Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Sarah ~ you said:
“Some of us don’t, because we don’t want to (or can’t because of our conscience) . . and some of us do because we want to (or we must because we need a FIX).
Think addictive people such as alcoholics or bingers or anorexics, or gamblers. or heroin addicts, or cutters etc. You could say they have a choice . . . . but “THEY NEED a FIX”. They will die in order & many times as a result of “THE FIX”. The need for the FIX is that strong, that they know it can cause death . . but still go there!!!!!”
I would just like to say that i was once a ‘cutter’, as you put it. I did it because i was still finding the pain too much to bear about a year on from my beloved Mum unexpectedly dying and then finding out just a week later that she wasn’t really my Mum because i was adopted and then being told my biological mother had died whilst giving birth to me and my biological father was so overcome with grief he had simply abandoned me at the hospital…. only to find out that was a lie and my biological mother was in fact my aunt. Sorry, but i found all that just a tad too much to deal with at the age of 13/14. There was no counselling available (as far as i know) back in the mid-70’s either, so i was literally on my own.
So yes, as much as i hate to say it, i did cut myself. I took the blade from a pencil sharpener and slashed my forearm several times. I was in a bit of a daze at the time and all i can really remember is feeling the calmest i’d felt for about a year, whilst i sat there in my bed watching the blood ooze out and with it, what felt like some of the pain and confusion i’d been bottling up for over a year. I only ever did it that one time and i was too ashamed to ever tell anyone (not even my best friend), so i certainly didn’t do it for attention. I kept my arm hidden with long sleeved tops until the cuts had healed and explained the subsequent scars away as deep rosebush thorn scratches. I think the calming sensation i felt at that time is what ‘cutters’ (i prefer to call them ‘self-harmers’) feel and is what they become addicted to.
Fortunately, i did not become addicted to self-harming, nor did i grow up to be an alcoholic, gambler, drug addict or any of the other ‘vices’ you listed, but i count my blessings i am able to say that, as it would have been oh so easy to have done in order to escape from all that pain, but i made the choice not to.
I have written this in the hope it may give you some insight into why some people do the things they do. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people…. just pain-filled. :o)
My Psyco was a cutter! I felt like he did it for the chaos and attention but that is from my own perspective!
I know now that another thing is this when we remove our self from our regular comfort ZONE ie normal mudane day to day existance work eat sleep work eat sleep work eat sleep work eat sleep work eat sleep work eat sleep work eat sleep! We can experience a fuller more clearer more DEEP existance and Life is new again! !!!
I chalenge anyone Dump that day to day Grul grind bull sh*t and get out and live ! You only have so much time your days are numbered ! LOVE jere
Dear Namaste,
I didn’t imply at all that addicted people were bad. What I said is often (not always) they can’t help it . . and their addiction is so strong, that they even (sometimes) die due to their addiction. You said you weren’t addicted (only did it once) . . so what I said didn’t “at all” apply to you . . just as it wouldn’t apply to someone who just got drunk only once. . .they’re not alcoholics.
And there ARE things that actually do cause compulsions and force people to behave in certain ways. Damaged areas of the brain can cause all sorts of behaviors in people.
As for the whole addiction thing. The more you do something the more of a habit it becomes and the harder it is to stop doing it. Your brain physically changes through this process. But is it addiction? I am not so ready to label some of these things as an addiction. It would be the same as saying I am addicted to the way I tie my shoes. Whatever way you tie your shows try doing it the opposite way (left over right instead of right over left, etc) and see how hard it can really be to change a behavior. See if you can do it, how long it takes you to able to do it the new way everytime, how difficult it was, and how many times you fell back to the old way.
Not to mention the fact that I have never seen anyone go through DT’s or withdrawal because of not being able to perform a certain behavior.
indigoblue we only have so many more sunrises and sunsets – may God bring us the peace of mind that we can cherish each and everyone of them – alone…
There are also come chemical changes that go on inside the brain when there are injuries. When bones are broken, you may not actually feel the pain from the break for several hours because of the natural opiates that are released when a bone is fractured.
I broke my toe a couple of days ago and also broke the nail into the quick on that toe at the same time. I felt the pain from the broken nail, but that soon subsided and I didn’t feel any pain at all until a few hours later when the natural pain reducing chemicals wore off and I realized instantly that my toe was broken when the pain of the broken bone hit. I took my sock off and sure enough, there was a nice “red grape” where my toe had been before.
“Cutting,” or self harm, also releases endorphins which has I believe a calming effect on people. The “runner’s high” which runners tell me is almost like the “high” you get from marijuana at a certain time in running is along that line I think. Meditation can also induce a feeling of “peace” or calm as well. Some of these techniques can be learned. Like “bio-feed back” can lower blood pressure etc.
In medication and relaxation I have learned to raise the temperature of the palm of my hand by several degrees. I can lower my heart rate and blood pressure significantly as well. These are all “measurable” things, but with practice you can learn to do some pretty “awe-inspiring” things. I’m not particularly outstanding in physiological control, but I know some folks who are.
I wish I was better at it than I am but have never been able to get the seemingly total control to overcome pain once it has started–like my broken toe! I can help it some, but not get rid of it by a long shot.
