In 2002, Time Magazine named Eliot Spitzer, when he was New York State Attorney General, “Crusader of the Year,” due to his relentless pursuit of corporate crime. He went after the giants of Wall Street, extracting large fines for illegal and unethical behavior.
That’s why his very public downfall has drawn so much interest. And that’s why, now he’s resigned as governor of New York in disgrace, the stories of his aggressiveness, his bullying, and his apparent belief that the rules did not apply to him, are so widespread.
When I first heard that Spitzer was implicated in a prostitution ring, I figured that if anyone had the dirt, it would be the New York Post. How right I was. Frederic U. Dicker, the state editor for the Post, wrote about Spitzer in an article entitled, Bully gets his comeuppance. Here’s how it started:
“A disgraced Gov. Spitzer has been publicly and privately described for more than a year by New York’s top political figures as a ruthless, sanctimonious, amoral man whose righteous public persona was regularly contradicted by the realities of how he conducted his political life.”
Whoa!
But it got better. Eliot Spitzer described himself as a “f***ing steamroller” to Assembly Minority Leader James Tedisco. Dicker wrote that Tedesco—a muscular, one-time star college athlete—confided to an associate, “This guy scares me.”
The New York State Senate majority leader, Joseph Bruno, who had been targeted by Spitzer, was quoted as saying, “There’s something wrong with Spitzer, something wrong in his head.” Bruno also said, according to Dicker, “he’s a liar, he’s a hypocrite and he cannot ever be trusted.”
Then Dicker wrote, “Even friends described Spitzer as a man whose mood can swing in seconds, as a once pleasant cast undergoes a frightening Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-like transformation after a perceived personal slight or policy disagreement.”
This was beginning to sound like all of the stories told on Lovefraud. Eliot Spitzer was beginning to sound like a sociopath.
Accusing the titans
Spitzer made his name prosecuting corruption on Wall Street. But as I continued to research Spitzer, I found a telling incident. In April, 2005, Eliot Spitzer went on ABC-TV’s Sunday morning news show and accused Maurice “Hank” Greenberg, the former chairman of AIG, an insurance giant, of misleading the public about the company’s dealings. “The evidence is overwhelming that these transactions were created for the purpose of deceiving the market. We call that fraud,” Spitzer said. “It is deceptive. It is wrong. It is illegal.”
Shortly after that, John C. Whitehead, the former chairman of Goldman Sachs, wrote an op/ed piece for the Wall Street Journal entitled Mr. Spitzer has gone too far.
“Something has gone seriously awry when a state attorney general can go on television and charge one of America’s best CEOs and most generous philanthropists with fraud before any charges have been brought, before the possible defendant has even had a chance to know what he personally is alleged to have done, and while the investigation is still under way,” he wrote. Whitehead accused Spitzer of damaging Greenberg’s reputation.
After reading the op-ed piece, Eliot Spitzer phoned John Whitehead. Whitehead was so shocked by what Spitzer said that he wrote it down: “Mr. Whitehead, it’s now a war between us and you’ve fired the first shot,” Spitzer said, according to Whitehead. “I will be coming after you. You will pay the price. This is only the beginning and you will pay dearly for what you have done. You will wish you had never written that letter.”
Whitehead was astounded. “No one had ever talked to me like that before,” he said. “It was a little scary.”
After his very public statements on television, Spitzer never brought criminal charges against Hank Greenberg.
What was he thinking?
When news of Spitzer and the prostitution scandal broke, the question all the pundits were asking was, why would Spitzer do such a thing? What was he thinking?
The Associated Press put out an article that asked exactly that question entitled, Why do smart people do dumb things?
A variety of psychologists and political analysts speculated: Does risky behavior precede the powerful job? Or does something about being in power cause the behavior?</p >
“There’s the psychology of the exception,” said Leon Hoffman, former chairman of the American Psychoanalytic Association’s public information committee. “People in power sometimes feel they can do things that us, mere mortals, are forbidden to do. There’s a sense, as with adolescents, that ‘I won’t get caught.'”
The consensus in the article seemed to be that power corrupts. No one mentioned that the corrupt seek power, especially when they have a personality disorder.
Talking heads on Larry King
Just to see what else people were saying about Spitzer, I watched Larry King Live last night—something I don’t usually do. His guests included New York State Senator Joseph Bruno, Dina Matos McGreevey (wife of the New Jersey governor who also resigned in disgrace over a sex scandal), Dr. Drew Pinsky, a cop who busted prostitution rings, a TV newscaster, and a former sex worker.
I found the comments of Dr. Drew, as he is know, most interesting. Dr. Drew, who is an internist specializing in addiction medicine, hosts a radio talk show called Loveline, and is the host of Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Explaining how people are able to live double lives, hiding unbelievable things from the people closest to them, Dr. Drew said:
“What I see— and I think is the case here with Governor Spitzer—they tend to have difficulty experiencing other people’s feelings. They tend to be very aggressive and sometimes even ruthless, as he was in his case. And they really are out for their own sake.
