Smear campaign set me up as the abusive parent

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who describes how her husband’s smear campaign set her up at the abusive parent.

He accused me of cheating on him which he kept these accusations going for the last two years of our marriage never believing me. He went to my family and friends crying and carrying on that I was cheating also that I was taking household money to buy drugs off the streets (didn’t happen I didn’t do this).

He stalked me at my work — used a GPS tracking device and recording device on my van. He had altercations with management and the members of the country club I worked at.

He never let me sleep, always creating a fight at night so I was sleep deprived.

He was drinking and fell off the wagon too and taking pain meds.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse had existed prior to any of this after a second child was born. Having 2 kids that were too young for regular school I wasn’t able to go back go full time employment during the day so after maternity leave ran out I was on a mission to work second shift so when he came home I went to work which I had to, seeing our mortgage was based on a double income.

That’s the job that he stalked me at that I enjoyed working at and the more I became important there the more he made it difficult for me. I went without any money prior to getting that job and him and I had no joint checking so I had no way to have any money.

I started pawning all my gold jewelry that my grandmother gave me as presents during my younger years which I did because he expected groceries in the house and I had no money for gas or to bring our kids anywhere — play dates, children museums — so we were isolated couldn’t do anything until I started pawning my gold for money to then allow us to go do activities and have fun and to get groceries, which I am so sad that I was forced to do this seeing it was sentimental and my belongings.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse seeing even when I didn’t want to have sex or had my period he forced me, calling me a liar —you don’t have your period — and then I cried the entire time he forced himself on me .

So my life the last two years of marriage became increasingly scary, seeing no matter what he just wouldn’t stop accusing me and he never proved anything at all cause I never cheated. It was so torturous and very insulting, saying I was cheating while at work and that my manager was allowing me to meet my lover and leave during service hours without punching out. I’m like, no this a total insult to me, seeing I worked my ass off so we had extra money for bills and extra to do things and he thought that which I was beyond mortified and very angry seeing I didn’t deserve this .

I didn’t deserve being accused of cheating and being called a whore and a liar and then getting all my family and friends to believe that I was cheating and doing drugs which wasn’t happening. So he was changing the reality of who I was and how I regarded my family that I loved and wouldn’t jeopardize it for an affair which I never ever thought about.

Smear campaign set me up

I left 2 years later and he wasn’t stopping this insanity and I was afraid for mine and my kids’ lives that he also began brainwashing our kids to believe horrible things about me.

Leaving — I didn’t plan well cause I had no idea what I was actually dealing with. I became enemy number 1 and I thought being married to him was abusive and tortuous, well that was easy breezy compared to the next several years going forward.

The smearing, the threats, the mental mind games, using our kids as pawns to cause me harm and it was sickening.

Reported to DCF

Several years of him causing harm to our kids and the kids came back after visiting their dad at times broken in pieces and they always told me what happened. I never involved DCF but because I had both kids in therapy and kids were so young they didn’t know that this would cause the therapists to call DCF up on their dad.

It was honestly the biggest mental mind f*ck I’ve ever dealt with ever in my life. Everything I knew of after kids told me was upsetting and made me so worried for our kids. DCF are completely a stupid organization that have no clue what they are doing but my ex would threaten our kids’ lives to lie to the DCF worker and each time the case against my ex would then get turned onto me.

Read more: Why psychopathic parents engage in parental alienation

Two years of investigations by asking my ex if things were the truth meant the truth but the smear campaign set me up as the abusive parent when in reality I was not at all. The smear campaign did a number to my life by severing family and friends leaving me no support. Even the children’s therapists were duped into believing the false narrative so I was fighting so much for the kids and my life which ended up with my losing primary residence of kids who then ended up living at their dad’s.

My life was ruined

I ended up shutting down, losing all hope in my heart and crying so much I wasn’t able to work or thrive. I was scared of people and isolated. It’s been so harmful to me and my kids.

Several years later kids are teenagers and I see them always doing it all — my ex can’t be bothered just like always. My life was ruined and I can’t seem to get it back to thriving.

Learn more: Breaking through to alienated kids