Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
Ana:
I just posted this on another thread at 11:38 tonight. It shows how this woman had hurt me:
This talk about competition brought back memories for me. I remember the OW in the triangulation telling me that I was her friend and not her competition; that she wouldn’t do that. All the while she was still chasing him! UGGGHHH, still makes me shudder. Will I ever get over it???
See what she was doing to me? Those were her exact words…I am your friend, not your competition. And all the while she was still chasing him, but I didn’t know it. I did suspect it, but she was such a master manipulator that I would discard the thought from my head. She is something, I will tell you.
Ana:
Thanks…I know…thank God I got out of there away from both of them. I had to…that is why I quit my job…gave up everything. And do you think either one of them care?? Ha, it’s just a joke to them. They are both spaths. I have no doubt they are probably still cavorting around with each other. Sigh. I am getting better and I will be better off than both of them in the end.
Thanks for your support.
eb,
What a biatch! See how they lie, lie, lie. I’ll nevah trust another person again until they have earned their trust (hello Oxy). When someone looks you in the eye and lies to your face…ugh!
Your post’s sound as if you are light years ahead of them girl! Thank you for your posts, they have been helpful to me. : )
Ana:
Oh, yes, they lie, lie, lie. When I sent the letter to her along with all the gifts she had given to me, I told her that I realized she had been lying to me…lying, lying, lying. I said it just like that…HA!! Anyway, I am sooooo with you…I will not trust again until they (whoever) have earned it.
I am glad this has been helpful to you. Just know you are not alone in being taken by a female spath. And in all honesty, I think they are MUCH worse than men; they can be more devious; more bitchy; more conniving. Men are just bastards. But women…that’s another story. Because like I said, with men our sexual emotions are involved, blah, blah, blah, but we don’t EXPECT another woman to treat us that way; we expect that they are on our side and not there to hurt us.
It’s a double blow when the spath cheats with a friend or a family member. Twice the sense of betrayal. Both are guilty of that doubled pain. Both know who and what they are dealing with. Cheating spaths should have enough decency to target and cheat with a stranger and not someone you have a bond with. And I don’t think it’s a fluke when they do. It’s especially hostile and cruel. It has to have some deliberation about it. IMO.
LL proving once again that she is the best lf hugger!
🙂
Ana – I met the spath online in a community forum – she pretended to be male; well, she pretended to be a whole lot of males and females, so i guess i was duped by the clan. pun intended. and it was a romantic and even given the online, on phone nature of the relationship, it was a sexual relationship. That said, i think the dynamic would have been a bit different if she had really been a man…oh, it’s so complicated, because she presented more as queer or transgendered….regardless, she is a woman, she is a spath, and i hear ya.
h2h – ‘she does not have your light’ – well, she certainly trimmed my wick (pun intended, again), but SHE has carry around a big lamp fueled by pieces of her dupes’ souls. THAT can’t be good for the karma. 🙂
Onej/s, I read your post from a few days ago, about wondering if you still “belong” here. I “get” what you mean about being in a different stage of recovery than some of the more active posters. I understand what you mean by wondering how well recieved your current perceptions, and approaches to recovery will be. I’ve struggled with some of that at different times, as well. I have found that those moments come and go, and if I hang in there, I am soon back in the circle. For me, those feelings are a part of who I am, and have often sabatoged my attemps to make friends and form bonds. Sometimes, they are based in insecurity and a lack of self-confidance. At other times, they are a result of “my terminal uniqueness” and at still others, they are healthy and genuine misgivings about what is best for me.
I have experienced quite a bit of ambivalence about LF, since the beginning, a back and forth, feeling good and accepted, and then feeling like I’m out of place….wanting to stay and share, and wanting to retreat, because I’m not sure this is what I need to recover, furthar.
Seems this is being decided for me. The school year is over on Thursday, and I will be jobless with very limited computer access. I can connect at the library and will continue to check in.
This is a scarey time for me, but I can’t help but feel it’s forcing a break-through and that my life will be better on the other side of these changes.
Hope you, and everybody else says a little prayer, or sends some white-light, or just makes a wish for me to find decent employment, and make a few good friends, out there, in the real world.
I love you guys, and will continue to think of you as “in my inner circle.”
Amen Kim