“And when they get the power that they’re looking for, oftentimes they sort of feel special and excepted from the kinds of things that they’re expecting of everybody else and they minimize it, decide that it’s okay for them, and they just sort of rationalize it and off they go.”
Okay, he didn’t use the term sociopath, or psychopath, but that seemed to me to be what he was describing.
Then Larry King asked Dr. Drew, “What is the governor going through?”
“You know what, the guys that perpetrate things like this, the men oftentimes feel a deep sense of shame,” Dr. Drew answered. “And it is frightening to them to get anywhere near shame. And so they seem to us to be somewhat Teflon, like they’re skating past it.”
I wasn’t buying that one, at least in Spitzer’s case, but the show continued. Larry King asked Dina Matos McGreevey if she thought her husband, Jim McGreevey, loved her.
“No, I don’t think that he loved me. I think he married me for political expediency,” Matos said. “He wanted to be the governor and he believed that he needed a family in order to do that.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” Dr. Drew replied. “Dina, you’re describing sexual addiction, sexual compulsion there. Those guys do love people to the best that they’re able.”
I’ve written about the McGreevey case before. In my opinion, Jim McGreevey is a sociopath. So I think Matos was right and Dr. Drew was wrong—Jim McGreevey never loved his wife.
After that, Larry King asked Dr. Drew, “Does the governor need help?”
“I think so,” Dr. Drew replied. “And that’s one of the things that concerns me. I don’t see the kind of contrition that I see from ”¦ someone that would really reach out and be willing to change. I just don’t see it.”
“But he needs help?” King repeated.
“In my opinion, all the things we have talked about tonight have treatment,” Dr. Drew said. “They work. I treat people like this all the time. They get a lot better.”
I started yelling at the television.
Psychopathic qualities
So did anyone get it? Did anyone think that Eliot Spitzer might have a personality disorder?
Yes— Frederic U. Dicker of the New York Post.
After he wrote the article I referenced above, Dicker was interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Lauer asked him to comment on the strong feelings people had about Eliot Spitzer.
“There is sense on the part of a number of people, you have to put it psychological terms, of a psychopathic quality,” Dicker said. “He was a guy who couldn’t connect with people emotionally. He would say one thing to you, and a minute later, he would say just the opposite to someone else. He didn’t show emotion in dealing with people, he never had a personal connection, which is so vital in politics.”
So why did the reporter get it right when the medical professionals got it wrong? Quite simply, the reporter knew Eliot Spitzer, knew his personality and knew what he had done. The medical professionals were talking in generalities.
The key to identifying a sociopath, or psychopath, is in the person’s actual behavior. When you know what to look for, the behavioral clues are easy to spot.
After over a year of UNRELIEVED INSANITY AND PAIN, I am in the last few months starting to feel like a human being again. During the summer last year after I fled my home, I ended up getting a tick borne fever which made me feel terrible, but I thought it was simply stress and depression.
Fortunately, in September I was diagnosed and treated, and though recovery has been slow I am starting to recover from both that and the stress and debilitation of it all.
The thread on here about the effects of stress on the mind/body is so right on. It leaves us susceptible to all kinds of sicknesses and physical and mental debilities.
Having been relatively healthy and very active all my life, just being “ill” was a tremendous stress in itself. I too am sort of a goof with a gallows sense of humor and am starting to laugh every day, mostly at myself and my CRS (Can’t remember S#!t) which is also a result of the stress and PTSD.
I have always tried to not take myself too seriously, but to enjoy life–unfortunately, I have preached that more than practiced that–but I think in many ways that I am better “adjusted” and happier than I have ever been in my life. There is NO one in my environment that is giving me any hassle of any kind. I am NC with them all. In fact, the other day was my P-son’s birthday and I actually didn’t remember it until a couple of days later. I knew the date, it just didn’t dawn on me it was his birthday until a couple of days later. So I guess I am actually to the point that I am solidly on the road to recovery and the rest of my life P-free. I do hope for Mrs. Spritzer’s sake and the sake of her daughters that she is able to “get her head around” what her husband is and make a life for herself and her children. None of them deserve what he has done to them.
Trying hard to come to terms with the fact that I am not only gullable, naive and not as clever as I thought I was, is this all part of his sick game, over the past year I have been called mad but when I have challenged it has just been laughed off and covered with gifts and hugs. I could neither walk away or stay although I know now that walking away would have been the best thing, I am left with a heavy heart and lack of confidence to move forward, but have to seek solace in the fact that I am not alone, even though at this moment I am so raw, and constantly on the brink of tears, is there anything I can do to resolve this because it is hurting so much and I question my sanity, and keep asking myself ‘is it me, am I imagining this he did love me’. The man I trusted and believed in has put me in such a horrible position and it’s not like me to wallow in self pity, I appear to outsiders to have it all, but material possession isn’t everything, my house is no longer my home because he has tainted every corner of it, and I hate being here, but find it hard to face my friends. Is there any magic cure to get me through this, does anyone have any solution to getting through the to the next step?
Dear V.abraded, unfortunately there is no magic cure except DISTANCE and TIME and HARD WORK.
Staying with a psychopath or narcissist so you won’t “be alone” is like living in a pit with a viper so that you wont be alone.
