Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
i’m not sure how valid (let alone complete) a proposed theory of psychopathy can be without studying victims. as you wrote, this may be the only “disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere.” (although i believe the disorder would still be present but absent animals or other living things to dominate, there would be no manifestations of it)
Donna, I wanted to take the time, once more, to thank-you for this blog and the service it provide to us, the survivors.
In your post above, you mention the grad students from Canada, who don’t elaborate on HOW survivors recover.
My background is in Literature, and as a result of being here, I learned about trauma bonding. From that, I started looking into something that is called “trauma theory of Literature.”
What I am learning is that “witnessing the testimonials of trauma victims is essential to thier recovery.”
Tha’t what we do here. That’s what so many of us find we can’t do out there. No one speaks our language.
We tell our stories (naratives) and everyone here witnesses it.
I think that’s also what you did when you wrote your book. If you are interested I can post a link about trauma theory.
Thanks again for what you do.
Dr. Leedom…..excellent work!
Thank you!!!
I see how difficult this is to diagnose and even recognize.
Given what we (the survivors) have gone through and learning about these behaviors….when a sociopath is on ‘show’, being observed for behaviors etc….it’s all for show, only a victim can describe and identify specific unrehearsed behaviors. (Or a video camera on at all times), unbeknownst to the sociopath.
The behaviors are covert and scheming and so many times even the victim is unaware they are being duped.
It’s a situation of …..adding up the behaviors to get the equation.
I’m sorry Dr. Leedom, I was confused. I thought Donna wrote this post. Silly me.
Hi, EB. Don’t see much of you anymore. I miss ya. How is the move coming along?
Hi Kimmie……it’s at a stall.
One day i’ll be totally out…hopefully soon.
You well?
What a great article!
I am a FIRM believer that intensive study of the victims is absolutely necessary to complete a theory about psychopaths.
Further, it’s interesting that most who are affected or traumatized by a psychopath are most often those in therapy. What we could learn from therapists aplenty (if they too had a clear understanding and comprehension of the disorder), and their clients is how the psychopath operates, his particular behaviors, the similarities, as well as the AFTERMATH of such an experience.
I think study of the brains of psychopaths is a fascinating one, that reveals a lot of information but so much more work needs to be done in this area.
Dr. Leedom, I think you expressed very well what further research needs to be done. It’s not on the psychopaths themselves, but the victims who can tell their stories thus illuminating the true nature and disorder of the psychopath.
LL
Many, if not most, mental “disorders” or “illnesses” have an effect on the family/friends/associates of the person who is “sick” as well as psychopathy having an effect on the family/friends/strangers who are victims of the “aggression” of the individual with the disorder.
If I am depressed I may withdraw from my friends/family, lose my job, or any other number of things that will effect those close to me in a negative way, but usually not to the EXTENT that a psychopath has a negative effect on those close to them, as well as others who are selected as victims.
Bernie Madoff I think is a good example of a “successful” and “socially acceptable” psychopath (as in a “shark in a suit”) but look at the negative effects his victimization had upon MILLIONS of people as well as the suicide of one of his sons, the split between the sons and their mother….etc. How much more damage could Madoff have done without a machine gun and an endless supply of bullets?
Look at the collateral damage that my psychopathic son has done to our family and the family of the victim he murdered…
Every psychopath I have had any interaction with (and that is several) from my egg donor’s brother, my Uncle Monster, to a couple of bosses, and a couple of employees, and “friends” and my own son….as well as my P-sperm donor…there has been a circle of devastation and pain surrounding the psychopath…their family members are usually either co-abusers or victims, or both. The emotional, spiritual, physical and financial devastation done to the family victims seems to be as bad or worse than what is done to the strangers, and in some cases, family members seem to be targeted for special malice.
Looking at the HOW I have made progress in healing from the damage done to me by the multiple family psychopaths, as well as the one I dated, is that I finally received VALIDATION from several sources. 1) my therapist 2) my adopted son 3) my oldest biological son 4) the attorney I hired to protest my P son’s parole 5) LOVE FRAUD 6) some few of my friends 7) a minister friend 8) some of my P sperm donor’s cousins.
The VALIDATION by others of my pain, the validation that my assessment of the various psychopaths was SPOT ON, helped very much.
The BEST validation though, I think came from me LEARNING TO VALIDATE MYSELF. From me learning to TRUST MYSELF to keep me safe, to spot the psychopaths in the future….and we are all bound to run into another one or two at least on the fringe of our circles.
Healing has been a SLOW PROCESS because of the MULTIPLE TRAUMAS starting with my husband’s death in July of 2004 in a plane crash, and the serious burning of of my adopted son and two close friends in the same crash in which my husband burned to death. The next three years were chaos of family crisis after crisis with the illness and death of my beloved step father, the betrayal by my egg donor, my P son sending someone to infiltrate my family like a Trojan Horse….and so on….but since August 2007, the worst of the crises have been over and the healing started to move forward.
Learning to set boundaries and to STOP enabling others who used/abused me was another step that facilitated my healing. Getting out of DENIAL about the behavior of others is also an important step helping me set boundaries and stop the enabling.
Continual education of myself about psychopaths, about how grief is processed, and validating myself as well as practice setting boundaries and eliminating those from my life that do not respect my boundaries has furthered my healing.
That’s about as concise and precise as I can describe the healing process for me.