and their cronies systematically worked hand in hand with my Ex, my attorneys … everyone involved to make and agree to greedy deals for themselves in the back rooms for what benefited them and them only.
Who cared about Justice in my situation, greed motivated everything and everyone to get what they wanted at my expense.
Yes, the American way. Give lip service to everyone so you can get what you want.
Peace.
Bird,
Thank you. I am definitely going to try that because no matter what I say he is always “right” anyway. He told me the other day that he is a nice person. I just replied not to your family though. But according to your example I guess I should have just agreed with him that he is a nice person. That doesn’t feed into their ego though? Do you agree just to avoid the conflict? If you could shed a little light I would like that or if anyone else could I would appreciate it.
Is the malignant narcissist a book?