There are some major chemical and chemical receptor changes in the brain by lots of chemicals, and I understand that some of these changes are permanent. Genetics also I believe have some input into this as well, like with alcoholics being more suceptible to becoming “addicted” to alcohol than others who do not have that gene.
Some Rx pharmacuticals mimic natural pain killers and other naturally produced chemicals, and bind to those receptors, and since the “feeling is pleasurable” the person may learn to repeat the behavior, to crave repetion of the behavior in order to get the pleasurable sensation. Many cultures have had some form of intoxicating (and addicting) chemicals from alcohol to chewing coca leaves.
Sexual intercourse also releases feelings of pleasure and people tend to continue to want to repeat this act to receive the pleasure.
Nursing a child releases oxytocin which is one of the chemicals released with orgasam in a woman. Therefore, nursing a child is pleasurable for the mother as well as the child.
The chemicals that are released when we “fall in love” I think are probably the ones that “hook” us to the Psychopaths, and these are powerful “bonding” chemicals, and are reinforced by the sexual activity with that person, so that we do become “addicted” to these pleasurable sensations, thoughts and feelings. We want to hang on to these, to go back and get those “fixes” again. Just like a heroin addict wants another “high” so do we. My opinion, from the little I know about this, is that we are hooked by the love, and they are hooked by the control–a perfect combination if we weren’t so unhappy in the relationship in the end. Just as the heroin addict likes the “high” but sure doesn’t like the “downs” but endures them for the intermittent rewards of the “highs”–we too, put up with the pain for those few minutes, hours or days of euphoria between the days of agony.
Going cold turkey (NC) is very painful, and we do have the “emotional DTs” though maybe not physical, but I actually think we also have some physical manifestations of the withdrawl from the P, just as the heroin addict has some physical withdrawl pains, or the alcoholic his DTs.
Wheather or not this is a “true addiction” clinically, it still is a powerful drive to go back. I think most of us have had the urge to go back, or the terrible grief because we can’t. I think NC is as important to us as it is to the alcoholic or the heroin addict to stay away from even “one more fix.”
W O O M P F
alone is a personal perception! I may look like i am sitting by my self BUT I am not alone!
Good mornin Angels of Light + Truth
Were Going to see The Wizard of OZ
Oxdrover, Wini, thank you for these posts on addiction. After my encounter with the sociopath, I had a lot of homework to do to understand not only his behavior but mine as well. The “S” I was involved with could be said to be addicted to sex, to getting his base needs met. But if an S doesn’t have a conscience, it seems it is not so much an addiction but an unbridled mode of behavior that is automatic, like a predatory instinct. It is comparable to an addict’s behavior as an addict forms no deeper relationship with their “fix”; a used bottle of 90 proof is thrown out, losing gambling tickets are tossed out, etc. Since they can’t form any kind of deeper connection above and beyond their needs, without real empathy for those they “use”, they mimic addicts but are without the ability to see and understand their actions for any kind of change. It won’t happen.
Then we have those on the other side of this equation, those of us that were drawn into their deceptive behavior. When I started to examine my own behavior, I came to realize I have had a pattern of addiction to those that were not emotionally available to me. This goes back to a father that was not loving, that suffered with borderline behavior and alcoholism. The encounter this year with the S cracked open the pain of that original abusive relationship when I started to examine all the pathways that led to the recent “S” encounter. It hurt on so many levels.
I have now been attending love/sex addicts meetings, not that I consider myself addicted to sex but that my addictive repetitive behavior has been to attach to those that I can’t form deep commitments with. (An “S” encounter is like hitting rock-bottom I think). For a while afterwards, I wondered if I was a sociopath too as it seemed I would sometimes walk away from those that were very good to me in the past, not just the abusers. But more often I was chasing the ones that were “fun”, “spontaneous”, “impulsive” and dangerous. I thought perhaps I was part narcissist too and a few other personality disorders seemed to fit. But I have come to see that we all have the ability to be selfish and self-protective and in ways that might appear sociopathic.
However, instead of repeating this addictive behavior, lost in romantic intrigue, I have decided to work the program, to dedicate myself to a more spiritual path. And guess what? It is working now. I have begun to weed out those “impulsive friends” that seek to use me. I turn from the pathways that lead to isolation and destruction. I work on continuing to forgive my father and on forgiving myself. This year I have been able to speak more of the truth about my life and about my heart than ever before. My friendships with real friends have deepened, my connection to church and to my Lord has deepened as well. The habit of romanticizing dangerous abusive situations has come to an end.
I am careful not to draw others into my issues too. I do have a conscience and a heart but for many years, the “addiction” may have concealed it or limited its full potential. Therein is the lesson to be gained from the sociopath. We are not “them.” We have the ability to keep growing and changing for the better. We do this with faith and with love. We do this by being real and not living in or perpetuating the disorder. We do this only with God’s help and care. I am off to church this morning. I found a warm supportive “family” there as I have here at Lovefraud. The healing continues… thanks for all of your support here. peace.
PressEject
goodmorning presseject – indigoblue – some good post this morning thanks…