Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
maniatissa: I believe that we are all on different levels of spiritual growth… some of us are old spirits, some of us are teenage spirits, some middle aged spirit … and “they” are the infant spirits of the universe… BIG BABIES wanting instant gratification and that we are all extensions of themselves. Hence why they use and abuse everything and anything pertaining to us … we are just an extension of them … that’s how they view it. They don’t think about it because their minds aren’t developed yet .. or ever will be … unless, they get help to work this all the heck out of them.
Wini ~ i too believe that theory. I’ve been told i’m an ‘old soul’ a few times ~ on one occasion by a Hari Krishna devotee i quite literally bumped into one day when i rounded a corner too quickly to put the brakes on! We chatted for a while and he even insisted gifting me with a couple of the books he was supposed to have been selling, as he said there would be a lot in them to help me on my spiritual journey. He was right! They are absolutely beautiful books. He made no attempt whatsoever to try to ‘convert’ me either ~ in fact he even told me i wasn’t ready to join the Hare Krishna faith in this lifetime and that my path was taking me elsewhere. I cherish the memory of that encounter and can still recall the sense of peace and tranquility i came away with after talking to him for just a few minutes in that busy town centre.
Funny you should say about them being ‘BIG BABIES’. I called my ex S ‘baby’ once (in an affectionate way) and he went mad and told me not to call him that! Think i may have hit a raw nerve there! LOL. ;o)
Namaste: Yes, they are the big babies of the universe … we were fooled by their chronological ages … not seeing with our spiritual eyes … what they truly are. BABIES all of them … whining, crying, having temper tantrum babies.
It is amazing how when you least expect it … God puts people in your space to bring that peace and serenity into your soul. I’m glad you bumped into that man.
When we are ready, you will see the people you need to see. Anytime you need to run into someone like this young man … pray to God and God will make it happen. Just keep your mind, heart and soul open and you will see them… they come in all shapes and sizes, all sexes … all ages … but when you need guidance and assistance, walk around any corner.. down any street … whether it is paved or earthen and wham-o, they appear out of the blue.
Peace.
I believe they are born with an INABILITY TO LOVE, when you are unable to love (i.e., care about another’s well being), you have no conscience or empathy.
They still want and need to relate to others (we are all social creatures). The only way they can relate (have an effect on) to others, is to have power over them. This power feels good, because they are relating, and this relating to others (i.e., having power) makes them feel a part of our society. Since they have no ability to love or or feel empathy to temper their POWER . . . It is irrelevant whether their POWER isto HARM or to HELP. Since it doesn’t really make a difference to the Narcissist/Psychopathy/Sociopath whether they harm or help . . . and since it is much easier . . . more effective . . . and dramatic to get POWER by harming. They harm . . sadistically, remorslessly, and effectively . . to get another fix.
Sarah999: We could all turn psycho if we wanted. Just focus on ourselves, become greedy, go for the gusto, use everyone and anyone that comes into our space, focus on all the vices we can do to others .. within a short period of time, we too will loose our ability to feel for anyone or any thing … WE have choices, free will.
Be careful for what you ask for, or what you are focused on, you just may get it.
They too will learn … it’s just not on our time frame … usualy when they bring their humility back into sync, they are on their death beds with a few more breaths to take … then they all become human again.
That’s why, don’t waste your time with them … they will be greedy up until the very end … when it’s too late. Then too … do they pray to God for their very souls to be saved and start apologizing to everyone … maybe not in words … but in thought … because right up to the end they are practicing being selfish.
Peace.
Sarah999: I tell you this true story about a co-worker that worked up to her delivery date. She left the office that night … went and delivered the baby … came Monday morning she and her husband brought the baby in to the office on their way home from the hospital.
The baby cooed and and smiled at every single one of us that worked with her mother. Why? Because the baby heard our voices during the entire time of the pregnancy.
Believe me, these little tykes know more than what we think they know at the time of their births.
Peace.
Hi Wini,
You said . . . .
We could all turn psycho if we wanted. Just focus on ourselves, become greedy, go for the gusto, use everyone and anyone that comes into our space, focus on all the vices we can do to others .. within a short period of time, we too will loose our ability to feel for anyone or any thing ” WE have choices, free will.
Some of us don’t, because we don’t want to (or can’t because of our conscience) . . and some of us do because we want to (or we must because we need a FIX).
Think addictive people such as alcoholics or bingers or anorexics, or gamblers. or heroin addicts, or cutters etc. You could say they have a choice . . . . but “THEY NEED a FIX”. They will die in order & many times as a result of “THE FIX”. The need for the FIX is that strong, that they know it can cause death . . but still go there!!!!!
Sarah999: It’s called getting a “big head” over something, anything.
You are right in your theory that they are addicted to being *ssh*les. They are addicted to the greed and all the other vices in life.
Hey alcoholics and drug addicts are selfish in their addictions too. That’s why so many drop out of therapy and self help centers … when they get to the part that they have to look at how selfish they are to throw everything, everyone to wayside to get their fix. They all have to admit that they are selfish and to make amends to everyone, including themselves, the wrongs they did to folks. Most people can’t handle the truth of why they are addicted … they made up so many stories along the way, and believed those stories … it so difficult to unravel all the damage they piled on top of piles to cloud the truth of why they started the addiction in the first place. Besides, the addiction takes on a life of it’s own … it’s not the root of their original problem that they couldn’t face in the first place. I think they don’t know how to deal with stress … anxiety caused by others that damaged them in the first place. So they grabbed to self medicate themselves … and then the addiction takes off … and it becomes a problem in itself.
All of the above addictions that you wrote about are cover ups for the real root of their problems. It’s getting them to step back and see the overall problem that you need to work with them on … the secondary problem is what we see and try to cure … which isn’t a cure at all … it’s only scrapping the real emotional problem that the secondary evolved from.
We are very creative being us humans … we are, yes we are. If we can get people to focus on the superficial level of another problem, we still get to hide behind what is really tearing us apart and that we are so frightened to face in the first place. Most of these real problems are so buried in their psyches that they don’t even remember the original problem … cause they too focus on the secondary problem… because believe it or not, the secondary problem is easier for them to deal with … just chalk it up that I am a this or that …
Peace.
I agree that there is an underlying problem, and I believe that for the psychopath/narcissist/sociopath . . the underlying problem is their TOTAL INABILITY TO LOVE (which is genetic).
Wow! I go away for a day and you guys have been BUSY!!! A great article and some thought provoking blogs on this thread.
Bird, I am so glad for you my dear sweet friend! You have made so much progress since that SOB left you, and I am so happy for you and my baby Birdie! Your Aunty Oxy prays for you daily!
I have no doubt that my P-son is a control freak and that he enjoys winning. He boasts about how much more “horrible than even the cops know” his crime (murder) was. I know my P-bio-father was a lover of control and a sadistic psychopath, and that he tortured one of his murder victims until “the (man) begged me to let him cut his own throat” (in his own words).
He used emotional pain and hurt as well and enjoyed inflicting pain both physical and emotional. He loved posturing in front of others so they could appreciate his “power” and control. He was definitely a sadist.