Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else.
One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and don’t seem to care about the pain they cause others. In fact they seem to enjoy inflicting all types pain (harm) on others.
The enjoyment of hurting another person is called sadism. Sadism usually refers to enjoying another’s physical pain. However, sociopaths enjoy inflicting all manner of pain on others including financial, emotional, psychological and social.
To sum it up sociopaths are in the business of reducing people to nothing and then taking glory in their accomplishment.
I have just described the most important “traits” of sociopaths. Many of you are saying, “Yes right on, that described mine exactly.” But are you satisfied?
You probably do not feel satisfied because you are left with wondering why. Why would someone do that? If you discover the answer to the “why question” you can go back to trusting everyone else again because you would understand the sick motives of sociopaths.
Normal people don’t enjoy watching other people suffer do they?
Here is where some get stuck, because many people secretly and not so secretly hope they live long enough to see the sociopath finally suffer. Well, if you can enjoy another’s suffering what makes you different from the sociopath?
If we examine the reasons why we would take pleasure in a sociopath’s suffering, we see there are two basic reasons. One is revenge and the other is our ability to consider the sociopath as “inhuman.” If a sociopath is not really human, then it is OK to enjoy that private moment of our imagined revenge.
There are therefore two basic routes to sadism. The first is through the power motive. Revenge is about reasserting power over someone who has robbed us of power. The power motive is also called the social dominance drive.
I am grateful to Caesar Milan the dog whisperer, for educating the public about dominance. We all know that a dominant dog has no problem inflicting pain on underlings to assert his dominance.
The second route to sadism is called “compartmentalization” by psychologists. A person who compartmentalizes has a motive (drive) to inflict pain on someone and so rationalizes it by saying that the other person is inhuman or “deserves it.”
Interestingly, both routes to sadism operate in sociopaths. Jack Levin and others have written a great deal about compartmentalization in sociopaths. Sociopaths are also ruled by the power motive and so enjoy hurting because it is confirmation they are achieving power.
That gets me to warped empathy. Many, including Jack Levin, have pointed to the faulty logic behind the idea that sociopaths lack empathy. If sociopaths lack empathy then how can they enjoy another’s suffering? If they can’t identify other’s emotions how can they know they are inflicting pain and so get enjoyment? Is there any question that the sociopath that hurt you knew you were suffering?
Most of us have seen clearly the sadism of sociopaths, so we know they must have some kind of warped empathy. Empathy should lead to sympathy with another’s suffering not pleasure in another’s suffering.
In 1982, while reporting the results of a very well done study in which he found that violent sociopaths of normal to high intelligence actually have increased empathy, Heilburn* made the following statement:
“One way to interpret these results would be in terms of a sadistic, effective-processing psychopathic model of violence in which inflicting pain or distress upon another is arousing and reinforcing (pleasurable). Such a model would assume that acts inflicting pain are more intentional than impulsive and that empathic skills promote arousal and sadistic reinforcement (pleasure) by enhancing the psychopath’s awareness of the pain and distress being experienced by the victim.”
Now in 2008 researchers have obtained results that confirm Heilburn’s theory.
Researcher Jean Decety from the University of Chicago found that young sociopath’s brains light up with pleasure when they experience another’s suffering. In this study, the pleasure was especially present when the suffering was being inflicted by another person. How did the researchers demonstrate this? They showed violent movie clips to sociopaths and non-sociopaths then used fMRI to scan their brains.
Most importantly, the study showed no abnormality of the brain pathways involved in empathy. Sociopath’s empathy centers appeared to function just fine.
So how can I help you feel comfortable trusting the 90% of the rest of humanity who are not significantly sociopathic when I have already said that that most people can be sadistic under certain circumstances?
The answer is found again with motives, specifically the power motive. Learn to recognize the signs of excessive power orientation. It is OK to want a certain amount of power, but the pursuit of interpersonal power should not occupy a person’s every waking moment.
Well balanced people enjoy love and affection more than they enjoy power and control. I encourage you to learn to tune into love motives in others. I have found that consciously choosing to notice loving behavior in others has also helped me better recognize the power motive.
Avoid people who dehumanize others because whether or not one who dehumanizes is a sociopath, this compartmentalization is an important contributor to man’s inhumanity to man.
Lastly, I encourage you to stop supporting violent entertainment with your consumer dollar. Such “entertainment” fosters the development of sociopathy in at-risk youth. It also brings out the worst in everyone else.
*Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1982, Vol. 50, No. 4, 546-557
Maniatissa, lostingrief, Iwonder and Sarah999: I guess the churches in society will now have to give classes to people who start dating … like they have for the engaged couples that need to attend pre-marital counseling and classes on what they can expect in marriages prior to their upcoming wedding date.
