Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Yes, maniatissa: They do go for the power when they know we are at our most vulnerable (an illness in the family or death of a loved one).
I knew my bosses when they were my co-workers for 24+ years that I worked with them … or at least i WORKED, they just threw the wrenches in the wheels all the time they were there. So, there was no confusion about them on my part or any of their cronies. I knew before hand (because of the book “Narcissism, Denial of the True Self” by Lowen … what I was dealing with. I never underestimated how low they went that day, they would always going lower … so I had this knowledge under my belt. It was painful, just the same, whether you are prepared or not for the likes of them. They do pull out all the stops to get over on you. While my fiance pretended to be standing by my side and loving me and being there for me … this too, was a way for them to win and destroy me.
In the long run, I’m glad I didn’t find out that my EX was just like my bosses until years after it was over. I believed he was there for me, which gave me strength to take what they were throwing at me. If I knew he was one of them, I don’t think I could have accomplished going through with everything. It sure would have put me in a tail spin.
I couldn’t breath when I found out the truth of my EX and the damage that he did while I was my most vulnerable. The COWARD!
My legs were collapsing underneath my weight. I had to grab onto the chair next to my dinning room table. At the same time a friend of mine called and I told him I was collapsing, that I couldn’t stand up. He said, relax Wini, it’s the realization of the truth about what he is that is hitting you.
I couldn’t believe it … 2 shoes falling on my head at the same time, and I only knew and focused on my bosses, never thinking my EX was one of them.
I chalk it up to God is working all this out in his way, not my way …I have to have faith and trust in God that he knows what he is doing. On God’s time frame, not mine.
Peace.
gillian: You could have been writing about my EX … except when you came to his profession.
My EX never unmasked himself … I unmasked him by viewing the paperwork he left behind. Not that he ever let that mask of his slip. I saw facts of paperwork versus the lies he told. By the time I found the TRUTH about him … he was long gone down the road, to a new state, newly married … still talking marriage with me via phone calls from what he said was work … the only work he was doing was stealing my money, the investors money, meeting and greeting, dining his latest victim (his new wife), having her sell her condo to purchase a new house with our money that is now his money … marrying her so he has legal rights to half the house …
He still thinks he’s projecting the illusion of the nice guy, the decent guy … that he portrays. And even if he knew that I knew … so what. He did what he came into my life to do, I’m a done deal … and he’s off to do others under, take what he can take … and so on and so forth.
Peace.
One thing I have been thinking about, and after reading gillian’s post and other’s experiences and what makes the S or P behavior so unbelievable the end is the lack of bonding…It is the lack of bonding that allows to them to discard you and the people they ‘seemed’ to love…
It surely is an act and it is hard to accept that what we felt was a deep connection where we bonded with the other person, they had not formed this attachment. If they had then they would not be able to treat others with such utter disregard…
I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage and I truly believed that my x S loved them- he certainly said so and played the part. He would vacilate between saying he loved them and that were monsters. In the end (now) it is as if he had no relationship whatsoever with them. He surely never bonded with them when it seemed that he had. It is so shocking to realize that there was nothing of depth there.
As far sadistic behavior goes…they see others as objects…you don’t bond with an object…and also objects are easily discarded…I think that their lack of emotional evolvement is that of a child at a certain age which allows them to do what they do…
maniatissa: Think about it. How could you love or bond or do anything virtuous in life, if you’re clouded by greed, and all the other vices.
The reason they can’t love, is they are too busy being greedy … then naturally, all the other vices fall into place.
Opposites again … they are opposite of what we are all about.
God wants us to do for others while down on earth. Not do for ourselves. They violate everything God wants us to do while living a human existence.
When we do for others and not ask anything in return is when we experience all God’s virtues.
Therefore, if they are only doing for themselves … how can they possibly be experiencing any of God’s virtues.
Peace.
Just to correct my last post..my ex only at the end starting calling them monsters…He had never said this before and he was insistent on the utmost discipline from them. Him turning on them was his way, I think, of justifying discarding us…that since we were all so awful that we deserved to be kicked out…
Wini:
You are so very right about the greed…It is all about them…
My ex actually said (not to me) that he would be interested in pursuing custody of our baby as long as it wouldn’t cost him too much in legal fees! Disgusting…
I believe that for him it was all about money and property and that I was in a position to expose certain things that might cause his family to lose that. This was more important than his daughter.
maniatissa: “They” would insult Mother Teresa and blame her for their problems if they came into her space.
Don’t take it personally. They insult everyone and anyone. After all, it’s everyone else’s fault why they are the way they are … never them. They are perfectionists?
Remember. If they are perfectionist … then there is nothing wrong with them that needs to be fixed, therefore, it has to be everyone else that is wrong, wrong, wrong. They are right everyone else is wrong.
And that is how they view their world. When you didn’t miraculously fix him within hours of meeting him … you were history in his mind… no matter what you did or didn’t do … what you could or couldn’t do.
And so they are off down the road to repeat the pattern over and over and over again.
It’s the same old song with them. Someone change the record please. Flip side. Or should I say, change the CD.
Peace.
That is interesting because my best friend said that he sought me out because he thought that I would ‘fix’ his miserable life…I guess he hasn’t figured out that he has to do it…That was the problem- it’s always taking the easy way out and placing the blame elsewhere…
I believe Narcissists/Psychopaths/Sociopaths are ADDICTS . .
and they are ADDICTED TO POWER!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
ADDICTED TO POWER!
What gives a person POWER? The ability to CONTROL.
Who has more POWER the person with no conscience or person with no conscience?
The person with NO conscience.
Why do people lie? To CONTROL the situation.
Why do people want POWER? Because it makes them feel good.
If you are addicted to POWER, it means you “MUST HAVE POWER”. Every time you get POWER it gives you a high (like a drug).
How do you get POWER? You choose someone who you think you can CONTROL, by lies, by rages, by gaslighting, exploitation, by manipulation, etc. Every time you are successful at CONTROLLING the other (i.e., wielding your POWER), you reinforce your addiction to POWER.
You cannot love or feel empathy for someones suffering, because these two emotions inhibit of your ability wield POWER over others and CONTROL them. Love and empathy prevent you from getting the fix you need. With love and empathy you would not be able to hurt others and that would reduce your POWER and CONTROL.
You lie, rage, gaslight, manipulate etc. often “out of the blue” when there is for no reason to do so. But there is a definite reason . . . you need a FIX “now”!. You need to create a situation that gives you a fix, in order to feel good. You have a need to exert your POWER immediately. You are effecting other people . . . making them doubt their sanity, making them focus on “what the hell is going on?”, or “why would he/she do that?”. This is POWER! This is CONTROL! and this makes the Narcissist/Psychopath feel good, again. “It is another fix”!
Sarah999: Excellent.
Besides being addicted to power … that means they must have to relinquish the humanity aspect of them being a mere mortal.
I believe they completely go against God just as Satan rebelled against God … jealousy that they weren’t the creator of the heavens and the earth.
It’s the same ole war played over and over again… throw the history of time … Jealousy, envy, greed to be what God is … and they know they aren’t deep down inside … so they deny, deny, deny their own existence. Their own humanity to be the all and powerful “GOD”. They know they aren’t God but will never admit it … that’s why the flip flop, they do the complete opposite of what God is all about.
Peace.