It is far worse than “being alone”—far far FAR WORSE—
You are so right, “material possession isn’t everything” and I can definitely relate to your home being “tainted” as can many others on this board.
Make a plan and plan to get out, whatever it takes get out. It will only get worse if you stay. In the meantime, until you are ready to leave, read and learn about the Ns and Ps. Knowledge is power.
God bless you.
v.abraded. Off the back of my own experiences, I can say to you, I know where you are at and infact if you read through this site, you will see that many others have trod this path before you. So finding out what others have done is a valuable support. Unfortunately I dont think there is a magic cure to shortcut the painful process.
What I found personally useful was to write down my experiences and find trusted friends or counsellor to discuss with. I thought the advice by Tauruswinds was helpful on the physical front. Look after your health, I didnt sleep or eat and smoked too much. Because the path is in some ways similar to others but such a personal experience, do what you feel you are prompted to do. I would say, do not try to get into another relationship and try to realise what you can learn from this to make sure it doesnt happen to you ever again. Like many others, I wallowed, I cried and this part has to be dealt with. I did plenty of reading and contributing to this site. I am a pretty savvy person and I thought I was clever and I was highly annoyed that I had been sucked into his sick game too. But I realised that I could not have known his sick game, because I dont operate like that. Put your energies into yourself and not into his sidelining. They drag us down, they deplete us, they weaken us, they dress up the illusion with kind words and gestures – that is what they do – until we put a stop to it!!
V.abraded-
Start reading, http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/03/when-your-symptoms-look-like-something.html
Go No Contact- that means nothing through email, phone , other people etc.
I am sorry- there’s no quick fix- but I do promise you, you will be stronger and wiser. It is ultimately the BEST thing to get away from him, losing him is a gain.
Knowledge truly is power. I am sure you have thought of getting a therapist etc. I’d try prayer too. I will pray for you.
This is a better place to be than with him. One tiny step at a time.
OXD-
We posted at the same time, “Knowledge is power.” Funny, but so true.
Thank you for your comments, I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to know that there are women like me out there, I was beginning to feel so isolated and paranoia was beginning to creep in. As for my friends they have been trying to tell me that I should get away for years. Unfortunately I lost my closest friend to the dreaded C four years ago, and yes he spent her last day with me because she so wanted to meet him, he also managed to convince her that he would always look after me,thank God I didn’t let him stay until she passed away, it was just me and her, its that which hurts that which is the hardest because its such a poignant memory.I am sure she looks down on me and tries to guide me, I recently got a beautiful rescue dog to stave off the loneliness he really does the trick and is wonderful company and it was him who let me to the truth, whilst I was walking him I started to talk to a woman who was also walking her dog, a chance comment and she turned out to be a friend of his wife, someone I had never met before it all came tumbling out, strange how you can listen and take heed from a complete stranger, I went through the head f*** but now realise she is genuine and is trying to persuade me to join her yoga group…. I do believe in fate…..that is why all of you out there are going to be a huge help to me… thank you all x
Thanks OxD. It hasn’t been total No Contact because there are still some issues between us, but I haven’t seen him and it’s been No Chance for a year.
V.abraded, I didn’t find anything that took the misery away, but when you find the pain unbearable and nowhere to turn, Lovefraud is always here and everyone here understands. Take your time and don’t be too hard on yourself. Figure out if it’s solitude or diversion or whatever it is that makes you feel, if not good then, better. Develop new routines, go for walks, but move even if you have to cry through it. A new focus will eventually emerge. I think the rescue dog was a wonderful idea in moving forward. Everything happens for a reason.
I remind myself regularly of 2 things even today because he may always be in my thoughts, he is what he is and that will not change; no matter what he says or does and no matter what I do. I did my best, then I gave him to God. I’ll pray for you too; know that peace will come one day because it really will. All the best . . . Benz
I also was yelling at the TV when Spitzer made his “apology”. This is identical to my P’s behavior. I asked him if he felt any remorse or sorrow for what he has done to me and his family, and he said with no emotion whatsoever, “of course I am sorry for all I’ve done”. He mimics the emotions he thinks he should have, but there is never any true emotion behind his words.
Spitzer is without a doubt a pyschopath. It was obvious to me that he clearly felt no guilt, no shame about what he has done. The only thing he is angry about is that he was caught. This is exactly like my P – he now wants me to pay because I have caught him in all his lies. There is no guilt at all, because there is truly no conscience within this man.
Seeing Spitzer’s ‘apology’ on TV got me to thinking about other politicians and media types… I suspect that Spitzer is just the tip of the iceberg in the political world… those kinds of people crave power and the average voter is too ‘dumbed out’ , unconscious or apathetic to recognize the danger… and more than willing to assign the sociopathic candidate the power that goes with the office.
In a sense, when we elect those kinds of people into office, we surrender our personal power to them – just as we did when we entered a personal relationship with a sociopath… we didn’t know something was wrong until…
Fortunately, many of us who have survived that kind of of personal relationship have learned to recognize socippathic traits and ‘red flags’ and we are now able to
assess behaviors that others, including mental health professionals, overlook…