Just a thought … some organized structure needs to take charge of this craziness … besides, this could be the start of new career opportunities for counselors. Then said counselors can keep a running database on the partners and complaints (LOL).
Peace.
I just wish the subject had been on my school curriculum 30-odd years ago. There was one subject ~ Social Studies ~ which comprised of about 10 short projects over the course of a school year. We spent a few weeks on each one. While they were teaching us the dangers of drugs etc, they could have warned us of this particular breed of people and how they operate. After all, forewarned is forearmed.
Namaste . . I agree with you 100%. I think the “most important” subject in school for children, in very single grade, should be “interpersonal relations” . . .i.e., how people should expect to be treated, what is normal (what is not), toxic people, toxic behavior, bullying etc.
I also think, that many teachers and psychologists are clueless as far as Narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths right now (and it is very hard to process these (often charming) liars unless you’ve been personally effected). So it is not going to happen. All we can do now, is protect ourselves and the people we know and love.
sarah:
i’m a high school teacher. most teachers understand what sociopaths, but these kids need so much education on every subject that no one would think to do to do this unless they are personally affected, or know one of their students are. many of us teach ‘social studies’ in our classes on some level no matter what subject we are teaching. but we are required to ‘teach to the curriculum’ so there isn’t much time to really give kids lessons on interpersonal relations. we try to do that as a matter of course. it isn’t easy, but certainly we understand the need, and do the best we can.
lostingrief: I just received this daily quote in my e-mail today. I sent it off to my favorite teachers (most of my family and friends are teachers). So I thought I’d share it with you and the other teachers on LF.
“Nine tenths of education is encouragement”.
By Anatole France
Enjoy.
Peace.
Sarah999-you are so right on with all your posts. This is a smart group in here! I do want to stress that sociopathology is not just genetic. There is an environmental factor. I think of it like Diabetes. My dad has type 2. My grandma has it. My aunts have it, and so do a couple of my cousins. It got my attention when my dad got it a few years ago. My dad is not a heavy man. But, he could eat a whole bucket of doughnut holes in one sitting. He drank regular soda his whole life, not sugar free. And when Krispy Kreme doughnuts came out, he would go to the store and buy a whole box and eat them while they were still warm. Knowing that all of his sisters and his mother has diabetes, this was not smart. But he wasn’t heavy, and he didn’t think about it. Because there is a strong chance that I carry the gene, there are things I can do to lesson my chance of getting type 2 diabetes. I can drink diet pop. I can pass on sweets. This will greatly reduce the chance of me getting type 2. I think the same thing can be said for sociopaths. Even if they have the gene, there are things you can do to reduce the chance of it becoming active. But it has to be done, before the age of 5. After that, it is just damage control. Liane Leedom wrote the how to book. I’d be lost without it:)
some interesting post – I don’t think I was weak when he attached himself to me – but after he drained out all the strength – all my energy – i was very weak – getting that strength back is harder than losing it..I wont give up – that would be a victory for him if I did not get up –
I believe Psychopathy/Narcissism/Sociopathy it a continueum. I believe it is inherited . . but not everyone that has it . . has it to the same degree. Some infants are born with the “total” inability to love. Nobody can place that ability into you if you’re missing. It’s sort of like being born tone-deaf . . . nobody’s going to make (or train) you have perfect pitch . . or being born colored blind . . . nobody’s going to force (or teach) you to be able to distinguish colors. Or being born with curly hair . . . you can’t force it straight (of course you can iron it). . .and psychopaths (can lie or charm) to look like normal loving people . .i.e., the fake love. Again, I don’t think everyone that has inherited the propensity, inherits it to the same degree. I think varies, as with other inherited characteristics do. Some people are born with a TOTAL inability to love . . and some people are born with an average ability to love . . and some people might be born with an ability to love too much (for their own good). But in any case, I think it’s overwhelmingly genetic. That’s just what I think.
three year relationship – no contact for 8 months – was doing great – then he shows up out of the blue to harass me? To ask about his cat that he abandoned 8 months ago.? His arogant attitude – differnt from his pitiful lil’ me attitude – Well it has put me in a funk – opened up some scabs – now rehashing and obsessing about it all – I see why no contact has to be inforced – one more visit and I get the victims protection order – beam me up scotty““““please!
Henry, i’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a visit. That’s the trouble with them ~ they rear their ugly heads again just when we’re regaining strength and maybe managing to move on to some degree. I think they like to ensure we never forget them, even though they oh so easily manage to forget us when it seems to suit them. I think that in their eyes, it’s never really ‘over’ ~ more a kind of ‘unfinished business’ they can come creeping back to as and when the mood takes them for them to get more supply. That’s why WE have to stand strong and ensure we never give them the opportunity to slip past the steely defences we have hopefully constructed to keep them OUT of our lives.